Chapter 6 - Goodbyes

"Did you know your eyes have changed?" Edward couldn't help but stare. They were enchanting. Her eyes were now a deep pumpkin russet, like burning bonfires on a cold winter night. They even sparkled too in certain light too.

"Have they? I ... I don't do mirrors." His statement snapped her from her engaging trance. "It reminds me of how evil I was ...what I became..."

He stopped her midsentence. "That wasn't the real you, Mari." He knew she hated her past self.

Her thoughts now changed, back to the person she had once been. "The people I slaughtered, with each and every one I cried, Edward. I knew somehow it was wrong, but I didn't know why I felt that way. I mean everyone knows that vampires kill for human blood. Every part of my body rebelled against knowledge. Then the need to feed would overpower my doubt again. I was so confused." The sparkle in her face was dulled by the hurtful memories of her past.

"I know that feeling. Soon after Carlisle found me, I rebelled. I thought I could handle the cravings, but one led to another and I just couldn't stop myself. It was like a drug ... the thirst I'd felt, bound me to kill again and again. My only justification? I could look a human in the eye and tell myself that this one is a murderer. Or that one there is a rapist. This one … this one deserves it because he's a monster or a thief… "

Edward walked closer to Mari and moved her book so he could sit down in her chair. Replacing her bookmark, he closed it and placed it onto the small table beside him. Leaning forward, he rested his chin in his hands, steadied his elbows on his knees and continued.

"Some say the people I killed, Mari, their death was warranted. But I look back and think, no one deserves to die like that. Not even monsters. That's why I fought my thirst with all my worth. I'd realized I didn't want to be that evil thing anymore. Carlisle had been right. He saved me all over again and I'll never forget that." Edward grimaced as he remembered all too well the hate and disgust he'd felt for himself.

"But they were bad people, Edward. The people I killed were normal everyday women and even children. I didn't care. I didn't even try." Mari covered her face with her hands and sank to her knees on the floor.

A wave of hate soared through his body from the pit of his stomach as she said 'children.'

And Mari had felt it. She felt judged. And rightly so.

"I know," she nodded sadly. "I hated myself as much as you do now - I still do. I really don't deserve to be welcomed as much as I've been." Tears stung her eyes like razors, but she didn't expect empathy from Edward. Her pain was her punishment for those years of pure evilness she had been born into.

"You were newly reborn. All those in this family have done things we have regretted." Edward stood and paced four strides away from her, suddenly feeling he needed a little distance.

Mari saw it in her mind, a young woman cowering in a corner with the depiction of pure fear in her eyes. She had indeed seen as Edward's eyes had seen more than 90 human years earlier. She then saw that beautiful woman, who she now knew had been his wife Bella. She felt his angst and terrible fear of hurting her. She'd worked it out, she'd been human when he'd fallen for her.

"That's why you resisted her. Bella, I mean. You resisted because she was still human," she said, looking up at this beautiful tortured man. His pain clung to his skin like the sunlight's diamond shimmer. Solemnly, he nodded.

"You are incredibly strong, Edward. It takes some strength to do that; it couldn't have been easy for you. I, on the other hand, took the easy way out." Mari stood on her feet and walked to her window, peering out into claustrophobic woodland.

"Not strong enough to save her, was I?" He spoke so softly, she wasn't even sure he'd said it aloud.

Not breaking her stare from the woods, she replied, "It wasn't a match of strengths. It was more a battle of speed. Michael was just faster on that particular night..."

Immediately, she regretted uttering his name. She spun around, horrified of her words.

"Don't!" Edward recoiled, repulsed at her mere presence. It angered him at the sheer mention of his name.

"Edward! I'm sorry ... Edward!"

With the slam of the door behind him, he was gone.

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"His pain is still very raw." Esme sympathized as they sat on small stools out the back of the house the next daylight. They drained chickens of their fluids into buckets to bottle up.

Mari knew that. "I know ... I just didn't think. I should have realized that before I spoke."

"He's not mad at you, he's mad at Michael. We can all see the fondness he has for you Mari, but you have to understand he made promises to Bella he never expected would break. She was a huge part of his life for many years. When you wait a hundred years for someone and somebody rips them away in seconds, it's going to hurt. He feels he's betraying her by letting her go."

