A/N: Chapter Forty-Six!

By this point, the one year mark, as well as the two year mark had come to pass. It kept me up at night and absorbed my thoughts at work, thinking where he could be or what he was doing, with whom and for how long. It wasn't a matter of missing him on a romantic level, not anymore. It was a matter of having my friend back. It was a matter of knowing he was out there somewhere, living, breathing, being free and seeing what he could of the world.

Because there was so much out there, so much I wish I could have given him.

But his decision to leave, left me waiting on the sidelines, waiting for someone or something that may never return.

Two Months Later

It was now February and the new year brought with it many changes.

The most important change of all was that of mine and Draco's relationship. It was official. I was with him. It wasn't about sex or having someone to cuddle at night. Somewhere along the line, I managed to see something in him that I had never noticed before.

He was a good man.

He was good to his parents. He was good to his employees. He was good to me.

I repeated those things to myself, time and time again, ingraining those words into the depths of my subconscious, until I didn't have to anymore.

"Dray — co," he enunciated, pointing to himself, as two-year-old James looked on with the same dopey grin on his face. "Now you try. Go on. Dray — co."

James farted.

"Granger, I think he's broken," Draco rationalized, scratching the back of his head. "According to my mother, I was speaking full sentences by the time I reached my second birthday. He's now one week in, and all he can say is —"

I faced James and pointed to myself, smiling with him as he clapped his hands together in excitement.

"My — knee!" the little one announced, gleefully. "My — knee!"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Big deal. You've known him for an entire year longer than I have. I'll have him memorizing the Malfoy family history in no time."

"I'm not sure his parents would approve of that," I winked, plopping James into his high chair, as we sat down for some lunch.

It was one of the rare occasions when Harry and Ginny decided to take some time as a couple and go on holiday, which meant James was mine to look after. I adored spending time with the little poop monster and vowed to make the most of this weekend, as both myself and Draco had nothing to do, apart from look after the little one and — to be perfectly honest — play house.

"Is this…edible?" Draco asked, eyeing the sandwiches that I had prepared for us, and then sneaking a look at James' toddler food with longing.

It was no secret that I was a failure in the kitchen, but sandwiches were my thing. I nudged him and took a seat on the other side of my small, round table. The flat was beginning to feel a little small, what with James and Draco there for the weekend, and yes, I had been looking into buying a bigger place — perhaps a house — but I didn't want to rush into anything.

There was no purpose in buying a house without people to live in it.

Around an hour after lunch, James was sat in the middle of the lounge with his toys spread out and some of those talking books. I could tell the exaggerated, cartoon-y voices were beginning to do Draco's head in, so I had an idea.

"How about we go to the park?" I suggested, due for some time outside. "It's quite a nice day, don't you think?"

Draco practically jumped for the joy, more than ready to leave the flat. From there, we packed up some of James' essentials and took him to the park near my building. It was nothing compared to the one I had grown up playing in, but there weren't many options in the neighbourhood, and it wasn't safe to Floo or to Apparate with a child so young.

That in mind, we had a nice stroll to the nearby park and were careful to bundle the little one up, as there was a slight breeze. It was a nice day and it appeared most of the families in the area — not too many — decided on the same for their children. I made sure to keep an eye on James and Draco as they went down the slide together and then the swings. It was nice seeing Draco doing something normal, without a bunch of gorgeous models fawning over him after a show — not that, that bothered me because pfft.

I happened to know he liked his women a little on the curvier side.

Apart from that, it made me think.

I tried, for the first time in my life, to take life as it came, and to not think too long or too hard about the future. It wasn't about planning or milestones — not for me. I had reached the milestones I had wanted to reach a long time ago. I had a fantastic career and work life. I had good friends. I made a point to visit my parents often. I travelled often, to different places. I had fallen in love more times in the space of ten years than most people did in a lifetime, and never, ever, had any of those times been unrequited. I felt lucky, knowing that.

I mean, I suppose there was still the marriage milestone — but the older I turned, the more I realized, perhaps marriage wasn't for me.

