Chapter 18 – Revelation

Everyone agreed to keep this new revelation to strictly vampire family, not even Renesmee would be told. Everyone promised to try their best to hide it from their minds in front if her, in case she read it. The least amount of people who knew about Edward and Mari's new-found breed the better. For now it was just them and that's the way they wanted it to stay.

Carlisle spent all his free time scanning the internet for legends and tribes of the same breed, studying their known physics in the hope to discover some way of making an effective contraception. He took ingredients from both Edward and Mari and worked throughout his nights after hunting, combining formulas to prevent cell division.

"Damn it!" He cursed after checking his latest batch of Petri dishes. Esme sighed and placed down a glass of nectar on Carlisle's desk she'd brought in for him. "Why is it so difficult being Immortal all of a sudden? It seemed so easy the first couple of hundred years!"

"Tell me about it. Death has a habit of stirring up problems every few centuries to trip us up, but we have come this far. It won't win this time either." There was one thing Carlisle wasn't and that was a quitter. If he promised to deliver, he damn well would.

"As if they haven't been through enough?" Esme hated what was happening. Immortality should be carefree, no holds barred. Sex for vampires was a huge pastime. They had lots of time to waste and spending hours making love to your mate was a thrilling way to use it. It saddened her to think if Carlisle couldn't invent a suitable way to stop Mari getting pregnant, they could never enjoy the freedom she herself, took for granted. Of course she understood and accepted the process that had led to their discovery, how necessary it was and she would always be truly grateful Mari had saved Edward, but she so wished time was reversible at times.

Carlisle interrupted her thoughts. "These things will keep cropping up periodically. Next time it may be Emmett and Rosalie or indeed Alice and Jasper. Lord forbid even us, we will get through it. We always do." He had to remain positive. As the leader of their clan and father to the family, it was his job.

"I wish I had your optimism. Do you really think it's possible to prevent immortal pregnancy?" Were they grasping at straws?

"I have to remain positive Esme. I won't let this beat us. I won't put our family in danger. Whether it be infant red-eyes or the Volturi." From his Bunsen burner, he lit and destroyed the cells that had failed to remain undivided. He was indeed playing with fire. It was the only way to kill the fast growing cell masses.

Edward spent lots of time with Carlisle in the days to come. Pacing the floors and chatting through why the failures were failures and thinking up new possibilities. This was extremely important to him and Mari. He had faith that science would eventually come up with an answer. A tweak here, an extra drop of this or maybe a pinch more of that. Time from abstaining meant more time to try new formulas. After another failed attempt one moonlit night, 4 days before Christmas, Edward set light to the dish and sighed. "This isn't looking good is it?"

"We will find it Edward, the solution is virtually there, a few tweaks in the atom percentage and we will crack it. I'm sure of it." Carlisle's positivity was the only thing keeping Edward's hopes alive right now. The correct formula was close and Edward had to admit, he'd felt it too.

"Why has my death been so complicated? I mean I always knew I was waiting for someone like Bella! Then I found her, and it only seemed like a blink of the eye and I lost her. I never expected to find another mate that made me feel whole again. Yet against all odds I did. Only to mess it all up and made all this happen." He held up both hands at the situation.

"No one can predict every movement of our existence. We all have what if's. It's the nature of the beast, if you pardon the pun!" Carlisle answered while continuing his work preparing another dish.

"If I hadn't started to refuse nectar then none of this would have happened. It IS my fault Carlisle!"
Carlisle now placed down his tools and walked to Edward.

"Edward, you were lost. You were hurt; we all do things we regret. The key point is we overcome it; you didn't want to live without her. Believe me son I do know what you are going through. You have to move on. These things are done, that cannot be erased. Finding ways to change our future is what we should all strive for."

"How though? I mean, you have led nothing but a happy life. When seeing it through my own eyes it is very different."

"My life hasn't all been happy Edward. I have seen and done some monstrous things in my time; some I am not proud of, some I yearn to forget. Hence why I decided to spend my whole remaining existence helping the sick, doing good to forsake the evil I have lived."

"I can't imagine you ever being evil. I gather you mean your time spent in the Volturi." Edward had always been proud that Carlisle had followed his instincts and ventured out on his own after years of policing the entire coven.

"Then and thereafter. I was the first of our kind to actually want to spare human life. It went against all my beliefs and rules ingrained into the species for many of thousands of years. Imagine bringing that up in conversation with the leaders of the Volturi?"

