* CHAPTER 6 *

The only way to keep their bonkers off my cards and hold onto the remnants of my manhood was to admit defeat, but it was well worth it not to have them reaching over me and humiliating me at every turn. Tail between my legs, I tucked the right column under the left and tried not to think about my odds cutting in half. The day wore on; my confidence grew. By noon, I was bonking with the best of them—fewer cards, but holding my own. So of course, it was time for a monkey wrench to get thrown into the works.

"Who wants a quickie?" the caller asked.

Every hand in the room went up—including Ma's. I shielded the right side of my face to avoid even peripheral eye contact. There were certain things a guy didn't need to know about his Ma.

"You're not playing?" Bella asked.

"Playing?"

She chuckled and shook her head, and before I could protest, Bella grabbed my hand and raised it in the air.

"What are we doing?" I asked her.

"It's a buck a game, one card apiece. They call out a number every five seconds. Think you can keep up?"

I puffed out my chest. "I'm in."

"Good man," she said. "Tell you what, this one's on me." Bella leaned across my spot. "Happy birthday, Esme."

"Oh, thank you, dear. You're too sweet. Isn't she sweet, Edward?"

I wasn't sure what she was, but I nodded and mmhmm'ed. The floor workers came around, passing out cards and collecting money. I watched how Bella and Ma cleared a space for the new card and grabbed a bonker in each hand. Well, no wonder they could keep up and I couldn't.

"Ma, can I borrow one of your bonking things?"

Ma smirked. "You're gonna use two?"

"Yes, Mother. I have two hands, don't I?"

She shrugged. "Knock yourself out."

I stole another glance at Bella's impressive pose—she looked like our chocolate lab Hank just before he took off on a squirrel chase. I lifted my bonkers over the card and committed the first column to memory. You got this!

"Here we go, gang. I-29."

Damn, nope.

"B-5."

"Yes!"

"Shhhh!" This time the shushing came from behind me.

"O-72."

"B-12."

"Yes!"

Whack! Something clunked the back of my head—hard. "OUCH!"

"O-64."

Fuck! Oh! I have that! Bonk!

I made a quick turn to see what had hit me and found an open bonker lying on the ground next to my chair. Yellow, no less. What the—

"N-33."

Checking my card first, I swiveled around to look for a guilty face in the crowd.

"B-11."

I knew without looking that I didn't have that one, so I had a few seconds to search the faces at the table behind me . . . a scraggly-haired, middle-aged woman was glaring at me. That has to be her!

"N-45." Bonk!

I spun around and glowered at the little witch who'd beaned me. She gave me the finger.

"O-68." Bonk! Only one more for bingo!

"B-1." Damn.

"Bingo!"

The call from across the room was met with loud groans from the rest of us. I picked up the bonker at my feet, made a show of setting it on the table in front of me, mouthed "thanks" to the bitch who threw it, and gave her a cold smile topped off with a little salute.

"Making new friends?" Bella was smirking at me.

"Is that normal behavior? Throwing things at people's heads? It's like the wild west in here."

Ma answered for her. "You have to keep quiet, Edward. Everyone's concentrating and trying to hear the caller, and there's a lot of money on the line. You can't be babbling to yourself like a crazy person."

"What? I'm the crazy person now?"

Bella gave me one of those if-the-shoe-fits shrugs, but the next game was about to begin.

* BINGO *

"Here's a Foxwoods favorite, folks . . . you guessed it; we're making the letter 'F'! That's one line down the left-hand side and two straight lines across lines one and three. Everyone ready? Good! Annnnd I-19, I-19."

Bonk!

"N-36, N-36."

Bonk!

Two for two. The adrenaline coursed through my system as I matched five of the next eight numbers. Even though a couple of the squares wouldn't come into play, the odds were piling up in my favor.

"B-6, B-6."

"Yes!" Fuck that bitch behind me; I had my whole vertical and was one away from making my "F"!

"N-43, N-43."

"YES! BINGO!" I jumped out of my seat, bonkers raised to the sky in perfect field goal formation.

Mom tugged on my sleeve. "Edward, sit down! They can see you just fine."

"We have a bingo called on N-43."

"Ma, I got bingo!"

"Yes, dear, we all heard you."

"Um . . . Edward?" Bella was up on both elbows, hovering over my card. "You don't have bingo."

"What do you mean? I have an F!"

The verifier took one look over my shoulder and shook her head. "No bingo!" she called across the room.

Amid the rumble of shunning that swept through the room, one voice carried to my ears, loud and clear. "Nice job, asshole." I could feel the witch's eyes on the back of my head where she'd hit me. I gave my head a rub, extending my middle finger for her.

"What do you mean, no bingo? I have an F! A post and two sideways lines!"

"Sir, you have to go all the way to the O column."

"What?"

"You didn't read the instructions, did you?" Bella chided me, shaking her head and readying her bonkers for action.

"So, wait, am I out of it now, or can I still win this game?"

The floor person leaned in and said, "Officially, you are still eligible, but I really wouldn't advise it at this point."

"You wouldn't advise it? What does that mean?"

She glanced around at the angry mob all around us and spelled it out. "From a se-cur-i-ty perspective."

I stared at her long enough to determine she was dead serious. She gave me a severe nod before walking away, comfortable she'd carried out her official and unofficial duties in the matter.

I looked down at my card. I only needed four more numbers to win. What a damn shame. "Ma, you should take my card. Nobody'd yell at an ol—at a woman of your stature."

Ma raised her eyebrows at me. Whoops. "No thank you, dear. I'll just stick with what I've got here."

"I'll take it, but I'm not trading you," Bella offered.

I twisted in my chair. "So I'm just giving you my card? For nothing in return?"

She blinked at me, unreadable as ever. "If you want." Damn, she really didn't seem to care either way.

I pushed my card into her little bingo temple. "Fine."

Without a word, Bella slid the card into place.

"And we're going again on the 'F' formation. That's all the way to column O, for those of you who might be new here. I-17. I-17."

It seemed like a really great time to use the men's room.

Author's Note: If you want to see a picture of a bonker, Google "dauber." They're basically just big fat paint markers.

NOW...who wants to go play some Bingo at Foxwoods? I think Postapocalyptic and Jill P should lead a fanfic tour group. Could you even begin to imagine such madness? Hmmm, I can and have. We could even have brekkie at the nearby Festival buffet! Yes, I am serious. Let me know if you are and I'll put together a facebook group. Let the mad boinking begin!

Your reviews on this story have me laughing out loud, and I'm so happy if the story has YOU laughing out loud. Guest reviewers, thank you for being here too! I can't reply, and sometimes the guest reviews slip through the cracks because of the way fanfic slides them later, but the ones I'm seeing are making me grin. See you next weekend...and GO PATS!
XXX ~BOH