I looked at people like my parents, as well as Ginny and Harry, and I couldn't help but admire the sacrifices they had made for each other. It was beautiful and such an intense show of commitment. But I didn't know if I would ever find someone who inspired such an intense level of sacrifice within me.

Well, I did know.

As did he, which, to my understanding, was the reason our situation had taken such a drastic, unforeseeable turn. Unlike Rowan Granger and Harry Potter, this person didn't want me to sacrifice even an ounce of myself for him or our relationship.

That was admirable, and although I found myself happier and smiling more often than I had since the moment he disappeared, I couldn't help but pray to the God I didn't believe in, for a sign, something, anything to point me in the right direction.

I breathed in, knowing there was one last option, one that I'd been avoiding.

Heaven.

It could have been, that the next time I would see him would be in heaven.

I didn't know his religious beliefs — whether he had any.

If I had to venture a guess, I would've pegged him to be agnostic, like myself, but I suppose the idea of heaven was reassuring to people in his situation. It sure as hell reassured me.

Again, I tried not to think about it, knowing I had to keep an eye on James and on Draco. As much as I admired Draco for stepping up and showing me he had it in him to be a mature, family-oriented adult with more to his life than traveling and red carpet events — I couldn't help but keep watch on him, knowing he had never been around a child before James. I found them near the swings, where Draco had James on his lap, holding him with both hands, as he used his legs to push and pull the swing, back and forth, again and again.

It was quite adorable, to be perfectly honest.

I smiled and waved at them, with a warm feeling in my chest and the camera that Draco had brought with him at the ready. I held it up, pointing the lens at them and managing to take a few candid shots — broad grins on their faces and a touch of pink on both their cheeks. It was nice, something I would keep no matter where life took me, with or without Draco, and the longer I looked at it, admiring the men in the photograph, I couldn't help but notice something.

There was someone else in the photograph, far in the background.

I held the polaroid up, to my eyes, and took a closer look, recognizing that hair and that height and even that coat.

It hit me all at once.

Without thinking, I abandoned our things and raced through the grass, to the other side, away from the swings. Draco was smiling and laughing, and motioned for me to join in on his and James' fun — until he noticed the look in my eyes.

"Hermione —" he cut through, setting the child down in his stroller, stopping me, holding me by the waist and then by the shoulders. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Why are you run —"

"He's here!" I shouted, struggling to break free. "He's here!"

Draco widened his eyes at me, looking around as people began to whisper, moving their kids away from our area of the park. "Hermione, calm down. Who's here? Say something."

I used all my strength in an attempt to break free, resorting to one swift smack on the chest until his hold loosened. "Let go! Let go of me!"

"Hermione, please. Just tell me —"

"Let — go!"

"Calm down and talk to —"

"Nott's here!" I finally cried, tears streaming from my eyes, down my cheeks and into the collar of my jacket. "He was in the photograph! I saw him over there! Just — I need to talk to him!"

With that, Draco released me, making sure James was all right, and then wheeling his stroller along with the rest of our things to where I stood. It was near the edge of the park, where the block ended and the cars whizzed by. I glanced from side to side, searching, tearing through the streets with my eyes, as though I were a hawk in the middle of the wild.

It happened quickly after that.

I breathed in and out, heavily, panting, pacing back and forth, snapping my gaze in all directions, wheeling one enormous look around the park and back again, until I stumbled backwards, against a tree, struggling to focus, to make sense of what I had seen.

Draco found me then, with James in the stroller, an animatedly concerned look on the toddler's face.

"He was here," I whispered, running both hands through my hair. "I saw him. I — I know I did."

"I believe you saw him," my boyfriend told me, finding my side. "Sometimes…I see him, too."

With that, I shook my head. "No, no no. I actually saw him," I countered, showing him what was in the polaroid. "See? He was…He was standing right here. I just…I must have missed him. I had to have missed him. He was right here. He was right here…"

The photograph was met with silence on Draco's end. He took one look at it, and then at me, moisture in his eyes as he pocketed the image and brought my head to his chest. "You're okay," he said to me, brushing through my hair. "You're okay."

