Mrs Hughes raised herself wearily from her chair after several hours of thinking about how she was going to face Aurelia. She had no idea what she was going to say to her or how Aurelia was going to react to her, but she was determined not to get her hopes up no matter what happened. For her sake and Aurelia's she needed to take things slowly.
She made her way through the back passages and up the stairs until she eventually got to Aurelia's room. She steadied herself against the door and took a deep breath as she rested her hand on the handle, knocked lightly on the door, and pushed it open, where she discovered Aurelia already dressed for bed. She was sat in her armchair beside the fire, her face was reddened and tearstained and she looked exhausted. She was far removed from the bright energetic young woman that Mrs Hughes was used to seeing.
'I've come to see how you are Milady; I was wondering if I might get you anything?' She asked, unsure of what to say at first or what was about to come. Perhaps Aurelia wouldn't want to see her now she'd thought it over.
'No thank you Mrs Hughes, I'm fine.' Aurelia replied hoarsely as she sat up a little straighter in her seat. 'I was hoping that we might be able to have a chat about…well about today…' Aurelia began awkwardly before trailing off.
'Perhaps now that I know the truth though, you may not wish to speak with me.' Aurelia said sheepishly thinking that the housekeeper might find the situation too awkward to talk about.
'Of course that is not the case Milady. But I do understand if you would rather have Anna see to you from now on, or one of the other maids.' Mrs Hughes replied awkwardly she hated the atmosphere that was now between them.
'No Mrs Hughes that is the last thing I want.' Aurelia said instantly and with conviction, leaving Mrs Hughes in no doubt that she meant it. 'Why don't you take a seat for a while? I trust you are not needed downstairs?' She added kindly and indicated one of the armchairs in front of the warm, glowing fire.
'No Milady I'm not needed downstairs.' Mrs Hughes said as she did as she was instructed and sat in the chair.
'Good, I am glad.' Aurelia smiled, and it was the first genuine smile she'd managed all afternoon. 'I very much hope that we can disperse with the "Milady" nonsense. You know I have always hated it and it doesn't feel right that you should address me so formally. You must call me Ella and I shan't take no for an answer.'
Mrs Hughes wasn't too sure how she felt about Aurelia's request. Whilst she may have been the younger woman's mother, she had always referred to her with the same respect that she gave the rest of her family and to do otherwise felt like a betrayal on them; but she did indeed do what Aurelia asked and nodded slightly.
'Alright Ella, but only if you call me Elsie; otherwise it wouldn't feel right.' She said with a small smile, and the first barrier between them was broken.
They sat together for a few minutes, neither saying a word to the other; the only sound that could be heard was the occasional cracking of the fire, until Mrs Hughes eventually plucked up the courage to speak first.
'I am so sorry for what you had to hear today Mil…Ella. That must have been very hard for you to sit through.' She said.
'Not as hard as it was for you I'm sure and not as hard as it must have been for twenty years.' Aurelia replied. It felt so very strange to be speaking to the housekeeper so candidly, a woman who had always presented herself with the upmost professionalism, but at the same time the conversation felt so natural between them that it felt that they'd been doing it for years; but the pain that was between them was going to prove to be their biggest barrier.
'Well I don't make any apologies for what I did; I only did what I felt was right for you. Please don't ever think that it was because I didn't love you, because I did…I do; but Lord and Lady Grantham have been able to offer you far more than I ever could have.' Mrs Hughes explained and for the first time in two decades, she allowed herself the opportunity to weep for her loss.
Aurelia had been prepared for tears from both of them and handed Mrs Hughes one of several handkerchiefs that she had.
'Thank you,' Mrs Hughes said as she dabbed at her eyes. 'I'm so sorry; I shouldn't be allowing myself to get so upset.' She added as she felt ashamed of her weakness. She was surprised when Aurelia knelt on the floor beside her and took hold of one of her hands.
'Please don't apologise; this must have been very hard for you and, if I'm honest, it makes me feel a little better to see you so upset, because it means that you care about me.' Aurelia said, her voice barely a whisper as she fought the tears in her own eyes, but they trailed their way down her cheek bones after a few minutes.
'I won't deny that it has been hard at times; but I do care for you Ella, more than perhaps you will ever know. But one day, when you have children of your own, you may be able to understand why I had to do what I did.' Mrs Hughes said as she squeezed Aurelia's hand, which was still clasped in her own. 'I hope you won't think poorly of your parents. They do love you and I have always been comforted by the fact that they never treated you differently to the three girls.'
