Chapter Four

The Surprise

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Sif stretched on the mat, pushing her torso up to lengthen her spine and reduce that tendency to slump when she nursed Ullr, and held the position, head back.

When she lowered herself again, she had a surprise - Ullr, who had been on his own mat on his stomach, too, was now lying on his back, kicking his feet and smiling as if he'd won a prize. He'd turned over on his own.

She stared at him and shook her head. "You… aren't supposed to do that yet. They told me six months. Not three. Overachiever." Her chiding voice was proud though and she smiled down at him. He grinned back at her and made a soft cooing sound that made her smile widen, since she was pretty sure it meant "mama" even if he was nowhere near words. She chuckled. "I should have known. Neither your father nor I ever did what we were supposed to do as children, I don't know why I expected you would. You are going to be a terror when you start crawling, aren't you?"

She booped him with a finger on his button nose, and he grabbed for her finger with his tiny hands. She let him grab it and try to stuff it in his mouth. "My hand is the size of your head, silly, that's not going to work."

She offered him the ring to suck on instead and while he was busy gumming it vigorously, she returned to her stretches, one leg out to one side, other knee bent.

Quick footsteps interrupted. "Sif!" She turned to see Frigga rushing in.

Despite Sif's fear that the queen would remain angry, she had proven herself stronger than that. Instead of trying to ignore Sif or otherwise punish her, she seemed to have taken Sif's words to heart. She'd stood with Sif, steady in her explanations for why she and the king had saved Loki from Jotunheim, adopted him as their own, and then hid the truth from their people. It had likely been difficult for her to admit the truth, but she had shown none of it, steadfast in her determination to do for Ullr what she had not done for Loki. She had also publicly addressed him as her grandson, acknowledging the relationship even if none existed by blood. Thor had done the same, enthusiastic about his nephew, but in truth the king's naming of him as Prince Ullr Lokisson had done the most to force an acceptance.

Sif was gratified by it and glad for Ullr's sake, though she was inwardly saddened that they had not done the same for Loki long ago. But at least his loss had taught them all a lesson about truth and acceptance, so it was not in vain.

The queen looked pale and shocked, yet her eyes gleamed in a way that Sif hadn't seen since Loki's death. Sif relinquished the pose, intending to push herself to her feet, but Frigga instead went to both knees in front of Sif and Ullr. She smiled at the baby and at Sif, and dropped her news like an incendiary weapon: "He's alive. Sif, Loki's alive!"

Sif reflexively put a hand on Ullr's tummy, to protect him, as the world seemed to drop out beneath her feet. In a very small voice she asked, "What?" She must have misheard.

Frigga explained more calmly, "I've been scrying for him. Each day, I try to reach him."

Sif heard the words, but they still made no sense. "But- but he's dead. Why would you do that?"

"Because enough of me hoped he was not," Frigga murmured. She glanced at Ullr, and smiled sadly. "You're a mother now, surely you can understand. I am not his mother by blood, no, but I have shared so much with Loki, our magics are quite bound together. I thought, surely I should have felt his death. Yet I never did. I told myself it was a foolish hope, and the king told me I felt nothing because Loki had died between Realms where nothing could reach. But I doubted enough to search. If anyone could do the impossible and escape, Loki could. So I looked for him. Every day I searched, and for so long there was nothing, as if he was truly gone. I was... losing hope," she admitted, "I almost did not search today, unable to bear the thought of finding nothing again. But I sat beneath the tree and I looked into the emerald he gave me in his youth, and," her eyes met Sif's, blue eyes shining with new joy. "I found him. I touched his mind. He lives."

Was it true? Could it be true? Frigga seemed to believe it. "Are you sure?" Sif asked, unable to keep the uncertainty from her voice. "You sure it was him? Not... your hopes, giving you something you want?" Because she knew about that. How many times in the last year had she thought she'd heard his voice or felt his presence, only to realize it was her own memories tricking her. She had kept reminding herself that he was dead and she had to let go, but that had never helped - a chill breeze on her arms felt like his magic, the flutter of a green cape in a crowd made her think he was there... but it was never true.

Frigga patted her back. "I am sure, Sif. He escaped the void."

Loki was alive.

Sif slipped her hands beneath Ullr to lift him against her chest. His small but familiar weight, the feel of his back beneath her hand, comforted her as she tried to digest that this was true. "Where is he? Why isn't he here? Is he all right?"

"I don't know where he is. But he was well enough to respond, and well enough to shut me out." Her expression faltered then, with sorrow that Loki would push her away, but lifted her eyes again, straightening with resolve. "But… he's alive. Somewhere quite far away, that much I could sense. Now that I know he is out there, we can search for him with other methods."

"I…" Sif felt unbalanced and light-headed by this news. For the past three months since Ullr's birth, she had thought she knew the basic course of her life, only now all was thrown topsy-turvy again. "Why would he not come home?" Sif asked.

Frigga dropped her eyes. "I presume because he no longer believes Asgard is home. But we will change his mind, Sif, and bring him back to us. Once he knows about Ullr, he will know nothing is impossible." She patted Sif's shoulder, kissed Ullr's head, and rose back to her feet. "I must tell the others. But I wanted you to know first."

Sif held Ullr snugly, and whispered to him after Frigga had gone, "He's alive, little one. Your father's alive, after all." She let out a little laugh. "I should have known. He's much too clever to do something and have no way out. He'll return to us and he'll be very sorry he missed your birth."

Pressing her lips to the soft black hair, she closed her eyes, trying to push away the kernel of doubt that warned her it was not going to be that easy.