Chapter Six

An Unexpected Party?

"What just happened?" Frodo asks, glancing around the expensive penthouse.

I am thinking the same thing, but have learned questions can be dangerous — in that I probably do not want to know the answer.

Okay, I still voice the damned things but this time Frodo beat me to it.

"Cool pad," Natasha says, looking around. "You've fixed the place up nice!"

Bruce's brow lifts in appreciation.

The hobbits just gape at the lush décor, then head for the large windows overlooking the city.

Legolas frowns in confusion. "Where are we?" he asks.

Gimli's eyeing the bar and the bottles lined neatly on the shelves. I won't be surprised if the next few minutes turn into some sort of drinking contest with this lot.

"Anybody want a drink?" Tony asks, heading towards the fancy bar.

Aragorn and Boromir settle onto bar stools. Boromir reaches for a bottle of Bourbon. "What kind of ale is this?" he asks.

"Liquor, not ale," Clint corrects, joining them at the bar. "But I'm certain Stark has beer, too."

In an instant, the New York skyline is forgotten and four hobbits crowd around the bar, their heads not quite reaching the counter.

"Ale please," requests Pippin.

"Me too," chimes in Merry.

"Same for me and Mr. Frodo," Sam adds, dragging an ottoman over for Frodo to sit on.

"Vodka," is Natasha's reply.

"I'll have a brandy," Gimli says. His taste has changed a bit since showing up in my home.

"A glass of red wine for me," states Gandalf.

Legolas nods, his confusion having faded with the promise of fermented grape juice. "And for me."

"I'm up for a beer with the Hobbits," Steve says, looking much more himself now that he's in more familiar surroundings. He leans against the bar and smiles down at the Halflings.

"Wine for me as well," Aragorn says.

Boromir sets down the Bourbon. "I'll have ale."

"Water." This voiced from both Clint and Bruce simultaneously. Coming from Bruce, I'm not surprised, but from Clint? Natasha is looking at him strangely as well.

He shrugs. "Who knows where we'll go next or what we'll face. I'd rather do it sober. I'll save the Scotch for when this is all over."

Well, well, out of all my companions, at least I can count on Hawkeye to keep a level head. Mostly. Sometimes.

That only leaves…

"Do you have any Strawberry Quik?"

Why, oh why, is the geek on this quest?

"We'll need a physicist," Gandalf reminds me.

Somehow, that's not a comforting thought. And speaking of thoughts, is he also reading my mind?

"Yes," he says in a bored voice, accepting his glass of wine and pulling out his pipe.

"Ummm, I'm still not understanding how we got here?" Frodo reminds us of his question.

"Easy," Tony says. "We're the characters in a story, in which the plot dictates we must find Loki, and in order to do so, we need to be able to travel quickly and easily, and well… Honestly, I just snapped my fingers and thought, 'There's no place like home'."

Seriously?

"Your reasoning is sound, sir," Jarvis chimes in.

"Well what do you know?" Pippin says. "I'm going to try it!"

WHAT?

"Wait!" I yell.

"Stop!" Natasha calls out.

"Idiot," Clint murmurs.

"Fool of a Took!" shouts Gandalf.

All speak at the same time but it doesn't stop Pippin from snapping his fingers, or the world falling away. Or the sick feeling in my stomach, or the sound of Sheldon puking nearby.

Thud.

I can feel the tremor of thunder in the distance, and wonder why Thor is just now showing up? I don't recall seeing him in Tony's apartment. At least he hadn't put in a drink order. But in the blackness around me, I can't see anything.

That's when I realize I've squeezed my eyes tight shut and I open them with hesitation, afraid of what I'll find.

But instead of some catastrophic situation, I find we're in a grassy meadow under a large tree.

Looking up at it, I think I know what it is, and I seriously want to strangle Pippin.

"Oh Pippin," Frodo moans, dropping his head into one hand. "Really? The Party Tree?"

Thud.

"Errr…" he mumbles, flushing to the tips of his ears and looking very guilty.