'I don't think less of them for their actions, if anything I think more of them for it. They could have cast us both out but instead they gave us a chance to be together the best they could; and until today I would never have guessed that I wasn't…well, that I'm not naturally theirs.' Aurelia explained with pride, but with a lot of sadness.
'But this afternoon I have been thinking a lot about me and about who I am. You see, this morning I got up in the belief that I was the daughter of Lord and Lady Grantham and that my sisters were Mary, Edith and Sybil; but this evening, I now know that those things aren't true, which makes me question about who I am.' Aurelia explained as she tried to reason with her own feelings, trying to understand them the best she could.
Mrs Hughes felt her heart break a little for the younger woman and watched her wrestling with her dilemma; it was clear as day in her soft, blue eyes and she didn't really know how to help her deal with it.
'I won't pretend that I know how you must be feeling because I don't. You've had an awful shock today, which I wanted to avoid putting you through more than anything, but if there is anything, anything at all that you want to know, then I will do my best to answer it for you.' She replied with some degree of difficulty, fighting twenty years' worth of tears that were trying to break free.
Aurelia sat back up on the arm chair and glanced up at the woman in front of her, her mother. It was a thought that she couldn't quite get her head around; but for the first time ever she really examined the older woman's face, she was trying to see if there was any resemblance to herself, and she noticed Mrs Hughes' bright sparkling blue eyes, just like her own. She couldn't help but give a small smile.
'Mrs Hughes…Elsie, Lady Grantham is always going to be my mother and I don't want anything to change that, but I do want to get to know you, I do want us to be able to have some sort of, well bond I guess.' Aurelia struggled to say. She didn't want to sound harsh or rude; actually she didn't even know what she really wanted. She knew things would never be the way they were before, but she wasn't exactly sure how she wanted them to be in the future.
'Ella, I have no intentions of replacing your mother. But I would like us to have some sort of relationship.' Mrs Hughes replied.
'I realise now that after all these years, I know very little about you, where you're from, your family, nothing. Is it wrong of me to ask?' Aurelia flustered and Mrs Hughes felt a little taken aback at her hesitation.
Aurelia was a Lady, brought up with the understanding that she should command respect, not offer it; so to hear the young woman speak in such a manner would normally be an alien concept, but Aurelia had never been comfortable with respect being given to her on the basis of her title. She felt it was something that should be earned, not assumed, but then again she had always been so compassionate.
'No it's not wrong of you to ask. You have as much right as anyone to ask; but there are things in my past that I have never really spoken to anyone about, particularly to no one here. So, whilst I don't mind sharing them with you, I would greatly appreciate your discretion Milady.' Mrs Hughes explained tactfully and found it difficult to drop her formal tone. She was not used to speaking so informally to Lady Aurelia, but hoped that she would gradually be able to drop her guard, if she and Aurelia were to successfully build on their relationship at all.
'Of course not Mrs Hughes; I completely appreciate your privacy and will not push you for information. Please don't feel that you have to share everything or anything with me. I want you to feel comfortable, but I also want to assure you that in this room we are equal. I have been giving this a great deal of thought and I want you to feel comfortable with me.' Aurelia explained as clearly as she could, unsure if she was making herself understood.
Mrs Hughes wasn't exactly sure if she knew what Aurelia meant, but she wasn't going to push for further clarification. Perhaps if they just sat and talked, things would come more naturally to them, without further explanation required.
'What would you like to know first?' Mrs Hughes asked and Aurelia smiled, she didn't know where to begin.
They talked long into the night about where Mrs Hughes was from in Argyll, about the croft on which she grew up and the fact that her mother had been a teacher until her younger sister was born; they talked about everything and anything until they were both exhausted.
Mrs Hughes left Aurelia to get some sleep and returned to her living room. The rest of the staff had all gone to bed long ago and she thought she was the only one left up, but as she settled herself behind her desk and glanced at the photo still sat there, Mr Carson entered.
'Mr Carson, this is a surprise; I expected you to be asleep long ago.' She said, her voice sounding tired and hoarse.
'No I was waiting for you. I was worried when I didn't see you.' He replied earnestly and she was taken aback by his comment.
'Well that's nice of you to be concerned Mr Carson, but I'm perfectly well. Lady Aurelia has taken ill so I was with her.' Mrs Hughes explained and felt a little guilty by her white lie, which Mr Carson picked up on.
They had worked together for twenty years and he knew her very well to know when she wasn't being entirely honest; but he didn't push the subject further, but said goodnight to her.
She stared at the door for a few moments after he had left and wondered what he would think to her secret. Of course she could never tell him, her arrangement with Aurelia hadn't changed that fact, but she did wonder how much his opinion of her would change if he ever did know the truth.