One Week Later

Following what had happened that day at the park, the humiliation and the horror in realizing I had hallucinated him, I distanced myself from those thoughts — the ones that comforted me through the first year of separation and most of the second. Thoughts of him. Memories of him. I missed him more than words could describe — but I decided then, that I couldn't live in the past. I couldn't put myself through that. I couldn't put Draco through that.

I wasn't a child.

I was twenty-eight.

I couldn't race through parks, where innocent children were, in search of someone who abandoned me years ago.

Draco proved to me that he could be an adult, and it was now my turn to prove to him that I could do the same.

That in mind, I sought help from a Muggle professional, someone to counsel me, to navigate me through the confusing mix of emotions that I had been battling and an occasion, avoiding within the past couple of years.

Dr. Nalini Gupta.

She studied with my mother, back when they were in uni, and the two kept in close contact, though I had never met Nalini until our first appointment.

"Hermione," she smiled, welcoming me into her office, which was enormous, with a gorgeous mahogany desk, and a lounge-style arrangement on the other side, one that reminded me of the Gryffindor Common Room, as it was filled with loads of reds and oranges and yellows. "My name is Nalini Gupta," she introduced, leading me to the lounge, where we sat diagonal from one another — her on the arm chair and me on the loveseat. " — but please, call me Nalini."

I returned her smile, feeling warm and welcome and ready to begin. "Your office is beautiful," I commented. " — twice as big as my flat, without a doubt."

Nalini laughed at this, still poised. "I'd hope so, after working in this field for over twenty-five years."

I laughed with her, mostly because that sounded like something my mother would have said.

From there, the pleasantries were over and the session began. It was an hour long, and I arranged to visit her on a weekly basis. Draco was very supportive, as were Harry and Ginny, the only people apart from my parents who knew.

"So," she started, smiling, a natural look to her. "What brings you here?"

I paused, suddenly nervous. "Erm —"

Nalini didn't interject, when I failed to form a response, nor did she press me further. She simply waited, communicating with me through her eyes, using them as a way to reassure me that I would be fine and that this was simply a conversation between two career-driven women, not the counselling session I had been nervous about all week.

I should explain that she had a daughter at Hogwarts (Muggle-born, like me) which made seeking her counsel an easier experience, as I didn't have to lie about my life as a witch and could therefore garner an honest evaluation.

I thought about that often, breathing in and out, levelling the thoughts and the fears that had held me back, before speaking. "I — I'm here because — because I need answers and — and I don't think I'm capable of finding those answers on my own."

Nalini listened, and took a couple notes, though I barely noticed, as she was quite swift about it, in a manner that told me she didn't want to interrupt my thoughts. I found myself pausing and beginning to analyze her. I had no idea whether that was normal behaviour or whether my skepticism would be a setback. All I knew, was that our conversation had started and before I knew it, she had me talking, talking about everything — from before I had been accepted into Hogwarts, to the moment I entered those corridors for the first time.

"I suppose, as a teenager, I had been through a lot. My best friends Harry and Ron, as well. Sometimes, I look back on everything — on every rule we had ever broken, every battle we had ever survived — and it terrifies me."

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

It took a moment for me to answer. "I just — I guess it never occurred to me back then, that what we were going through was toxic. It wasn't about chasing boys or revising for the next exam," I explained, thinking. "It was about survival — and we were kids."

Nalini took some more notes, swift as ever. "Were you ever in fear for your life?"

"Yes, multiple times."

" — and how do you think that affected you?"

I thought, long and hard. "I — I suppose having to rationalize the concept of death at so young an age, left me with an idealistic view of what it means to survive. Yes, I witnessed loved ones perish, but I also witnessed a teenaged boy triumph over an evil, sadistic tyrant, one who could have ended the boy's life without batting an eye — and yet, the boy survived."

"Do you know this boy?" Nalini asked, though I was sure she knew the answer.

I nodded. "Yes, he's one of my best friends."

There was a brief pause, about three or four seconds, wherein my mind wandered, until Nalini grounded me with her calm, composed voice. The session continued, propelling me further into long forgotten topics — so much so that the hour had passed without me noticing.

