OUR LIVES, CHAPTER 15: "WORSE THINGS TO BETTER PEOPLE"

By The Binary Alchemist 2012

Five minutes after she left Dr. Knox's office Riza Hawkeye reviewed her short list of items that needed to be attended to for the day.

Item 1: Investigation of the events that occurred during the Presidential Gala.

Granted, no actual harm had been done. The President's life had not been in danger…but that was beside the point. Three members of the team had been detained, delayed, or otherwise caught off guard during the evening. As soon as Jean got back from Resembool a full staff meeting would be scheduled, and Hawkeye suspected it would be conducted in full military fashion in an area far enough from the press and the household staff that might be alarmed at the sound of President Mustang in full-on Bastard Mode™.

Nowadays there was a huge staff of men and women who were paid well to make certain Mustang's orders were followed to the letter. Jean called them HC's, short for High Crapers. "As in, if Mustang says 'Crap!' they ask 'how high, Sir?'" However, the HC's had no control over a non-government sponsored cultural event like the Gala. If Vato Falman could end up locked in a closet full of tubas and nobody looked for him to get him out, the Presidential Team would be the first of many to have their asses dragged over the coals. Hawkeye herself would do some of that raking, but first she would stand at attention in the ranks of her companions and face the fire of Mustang's wrath.

Item 2: Obtain references of the top ten best wedding consultants in Central City.

Gracia Hughes volunteered to assist with finding someone to help coordinate the details of the Presidential Wedding—and unlike the disaster of the Gala would be strictly under Hawkeye's management. "I know I can trust you with this," Mustang had told her. It was not a compliment or a suggestion. It was a direct order. She would follow it obediently to the letter, regardless how she felt about the impending nuptials.

Item 3: Make sure the construction alchemists had finished the details on the children's gift to the President. Nina and Maes had been working on the plans for some time, holed up in the large guest bath down the hall from the Presidential living quarters. Mustang knew they were up to something and there were a lot of energy flashes and even more cursing going on behind the closed doors. Hawkeye was privy to the plans. Mustang would like them….probably.

Item 4: Ed's present.

Had she been a different sort of woman her instinctive response to the gift would have been "ewwww". It was in deep cold storage, in a small tank of liquid nitrogen. Presumably, it would be fine for the time being.

Item 5: Escort the Elrics from the Aerodrome. The President wanted to meet his family, in spite of the security risks. She didn't like it but she would do as she was ordered.

Item 6: Replace the radio in the President's secretarial staff office.

As soon as Mustang heard the "Midday Amestris" hostess Eleanor announce that Donal Samuelson had been replaced by the returning Frank Archer, a spontaneous eruption of sparks caused the radio to burst into flames. The President's comment? "Whoops."

Archer had been out of jail for years, having served only 18 months for his part in the security breach at the Palace 15 years ago when Edward first moved in. His inside informant, a valet named Claude, had been sent north to Briggs mountain under General Armstrong. He had been luckier than he knew. She didn't gut him and throw his entrails to the wolves of the steppes. However, he became involved in some minor intrigues and the last anyone heard the General had stated "He's serving under General Raven". There was something about the odd look on Vato Falman's face when he delivered the cryptic message that made Mustang disinclined to ask further questions.

Archer had been on his best behavior since then, keeping a low profile and penning a series of highly readable "coffee-table books", like "This Gilded Age", "Jeweled Splendor of the Eastern Kingdoms", "Table City: Stairway To The Gods", and "The Lost City of Xerxes". Lots of pretty pictures to flip through and the accompanying text was actually rather entertaining. He had been a guest on Radio Capital several times doing travel segments and no-one, save Mustang, had paid him any real attention.

After the smoke had cleared and the charred remains of the radio hauled to the trash, Mustang had gestured her to his side. "So…Samuelson announces a bid for the Presidency and Frank Archer takes his place at Radio Capital." His handsome face looked shrewd and thoughtful. "Interesting."

"Shall I investigate, Sir?"

A gloved hand lifted in caution. "Easy, Hawkeye. Let's not jump to conclusions…yet. However, keep an ear to the ground and coordinate with Madame Christmas. I want to know what they are up to."

Item 7: Dr. Knox—appointment, 07:00

He had asked her to come in for an examination. "I hadn't heard from you," he told her gruffly. "You were to be contacted."

"I beg your pardon, Doctor. Who was supposed to contact me?"

