He knows he's different, that's why he stays to himself. Other than his brother he doesn't talk to people in town and no one talks to him it's safer that way really. He doesn't know when the exact moment everything inside of him changed but he knows the day everyone else saw it. He was seven and walking home from school that's the last thing he remembers but supposedly when someone asked him his name he told them to call him Puck, they ended up taking him to the police department and after hours of getting information about "Puck" everything about him changed again and he cried until they called his mother to come pick him up after telling them he had no idea why they kept calling him Puck when his name was Finn Hudson he repeated it multiple times until his body shook from being so scared he felt like he was in a twilight zone, he was in a jail cell and didn't know why. When his mother finally came she followed with Burt who she had married when he was five and his little brother Kurt how was only younger by a few months but still it was Finn's job to protect him he was different too, just not in a bad way like Finn was.
He was missing for 5 days and he doesn't remember any of it.
He couldn't hear what they were saying to his mom and Burt as he and Kurt sat outside in the waiting area but he knew it was bad by the face his mother was giving. When they finally came out she just hugged him and told him everything was going to be alright, he didn't believe her he knew something was changing inside him he could feel it sometimes like something was fighting against him all the time.
He spent the next few months talking to say many different people that he couldn't even remember every single one they just became another face and when he finally got diagnosed he had just turned eight and when they sat him down and explained to him in words he could understand that "sometimes you just become someone else it's like having a lot of people live inside you" his mother cried and his step father wouldn't let him go so he knew it was bad. A few days later he started having to take a handful of pills and he cried every time and his mother did too. But sometimes he would have episodes and the older he got it was as if he picked up new " people to live inside him" and it sucked because he wouldn't remember anything but little snippets every so often.
If it wasn't for his family he's not 100% sure he would still be able to walk around and not locked away on some serious drugs that make you just stand there in a daze all the time. Kurt is and forever will be his best friend, even when Finn is gone he still made it so he's friends with almost all his 'alter egos' but he doesn't think it's that bad over the years he hasn't picked up that many egos: Puck, Sam, and Joe. Joe is a tricky one because apparently he's really religious and spends a lot of this 'surface time' reading the bible, so you can see why him and Kurt sometimes don't get along. Puck is just a lot to handle, if it wasn't for Kurt, Finn would have lost his virginity as Puck to this girl down the street named Kitty, and he really doesn't want that. She thought it was doing some kind of role play and when Kurt found then, she was really into it. Sam just sings a lot of country and does a lot of impressions, it's fine when he comes out Finn doesn't have to do a lot of damage control.
The only thing about having DID is that, you lose yourself. You spend so much of your time trying to not trigger someone else coming that you don't have time to figure out who you are anymore.
But this is the first year that he will be going to actual classes and not sitting in one room with a teacher all day long, all this teachers will be aware of the signs and know to silently escort him out of the classroom. But he's confident he has it under control, enough to get through 8 hours of school at least.
He doesn't think he'll make any real friends because everyone thinks or knows he's crazy. But he wants Kurt to be able to have his friends over without them being afraid that his older brother is going to freak out on them and going to school and walking around they might start to believe that, and he wants that more then anything, he loves his little brother so making him happy is important to him.
Second.
" You don't have to do this Finn, you can change your mind right now and no one will know." Kurt pleads. He doesn't want him to get hurt and he understands that but whats the worst that can happen. It's not like he doesn't go to the school it's just he's going to be apart of the student body for once. " I'm sure Kurt, I want to do this. I mean you've had the same best friend for years and I've never even met the girl ..umm Rebecca?" From everything his mother has said she's the sweetest girl in the world. But Kurt thinks she's too intense for Finn so she's been kept away. "Rachel, Rachel Berry. You don't have to meet her to know her name Finn."
Pulling up to the school, Kurt is visibly shaking and Finn does feel bad that he's so worried. But it's nothing to worry about it. Who's going to mess with the crazy kid?
10 seconds, Finns in the door 10 seconds before everything starts to unravel.
"Ok Finn our lockers are right next to each other and I think my first per-"
BAM!
Over protective, that's one of the things Finn's therapist tells him all the time. When it comes to his family he'll do or become anyone to protect them. Having to see his brother being pushed into a locker at a force that was way too hard to be an accident, everything else was sort of a blur.
He was himself when he grabbed Karofsky by the collar and slammed him into the ground and started to slam his fist into his face over and over again until he felt arms wrap around his arms and pull him away. That wasn't his alter egos and that was him being a brother. The first thing he sees when he's back to himself is the most beautiful girl he's ever seen in his life, sitting besides him smiling and he knows immediately who he was. Only Puck could have a girl smiling like that in minutes.
"I think it's him again Kurt." The girl says rubbing her hand through his hair, he's not sure where he is. Everything is really pink and soft and he's starting to think he might be in some weird heaven.
