Sara's Secrets

Disclaimer: i do not own CSI or it's characters

A/N: Please review as I am new at writing thank you to my beta

sorry it took so long to update I am in the process of moving

Chapter Two

Outside the Lab

Nick walked Sara to her Denali and told her that he would follow her over to her apartment. Before Nick left and got into his own vehicle he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Sara was speechless. She stood there for a good minute after Nick walked away and got into his own Denali. She shook her head and got into her own vehicle. She was surprised that Nick had done that.

Nick was happy Sara hadn't hit him. She was speechless he knew. There was hope for him yet. When she had talked like that to Grissom, Nick realized that she was indeed over him which had brought joy and hope to his heart. Nick loved Sara.

Nick followed Sara over to her apartment and parked next to her vehicle and followed her up the stairs to her third floor apartment. Sara unlocked the door and they walked into the entry hall, dropping her keys and purse on the table there. She was nervous; she liked Nick and hoped that he cared about her too. After the kiss on the forehead, she hoped he did, otherwise this could put a strain on their friendship. She couldn't lose him as a friend. He meant too much to her.

Nick could tell Sara was scared and nervous. She stared at him for a long moment as he stared at her too. Their eyes locked and the next thing she knew Nick was kissing her. He pulled back to see what her reaction would be and she smiled at Nick; it was okay. So he kissed her again as she brought her arms up and wrapped them around his shoulders. He stuck his tongue out begging for entrance into her mouth which she happily granted. Their tongues dueled for dominance. They finally had to pull apart because breathing became difficult. Nick rested his forehead on her forehead.

"Is this okay?" Nick wanted to know if she wanted this.

"Yes it is. What do you want out of this? Friends with benefits, fling or something more?" Sara was scared that he wanted just friends with benefits or a fling and she wanted all of Nick, not just the sex, which she was sure would blow her mind if he was as good at that as he was at kissing. He had a reputation; he had been with a lot of different women. She wasn't like his usual taste, leggy, blonde with no brains. They may win beauty contests but they were no rocket scientists and, to be honest his reputation scared her. She wanted a real relationship with Nick though.

"Sara I've cared about you for a long time. I've always wanted us to be together in a relationship. I never wanted to be just your friend. I've wanted to be everything to you as you are to me." Nick looked at Sara as he poured out his heart's desire to her.

"Nick I've wanted that too, I just never realized it till recently. I've decided that it's time you were told about my past and after I tell you, you've got to decide if you still want to be with me. I would understand if you don't; part of my past is ugly I'll understand, but first let me make breakfast so we can eat. I'm starving." She went to walk into the kitchen but Nick grabbed her arm.

"Sara nothing you say is going to stop me from wanting to be with you." Nick said, knowing that nothing in her past could change how he felt about her. He wasn't ready to tell her how deeply he loved her yet. He knew she wasn't ready to hear it.

"I hope not, Nick, but we'll see. How do you feel about pancakes?" Sara tried to change the subject.

"I love pancakes. Sara, whatever it is it won't stop how I feel about you and wanting to be with you." Nick smiled at Sara trying, to reassure her.

"Okay. First I have to get down the flour." Sara said talking to herself as she gathered the ingredients for her pancakes.

"Why do you need flour?" Nick asked, curious "Pancake Mix comes in a box."

"Nick I grew up at a bed and breakfast. I make pancakes from scratch not from a box." A box! Sara thought.

"Oh wow, I don't even have flour at my house." Nick informed Sara.

"You don't have flour?" Sara was stunned, she couldn't imagine a house without flour.

"Sara I don't cook. It is easier to order out and have it delivered than it is to cook for one person. You've been to my house. Have you ever seen me cook?"

Sara thought for a minute "Not that I can recall."

"Sara I know how to cook. It's just when it's just me, it's just easier to pick up the phone and have food delivered."

"I know what you mean. There is no fun in cooking just for yourself. Nick would you please get the plates and silverware out and set the table. These are almost done. You know where they're at."

"Okay Sara." Nick got the plates down and set the table.

Sara put the pancakes on a plate and got out the syrup and sugar, putting them on the table as well. They each got a cup of coffee. They ate and talked about movies, Discovery channel, forensic journals they had read recently and work, but nothing about Sara's past.

Nick wanted to hear about Sara's past and why she thought that he would leave her when he just got her. Nothing would make him leave her; he loved her and he didn't want anyone else. He wanted Sara to be his one and only, his girlfriend. He didn't want to just casually date her. He wanted to be in a serious relationship with her, one that would last forever; but he didn't think she needed to know that right now. He knew that they needed to talk about what they both wanted out of a relationship; he hoped it was the same thing.

They finished their pancakes and washed the dishes and took a fresh cup of coffee into the front room. Sara was nervous about what she was going to tell Nick. She hadn't talked about it in years.

"Nick what I am about to tell you I need you to keep it to yourself, you can't tell anyone, not even Warrick. I need you to promise me that you won't say anything to anyone." Sara said with a grave face.

"I promise you Sara I won't tell anyone. This will stay between us." Nick looked at her with a feeling of dread. He had a bad feeling about what she was going to tell him.

"Okay, Thanks." Sara took a deep breath and then started, "When I was 6 my father started sneaking into my room and molesting me." Sara had tears in her eyes as she remembered him sneaking into her room that first time.

"Oh God Sara I am so sorry." Nick was horrified that she had to live through that. He knew how that felt, he would tell her about his own abuse at the hands of a last minute babysitter later.

