Once again, sorry for the wait. This chapter was difficult to write, and I'm still not convinced it is good. You be the judge.
The tune Starfire and Robin are referring to is "Can You See Jane" from the Thor movie soundtrack. The violin part of the song is very moving...please look it up on you tube.
Chapter 18
Disclaimer: look at chapter 1
Robin couldn't help the berating emotions washing over him as he stared out the window. Eyes followed the raindrops as they sporadically traveled down the pane, bumping into each other, creating even bigger drops…only to fall and scatter.
Only to become irrelevant once more.
Was that simply the meaning to life? To enter a world, to be pushed along by some invisible force...then cast aside once all is said and done?Was that even fair? Terra had been granted life again...was it fair for this second chance to be spent once again in servitude?
What was Raven really thinking? Was desperation really the driving force behind this long anticipated scheme? Had this Erik been terrorizing Raven for so long, she was willing to sacrifice others like useless pawns in order to defeat him? What other secrets was the sorceress harboring? Who else was she manipulating? Malchior? She gave him life…was it in exchange for servitude? What of Gabe? Wasn't he irrevocably bound to the sorceress….could that too have been by design?
A thousand year old sorcerer and a vampire with an eternal obligation made quite the powerful pair, right? What about Jinx, with spells more dangerous than atomic bombs, and Argent, whose mysterious powers had yet to be classified? Did she befriend them on purpose? Or were they in on the plan from the beginning? Who else was wrapped around Raven's fingers?
Derek? Robin's fingers abruptly stopped their slow descent down the window pane. The young man bit his lip in contemplation, a suspicious look entering his eyes. Could Raven really have manipulated someone like Derek?
No.
That was impossible. Raven loved the man too much…it was painfully obvious. Robin could tell that the sorceress cared about Derek more than she would admit…and she'd most likely keep him out of her plans and schemes. Whatever they might be.
So Derek was obviously out of the picture. At least on that end. Robin still didn't trust the man…he simply didn't like his secretive nature, cryptic attitude and condescending tone. Robin wanted to make sure it wasn't Derek who was somehow pulling Raven's strings.
Didn't she meet him sometime before the shooting incident? How many times had the man come over when she'd finally recovered enough to receive visitors? It seemed he'd been there almost every weekend, with flowers and chocolates... sometimes even playing his guitar when Raven was in too much pain to speak. It was as if only Derek held the key to Raven's happiness.
It made sense...the idea that Derek had something to do with Raven's transformation. At least up until a point. Robin couldn't help but remember that incident in the theater…he couldn't help but remember the pain and Derek's cryptic words.
That incident was enough to know that Derek wasn't the cause…Erik was. And it was possible that even Derek was in the dark about Raven's blank past in Gotham. He probably didn't know anything either. All the man knew was the pain she felt.
Something Robin couldn't even recognize. How long had Raven been suffering? Argent mentioned something a long time ago…was this it? Had Raven really been dealing with Erik for over a year? All the signs were there…and Robin missed every single one.
"Robin?"
The man turned, eyes landing on the tall red-haired titan. When had she come in? Was he so lost in thought that he couldn't even hear her steps? Smiling tiredly, the young man crossed the room and sat down, motioning her to follow suit. "What is it?"
"Raven left again. I think she went to see Derek." Starfire's eyes were guarded and inquisitive, as if she'd been searching for a response. "I guess teleporting has its perks, huh?" A shaky laugh escaped the young woman's lips.
Robin smiled. "Yea, I guess it does. Did she say when she'd return?"
Starfire shook her head, wringing her hands in a nervous gesture. Pursuing her lips, the alien spoke. "She seemed really agitated, and kept speaking to me in French. I know she always speaks to Derek in French, but why?"
Robin ran his hands through already messed up tresses. "Derek is from Quebec, and they speak French there." The young man narrowed his eyes. Derek Beaulieu, the second son of a wealthy investment banker. His file was seemingly harmless, except the mysterious charges of arson, breaking and entering as well as attempted murder before his transference to the Gotham Juvenile Correction Center at the age of fourteen.
All the charges had been cleared...without official court documents of the trials. How was that possible? Who could have cleared such charges without going to court? Even if he was a minor, the Correction Center would have decided on a sentencing of some kind...like community service or even therapy, right? How was he able to graduate from high-school at the top of his class, gain admittance into a community college, and transfer to the California Institute of Technology...with such a tainted record?
"Robin, to be honest...I came here to apologize. It was wrong of me...to do what I did without talking to you. I was afraid you'd hate me, so I concealed the truth..and in doing so, succeeded at the very thing I was trying to avoid." A sorrowful laugh escaped the alien's lips.
