OUR LIVES, CHAPTER 35: THE TERRIBLE AND THE NECESSARY

BY THE BINARY ALCHEMIST 2014

"I don't understand."

"Shhhh, Tinker…don't-"

"-do you understand, Nitwit? Do you?" He stared after his father's retreating back, noting how Ed's shoulders had slumped and the look of grim resignation as he closed the door of Roy's hospital room behind him.

There was something so sad in the expression on Uncle Alphonse's face. They knew that Al had been spending time with both Riza and Jean, hoping to reconcile them. But both young people had seen Hawkeye shove Edward out of the way when Roy had been shot, clutching him and crying over him. Once everything had calmed down, the two had mentally digested that piece of information. Both of them found it disturbing. When Ed had ushered them out of the hospital room, it confused them. "Roy and the Colonel are going to have a….debriefing. I'm gonna get some coffee. Be right back." He walked a few steps and paused. "He doesn't want to be disturbed, okay?"

In the coffee shop, Ed ran into Peta Lobachevsky, Prince Sheng, Collins and Elycia. Before he could escape, Peta ran up and flung her arms around him, thanking him over and over in Amestrian and in Drachman, while Prince Sheng bowed low. "What the hell-?"

"Al just told us the good news—Sheng Yao and Peta have been offered teaching positions at the Hohenheim," Elycia exclaimed, clapping her hands. "He said Uncle Roy wanted to thank them for helping him, and that you had said that it was a shame that they were not getting a chance to do what they do best because their fathers-" she glanced at the prince, stopping before inadvertently insulting the Emperor, who seemed to regard his talented ninth son as nothing more than a bright administrator and secretary.

Ed smiled faintly and gently extricated himself from Peta's enthusiastic hug. "It's okay, it's okay," he told her. "Besides, you're gonna hate working for me. I'm an asshole. Just ask Ruby. Al's the nice guy."

Collins step discreetly to Ed's side. "Sir….is everything all right? How is the President?"

The smile faded. "He's got something he has to do. Something…necessary."

#####

She had followed Roy to the hospital. She was not surprised that he eschewed the ambulance, riding in his private car, accompanied by his family. Alphonse had followed separately, and she noted that the young Xingese prince and the water alchemist from Drachma had joined him, along with the two Hughes women.

She had settled down in the arm chair in his room, sitting stiffly at attention, and while Maes and Nina acknowledged her, they gave her quizzical looks, as if they didn't understand why she needed to be there.

Edward ignored her completely—until Roy had changed into his pajamas in the bathroom and she bent to gather them up and fold them neatly.

The cold anger in Edward's eyes made her stop. She stepped aside. He shouldered past her, snatched the pile off the floor and he shoved the garments in the drawer, not even bothering to fold them or hang them up. When he turned around, Ed's eyes captured hers, silently daring her to object.

Eventually, Ed drew the curtain around the bed and she heard them talking softly to one another. There was a heavy sigh from Roy. "All right, Ed. Whatever is necessary."

And Edward left, taking the family with him. She looked away when they kissed.

Now they were…

Alone.,,,

"Excuse me. I'll be right back.". Roy headed for the bathroom, and she stopped herself before she asked him if he needed any help.

In the hall outside she heard Havoc. He sounded angry. Alphonse was leading him away, lowering his voice. Should she….?

No. Roy needed her. Ed had left him and gone off with his children. What if Roy needed someone to-

He stood in the bathroom doorway, wearing only his dressing gown. Very pale. Very serious. He crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

For long moments he stared at her. Then he offered her the ghost of a smile.

"Let's talk."

#####

All this goddamned happy chatter around me….these kids….they don't have a clue what's going on.

Something terrible. Something terrible and necessary.

And I really don't care what the hell happens. It won't change us—me and Roy. But it has to be over. This has to be done.

She's my friend. She Auntie Ree to my kids. Roy can't function without her.

That's three times she's broken over him.

She shoved me away from my man—at my own damn wedding.

Roy's always been a free man. He made his choice.

And now….he's going to force her to choose….

"These are the words of the desert poets: 'your task, Edward and Roy, is to not to seek for love from one another, but instead to seek and find all the barriers within yourselves that you have built against it. Let yourselves be silently drawn to the stronger wisdom of what you truly honor in one another. And think not that you can direct the course of this love—for love, when it finds you worthy, directs your course."

The coffee in his cup was cold and bitter. Thankfully, Edward's heart was not.

#####

"Wha….wh…?"

Her composure had abandoned her.

"Come here." He laid his hand on the mattress. "Sit. Please."

Why wouldn't her legs obey her? All her adult life she had been within reach, but he had never reached for her. He had wept over her when he thought she was dying, had held her tightly….and….

….and called her Lieutenant.

Subordinate.

There was a bond between them. Unbreakable. Die for her? She wouldn't doubt it. Did he love her? Yes….but—

How many shades of emotions are there? Where was the difference? What nuance of the heart drew the line between them that said 'this close but no closer'?

