Later that Evening Aurelia sat in her room, alone and in deep contemplation. She felt as if her whole world had just ended and had a sickened feeling in her stomach; her parents weren't her parents, the woman who had taken care of her her whole life was really her mother and she was the product of a viscous and vile crime. She felt repulsed by her own existence with no way of expressing it. She was part of the aristocracy; her upbringing didn't allow for such things and how could you even begin to contemplate a situation such as the one she now found herself in.
She sat in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection and examined every detail about her. She had bright blue eyes like her mother and father, but unlike her parents she had very pale skin and rich honey coloured hair. But then again, Mrs Hughes' hair was dark as well, which must mean…Aurelia couldn't even bear the thought of that man. Any thought to that effect repulsed her and then she couldn't even bear to look at herself anymore.
She flung herself on to her bed and sobbed into her pillow. She was sobbing so uncontrollably that she didn't even hear Cora come in. Cora's heart broke more than it ever had when she saw her baby crying so furiously and so heart felt; she wasn't sure what Aurelia would find most upsetting the truth, the fact that Cora and Robert weren't her parents, or the fact that she was conceived from a vile act, although her compassionate side probably meant that Aurelia was crying for them all.
Cora sat on the bed next to her daughter and held her tightly. This time she didn't try to conceal her tears, she sobbed along with Aurelia for a few moments until Aurelia finally sat up. Her face was tearstained and her hair had half fallen from the clips pinning it up and was absolutely soaked; she could hardly breathe with the distress that she was in, which concerned Cora all the more for her daughter. Whilst Aurelia didn't have the same level of breathing difficulties as an adult that she did as a child, stress and upset could still bring on an attack and could still prove fatal if it went far enough.
She pulled the rest of Aurelia's hair from the clips and stroked her hair soothingly and listened as Aurelia's sobs became less forceful. Her breathing still seemed laboured, but Cora was confident that they had averted at least one crisis.
'Ella I am so sorry you had to hear that, but we had to tell you.' Cora whispered. Aurelia didn't reply but slowly nodded her head against her mother's hold. 'We didn't want to hurt you and you may think that what we've done is cruel, but the three of us did what we thought was best for you and for Mrs Hughes as well.' She added.
'I realise that Mama and I don't condemn you, any of you for what you did. But it means that my life has been a lie and that changes everything about who I am.' Aurelia sobbed.
'Oh darling, no it doesn't. You are the same sweet natured, compassionate woman you have always been. And none of it has ever made a difference to how your father and I feel about you. We adore you, more than you'll ever know.' Cora said as she hugged Aurelia tightly.
'I fell in love with you the second you were placed in my arms. There has never been any doubt in my mind Ella, you are my daughter, my flesh and blood and nothing, nothing, is going to change that fact.' She added.
'Oh Mama, I love both you and Papa ever so much, this hasn't changed that. But how am I ever going to be able to look Mrs Hughes in the eye again? She must hate me terribly.' Aurelia said as she gave a sobbed gulp.
'Believe me Ella when I say the last thing she does is hate you. A mother's love for her child never leaves her, regardless of the circumstances.' That last statement really hit Cora hard. Whilst she held no ill feeling towards Mrs Hughes for being Aurelia's natural mother, it did hurt her to admit it.
The truth was that she never felt as if she wasn't Aurelia's mother; from the moment she had seen Aurelia in her crib in the nursery room in which she had been born, the very same room in which she had been born in fact, at her mother's home. And as a mother herself she realised how hard it must have been for Mrs Hughes all these years, to have watched her baby grow and to be part of her life, but not to have played the role of her mother, to have been forced to keep it secret for what she believed would have been for life.
And the pain for Mrs Hughes had never left her. She had repressed it the best she could but it was always there, simmering under the surface. Now she was sat in her sitting room staring into a black and white photograph of Aurelia as a baby as she allowed her pain to resurface. She had always carried the guilt of what happened, the fact that she could never tell another living soul the truth. Whilst she had been given the opportunity to watch her daughter grow and got to be a part of her life, she had to endure watching as someone else got excited over her taking her first steps, or listen as she called someone else mother for the first time. Yes the pain was as raw today as the day it had happened and an open wound with no signs of it healing.
