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Serena

A steaming bowl sat untouched in front of me. Long flat noodles swam in a pool of brown broth and faded stringy vegetables. Michaelangelo brought bowls to his brothers and myself from his post at the tall pot on the stove. He disappeared for a few moments with a bowl, only to return without it. My guess was he brought dinner to his meditating master. When he finally sat down with us, it made our awkward group of four, an awkward group of five.

I looked to Raphael and Donatello on either side of me, Raphael on my left. The other two sat across from me at the other end of table, glaring. The air was quiet and uncomfortable. My friend looked as nervous as I felt. His eyes held this focus as if he was trying to see every detail and scan for potential problems. Jaw clenched, it made the muscles in his face shift. My eyes drifted down his tense neck and onto his bare, toned shoulders. Our eyes connected, and his body relaxed with the corner of his mouth rising.

He should smile more. I can give him more to smile about.

No, I couldn't be thinking like that. He deserved better than what I was. I was nothing more than a traitor to an already dishonorable clan. His soul was bright and good for the world. Shame their minds were too small to see it.

"So… are we going to keep being weird about things or actually talk all of this out?" Donatello finally spoke next to me. I was thankful to him for being kind to me, though I didn't deserve it. When he had interrupted us in the dojo, I was afraid I had over stepped my bounds. They were all especially protective over Raphael, though I had never seen them be kind or tender with him. But I think I may have shown him something in his brother that he had missed before. Anyone could really connect with him if they really wanted to.

And I want to…

"Fine, I'll go first." Michaelangelo sat straight up from his slouched position. I folded my hands in my lap and met his angry gaze. "You nearly killed our brother. We shouldn't even be talking right now. You have no business here. What do you want us to talk about?"

"Mike—" but I cut off Raphael by raising my hand. These were my own consequences I had to live with. There was no point in trying to hide from it.

"I know that's what you all have been thinking. I've felt it in the air ever since I arrived. But I can't try to tell you that I am an entirely new person or that I'm innocent of my crimes, because I'm not. The truth is, I've lost track of whoever I once was. I've renounced my title, my family, the home I've had for nearly the past twelve years, because I want to find who I am again. Raphael has been a true friend and ally to me. I betrayed his trust once, your trust once, but I will not make that mistake again." I threw my cards out onto the table. The whole time I felt Raphael's warm gaze encouraging me.

The others sat in stunned silence. Maybe it had been my words, though it was not my most impressive speech. Or maybe it was simply the tone I used. The most honest voice I could muster, the same one I used to direct and help my family so long ago. Leonardo rested his chin between his index finger and thumb atop a propped up hand. "Guess it's a little difficult to argue with that."

"I can't ask you for forgiveness, and I can't ask for a second chance. But I can hope that somehow we can move on from what I've done." My vision began to blur with welling tears. I looked down, struggling with my own inability to forgive myself.

"I think that's fair," Donatello spoke gently.

"We can't ever trust you again, you know that. Maybe we can work on something new… In time," Leonardo used a similar tone to mine. The voice of a true leader.

Michaelangelo was the only one who really didn't respond. He sighed, and his glare softened a bit, but I knew he just wasn't ready to move forward and I understood. "Well, since we cleared the air. Let's move on shall we?" I smiled.

Raphael nodded his head beside me before turning to his brothers, "You guys. I get what you all are thinking about and everything. Keep in mind though, I was the one she put in harm's way, and I was the one she also risked her life to save. If I can have faith in her, maybe you guys can have a little too. I love you three, give me the benefit of the doubt for once."

"I dunno, all that steroid use probably fried your brains, hot-head." The turtle in orange teased in a pouty voice. An improvement I suppose.

"Oh shut up Mikey, don't be jealous that I turned out to be the best looking of the group." Raphael retorted, not missing a beat. I smiled into my ramen as I lifted my chopsticks.

"If you're the best looking, than we really must be monsters." Donatello laughed sheepishly into his dinner. The rest on the night was spent over bowls of noodles and with sibling rivalry. Quietly, I listened to stories and jokes made at one another's expense. Surprisingly, some questions were even thrown my way.

"Serena, what's your favorite color?"

"What?" The question made me jump like someone had hit me. I turned towards the purple clad turtle who asked it.

"Do you, you know… Have a favorite color? I mean it's pretty obvious what all of ours are, but what's yours?"

It should have been a basic question with a matching answer. My head swiveled around. Red, blue, orange, and purple, all clearly chosen and perfectly fit to their personalities. But what color could be mine? I remembered the gown at my coronation, its strong deep blue. I thought about the gold and green alternating fields of Italy, of my old home. I thought about white, because it had been Marco's favorite color. "I don't know… I've never really thought about it much."