He began drawing up a syringe. "Are you allergic to Penicillium-type antibiotics?"

She looked wary. "No, I'm not. Is there a reason—"

"Roll up your sleeve, Colonel."

"Not until I have an explanation. Why do I need antibiotics? Have I been exposed to a health hazard?"

After she left the office, she pulled out her notebook, went over the seven items on her list and modified it.

"Item eight," she said softly under her breath. "Kill Jean Havoc."

###

Havoc couldn't put his finger on it, but something was definitely out of sorts with Maes Elric. Something out of character in the kid's demeanor had Havoc on the alert.

Maes was the one who was in a great hurry to get out of Resembool shortly after the reading of Pinako's will the day after her funeral. He'd been fine up to that point, loving and supportive of his mother and step-siblings. Havoc had been smoking on the porch and had overheard Winry commenting that it would be a great time for Maes to move east from Central and open up shop with her at the automail clinic as an engineer. "Granny's left him a nice piece of land. He can build a house there if he doesn't want to move in with the rest of us," she had told Alphonse. "I'm hoping Nina might come too, although she'll probably stay and teach at the Hohenheim."

Sometime after the funeral Maes and Nina had been doing some alchemy out in the back yard. Maes had asked if he could take some material from an old reaping sickle that had been made from a bit of Al's old armor. Winry hadn't minded and so the brother and sister worked together out in the chilly afternoon air with a great deal of secrecy. Alphonse had gone out to check on them and had not come back until much later. When they all met together at supper, Maes was tense and uncharacteristically closed-mouthed and Winry looked very worried.

Havoc was a little worried too. After all, he'd known Maes since he was a cheerful, milkshake-spitting, potty-mouthed rug rat with a penchant for running naked through the palace covered in mud or soapsuds or, on one memorable occasion chocolate pudding and beef gravy. Hawkeye had been more interested in puppies than kids so he'd come to feel like family to Maes and Nina Elric as much as their bodyguard. Now Maes was big enough to beat the crap out of Havoc, and if the dark expression on his face was any indication he was in one of those infrequent foul moods that made Havoc approach with caution.

Havoc offered Maes a box lunch he'd bought at the East City Aerodrome. 'Here. It's better than it looks. Ham on rye with mustard and mayo packets. This one has pretzels, pickles and an apple pie turnover. You hungry?"

Maes waved it away. "You eat it." Nina shot him a sympathetic glance. Ed looked up from his newspaper, frowning. Maes normally would have eaten the lunch, the lunch box and Nina's dessert as well. What was ailing the kid?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ed asked bluntly.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. You aren't eating, you aren't running your mouth and you didn't even say goodbye to your mother or Uncle Pitt or even Alphonse when you tore out of there." He folded his paper and reached for the unwanted box lunch. "Rude as shit. That's not you—that's me Teacher raised you better than that. You wanna tell me what's going on?"

Maes didn't glance at his father. "No…sir."

"You wanna tell your sister? You've been snapping at her all through the flight."

Wide golden eyes darted over, making brief contact with his sister's anxious face. "I know. I'm sorry, Nitwit. I just….never mind." The young man pulled out an electronics magazine and absorbed himself in an article about Tesla coils being replaced by vacuum tube transmitters in radiograph equipment. The magazine was upside down. Maes didn't seem to notice….

When the door of the discreet black staff car was opened by Havoc, Nina slid in and was immediately pulled into a close embrace by her beloved Poppy. Her reserve melted and she buried her face against the front of his heavy winter coat. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm proud of you. Alphonse told me you were very brave."

"I didn't feel brave," she admitted.

"No one was the wiser. That's what real bravery is all about." As Maes climbed in, Roy's arm reached around his shoulders. "Welcome home, son. I know your mother was glad she could depend on you through all this."

Maes gave him a queer look. "She didn't need me."

Roy glanced at Ed who shook his head in an imperceptible 'don't ask' gesture. Roy's head barely nodded. "Well, I do, and I'm glad you to have you back so I can finally celebrate my birthday."

"Yeah, I read about that in the papers," Ed was grinning now as he slapped his lover sharply across the shoulder. "What the fuck was that all about?"

"I'll be very interested to find out," Roy replied darkly. "Hawkeye? Let's go."

Havoc slipped into the front seat beside his lover. She didn't even look at him. He dug in his pocket for a light.