Edward let out a slight 'haa' sound with a small chuckle. Carlisle continued "I was thrown out, disregarded as part of our kind, alienated. Meeting Esme changed my life completely, she was the only one to support my belief at the time, and she was prepared to fight any clan that wanted to dispose of the idea. Despite all the bad things I'd done, she put all that aside and helped me look forward. She helped me believe I could actually do it, not just want to do it."

"So you knew Esme before you turned her? Like Bella and I?"

"Yes." Carlisle looked mournfully to the floor.

"Did she ask to be turned too?" Edward perched on the arm of the nearest chair.

"Yes..." Carlisle really did understand him. "Like Bella and yourself, I knew as soon as I saw Esme I had waited for her all my existence. The pull I felt to her was immense. Indescribable. Almost painful." His symptoms sounded all too familiar.

"So did Esme ask you to turn her too?"

"We, like you, started courting and I knew she wanted me to turn her. She began begging, but I was reluctant, I kept putting it off hoping she would change her mind."

"Hmm. I know that feeling." Edward nodded again reliving old memories.
Carlisle continued. "Again, like you and Bella, we married and..."

"She wanted to experience love while still human." Edward interrupted with a smile. Half reading Carlisle's mind and half knowing the story first hand.

"In the heat of our first time together my urge overtook my resilience and I bit her." Carlisle's eyes hit the floor, ashamed of the truth. Edwards smile faded too. The silence was now deafening. Carlisle continued again "I'd not bitten a human for a hundred and forty three years. Yet in that split second I lost control. I didn't have the strength I thought I had ingrained in me to resist her. The smell of her blood blinded my self control and the thirst took over. I thought I loved her enough to stop myself, to fight the scent that enchanted my soul. Till this day I feel sick to think of what I did. I regret that moment I agreed to it. If I had been stronger, I would have abstained or fought the urge. The fact you resisted Bella, the fact you controlled your thirst in the most intimate of times, and not only once I may add. That Edward! That makes you an awful lot stronger than you think you are!"

"I'm so sorry Dad." Rarely did he call him that now, but somehow right now, it felt right.

"You see, we all have things we regret. Yes I kept my wife; she died and yet lived to tell the tale. But I didn't want that life for her. She forgave me, which only enraged me even more, because I will never forgive myself. Never. I should never have let it go that far. I should have been strong." Carlisle turned and returned to his working station. "Losing Bella was painful for you I know and I wouldn't wish it on any enemy. Sometimes we have to experience the worst time of our existence to appreciate the best times. Immortality is great for those good times and nothing short of harrowing for the worst times. I'm a firm believer you had to live through that pain to appreciate Renesmee and now Mari."

Edward felt awful for Carlisle. There was still so much he didn't know. So much yet to learn. "Mari told you she would have done it anyway, even if she'd known the consequence. That says a lot about the person she is Edward. Would I have bit Esme anyway if I'd have known it was going to happen eventually? No, I don't think I would have. Both you and Mari are incredible souls. It may be too late for Esme and myself. But I will do my upmost to help my family when they need me. We will find the answer Edward. I promise you that."

Edward swallowed hard, Carlisle's story struck every chord in his body. "Thank you for helping us." his gratitude soft and retrospective.

"You are both more than welcome Son." Carlisle smiled, and silently returned to his work. Turning on his heels, Edward left the room to be met by Esme on the other side of the office door. Edward knew she'd heard the whole conversation and after a brief pause he pulled his mother into a hug. He suddenly felt closer to her as a person, a soul. She was Carlisle's Bella. They had lived this life before. It must have pained them so much to see him relive the life they had. Yet they still stood back and supported them through it all.

No words were spoken between them as they hugged, but a single tear said it all as it ran down Esme's cheek and dropped down the front of Edward shirt.

A mother's undying love for her son.

A/N: Well that was a deep conversation with Carlisle. Who knew? I love the connection he and Edward have, and as for Esme *sniff* Who said a vampire life was easy?

As we come into the last few chapters of Dark Awakenings I want to thank everyone who has read, followed and reviewed it. It will stay with me forever.

Thanks to CaptainClaire3 for being my wonderful prereader for the last half of this story. xx

More thanks to DodgerMcClure, who picked me up halfway and dragged me towards the end. I appreciate all your help. x

Enjoy people. xx

DeathToBeReborn xxx