Robin's ice blue eyes clouded with regret as he recalled all that transpired over the past few weeks. Fighting back a wave of guilt, the Boy Wonder reached out, quietly wiping away the alien's tears with his shaking fingers. "Don't apologize...I should be saying sorry. It wasn't my place to get angry...you only did what you thought was the right choice. I shouldn't have... ever said such mean things. Can you forgive me?"
Starfire smiled and wrapped her arms around the young man. "I already have. But Robin, may I ask you...will Terra be alright? Sometimes I worry...maybe Raven made a mistake? Or maybe Terra can't do what is expected?"
A sigh escaped Robin's lips as he ran his fingers through the young woman's long red hair. "We can only hope everything works out. Hey, remember that one day, Derek came over and played his violin for Raven?"
The alien drew in a swift breath, jade green eyes wide with remembrance. "Yes, that tune was from a movie...there were tears in his eyes as he played." Starfire sat up, arms pressing against Robin's shoulders and her eyes glowing with excitement. "It was breathtaking...almost as if I could feel a deep sorrow and longing. Then it suddenly changed...and I could sense this-this hope. Yet, Derek cried. Why?"
Robin bit his lip, ears still ringing with the distant memory. Why did he cry? "I really couldn't say. But to be honest, I don't blame him. Somehow, I don't think any of us will be happy once all this ends."
oOoOoOo
"How did you meet Raven?"
Bruce Wayne sighed heavily, placing the small glass of whiskey on the desk quietly. His dark brown eyes took on a brooding look and sadness flitted across the man's rugged features. "I first saw her in this dingy bar on the west side of Gotham. She was a singer."
He picked up a fountain pen, absently twirling the object between his fingers. "I only remembered her because she looked out of place…too young to wear such an enticing dress, too young to be employed as a singer. It confused me…so I kept coming back. Some days I'd see her, and sometimes she wasn't there." The man set down the fountain pen, a nostalgic smile etched into his face. "But God, her voice was amazing!"
In the distance, a clock began to chime, filling the room with a tranquil sensation. How many times had he been in the office, talking with Bruce like this? Countless times…and never had he seen such a face as that! Robin shifted in his seat, masking the uncomfortable sensation that settled in his stomach. "R-really. Um, did you ever talk to her when you went to the bar?"
"I never spoke a word to her…till she tried to rob me one night. Calm down, I'll explain. See, there was a day I'd gone to meet a business colleague and was ambushed on my way back to the car. I didn't realize it was her until she spoke. All she wanted was money… didn't take anything else. I was further intrigued."
Bruce took a sip of the whiskey, a quiet laugh escaping his lips as he narrated past events. Placing his palms against the arms of the office chair, the man sat back, sighing again with a touch of melancholy. "Diana and I found her two weeks later; under one of the overpasses…she'd been beaten pretty badly. We let her go after a day or two, she insisted on leaving and wouldn't take her case to the police."
"There was nothing you could do to stop her? And you couldn't find out where she went? "Robin questioned a desperate look in his eyes. What if she'd been living with Erik and still knew his whereabouts?
Bruce exhaled tiredly, fingers drumming quietly on the arm rest of the chair. "She literally disappeared…I looked away for a few seconds, and turned back to an empty chair. To be honest, I did have a feeling she wasn't completely human…her eyes and hair always fascinated me." The man laughed, a strange sadness flickering in his eyes. "I thought she disappeared for good… then Diana found her several weeks later. Behind that seedy jazz bar, wearing that skimpy red dress…we thought she wouldn't survive the night."
"How did you find out about Erik?"
"Raven had nightmares for weeks…she'd wake up screaming that name night after night. And every time we tried to talk about it…she said nothing. Whatever happened, whatever that man did…she refused to say anything."
Robin gulped, throat dry and scratchy. His stomach filled with dread, and the young man clenched his fists, trying to quell the onslaught of guilt that plagued his mind. Nightmares, Raven? How could he not have known this?
"Ah, know how we eventually identified the man's whereabouts? Raven saw your picture one day…she said your eyes are the same. To be honest, the two of you are so identical…it frightened me."
"Derek, why do you always treat me like this?" Raven's eyebrows were scrunched in curiosity, a shy blush decorating angled cheeks. Her violet eyes stared straight ahead, fixated on the calendar hanging from the wall. The teenager bit her lip as she felt his hands gently roaming up and down her thigh.
Derek laughed softly. "What's wrong, love?
What was wrong?
Everything, Raven thought as she struggled against the man's tight grasp. She hated feeling this way. Why did he always make her feel like a child? Why was she sitting in his lap, with his arms wrapped around her as if she was a hyper toddler?