"I'm Rachel Berry, it's a pleasure to finaly meet you, Kurt brought you here after the fight to clean you up, I live closer to the school then you guys do and Joe was getting on Kurts nerves and needed a break anyways and my dads aren't here-"
"Joe? It wasn't Puck this time?" That's a shocker, violence is usually Pucks department. That's what the therapist says at least, that's why he was my first ego. DID usually stems from some type of traumatic experience and since he was missing for 5 days, and can't remember it's a mystery. "Yes! It was Joe, he's a very interesting person. But it's nice to meet Finn I've heard a lot about you." She puts her hand out for him to shake and puts on a smile that actually looks genuine. I shake it back and start to pick myself up and prop myself up against the head of her bed, " do you remember anything that happened?" she asked while walking over and grabbing a glass of water he can only assume is for him. " last thing I remember is hitting that guy and being pulled off, after that it was all Joe, which I'm still surprised he tries to stay away from violent situation, I'm sorry if he said anything out the way, actually I should be going." He's never actually been inside someone elses house and after having a episode and having the first day of actual school be such a disaster the only thing he really wants to do is take his medication and go to sleep, " Kurt was in the other room but I guess he did decide to go next door to Blaines, they really are inseparable its' so –"
" I'm sorry who is Blaine?" her face falls and Finn knows that shes worried that she's revealed something she wasn't suppose to say. That's what he hates the most when people feel like they have to keep things from him, but whose Blaine and from everyone in his life why is Kurt keeping something from him? He's never done that before and to be honest it really does bother Finn but he doesn't want to show it he can tell this Rachel girl is a little freaked out already and showing any type of emotion might led her to believe he's going to fall into a episode again. " Well, Blaine is his boyfriend they've been dating for about six months now, I'm not sure why he hasn't told you, I'm sure it's more about him then you." He's forces a smile and stands up because now laying on her bed is just weird, " well im going to go home, thanks for the help Rachel, it was nice meeting you." He has no intention of actually going home. He always thought his brother loved him and trusted him and didn't hide things from him because he's some sort of freak but that's a lie. He falls in love and he doesn't even tell Finn, he would have been so happy for him because Kurt deserves it more then anyone.
30 minutes into his walk his phone starts to go crazy, his mom starts the calling first but Kurt followed every call with a text the last text he saw was Burt threatening to call the police then everything went black.
He woke up to voices " Dude are you stupid! He's the town freak! He's going to kill all of us and hang us from these trees and when he goes home and tells him family we are going to jail!" he hears someone laugh and when they open their mouth he knows its Karosky "No one is going to believe a crazy person over me, now this guy thinks he so big and bad lets see how big and just how bad he is now." Finn closes his eyes to pretend that he wasn't listening but he doesn't want to see whats going to come next, he knows it can't be good. Before anything thought, he pictures something in his head, Rachel a girl he just met her smile. Then he feels a sharp kick in his back and he yells out before it going black again.
He knew before he opened his eyes where he was, the beeping sound and the smell of cleaning supplies told him he was at the hospital, " Mom?" because he knew she would be there, " Finn! Oh my God baby, how are you feeling?" he feels her kiss on his forehead, which hurts he notes. " Kurt go get the doctor."
He's been here before, sometimes when Puck gets to adventurous like the time he jumped off the bridge into the river below and hit his head coming back up, Finn woke up to a million questions and no answers, but this time he had answers and he was sure as hell going to say them, " Karosky" was all he could say before the say feeling came back that told him his time was up and that whoever was itching to get out was on his way, he must have had a look in his eyes the same scared look he gets because he still fears that one day he would come back and he'll be stuck as one of this alter egos. His mom kissed him and whispered " I'll see you."
Three.
He hasn't talked to anyone since he got out the hospital, he doesn't want to her the " I told you so's" that actual school was too hard for him, the doctors kept him out for two weeks just because of the injuries. Kurt doesn't try to say anything to him, Finn doesn't blame him for any of this but apparently Puck told him " we" found out about Blaine, it still bothers Finn how the egos know what happens in his life but when they takeover he doesn't have a clue what goes on. His doctor told him because his egos are a way he runs away so "why run away if you're going to remember?" The day before his two weeks are up he goes down stairs and starts to pack his lunch for school the next day, he can feel everyone staring at him and just waiting for the right moment to ask what they are all dying to ask, finally Burt says something " what are you doing son?" And he feels like it's pretty obvious but they must be playing some game so he goes along with it "getting my stuff ready for school tomorrow" and he doesn't say anything else because if they can keep things to themselves so can he.
He wants to see her, he knows she tried to come see him one day but his mother kept her away. He likes how he feels when he thinks about her or when she is around. How she makes him actually feel normal, but he understands why his mom kept her away sometimes with him you just never know who your getting. He hopes tomorrow will go better than last time and that maybe they have classes together, he doubts it she seems really smart and he just- isn't.
