Disclaimer: I don't own the story of Frozen or any of its original characters, including but not limited to Anna, Elsa, The King, Olaf, Sven, Gerda and Kristoff.
AN: This story takes place when Elsa and Kristoff are 16 years old. Please read and review, I'd love to know what you all think of the story so far and I am open for ideas of where to take the story next. Still looking for an editor!
My body lurches forward, awoken by the sharpness of my dream. My breathing is heavy and fast-paced; my vision is blurry and swims before me. I rub my eyes and attempt to slow down my breathing. I have to calm down or I risk having another fit. I have been good these last five weeks and have not had a single one. My palms are warm and almost sweaty against my face. This is a relief to me, for I still have a chance to calm down before the ice starts to form.
I gently lie back down on the bed, in order to better calm myself. My back screams out, the muscles stiff and aching. I actively slow my breathing down and take long deep breaths. I have to calm down quickly and get out of here. I know why I have the fits of ice after these dreams, it is to protect myself from having a fit of emotion. While that sounds less destructive and dangerous, it is a horrible thing to behold. Sometimes it becomes too much and the ice happens anyway. That is why I have to find the one person I know can help me through this.
Once my breathing is relatively close to a normal level again, I sit up again. My vision has returned to normal and I can see that the room is still dark. Although, since the rains have come this helps me little in determining the time of day.
As I sit and continue to slow my breathing my other senses return to me. I can hear some girls chattering outside, they are most likely dusting or polishing something. It is probably closer to noon than it is to sunrise. Gerda always lets me sleep later when father is away since I do not have nearly as much to do. His stewards are far less keen than he is about taking me everywhere with them. This could have something to do with the fact that they think I am a sixteen year old boy and therefore have not yet developed a good attention span. They are half right and I would rather do anything else on any day.
But on this particular morning I cannot wait however much longer until Gerda comes to my room to get me dressed and acceptable looking. I slowly rise from the bed, taking heed not to go too fast as to dizzy myself. I feel parched, slightly dehydrated and that is not going to help at all in keeping me from getting too dizzy. Once I have reached the wash basin, I drink some of the water. Not very classy or princely, I know, but I am not about to wait around for some pretty little handmaiden to fetch me a glass of water.
I find myself a purple tunic and black trousers and pull them on after I bind myself down. Not my most classic look, but it will do just fine for where I am going today. I tie my hair back and pull on my boots. They are starting to wear down in the heel, I hope Gerda does not notice soon because she will insist upon getting rid of them and I am quite fond of them.
I exit my bedroom, acutely aware of how long I am going to be able to play my charade of mental clarity and emotional stability this morning. I take a deep breath and paste on my best "charming prince" expression and begin walking down the hall. It is the best stride I can muster, given the circumstances.
I can hear the heavy rain outside, it pats against the window sill. As I am walking a short red haired serving girl hands me a hooded cloak, I am assuming to protect my pretty face from the rain. I smile and nod my appreciation at her; she nods back and turns away to go back to whatever she was doing before. I tie the cloak on as I am walking and pull the hood up just as I go through the main gate.
Today there is no crowd awaiting my possible emergence, everyone is inside hiding from the cold weather. Kristoff will not be in town either, so I walk first to the stables, since I do not much fancy walking into the mountains to our cave this morning. I find one of our horses and saddle her up myself, I have no time to wait for any help. I can feel my facade slipping away and I know that I am going to completely lose it before I get there.
As I ride through the town my thoughts slip back to the dream, the same dream I always have. My mother, her poisoned words, and a poisoned knife. I start to feel reality slipping away from me.
Elsa is four years old, the only child from the King and Queen due to the Queen's ovarian sickness. They are in the main hall of the castle with three of the servants' children. The Queen sits at a window, watching something outside and pays no heed to the children. The children of the servants know that Elsa has ice magic and are watching as she conjures for them snowflakes and even whole snowballs.
The children laugh and applaud Elsa and her snowballs and eventually the play turns into a snowball fight. They giggle as they throw the magic snow at each other. One child though aims poorly and a snowball hits the window sill near the Queen.
She turns around ever so slowly, her grace oozing out of her being. Although it is quite obvious to everyone in the room that she is very angry. The children of the servants bow low and run towards the door, just as the King emerges from it.
Elsa's beautiful snow magic turns cold and hard as the fear of her mother takes over. The snow frosts over and loses its shape, crumbling more like sand onto the floor. The tension between mother and child is almost palpable and the King is certainly aware of it.
He walks over to his wife and places a gentle hand on her shoulder. This is not the first time she has become upset with their son practicing magic. He speaks to her, Elsa does not hear the words for the trembling beat of her own heart rings louder. This most mysterious woman that her father called "Mother" and "Queen" was not one to be called "friend". She often grew angry at Elsa, even though her father told her it was good to practice the magic.
They leave the room together, the King and Queen, and leave Elsa alone in the hall. The next time Elsa saw her mother, they were in her father's room and her mother was driving a knife into her chest.
'Elsa!" The voice rings out against the darkness, I am quite sure it is one of the loudest things I have ever heard. I can still hear the heavy pitter patter of the rain, but it feels closer now, louder too. Sight is the next thing to return to me and I am looking up at a dark sky full of storm clouds. The rain is falling on my face, I must be lying down somewhere since I am looking directly up. Kristoff's face looms into view and his eyes shine with worry. I look around a bit and see that my horse is nowhere to be seen. I must have fallen off. The next thing I check is my hands; no ice, but they are cold. I switch my gaze to Kristoff.
"Did I break something when I fell?" He looks almost relieved at my question.
"Els, I'm pretty sure you would feel it if you did." I nod and sit up slowly. I indeed find that nothing is broken but my muscles are certainly unhappy with me.
The last thing to return is my memory of the dream, and the whirlwind of emotions that it brings. I look up at Kristoff and before I can say anything he has helped me onto my feet.
"We have to get out of this weather." He says at the wondering look on my face. He pulls me along through the rain into the cave. I was relatively close when I fell from the horse. He has a fire going. It is then that I realize my clothes are completely soaking wet, even my bindings.
"Why did you come out here, Elsa?" his face is worried again.
"I needed to see you."
He sits me down, wet clothes and all, and holds my face in his calloused hands. "What's going on Els?"
I killed my mom. That is what was going on. She could not handle being a mother to some monster like me and took her own life. But how could I say that to Kristoff? He would never agree with me.
"I had the dream again last night."
His face drops and in an instant he has pulled me close to him and I can feel the warmth of his body.
"Kristoff, I am all wet-" but his eyes silence me. They are full of concern.
"And the ice?"
"Not yet." I say softly.
"We won't let it happen." He pulls off my wet cloak and, to my protest, my tunic. Leaving only my bindings and thin undershirt. He pulls his cloak off, it is still mostly dry, and wraps it around the two of us, pulling me closer.
"Kristoff, what-?"
"You don't have to talk about it Els, I know what you think about your mom. I can see it in your eyes and you have told me what she did to herself. It wasn't your fault; she couldn't handle it and that was her fault." I close my eyes and lean into his chest, I am starting to cry though because I am not so sure he is right about that.
"You were only a child Elsa, it was never your responsibility to take care of her; in fact it was her responsibility to take care of you, no matter what. And she failed to do so. There was never anything wrong with who you are, she didn't do to escape you; she did it to escape her failure as a mother. She was so upset with herself, and didn't think she could ever fix it."
He takes my face in his hands again, and looks deep into my eyes. Through them almost, as if he is looking into the center of my being. "It isn't your fault." Then he does something I do not expect, he leans in and kisses me very gently.