"When I was nine my father told me he was going to give me a special gift. He took me out on the boat that my parents used for their bed and breakfast guests. He had told my mother that he was taking me out for a ride on the boat alone since his present to me was the boat ride. I had never been on the boat before; he had told her that he wanted some father daughter alone time. My mother thought that was great. My mother packed us a lunch and he took me a ways out on the boat and he raped me. He said he was going to make me a woman. It hurt like hell, but I knew better than to scream. He made me do some other stuff that I hadn't done before that day. He said he was going to teach me how to make my future husband happy. He was going to teach me how to please a man. I hated him after that day." Sara was almost sobbing by now.

"Oh Sara I'm sorry you had to live through that." Nick grieved at what was done to her. He understood where she was coming from because of his own rape.

Sara continued. "When I was twelve, my mother found out about the abuse and she stabbed him as he was raping me. There was blood all over me and all over my room." Sara is sobbing hard as she finished telling her story.

Nick held her in his arms and let her cry her heart out which devastated Nick. Nick didn't know what to say to her to take the hurt away so he just held her in his arms. Sara started to calm down and she continued "You see in my house my brother and I were used to the yelling, the fighting, and the trips to the hospital. We thought everybody lived like that. My parents both would hit my brother. Mom would hit me sometimes, but my brother got it a lot worse than me. Dad didn't like to see bruises on me unless he put them there when he was molesting and raping me. He liked flawless skin. So I was pretty safe that way, but not always. We thought that all families were like that. Dad sneaking in to my room whenever he could. I was his 'special girl' he said but I was never to tell anyone that. I didn't understand why but I obeyed him otherwise there would have been hell to pay. When I was ten I was going to tell on him and I told him so. He said if I told anyone he would start raping my brother and I told him he couldn't do that because he didn't have a vagina, so he couldn't rape him. He took me out on the boat and told me he would rape his ass, and I told him that was disgusting and so he showed me he could do it; he raped my ass. He did it to prove he could do it, but he enjoyed it and it became a regular occurrence. I had no control over what was happening to me. My brother found out about it right after that and started doing the same thing to me. He would come into my room after Dad had left it and he would rape me and make me do other things to him." Sara was sobbing again as the memories came back and Nick moved slowly as to give Sara some time to pull away if she wanted to. He held open his arms and she fell into them for the second time.

"Sara it wasn't your fault, any of it. You had no control over what your father or brother did."Nick took a deep breath. "Just as I had no control over when I was nine and I was raped by a last minute babysitter. I felt dirty and took a shower rubbing myself raw after she was done. I couldn't get clean enough. I'm sorry this happened to you but it doesn't change the way I feel about you Sar." Using the nickname he gave her when she first moved to Vegas.

"Nicky how horrible I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad that it doesn't change the way you feel about me. Do you still want to be with me?"

"Yes Sara more than anything, nothing will change that. I want to be your boyfriend not just date you. I want to have an exclusive relationship with you, I want to be with just you and no one else." Nick reassured her.

"That's what I want too." Sara knew there was more to tell him and he needed to know the rest of it, about her ex-husband and her children. She took a deep breath ready to tell him the rest. "There's more Nicky." He looked at her and wondered what else there could be, wasn't that enough. Sara had been through so much and now she told him there was more.

"What is it Sara?" He asked, scared of what else she would say.

"I got married when I was twenty-three and shortly after the marriage I got pregnant with twin boys.I named them Trevor and Travis. They would now be 8. I got pregnant again I also have a little girl named Jasmine who is almost 7. My husband Peter and I started fighting. He started staying at work later and later, he was irresponsible and wanted to go out all the time but we couldn't; we had kids; we couldn't drop everything and go out. We used to go dancing all the time and clubbing and to bars and parties, and then all of a sudden I got pregnant and we were responsible for three kids and he didn't understand why things had to change. We were fighting about it all the time. And then I found out he was cheating on me so I filed for divorce and for custody of my children. The divorce was granted and custody was given to me with only visitation rights for every other weekend to Peter, one weekend he didn't bring them back. I haven't seen them since. He took my babies, Nick" Sara cried and Nick just held her shocked.

Sara was a mother who loved her children. He wouldn't of ever thought she had children. She never talked about or mentioned them or an ex-husband. Sara had opened up to him about her past. She had been through so much in such a small amount of time. He wanted to help her, but he wasn't sure how to; all he could do was listen and hold her while she cried and to cherish her which he swore he would do every single day for the rest of his life if she let him.

Sara was emotionally drained. "Sara" Nick said getting her attention. "I think you should go lay down, I will be out here on the couch should you need anything. You need to rest."

"Nicky would you mind coming to bed with me and just holding me while I sleep? I need to feel your arms around me. I feel safe with you." Sara pleaded with him.

Nick got off of the couch and held out his hand to her and guided her into her bedroom. He went into her bathroom and got a warm washcloth so he could wipe her face. Nick took the washcloth back to Sara's bedroom and she was already in a tank top and shorts ready for bed. He went up to her and wiped the tear streaks off of her face and the makeup that was smudged and dried mascara that was on her cheeks.

"Nick, I can do this." Sara protested not wanting to appear weak.

"Sar, let me take care of you. I really need to do this for you." Nick requested. He needed to help her in the only way he could and she understood this.

"Okay, Nicky, thank you for everything." Nick finished washing her face and took the washcloth back to the bathroom. He returned to the bedroom and lied down on top of the covers with his jeans still on. Nick didn't want to make Sara uncomfortable by stripping down to his boxers like he did at home.

"Nick, you can take your jeans off and get under the covers. I won't bite, at least not yet." Sara joked with Nick, Sara sobered up and she continued. "and I want you under the covers holding me if that was alright?" Sara locked eyes with Nick as she said this.

Nick got up and took off his jeans to reveal his Don't Mess With Texas boxers, he then took off his shirt to reveal his six pack abs and then he climbed into the bed under the covers and took Sara into his arms. Sara felt safe with Nick and even though she knew the nightmares would come she knew she was safe with Nick.