I supposed that was a good thing, the mark of an hour well spent.

Later That Night

"How was it?" Draco asked, walking with me from our favourite restaurant.

I kept silence through dinner, but I knew I couldn't keep him in the dark. Not long. It was difficult, explaining to people in the wizarding community, the ins and outs, and long term benefits of counselling, as mental health wasn't strongly researched or taken seriously. But he was very supportive and willing to learn, which made me smile more often and for longer.

"It was a step in the right direction," I said to him, lacing our hands together, as we took the long way home, through that same park. "How are your designs coming along?"

"They're good, they're good…" he nodded along. "In fact, Daphne has asked me to design her wedding dress."

I looked to him, an open smile on my face. "Really?"

He returned my smile. "Yeah — I can't believe we're all so old! Harry and Ginny have another one on the way. Ron and Daphne are tying the knot. Hell, even Blaise and Astoria are getting serious. I saw him pop into a ring shop the other day."

It was surprising, to think things had changed so much over the years. I had started adulthood in a relationship with Ronald, and he was now ready to start his life with Daphne Greengrass — a lovely, brilliant woman, but a surprise all the same. Blaise and Astoria were a match made in heaven; both extroverts with loads of introverted complexities to keep them busy. Then there were Harry and Ginny. At one point in my life, I likened them to my parents, as the perfect couple. Though, as fate would have it, even they had their problems. I admired their love for each other, and their will to make it through even the hardest of times. Not long ago, even Harry had left Ginny, hoping she could forget about him and start a new life for herself, and never once during that time, did I question his love for her.

Harry triumphed, but not everyone would.

"What's on your mind?" Draco asked, noticing the distant look in my eyes, leading us to one of the benches, where we sat and breathed in the crisp, cool air.

I didn't know where to start, nor what to say. The reason I took to counselling was to gain some clarity over past issues and lack of closure, in order to embark on another relationship without the constant compare and without that weight.

"Just thinking about everything," I eventually said. " — about us."

Draco directed his attention forward, where an imminent breeze ruffled through the tree tops and then, through the grass. It was serene, being outside at night, with the moon hovering overhead and with him, right there beside me.

I wondered then, if that feeling was peace.

Being completely and wholly assured, that there was a light, no matter how faint or how distant. It was there.

"Draco?" I asked him, watching as his eyes found mine. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" he smiled.

I mirrored the look on his face, wistful and calm. " — because you're stubborn and you're persistent and you infuriate me more than anyone or anything," I started to say, without waver, watching the raise in his brows. " — but you're also patient, so patient, and so kindhearted and I think, more than anything, you inspire me. Thank you."

It was the natural progression after that, when he leaned down and kissed me, on the forehead and then on the lips.

"Ready to go?" he asked, his lips still hovering over mine.

I nodded, closing my eyes as he Apparated us home.

Six Hours Later

It was distant, the tap on the glass.

I stretched into upright position, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness in the room, careful not to wake Draco. It was around three in the morning, far too late for Harry to be owling me with Auror duties. I thought, for a fleeting second, that Daphne had tapped into bridezilla mode and requested my opinion on something to do with flower arrangements or music, or perhaps Draco's opinion on the decor or the outfits.

But the owl tapping on the glass belonged to neither Harry nor Daphne, nor anyone else I would have expected to contact me at such an ungodly hour.

Resolved to let that poor owl inside and put an end to the tapping, I rose from bed and opened the latch, watching as the Barn Owl soared inside, finding its place on my desk. Its feathers were ruffled and messy, as though it had been flying through most of the night, with haste.

I ran my fingers through the feathers softly, coaxing a sound of approval from the creature, before lifting the roll of parchment from its pouch.

It was a note.

Hermione,

Sorry for the lateness of this message.

I've been doing freelance work in the Northwest Territories, with a couple friends of mine, and through our work, we've managed to track down a person with whom I believe you are closely acquainted.

In other words, I found him.

Signed,

Miguel.

A/N: Thoughts?

Cheers

xo.