"There has to be one that stands out more than the others to you?" Raphael nudged my arm. I looked into his bright green eyes beneath that angry red mask.

"I like the color grey."

"Grey's not a color," Michaelangelo grunted from across the table, "well not an important one anyway."

"Why not?" I asked, "For many animals, it's all they know yet they love the world no less. Grey blurs the differences between two very different colors. It is the common ground of the world, but is forgotten most of the time. Everyone forgets that you can love something so normally ignored."

He raised his hands in surrender and the others laughed. I guess they didn't mind me putting their grumpy brother in his place. He had been trying to kill the mood all night. Leonardo asked me about my past, my family, and I answered honestly. Not with as much detail as when I shared with Raphael, but I recounted to them how they had died, and how I had nearly joined them myself. The whole time, Raphael squeezed my hand beneath the table, supporting me.

Their silence was unnerving when I finished. Donatello spoke first, "Wow, we had no idea."

"Yeah, I'm sorry for your family, Serena," I was surprised to hear Michaelangelo's quiet voice.

"Thank you. I do miss them very much, but you eventually just learn to make room for it. Last month my brother would have turned twenty four I believe." I leaned slightly closer to Raphael. It was hard to remember, but in a good way because I would never want to forget. When Donatello yawned, I knew it was time to call it a night. Secretly, that broke my heart.

"Well, I'm calling it you guys. We've all had a long day. We all could use a good night's sleep. Especially you, hot-head." Leonardo stood up, the rest beginning to follow his lead. I was glad that the night ended this way.

"He's right," I stood up and Raphael of course followed me. Another crack spread through me, "I'm exhausted, and you look like you're about to drop.

He rolled his eyes at my comment, "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"Night guys… and Serena," Michaelangelo waved as he took off for his room. Donatello shrugged, saying goodnight and heading for his own room.

"Good night you two," Leo smiled lightly as he began to pick up bowls and start to clean.

I handed him my dish, "We can help you clean up."

"No," his expression was gentle but kind. He set the dishes he had into the sink before turning back, "go get some sleep. I've got this." Then he surprised me. One arm went behind my shoulders as he gave me a sort of brotherly hug.

In my ear he whispered so lowly, I could barely hear. "This doesn't change anything I'm afraid. You still have to leave. I need to keep my family safe." I broke away and smiled, though I felt ready to do the opposite. Together Raphael and I walked slowly to where our rooms were. Where my borrowed room was at least.

I stayed close to him, our arms brushing occasionally. He didn't know it, but this was the last time I would ever be this close to him again. I had to keep him safe.

Too soon, we reached where I stayed, passing his own room. We stood together in front of the door, unsure of what to do next. "I'm glad we all talked like that tonight. Sorry though Mikey was being such a jerk though."

"Don't be," I smiled shaking my head, "You're lucky to have brothers that care about you so much. They're so lucky to have you."

His smile widened, and it was amazing. We just stood, looking at one another and it was as exhilarating as standing at the edge of a cliff. One single move and we'd be lost forever. Could it be that bad? Yes, it could.

I did the only thing I could think of, I threw my arms around his neck again. Holding tight, his own wrapped around my back. I rose to the tips of my toes so we could be as connected as possible. Not letting go, I whispered, "Good night, Raphael."

"Good night, Serena." I pulled away and smiled. Backing into the room behind me. "I'll see you in the morning okay?"

"Okay," I smiled, beginning to shut the door I held fast to for support. I stole glances as he began to back away. With one last grin, he turned away, and I slammed the door. My legs collapsed, as a single tear ran down my cheek. I bowed my head in a silent sob. From my spot on the floor, I asked the air, "What is happening to me?"

…

I had only slept for five hours when my eyes snapped open. Everything was ready, my old duffle bag repacked and zipped. The only thing I left in the room, was a single one of my tessen, its twin with me. As stealthily as I could, I left m room and crept through the lair. Right before the exit, I peered around in the dark, absorbing every feature of my friend's life. He would be okay.

Eventually.

And maybe I would be too. I turned finally with the courage to open the passage and leave.

I was going to do it too. Be out of his life forever. It would be better for both of us. How was this friendship supposed to work anyway? We were raised to be sworn enemies. My very existence is a risk to him, and that isn't even including me being within the same city as him. This would fulfill my own oath. I would not lose another person I cared about. That, I would not survive.

I sighed, the door open before me. My feet feeling like lead.

"So, I don't even get a goodbye?"