He doesn't actually ever sleep, not ones with dreams at least he has medication that puts him to sleep because he can't handle the dreams, well nightmares. That he has when he falls asleep on his own so he ends up waking up and never going back to sleep. His nightmares are real though unlike everyone else's doesn't have control. He relives his suicide attempts a lot, the most recent one before it was the worst and landed him in the crazy house for months before his family finally worked out a system so he could come home and he live a somewhat normal life.
He doesn't know what triggered him that day, but he hated everything about it he didn't want to be anywhere in this world let alone in the house alone while his family was at one of Kurts plays, next thing he knew he was downstairs with Burt's camping knife dragging it across his wrist so deep he could see muscle before he passed out. He lost three pints of blood by the time they got him to the hospital and he didn't come to for 48 hours, the look of his moms face is something he wished he could forget but like always this stupid move was his and his alone he couldn't blame it on the egos and the look on his moms face was again to much so when he felt someone wanting to be let out he didn't fight it, he bowed out and let whoever come to surface. Sam, who he was kind of happy about he makes his mom laugh. He stayed around for awhile too, 36 hours to be exact and Finn didn't mind the break. He needed it, so did his family before they had to face the reality that they all knew was coming.
But that was behind him now, he still has the urge to end everything sometimes but when he thinks of leaving them behind he can't bring himself to actually try anymore, his doctor was very happy to hear that but he wants Finn to live for Finn, not other people… he doesn't see that happening. He's been thinking of ways to approach her tomorrow at school he doesn't know what to say but he knows he has to say something, it's something about her he wishes he could just tell her that she makes him feel good but even that sounds a little too crazy for him.
Four.
Kurt won't stop staring at him the whole entire morning he knows he's nervous about today but Finn thinks it's going to end up pretty good. If anything they aren't going to mess with Kurt again while Finn is around from what he's gathered they haven't done anything to Karosky but he is sure as hell scared of Finn, he's been staying away from Kurt and that's all that actually matters to Finn, even if he is still mad at his brother for keeping things for him.
No one makes eye contact with him when he walks into the school and the loud chatter that filled the halls don't anymore, they watch him closely eyeing his every move. It kind of makes him laugh that they think he just turns into this huge monster, " we fear what we don't understand" is the only way to describe the people around him. He does laugh when he hears someone say " I heard he changes every 10 minutes like clockwork" he couldn't help it even if the glare Kurt sent him told him that it was wrong. When he turns to go to his locker (everyone scatters away like a touch from him would turn them crazy) he sees her, standing next to his locker with a smile on her face that could only be describe as amazing, " Hey!" was all she said before his heart started to beat so loud he couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing to his head " No! No! NO!" he yelled just loud enough to catch the attention of his brother a few steps away, "this can't happen not now!" he knew the moment his heart started racing that all the excitement would trigger one of them, but he's tired of then getting to spend all this time with her and he doesn't, " I'm sorry Rach" he says before turning around and running into the first room he finds, he won't do this to her.
The music room, it's quiet and gives him time to think before having to be in his first class. He's sure he could just say "mental breakdown" for his reason of being late but before he could make a decision he hears the door open and a wave of lavender flow into the room. " You don't have to hide from me Finn" immediately her voice sends his body tingling, " I'm not hiding from you, I'm protecting you" and it's the truth he doesn't know what they would do if they came out and she was there, what if they scared her away? She laughs and he notes how amazing it sounds, " I'm a big girl, and plus Joe was very nice last time I met him." He finally allows himself to look up at her and his breath is taken away by how beautiful she looks more and more with each time he sees her " you're beautiful you know that?" he doesn't know why he felt the need to tell her but he had too. " Thank you Finn, that's very sweet of you." He sees her cheeks redden and smiles at the way he made her have that reaction.
She holds her hands out for him before smiling and saying " can't be late for first period" the moment his hand touched her every bad or sad feeling he felt was washed away. He doesn't know a lot of relationships, unless you count the girl he was in the crazy house with. But he's pretty sure Rachel is his soulmate, maybe he's too young and he just met her, but she's different and she makes him feel different, better. " Lets go." She doesn't let go of his hand when they walk into the hallway even with everyone staring at them and whispering, " they are going to think you are some sort of freak if you keep hanging out with me like this" he tells her because he doesn't want her reputation to be ruined because of him," let them think" she says flashing her mega watt smile up at him.
He can do this, have a normal life just as long as she's in it.
She tells him she will wait for him after class before leaning p and kissing his cheek and squeezing his hand for good measure. His mind wonders the whole hour, the stares are annoying but he can block them out because his head is filled with everything that is her, her voice, her lips and the sweet way she smells. He's pretty good at math anyways and it's his first day he's sure he can make up missing half the lecture.