And here he was, naked beneath his hospital robe, pale and beautiful and so serious, calling her—finally—to his side. After all these years….

"Riza. Please."

Now he says these words.

She felt sick. Her hands gripped the arms of the chair. They suddenly felt icy and slick with sweat. Everything within her screamed 'move! Move!" She was frozen. If she tried to rise, tried to come to his side she would shatter into a thousand pieces.

Her body was frozen. Her mouth dry as the sands of the Eastern desert. She blinked and stared at him. Those dark brows knitted and there was a desperation in his eyes.

One word, she could manage."Sir?"

"This is not going to go away, is it, Riza?" He rose slowly. She closed her eyes. His naked feet made no sound but she could tell when he was standing in front of her by the sound of his breath and the scent of sandalwood and cinders that clung to his skin. "So I'm giving in."

There was a terrible resignation in his voice. He laid his hand gently on her cheek. It was cold, but it did not tremble. "This is what you wanted. This is what you've thrown away my friend for—a damn good man, better than I am in ways I can't even begin to describe. This is why you literally—literally—came between me and Edward today. I can't let that happen again. I can't let you hurt yourself anymore."

"I'm not hurting myself-"

"—I am prepared to do anything it takes—even this-if it will end it. If you…if I try to give you what you think you want…." His voice trailed off.

She didn't move. She didn't open her eyes. He sighed heavily. "Do you have any idea how important your friendship is—what it means to have to lose it? It hurts like hell. Because if we do this-that friendship ends. Because we will not be able to look one another in the face again. Because this isn't about unrequited love. This is about curing an obsession. If you get what you think you want, I guarantee you will not want it anymore. I love your soul…your strength of character, your courage and your faith in me. I do not love this obsession. I hate what it has done to you. I have never encouraged it. I don't know how to stop it.

"It's my wedding day. I've sent my husband away—with his full consent and understanding—so I can give you what you think you want. And I have to tell you that by comparison, being shot hurt one hell of a lot less that this. But….I'll try. Because of Edward. Because of a promise I made to him, that this obsession of yours will not come between us again.

"Do you remember the day in the underground tunnels with Envy? When I told you to go ahead and shoot….and then I asked you what you would do with your life afterwards? I was trying to hurt you. I was throwing it in your face, your whole obsession with me. It was cruel. At that moment, it was the worst thing I could say to you—and then you told me you'd kill yourself over me. Do you know what it is to live with that burden? Even my husband-my children—wouldn't do that. They know—they know, Riza!—I don't want that. It's insane, even talking about throwing your life away like that.

"Today…that was it. You shoved Ed away from me. You put yourself on the duty roster for my honeymoon. You invited yourself into this room when I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to be alone with Ed—and now I have to send him away, and-"

Tears began to drip down her cheeks. She still wouldn't look at him.

He reached for her hand. "Now or never, Hawkeye. The door's locked. Ed is staying away and I don't think Havoc's coming back….I could be wrong, though. All these years, he's never given up on you…but nobody's going to see. Nobody's going to know. It's up to you. Your choice. Tell me what you want…."

#####

At ten pm, there was a loud crash on the third floor.

At 10:04 Dr. Owen Knox was staring at the wreckage in the hallway. Every guard or soldier within the perimeter was crouching, guns drawn. Nobody moved.

Knox kicked his way through the rubble and broken plaster to stare at the damage.

"There's….a hole. In…the wall." He rubbed his chin, his brain trying to wrap itself around this fact. A fact that should have been impossible. "A hole."

Alphonse appeared at his elbow. "Yup," he nodded.

"Alphonse…there's a hole in my hospital." His mouth was having trouble shaping the words. "Why….why…is there a hole in my hospital?"

And then he was knocked flat on his ass by a flying hospital bed, traveling roughly about five kilometers an hour. Then it disappeared.

Knox struggled to his knees. The bed swung back and flattened him again.

And again.

Alphonse dragged him to safety before any more teeth were loosened by the impact. "This really isn't as bad as it looks, sir…"

Dr. Knox staggered through the doorway. He adjusted his glasses. Rubbed his eyes to make sure he was not hallucinating. Then his left fist connected with Alphonse' jaw.

The massive 226.7 kilo hospital bed was designed to roll. It was not designed for flight. The ceiling joist above his head hadn't exactly been rated as a full load bearing structure. "What the hell-?"

Alphonse clapped the doctor on the shoulder. "It's amazing what an alchemist can do with a little ingenuity and a good working understanding of-" he ducked another punch, "-engineering."

Four feet off the floor, the bed swung to a stop. It appeared to be suspended from hardened steel chains formed from the bedrails, the bedside tray and the President's bedpan

. A grinning, naked Edward Elric stuck his head out from under what appeared to be several blankets and Roy Mustang's hip. He waved cheerfully. ""Hey, Doc! Did all ever tell ya the one about the legendary Xingese Basket Fuck?"

….TO BE CONTINUED…