"I hate cigarettes."

Hawkeye's words dropped through the air like the blade of an axe across the neck of a condemned man.

She knows. Havoc felt sick and it was a long time before he broke the silence. "My apologies, Colonel Hawkeye." The cigarette and lighter went into hiding.

So did Havoc's heart.

###

A callused finger chased the last crumbs from the dessert plate and then licked it clean. "At least one of my sisters is a genius in the kitchen." Maes was smiling now, saluting Elycia with a grin that relieved his immediate family.

"Alchemy began in the kitchen, or so we're told." Nina's eyebrow inched up a fraction as she sipped her coffee. "You're passably competent as an alchemist, brother. You might try your hand at the culinary arts. A bit of effort and I'm sure you would be a….masterbaker."

Roy nudged his lover. "I was hoping your scintillating wit might skip a generation." Ed just grinned and shoveled down another mouthful of cake. It was dark chocolate filled with chocolate rum panache and drenched in a bittersweet chocolate glaze. When the fifty golden candles were alight, Ed had observed that if Roy didn't have the breath to blow them out he could always beat them out with his cane. A snap from the President and the fifty flames were smugly extinguished. "You've outdone yourself, Elycia. Consider yourself hired to bake our wedding cake." The young woman blushed and stammered that she didn't have the decorating skill for such a grand occasion. "If that's all you're worried about, you can hire in a sugar artist to add the details if you like—but this, " he gestured with his fork towards his now-empty plate," by itself is as good as it gets. Ed and I don't want a fuss. Whatever you make will be perfect Now then, Ed," Roy turned back to his lover, "Sebastian tells me my birthday present has been hidden in the meat locker since it arrived. I'm going to assume it's not the ice cream, right? What kind of treat do you have for us?"

Edward suddenly choked on his coffee and began to stammer nervously. "It's…ah…well…" he rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. "It's…um…not a dessert."

"No? Then what is it doing in the palace meat locker with the rest of the food?" Roy frowned and gestured for Collins. "Did you bring it down with the rest of the presents?"

Collins nodded. "It's right outside in the hall, Your Excellency. Shall I—"

"NO!" Ed was looking frantic. "I…I mean," he spluttered, "we can…y'know…do this later, right? I mean…KIDS! You've got to show Roy your present! C'mon, they've been working so hard on this project of theirs-"

"Bring it in. Now." Collins bowed, stepped out and wheeled the crate in. A thin mist trailed behind it. Sebastian bowed and offered the President a pry bar.

Maes and Nina exchanged baffled looks. What the hell was their father getting so agitated over? And when the vat of liquid nitrogen was revealed, neither seemed any the wiser about its contents.

There were a pair of insulated gloves and tongs included in the crate. Ed was babbling now. "Uh…really…Roy…you might want to open this-"

"—right now," Roy finished, tugging the gloves on over his scarred hands. "If you're this unnerved about whatever's inside it has to be one hell of a surprise."

And it was.

Gracia peered inside. "What in the world?"

All eyes turned on Ed. He shrugged sheepishly. "Well…..y'know…you said you always wanted a pony for your birthday when you were a kid …so…"

Borrowing the tongs, Nina reached inside and retrieved a stoppered glass test tube. It's frozen contents were milky and opaque. The young alchemist studied the vial with great interest.

"What is it?" Elycia wanted to know.

"Call it…'prepony'." A corner of Roy's mouth curved up with barely restrained mirth.

Gracia looked puzzled. "Or maybe 'antepony'?" Maes suggested.

Nina was counting the vials. "Hmmmm, looks like about a dozen samples of 'forepony'. Maybe 'protopony'?"

"I don't get it." Elycia shook her head,

Maes winked at his father. "Wow, Dad. I'm impressed. Took a lot of…spunk…to…come …up with a gift like this!"

Elycia was getting cross. "I still don't get it. Stop beating around the bush. What is it, sir?"

The word 'beating' sent Maes into hysterics. Nina tossed her brother a look of cool annoyance. "It's equine ejaculate, Elycia. And if I'm reading the labels correctly these aren't from Xing. These came from the Eastern Kingdoms." She was smiling now. "Dad has brought some fresh bloodlines into Poppy's breeding program."

Ed was crimson with embarrassment. "Uh…yeah. I..I mean…what do you get the many who has everything?" His hands gestured helplessly. "Nobody in the Kingdoms would let me take any livestock out of the country…so…well…"

"Let me get this straight, Ed. You smuggled viable horse semen out of the Kingdoms?"