I'm with Frodo. If we're in the Shire, and Loki is in Mordor, then we've got one Hell of a ways to travel.

Thud.

Wait.

Wait just one cotton picking minute here!

We?

I glance around again and it dawns on me that I'm not just observing as a reader. Nope. I'm here with them. Strange.

Thud.

"Okay," I say, "while I understand the point was to send the Fellowship on a quest with the Avengers, why am I here?"

Legolas turns and gives me the 'look'. "Self insert?"

Of course it's a self insert! It's written in first person point of view! Which, of course, means, I'm along for the journey.

Thud.

"At least no one is calling you Mary Sue," Gimli points out, then drags Legolas out from the bushes where he's dived head first in an effort to hide. Legolas and Miss Mary Sue don't get along well, you see.

"Smashing!" I mutter, not amused at being included.

Thud.

What is that anyway? Thud, thud, thud….

"Please don't use that word," Bruce asks, looking nervous and gripping at his pants, as if expecting them to pop off at any second.

Then I hear it. Not smashing per se. And not the thudding tremors I've been assuming were Thor's thunder and lightning. No, now it's like crashing in the trees nearby.

Thud, thud, thud…

Crash, crash, crash…

I look around us again, taking in that there are no hobbits, except the ones we brought with us, and no hobbit holes nearby. Just a huge tree in a meadow surrounded by thick growing trees and thick underbrush, and just ahead an area of forest that is shaking, creaking, crashing….

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

That isn't the party tree. No, it's much older. We are not in the Shire.

No, someone has instead of wishing us to Middle-earth, sent us to…

The crashing grows closer, and the ground trembles more violently, as if from a great weight.

Uh huh, you know where this is going, right?

And yep, sure enough, a Tyrannosaurus Rex bursts out of the thick trees.

You guessed it. We're in Jurassic Park.

I look at Pippin, who turns pale. "I didn't think it was really real," he whispers.

"Well?" I ask. "What about now?" I point at the t-rex.

"It's not real. It's not real." Sheldon chants, while staring wide-eyed at the dinosaur.

The hobbits glance amongst themselves while the dinosaur stands roaring a good hundred yards from us.

"While the idea of a party tree sounds fun and all," Natasha states, "this isn't my idea of a party."

"Nobody move!" Tony loudly whispers.

Bruce rolls his eyes. "Did you not read the books? Movement has nothing to do with it. It's about hunger, and from what I can see, this guy hasn't been snacking on any goats!"

"Then what do we do?" Frodo asks, shaking violently.

"GAAAAAAHHH!" It's too much for Sheldon. He takes off running, which honestly, I rather expected him to do before now.

I glance to the others for help, but the Avengers are already running for the tree line behind us. And the Fellowship is just behind them, following Gandalf who is holding his hat on with one hand. Frodo trails them on fleet feet, leaving me standing there facing a twenty plus ton dinosaur all alone.

Of course. Because despite their being heros, all of them in their various forms, when it comes to giant, scaly lizards, they are nothing but cowards! Never mind the Avengers faced flying alien dragon thingies in New York. And the Fellowship faced the fell beasts of the Nazgul!

Nope, there they go, I see as I glance over my shoulder. Pell nell, scampering for the cover of the trees, tails between their legs, leaving me to handle things.

Typical.

The t-rex charges, having seen its fleeing foe, but it's beady eyes are focused on my lone self standing in the meadow near the tree.

Do I run? Do I scream? Do I call upon the Valar for help?

I snort at the thought as the beast draws nearer. As if they would! They are probably finding this highly amusing!

Yes, we are, Námo's voice echos in my mind.

The t-rex is nearly upon me, lowering his head to snatch me up in those powerful jaws.

I roll my eyes and snap my fingers, and in a wink, we all tumble back into Tony's penthouse, unscathed.

Well, I am unscathed. The others are covered in brambles and scratches from rushing into prehistoric underbrush.

And I'm supposed to go with these guys to Mordor to stop an insane demi god who's joined forces with the lollipop of doom?

"Could be worse," Gandalf says.

Oh trust me, don't I know it!

To Be Continued…