And maybe she couldn't sit still…it was hard to accomplish such a thing when he kept licking her ear. "Why do you always treat me like a child?" Raven could feel the calm beating of his heart, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, and the composed aura surrounding him. It was odd to be honest, shouldn't he be excited and on edge … he was watching a football game after all. Did he just not care?
The man chuckled. "Princess, you are a child."
Raven shivered as Derek placed a gentle kiss against her neck. "I'm eighteen, Derek. Is six years really that big of a difference?" The sorceress bit her lip, trying to quell the fear rising in her stomach. The sick feeling of déjà vu flooded her memory, and Raven closed her eyes…hoping to block out the memories.
Derek's hands stilled. "I guess it might, to some people. Robin doesn't seem to fancy it. My brother thinks I'm crazy." The man was quiet for several minutes…a contemplative mood emanating from his aura.
Softly he poked the young woman's cheek. "Maybe it's your adorable smile…I always thought it was cute. Or the way your eyes light up when you talk about music." A gentle smile tugged at the man's lips. "Perhaps your incurable chocolate craving...you can't deny your childish nature, can you?"
Raven laughed, eyes twinkling with mirth. "So I act childish, then. Fair enough. Argent says you have a Lolita complex. Do you?"
"What would you do if I said yes?" Derek whispered, lips ghosting over the crook in her neck.
The sorceress froze, a look of horror flitting across her features. She drew in a shaky breath and pushed even harder against the man's grip. Everything was just too similar…The television's constant chatter, the rays of sunlight scattered across the floor. That scent of Calvin Klein cologne…the way his breath heated her skin, the sensation of his lips and tongue caressing that spot on her neck. The gentle grazing of his teeth…sharp teeth.
A frightened whimper escaped Raven's lips and she began to squirm frantically stuttering with a fearful voice, "L-let me go, Erik!" Raven could feel Derek's hands pull away; she sensed the pain in his aura as she slipped free from the man's arms and darted across the room…but why she was running?
Why did she feel so afraid?
Why was she cowering here in the corner, trembling like a leaf in the wind? Somehow, everything had changed... everything was so distorted now. This wasn't Derek's apartment anymore…she was trapped in Erik's mansion, with those accursed window blinds, the television that chattered from morning to night and that wretched smell of his Calvin Klein….the same cologne he always put on to taunt and aggravate her.
Raven's violet eyes darted wildly as she watched the man walk closer… golden orbs had become cold, frigid blue eyes. Erik's eyes…it was that wicked man who stepped closer, his hands reaching out… what was he going to do this time?
A frightened shriek escaped Raven's shaking lips. Clutching her neck with icy fingers, the teenager cried out, "I'm sorry I ran away! Don't hurt me…please don't!"
oOoOoOo
Perplexed.
Derek knelt down in front of the sorceress and could only stare in astonishment when she screamed and curled further into the corner, a string of jumbled apologies leaving her lips. "Princess…" What past memory was she trapped in? What did Erik do to frighten Raven so much?
"Cousin, leave her be." Jessica quietly uttered, her hand gently touching Derek's shoulder.
The man said nothing as he backed away, golden eyes filled with anxiety. Was there really no way to help her? Derek buried his hands in his dark messy hair…he hated this feeling of helplessness. He couldn't bear it…listening to Raven's tormented sobbing. His heart clenched at her tears…could nothing be done? Must Raven suffer…must she go through this torment alone?
"Raven is trapped in the past …she can't sense us anymore." Jessica spoke again, her voice colored with an uncharacteristic blankness. "She needs to find her way back…however long that will take."
Even her face was impassive… Derek couldn't help but notice the strong resemblance to his father. Seeing such a likeness of his father only served to intensify the agonizing headache and the man slumped into a chair, resting his head against the nearby table. A groan escaped his lips, why did his neck hurt so much?
Closing his eyes, Derek fought to tune out the agonizing sound of Raven sobbing, the irritating clang of metal coming from the kitchen and the incessant jabber of the sports analysts as they reviewed the game he'd only been half-watching. How come everything imaginable was so fucking loud today? Who turned on the radio in his room and why was the air conditioning so fucking noisy today?
Glancing up at the sound of yet another pot cover hitting the floor, Derek cursed loudly and slammed his fists against the table, menacing golden eyes trained on his smart-ass cousin. If she was doing that on purpose...
Jessica looked up from the kitchen, setting down the potatoes and the knife with a dull thud. Her eyebrows scrunched not with concern, but with sheer curiosity. An odd smile graced the girl's face as she proclaimed, "You can feel her pain, then? What a strange mind you have, cousin."