"Yeah. Found an alchemist in Xing who worked with ice."

"How exactly did you get the samples?"

Ed buried his face in his hands. "You really don't want to know. And I really don't wanna remember." He glared at his children. "And for the record—I did NOT gather the samples personally—"

"I'm confident you had a…hand…in procuring it, Daddy," Nina quipped dryly.

"I DID NOT! I found a…there was this guy, okay? He knew how to…collect…"

-you mean you pimped out for a pony, Dad?" He pointed at his stepfather. "And he said you were the morally bankrupt one around here!"

"The guy was Xingese horse breeder, goddamn it! He—he-"

It would have been more amusing to keep needling their father but even Maes knew when to quit. He dug into his waistcoat pocket and pulled out a small box, passing it to Nina, who hemm-hemmed in an attempt to restore order. "Moving right along, gentlemen, Maes and I have two presents for you." She gestured towards the second floor above them. "Maes and I have turned the big nursery bathing room into a Nihonese wooden bathhouse tub. Uncle Al got us the designs." Something flickered behind her brother's expression and his smile faltered. Edward missed it in his excitement. "Uncle Ling quite enjoys his. Maes and I made a few modifications so that—" she blushed prettily "—so that Daddy can rest his leg on some moveable supports inside the tub. He—"

"Are you saying-?"

"-you'll be able to float, Ed." The hot, sly look Roy offered him suggested a world of potentially erotic opportunities that caused sweat to pop out on Ed's forehead. "Can we use it tonight?" he asked quickly. When Maes nodded, Roy rose abruptly and pretended to yawn dramatically, peering at the mantle clock. "My, my, just look at the time. Ladies, no sense in heading out on a cold, wet night. Sebastian will set you up in the guest suite, Gracia—I'm sure the young ladies will want to sit up and talk half the night. Now, if you'll excuse us, I feel like a long soak in a hot tub -"

"Wait!" Maes blurted out. He snatched the small box from his sister and held it out to Roy. "I…made you guys something." He looked awkward. "Nina helped."

Roy opened the box, Ed peering over his shoulder. After a long, thoughtful silence Roy held up a gleaming band of polished steel. The salamander crest had been engraved upon it in a manner that looked like a man's signet ring. "And I shall set your name as a seal and sigil upon my heart, for Love is stronger than Death," Roy murmured, half to himself, half to Edward, quoting the Ishballan Desert Songs from the tattered book of forbidden love poetry that the ancient Sage Rumi had written for his companion Shams the Wayfarer centuries before. Fifteen years ago, before Edward had traveled to Drachma Roy had taken Ed on an unforgettable night ride, whispering the ancient erotic verses as they made love under the early summer moon.

That had been in the first heady year of discovering one another. The flames had not died down since those days, and if Roy had believed in a god he would have given thanks. Instead, he offered silent gratitude to the only saint he believed in. Maes…in the Gateway you told me to stop mourning for you. You told me not to turn my heart into a cemetery. You said I could love—and would love again if I allowed myself to let someone in. Of all the bone-headed ideas you came up with in the years I knew you, that was the smartest thing you ever said to me, old friend. His eyes met Edward's. His fiancée was grinning broadly at another steel band, a larger one which bore a Flamel crest. Remind me to buy you a beer when I see you again, Hughes. "You made them, son?"

Maes nodded. "Nina did the signet details—but yeah. I made 'em out of Uncle…out of the old armor. Piece of it was made into a reaping sickle. Used some of that for the materials."

Roy nodded slowly. Then he passed the ring to Edward's son. "I'll need you to keep this for me."

"Huh?"

"That's the best man's responsibility, isn't it?" A strong hand clasped the young alchemist's shoulder. "There's nobody else I'd want to stand beside me on my wedding day."

Maes instinctively glanced over at Colonel Hawkeye, Surely she would be the one Roy Mustang would choose as his witness on his wedding day, right? He saw her shake her head imperceptibly, as if to assure him she didn't object. "You will stand with me, won't you, son?"

Maes closed his fingers tightly around the gleaming band. "Sure….Poppy." He swallowed hard. "I'll keep it safe."