"I know that. I'm willing to wait for as long as he needs. It seems whenever I open my mouth I say the wrong thing. I feel like when he looks at me, he doesn't see me, Esme. He sees Michael. Everything about Michael angers me, too. He molded me into something I wasn't comfortable with; something I knew didn't feel right. Maybe Edward will never see me. Maybe I shouldn't be here. If it's confusing him..." Mari stopped and looked at Esme.

"Maybe he doesn't know it yet, but he does need you ... he does. It just may take a little more time than we thought." Esme smiled fondly at Mari. "Just be patient."

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Now that her eyes had fully changed, Mari felt more confident to leave the confines of the house. It started as little walks into the woods and progressed further into town.

She wanted to earn her keep as much as they all did.

The boat business was soaring now as summer was fast approaching, but she wanted to stay clear of Edward for a while. Being near each other wasn't going to be comfortable for either of them right now. She hated that she'd upset him by her thoughtless words.

She often drove into the town to buy a newspaper in order to search for work, but Grangefield was so small, jobs were hard to come by. She tried anywhere and everywhere she could. The only jobs available required skills and experience – none of which she had. She'd resigned herself that working with the Cullens was going to be the only way.

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It had been a human week since Edward had last spoken to her. It was an extremely long time for vampires who couldn't escape with sleep. Mari hunted with Rosalie and Emmett and they had all been very welcoming to her, but she seemed to bond with Rosalie the best. Mari considered her a good friend now, so it seemed sensible to hunt with her as often as she could.

One particular night as they'd finished their feed, Edward appeared looking pensive. It was if he needed to get something off his mind.

A single glance from Edward to Rosalie and Emmett and they got the hint. With a glance of support for Mari, they headed for home.

"I'm not angry with you, Mari," Edward started, trying to break the silence.

After a small pause, she answered. "Esme explained it all to me. I meant no harm Edward, please believe me."

With desperation in her voice, she walked toward him where he stood with his strong arms crossed. He was dressed elegantly as always in his black jeans, white t-shirt, and a navy shirt thrown over top. She placed her hand on his top arm, causing him to hitch his non-existent breath.

Forcing himself to control his thoughts, he wavered. "I do, I do believe you..."

Why, when she touched him, did he have a yearning desire to hold her...to kiss her mouth?

"Look, I came here to ... to..."

What had he come here to do? "I-I want to..." There was no need for words now; she already knew.

"I want to, too..." Mari dropped her hand to her side and her face to the floor. "But…"

"God damn it…" He exhaled out a long breath and stepped closer. Lifting her chin with a finger and thumb, he kissed her.

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That powerful, magnetic pull built up inside him again. It was almost verging on painful this time. His eyes closed and he squeezed them tight as thousands of voices and memories flooded his mind all at once. Some were his, some were Mari's. Time stood still as their worlds collided and the onslaught showed no mercy, until the sensitive skin on both their lips broke apart.

Stunned by the moment, they searched each other's eyes. Had they both felt it?

The drug of their love pulled them in once more.

Moving both hands on either side of her face, she now smiled. She had felt it too.

Edward ached for that feeling again. This time as the pressure increased on their pursued union, the searing voices seemed to fade. Passion and lust took over, leaving them panting as they broke again once more.

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Back home, Alice stood up unexpectedly and gasped. Jasper jumped up in shock, rushing to be a pillar of support by her side.

"Alice? What's wrong?"

She smiled, staring ahead. "He's done it!"

Jasper looked in confusion towards Alice's sudden excitement. "Who's done what?"

Each member of the family now exchanged puzzled looks.

"Edward," she squealed, smiling knowingly towards Jasper. "He said goodbye to Bella."

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A/N: Awwwwwwwwwwww. Happy Christmas Everyone! A Seasonal treat for you all xxx

Thank you all for sticking around. It was the free grub, wasn't it? You're all welcome back to mine, but save some Cupcakes for my Beta. She gets cranky otherwise. ;o)

ThisIsReallyHappening...Love you more than a thousand Cupcakes. xxxxx

Chapter 7 anyone?

DeathToBeReborn