Derek glared at the teen. "Yes. Yes I can. And it's so fucking annoying!"
Jessica's eyebrow lifted slightly, and a smug look crossed the girl's face. She set down the peeler and exited the kitchen, sitting down in the chair across the table. "Is it? When she finally goes insane, perhaps you'll appreciate such insight."
"What are you saying?" Derek mumbled, his face once again buried between his arms. Why was Jessica such a know-it-all? Why was she always talking as if she was god? How much more obnoxious did a thirteen year old girl need to be?
"You told me once that aunt had a nervous breakdown like this… some time before the fire, right? Don't you remember what she said? About curiosity leading you down a dark path?"
Quickly Derek looked up, his eyebrows scrunched in surprise. What was with this feeling of dread washing over him? "Yea…she said something about insanity and confinement too. What about it?" Those same words he'd dismissed years ago as meaningless...she'd been adamant about that warning, and he reluctantly promised to be careful. Could one so effortlessly stroll onto fate's path and not realize it?
Jessica's turned, blue eyes taking in the huddled form of Raven in the corner. "Somehow…when aunt mentioned insanity, I don't think she meant you."
"Don't…don't even go there, Jessica. It's impossible. My mother couldn't have foretold the future…otherwise she'd have known about the fire." Derek's voice shook…he didn't even believe his own words. Was she really a seer, like everyone in her old neighborhood seemed to think?
Standing suddenly, the young man crossed the room, moving with determination towards the case of beer resting in the fridge. This was too much, Derek thought as he twisted off the top and downed half the contents of a bottle of Heineken. Could his mother have been the cause of his weird abilities? A tired sigh escaped the man's lips.
So this was why she insisted he was a 'gift from the gods'? To be cursed with these burdensome powers forced to live the life of an outcast...by his own mother? Shaking his head, the man finished the bottle and turned back to the fridge, desperately trying to drown the strange sensation of doom resting against his chest.
Jessica smiled. "You can't rule out that possibility, Derek. Besides, everyone knows that seers can't divine their own future."
Curse that know-it-all voice.
oOoOo
"All freedom comes with a price."
Raven's voice, cold and foreboding, had plagued the man's dreams for weeks. It was a common saying…and yet the meaning had been so muddled back then. Why now, did those words resurface?
Derek pushed away from the table, crossed the room and knelt before the teenager once more. It was heartbreaking…the sight of the woman he loved, crouched fearfully in the corner, flinching away from his outstretched hands. Was this what she meant that day?
This price of freedom…was it really so costly?
Golden eyes glittered with regret. "I always seem to hurt you, don't I?" Drawing a shaky breath, the man sat back, shaking hands obscuring his tears. "Forgive me Raven…I never intended to cause you so much agony." Derek exhaled slowly, as if fighting for composure. Blinking against an onslaught of tears the young man began to speak once more, hands now clenched tightly at his sides. "I want to help, Raven…I want to understand; God knows I do. But why do you hide everything? Don't you trust anyone? Don't you trust me?"
Violet eyes stared blankly, a confused look etched onto the young woman's face. Pursing her lips, the titan turned towards the wall, an anger plastered onto her features. "Don't look at me that way, I beg…don't. "
"Why? You can't keep pushing me away, Princess."
The teen slammed her fists against the wall, still hiding her face from the man. "What do you want me to say, huh? I can't tell you…I can't risk it! So please, just stop!" It wasn't anger emanating from the sorceress' voice. Instead, it was tainted with a strong sense of desperation. Was she begging him to simply drop everything? To forget what he'd seen?
An exasperated sigh left the man's lips. "Damn it, Raven just tell me the truth!" The ceramic mug left his hands, hurtling through the air and crashing loudly against the wall.
Silence filled the apartment.
It was quiet, and yet, so animated… so noisy. The sound of the broken cup, raining upon the hard floor, seemed almost symbolic…a final testament to Raven's fragmented mind. Sanity had long since fled from the young woman…the fragile threads now frayed beyond repair. Irritation and annoyance could be heard loudly, from the incessant and impatient clacking of Raven's nails against each other to Derek's aggravated fast-paced breathing as he walked up and down across the room soundlessly.
"You want the truth." A tired sigh left the titan's lips. "I don't need to tell you that vampires exist, nor do I need to explain their powers and abilities. When I first came here, to earth; I didn't realize Erik was a vampire…had I known I wouldn't have finished high school so fast. How can one be so kind and cruel at the same time? The whole time...I was just this toy, something to amuse him."