Nina was stunned to hear her brother call Roy Mustang something other than "Uncle Roy" or "Sir" for the first time in his life. Before she could comment, her father was pressing the larger ring with the Flamel crest into her palm. "You're always telling me over and over that sometimes the best man for the job is a woman, right?" Ed was smiling at her now. "Hang on to this for me…that is if you don't mind standing up with your old man?"

###

He had loudly volunteered to take the night watch, even though he had been traveling with the Elrics and had earned a good night's rest. After all, Havoc reasoned, it wasn't like he could go home. Even if Hawkeye did let him in the icy silence would be more than he could bear. Maybe if she screamed and ranted like a normal woman they might have worked things out. "If she doesn't shoot me, she'll freeze me out. I'm fucked either way."

He was getting a cup of coffee in the pantry when he bumped into a frowning Collins, who was locking the door of the mahogany cellarette after everyone else had retired to their quarters. Davy Collins—another one of Chris Mustang's strays that made good. "Yo, Davy! How's it hangin'?"

The earnest young butler seemed distressed. "Master Maes has made an early night of it, accompanied, I believe, by a full bottle of Dublith Dark rum."

Havoc bit down on his filter tip. "You sure?"

"It is my responsibility to inventory the wine cellar and the drinks cabinet before retiring so that Sebastian can restock it."

" Good way to tell if someone's boozing on the sly, too." Not good news. Maes Elric had no real head for liquor and made the most miserable drunk Havoc had ever had the misfortune to be puked upon by. It didn't happen damned often but when it did nothing good came of it.

"I was going to check on…him." There was very little inflection in those words, but Jean Havoc, so unwise and unknowing about his own hear, didn't miss the subtext. That and after years of considering Maes to be a surrogate family member he had always been aware of the deep, unspoken bond of friendship between Edward's son and the boy who had taken a bullet for him so many years ago. Servant…young master…it meant nothing to Maes Elric. The kid followed his heart and his common sense and Jean loved him all the better for it.

"Nah…he's gonna be puking up his guts. I can handle it." He offered a casual salute to the young butler. "

###

"Don't drink alone, kid. It's bad for your reputation."

The tall figure huddled on the rug before the bedroom fireplace didn't stir, but the bottle at his side was only about a third empty. Maes may have gotten a head start but Havoc was reasonably sure he could prevent a bad hangover from becoming a catastrophic one.

Havoc eased down on the rug beside the younger man and tugged gently at the bottle. Maes released it without argument. "Mind if I…?" Maes shrugged. Havoc took a deep pull, but when someone rapped softly at the door he corked it and put it out of sight. "Yeah?"

"It's me."

Maes lifted his head. In the flickering glow from the fireplace Havoc could see the boy's eyes were wet and swollen. "Come!"

Collins slipped inside, locking the door behind him. As Maes watched, the young butler removed his livery jacket and folded it neatly, laying in on an armchair. He knelt down and slipped his arm around Maes' shoulder. "Maes….look at me." The alchemist's head swayed a little as he tried to focus on his friend's face. "You know I can keep a secret." He glanced at Havoc, who nodded in agreement. "Nothing leaves this room. Tell us what happened in Resembool."

Havoc was snoring on the rug. Collins placed the empty rum bottle in the trash, placed a cushion under his soon-to-be-aching head and draped a spare blanket over his supine form.

On the bed, Maes groaned aloud and Collins had just enough time to get a wastebasket to his bedside before his friend retched miserably one last time before falling back onto his pillow.

"I ain't goin' back, Davy. She can't make me go back there." As he carried the mess away he heard a weary voice in the dark. "Hate her fuckin' guts."

"Bullshit." Collins returned to his friend's bedside. He gently swept the messy fringe back from Maes' sweaty forehead. "You never hated a soul in your life, Maes. "

"I can try."

"Worse things happen to better people. Now shut up and go to sleep. We'll sort this mess out in the morning."

One golden eye cracked open. "What…no goodnight kiss?"

"IF you could brush your teeth without poking your own eye out—which I doubt." Collins leaned down and dropped a swift kiss on his friend's mouth, already slack with drowsiness and reeking of alcohol and vomit.

A surprisingly strong hand grabbed the butler by the collar and yanked him down onto the bed. "All right, all right. Shove over. I'll stay a bit."

"Mrshfgiggnnngrrr….snxxxzzgghhh….snxxzzgghhhhhhhhhh…"

"Love you too."

TO BE CONTINUED….