The moment the bell rings he shoots out of his chair determined to see her again, he stands where they last parted ways and starts to get anxious after awhile. What if she decided he wasn't worth it? It makes more sense than thinking she's actually into him. Kurt comes running towards him with a smile he hasn't seen since the accident.
"Rachel told me to give this to you, immediately." And Finn can't help but smirk at the letter that has his name written in the front with flowers drawn around it and a side-note telling Kurt to mind his own.
"Finn, I wanted to write this note and tell you that I think you are amazing, I know we haven't known each other for along time but when I'm around you it's almost addicting. Unfortunately, my father doesn't see things how I do, he's worried that I will get hurt being around you. That's another reason as to why I am writing this, I'm sitting outside the principal's office while my father talks to Mr. Figgins about our interaction. I don't know how it will pan out, I am hopeful. I will not let you go, I hope this isn't to forward.
Until I see you again,
Rachel or Rach? I don't know where you got that nickname from but I do enjoy it."
He knew something was different about them, what they meant to each other. What he was feeling, she was too. He didn't like however how he was being treated by her father, a man that doesn't know him and he would think would be intelligent enough to not judge someone by a mental disorder that they have no control over.
He will see her again, he doesn't care who he has to get through to do it.
Five.
Ten days.
Ten whole fucking days, since he has seen her and he's going crazy. If that's possible, it's fall break at school and her fathers used this excuse to take her on a vacation. He won't talk to anyone and he knows that it's freaking his family out but he's working a million times harder then normal to keep them from taking over, he wants to be himself when he finally talks to her not a ego so all his energy has to be focused on keeping complete control, he hasn't really slept because that means letting his guard down and he won't do that, not now. He would usually talk to Kurt about this but he's still upset because he has yet to acknowledge why he kept everything from hin regarding Blaine, Finn knows it's because he doesn't do good with change and he might have either turned or slipped into a stage of his bipolar disorder but it's been over a year since that's happened and he doesn't think any of that would have happened, he just wants everyone to be happy and somehow when he's around they are the opposite of happy. Kurt has to hide love, Rachel was taken away. His mother has changed her whole life to accommodate making his life easier, which he's sure is hard on Burt because although he loves Finn he didn't sign up for this life when he married his mom.
He hates his life, everything about it, he wishes she was here just to hold him. He doesn't notice he's crying until tears hit his arms that are wrapped around his legs holding them towards his body. He's just tired, of missing her and fighting all day every day.
"Puck dude, wake up!" His head is killing him and he it smells like stale cigarettes and vodka, "Where am i?" he doesn't have to be confused by whats happened, "what's today?" because he doesn't have time to start explaining to these people that he's not actually Puck, "Man, you've only been out like 10 hours it's still Saturday" Fuck! " Its still October though right?" The guy that he's guessing is the bar tender just laughs and shakes his head, he hates this part, calling his parents telling them he's okay. He knows they didn't call the cops, they never do anymore. They hurt more then they helped really, they want to lock him away so they just let Puck have his fun and when he's done they drive or sometimes pay for him to get a plane ride back, somehow he ended up in Atlanta one time in the middle of downtown and he doesn't even know how, or how he ended up with 2k in his pocket. He pulls out his phone, which has 63 missed called from numbers he doesn't recognize which means whoever Puck did on his trip is pissed, he skips past and dials his moms number and just like always she answers in the first ring "are you okay?" and like always he answers " I don't know" because he really doesn't, he hears his mom yell that it's him but what he didn't expect was to hear Rachel's voice in the back saying " Oh, thank God"
He listens more as they talk among themselves about who is going to come get him, he laughs a little at how they don't even know where he is, but yet they are arguing about who gets to go, Kurt's reasoning being " we know he was Puck and Puck never goes anywhere boring" he calls for the bar tender to ask where exactly he is, stating that he must have bumped his head because he can't remember much, must be believeable because all he does it shrug and point to a sign that says " Miami's Finest"
"So where are you Finn?" he hears Burt yell, he chuckles because as abnormal all this is he's family makes it seem as normal as getting the mail everyday, "Miami"
"I TOLD YOU! Me and Rachel are so flying out to get him!"
So this is part one, its been written for a really long time. I have been buried in my own life trying to get some time to myself.. im behind on everything and that includes my stories. I have a lot to add to this it was going to be a one shot but ive been keeping everyone waiting for so long I wanted to post something to make sure everyone knew I hadn't abandoned them. Just have a lot of family stuff going on, life.. I guess I mean everyone says that and now I get it. But im working to hopefully get most of my stories updated in the next month.
thanks for holding on. this wasn't proofread at all so sorry. I love you guys! hope you like it!