Cold, alone, disconnected. Cole watched with a hesitant interest at the way the inquisitor moved, spoke and interacted with the world around her. People were lonely, isolated, they couldn't touch the colours in the sky or speak a million words in one. They heard no other heartbeat, felt not the touch of a million minds, all active, seeking, sharing. A whole torn apart, something complete but fragmented. The world felt to him like something incomplete. Unmoving, unforgiving, quiet.
He often tried to communicate with the things around him, but found the closer he was drawn to the world of the living, the more empty the world felt. Things hummed, bubbled with somethings that struck as nothings in this world. He told his laces to tie, but their hum did not change, locked and frozen. In the fade, they had sung back. They whispered to him, showed him things, they were as close to friends as he'd been before. Now they were silent. Lost. Not there, well, at least not properly.
People in general didn't notice, they moved things themselves, reserved, alone. The inquisitor, though… She was the same but different enough that she could tell. Distantly, passively aware. As though it took a moment for her to adjust to something that was non-existent. Snow screamed underfoot and her body trembled, she heard it but she didn't. Understood but not aware. Cole could see the different, the colors unknown to her eyes. It was beautiful.
It was for this reason that he'd often taken to staring too long. He hadn't come to understand the ways of people yet, he learnt more each day but there were so many rules to learn. He often made mistakes. Sometimes the herald would look at him with eyes that said no more, and he stopped. Then sometimes she'd look at him and her tune would change. They didn't speak but both seemed drawn, curiosity for the unknown, for they were both different to the rest. Cole knew it, but he wasn't sure she did.
People struggled to walk beside her as the days passed, they were tired and scared, the faith they had the only thing driving them on. They were barely alive and it burnt Cole to his core. It was crushing, crippling. Too much to bare. He didn't think to ask if anyone would understand because he knew they didn't, and he didn't care to ask. Sometimes he thought it though.
The wind howled in their ears for the longest part of the morning, today had started slowly and people had not the drive to push, they merely ambled in unison after their leader. Her eyes were drooping and her legs shook but she hadn't faltered, not yet, but she would.
"No I won't" she whispered to the winds, her lips dulled in the cold.
"Yes." Cole replied, tilting his head slightly to better see her. "You will. Everyone does."
She didn't look at him but she struggled to swallow. His heart fell at her weakness. "Don't be afraid." He replied quickly.
"I'm not." She said gently, finally looking at him properly. Her lashes were as white as the snow. Cole ducked his head.
"No, you're not." He agreed. "You have nothing to lose. Silent nights under the stars, a ribbon around her wrist. She smells like honey, how does she keep finding it." He exhaled slowly, oblivious to her narrowed eyes.
Cole followed in her shadow loyally, interested, curious, but unsure. He didn't say it, but from time to time he heard her whispers, such a long way from home. She'd always look back hesitantly and his eyes would meet hers for the briefest of moments, and then everything that had been open like a frequently read book would disappear. Her lids would droop, and her expression faltered, revealing all the weakness she hid, and then she'd fix it, appear unbroken. Perfect and crystal clear, but not. She was the only person that had ever been able to do that. Just, stop, clear everything and leave this space, endless, infinite white. She was hiding. Cole knew, and she knew he knew.
As the group travelled the skies cleared briefly, allowing them a welcome glimpse of the sun. Spirits were low but the warmth helped and Cole was happy to guide the saddest into the brightest spots. He saw a smile, the first one in far too long. It was unique, precious, almost gone but enough left to say 'I don't want to be lost anymore'. He smiled back, but they did not see.
She saw. He blinked curious eyes at hers, and she smiled, too. He liked her smile, warm and bright, like summers sun hiding behind grey clouds. Too intense to stare at directly but calmed, cooled by those around her. She reminded him of dusty smells, dryness on his tongue and sweat on his brow, she did not fit the ice and snow, it strangled the warmth of her. It was sad.
The elf passed her, taking the lead without a word. No one took any notice, but the Herald turned away, having heard something Cole did not. They disappeared quickly over a mountain of snow and cold and though he was curious to know, he did not follow.
He did not need to. There was a shout and a moment of uncertainty, a quiet and then noise, too much noise. They cheered and waved and expressed more life than any day prior to his knowing. They had found it, and finally Cole felt the ache on his chest lighten, and the tears in their eyes dried long enough to praise their fortunes.
Haven stood beyond, decrepit and well-aged. Cole was sure it had seen its fair share of wars, it was weak but it could be made strong under the supervision of the inquisition. He told himself this could be home, safe and sound, if they let it. He'd been called thing, monster, demon. Too many times to count. He did not think it, but the herald could easily call him dangerous and all would have been for naught. No, not quite, he'd helped lots already. He just wanted to help more.
It was still some days before they reached the ancient gates of the fortress, and it took many hours for the weak and sickly to push through its locks and bolts and finally enter the grounds. Cole didn't waste any time preparing an area for the ill, wounded and dying, he heard the herald not far away, a speech, true words, trust, and safety. She inspired.
They spoke, a conversation, long but not too long. He told her about him, about them. She wasn't mad or scared. She watched him with honest eyes, kind, welcoming, but he was hurting. Cole turned to the man with obvious intent but she stopped him, softly.
"You can kill him, and I won't stop you, but in the end you really don't know, and it shouldn't be anyone's choice to decide if a person lives or dies."
She was right.