Even now she wanted to be the one to go to her and comfort her, but she knew that that was never going to be a possibility. She had agreed to her place in Aurelia's life the day she had agreed to hand her over to Lord and Lady Grantham and she needed to accept it and keep reminding herself of it.
She continued to stare into the face of the beautiful baby girl in the photograph, her beautiful baby girl and she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the gentle knock on her door. The first thing she knew was someone trying to speak to her.
'Mrs Hughes are you quite alright?' Cora asked with concern as she watched the older woman.
Mrs Hughes practically leapt from her seat once she was brought back to the here and now and felt ashamed of herself for letting her emotions get the better of her.
'I am so sorry Milady I didn't hear you come in.' She apologised and felt her heart race.
'It's quite alright Mrs Hughes; it's been a horrible day for us all. You have as much right as the rest of us to feel distracted.' Cora empathised.
'How is Lady Aurelia?' She asked with great concern.
'Rather distraught I'm afraid. She's very confused and she feels like she doesn't know who she is now.' Cora explained.
'Perhaps it would be better if I left your Ladyship. It might give Lady Aurelia a chance to build her relationship with you and her father again. With me in the house, I am just going to serve as a painful reminder to her, to you all.' Mrs Hughes explained, but it pained her more with each word she said and took every ounce of energy she had to say it.
'No Mrs Hughes I don't want you to leave and neither does Lord Grantham and Aurelia certainly doesn't want you to leave. I've just been up with her and she's made me promise that I haven't to let you go, no matter what it takes, she wants to make sure you stay.' Cora explained but she had to choke down a sob to prevent herself from appearing unladylike.
'Thank you Milady; but I don't want to stay if it makes things uncomfortable. I knew that when I gave her up to you twenty-one years ago that I had no right to be a part of her life, I agreed to that.' Mrs Hughes said, but with each word she was finding it harder and harder to fight her tears.
'But that's the thing Mrs Hughes, I think anyway any of us can move on from this is if you play a role in Ella's life. I've been giving this a lot of thought over the last few nights and Ella has reacted exactly as I suspected she would. She feels responsible for causing us pain and she's confused about who she is and where she comes from now.' Cora said.
'But what can I do to help Milady?' Mrs Hughes asked quietly.
'I would like you to spend time with her and tell her you hold no ill feeling towards her; give her your reasons for giving her up to us, but most of all, let her know that she is loved, very much, by all of us.' Cora said with a pleading tone that was so unladylike she almost shocked herself and it hurt her to ask the older woman to be part of her daughter's life, but she knew that if Aurelia was still to remain her daughter, she was going to have to make sacrifices to help her, the same as her natural mother had to make sacrifices for her happiness.
'I don't want to drive a wedge between you and your daughter your Ladyship.' Mrs Hughes said, she couldn't believe what she was hearing or that she was trying to back out of the opportunity of being with her daughter, but she knew that she had to.
'The truth is Milady, that if I go there with her just once, I'm not sure that I could put a lid on it again.' She explained and this time she allowed her voice to break and she allowed a couple of tears to fall.
'I realise that Mrs Hughes; and I'm not asking you to do it just the once. Whilst I ask that you and Ella respect me as her mother, I would very much like you both to build a relationship that will be satisfying to you both.' Cora said with the little strength she had left, but this was now about Aurelia and not about her own pain.
'I'm sorry Milady but I'm going to have to sit for a few moments.' Mrs Hughes said as she grappled for her chair behind her.
Cora watched as Mrs Hughes tried to come to terms with the information; she couldn't believe that she was finally going to be allowed to build a relationship with her daughter that was more than servant and master. For the first time in Aurelia's life, she was going to be able to say all the things she had dreamed of saying to her, the things she believed she never would.
'Are you sure that this is what you want Milady?' Mrs Hughes asked timidly.
'I am quite sure. I want to be able to give you a chance.' Cora replied and with that she left Mrs Hughes alone, who was still astounded by the conversation she had just had.