The sorceress slouched her shoulders, wearily placing her head against the wall, a shaky breath escaping clenched teeth. A heavy air of exhaustion and despondency floated around her…almost as if she'd given up the will to live. "Do you know what it's like Derek…to feel worthless, unimportant and helpless… to have your freedom stolen with no chance of retrieval? It was then that I finally understood what it meant to be a prostitute. You're worth defined by the highest bidder…but who can determine the price of life? Who are they to decide, to pick and choose those worth more or less?"
Defiantly, the teenager wiped away the lone tears streaking down her pale cheeks, angrily taking in shallow breaths. "There were times, he'd force me to go to these expensive parties…and parade me in front of his people like some conquest. Then again, as the half-breed daughter of Trigon, perhaps I was. I've seen many things, Derek… heard things experienced things…"
The man had ceased from movement, mind struggling to make sense of the excruciating pain emanating from his chest. Whose pain was it? How could something hurt so much? Biting back a groan, the young man slid to the floor…vision now blurry and unfocused.
"Oh, but you wanted the truth. See, Erik…he's tormenting me, punishing me because I ran away. Again. First time… no never mind, it's too painful. Second time, he killed my friend. And almost killed me too. Third time…I won't talk about it. Fourth time, he nearly killed me…and then set me free." A sardonic laugh left the sorceress' lips. "Now he wants me back, and what? I'm just supposed to give in and obey? No, I'm not going down without a fight…and I don't care who gets in the way. I don't care who suffers."
Turning, the young woman's unnerving violet eyes glowed with a dangerous intensity. "But you…I will not sacrifice. I cannot let you, Derek, suffer on my behalf. If Erik gets his hands on you…then I shall kill you myself."
Derek laughed sarcastically. "Perhaps you'd better just kill me now, because I'm not going to fold my hands and watch you fight alone. Not after everything we've gone through."
"Derek… you know, sometimes I wondered if you were real. The way you understood me…it was so dream-like. So enchanting…like a light finally shining through my dark thoughts. You gave me hope…" The titan closed her eyes, a mournful expression flitting across her features. Even her voice was filled with a frantic desperation. Her mind was set…adamantly so. "I don't want this dream to end."
"Raven, look at me. I promised not to leave you, didn't I? Look at me! Can't you see that I meant every word? I want you to trust me Raven, can't you understand?"
Violet eyes slowly turned, the young woman's tearful gaze meeting determined golden orbs. Was this what it meant to see into one's soul? To feel such captivation...to suddenly understand everything? Gently, Derek reached out, fingers wiping away the tears from Raven's pale cheeks. Could she see his soul...was she able to understand, to know just how much he cared?
"I see you."
Soul mate.
Such a strange word. What does it mean? What does it imply? That there are two souls out there…simply waiting for each other? That somehow those two souls must find each other and live happily ever after?
I used to laugh at such stories, used to shake my head when Jeremy insisted they were real… I scoffed at the idea that perhaps I too had a soul mate somewhere waiting for me. It was nonsense, in my mind. How could a half-breed, a being hated by all, have a soul mate…let alone someone to love?
At the time I didn't realize Jeremy was right.
When Jeremy died…I died. It was only when he left how I realized how much he completed me. He was the light in my dark mind…and I thought I'd never be whole again. Was Jeremy my soul mate…or were we simply two friends who didn't know how to live without each other? I suppose I'll never know.
Is a soul mate something fate decides? Derek thinks so. He thinks we knew each other eons ago. That somehow, fate brought us back together. After all, it was impossible to completely separate light from darkness, yin from yang. Just as it was impossible to separate Derek's presence from my mind, and I from his. How could I explain it... knowing his thoughts, understanding his emotions despite his physical absence?
But did all this mean were soul mates?
Since we found each other…aren't we supposed to live happily ever after? Shouldn't we be happily married by now…and traveling to see the world like in the movies? Shouldn't we be free? Why is he in jail, why is he being punished instead of those who blackmailed him? Why am I here, trapped in this god forsaken tower, waiting to give birth to a child who might never know their father?
I don't have that happy ending Jeremy always spoke about…the one full of smiles and laughter. I found my soul mate…only to lose him once more. Was this yet another sacrifice...another price to pay for wanting freedom? Why was freedom so costly? Why would fate be so cruel as to bring us together like this?
Still…I don't have any regrets .
Yea... I watched Avatar recently and after looking up the lyrics to I See You, wrote the last two scenes. When Raven says "I see you" it's figurative...like she's finally understanding him.
In my mind, the bond between Raven and Derek is almost like sharing thoughts. He senses her pain, feels her emotions and thought, to the point of confusion. At times, even he can't distinguish his thoughts and feelings from hers. It works both ways...but I digress.
Please review!
~heartless16