Chapter 40

Catherine looked around the room at her kids and Evie. All of them had smiles on their faces. She looked back at Steve and she could see that he was nervous. That his face had gone pale. She knew that must had been the reason why the food didn't go to plan. It was then she realised that she was taking a long time to answer him.

"I don't think I can." Was all she said.

Everyone looked quite shocked. None of them had expected her to say that. All of them were positive that she would say yes without any doubt in her mind but this was just confusing for all of them.

"I'm sorry Steve but I can't marry you." She said as she slowly got up from her chair and made her way out of the room.

Steve stayed on his knees on the floor. He wasn't sure what had happened. Over the last couple of months he was sure that things were going well. He was sure that she would say yes because they both felt the same way about each other. He spent some time thinking back over the last couple of months thinking about what he had done wrong. What had changed her mind. In the hospital she seemed so happy to still be with him. The kids were getting on great, they had moved in together. He couldn't make any sense of what had been happening to make her turn him down. He finally got up off his knees and looked at the kids whose faces matched the shock he was feeling.

"We'll be back in a minute." Jay said as he grabbed Chelsea's hand to follow him.

"Dad I'm sorry." Evie said. She wasn't sure why she was sorry or what just happened but she knew her dad was upset. She knew that for some reason Catherine didn't want to marry her dad but even she couldn't understand any reason behind it.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Catherine probably has her reasons that I am sure she will tell us at some point." Steve tried to defend Catherine.

Upstairs Chelsea and Jay had gone into Steve and Catherine's room to find her sitting on the bed. They both didn't understand what was happening. There mom was at her happiest when she was with Steve. They had never seen her that happy at any other time since Steve had came along. Even years ago when they weren't really aware of what was happening she had been happier when she had come home from being out with her 'friend'.

"What happened Mom?" Jay asked. They had both joined her on the bed.

"I just wasn't ready to marry Steve." Catherine said.

"We all know that's not true." Jay said.

"Mom what is really going on?" Chelsea asked.

"Nothing." Catherine said as she got up and walked into the ensuite taking her phone with her.

She locked the bathroom door and pulled her phone out.

"Hi, I'm sorry if I am disturbing you I need to see you..." She started saying. "Can you come and get me." She hung up the phone and walked back out into the bedroom. She had wanted to leave the house as soon as Steve had asked her to marry him but she couldn't drive yet and walking had not been an option.

"Where are you going?" Jay asked.

"My friend is coming to pick me up I am going out for a while."

Catherine made her way down the stairs and out of the front door. Chelsea and Jay watched from the bedroom window as a red car pulled up and Catherine got into it.

"Where did your mom go?" Steve asked.

"We don't know. She said her friend was coming to pick her up and a red car just pulled up and she got into it." Jay explained.

Steve ran his hand through his hair. He wasn't sure what was going on. Catherine had just left without even speaking to him. She had never done that before. He wasn't sure what he was meant to do. He didn't know where she had gone and he wouldn't even know where to begin looking. He decided to settle down in front of the TV with the kids and hope Catherine would come back soon.

Meanwhile...

"Thanks for coming to get me." Catherine said as she got in the car.

"Any time Sista. Are you going to tell me what this is about?" Kono asked as she drove away from Catherine's house.

"It's a long story. I will tell you when I have a beer in my hand." Catherine said. Catherine didn't have many girl friends, she had spent a lot of her time on ships working with men. She had met a few women that she worked with a lot of them she had lost contact with when they moved around in the Navy, they were still friends but too far away to call her close friends. She had a few close friends but they weren't in the same time zone as her. She had called Kono because since Steve had moved back to Hawaii they had became close. When she was on leave they would always spend some time together. Steve always talked about his team and how Kono was a pretty amazing women and Catherine had to agree, she had helped her through her time in the hospital. She was there when she needed to talk about her kids or Steve and never passed any judgement on her.

Kono started driving absent mildly back to Adam's house. She had been spending a lot of time there, a lot more than at her house. She was starting to call it home she just had to stop renting her place and move the last of her stuff in but she never got around to it.

When they got to Adam's house Kono helped Catherine out of the car. "I'm sorry if you were spending time with Adam." Catherine said when she realised it was Adam's house they were at.

"It's fine Adam's got a lot of work to do. I just seem to be spending a lot of time at his house." Kono explained.

Kono got Catherine settled in the living room and went into the kitchen and came back with a pack of beer. "So, what's going on?" Kono asked.

"Steve asked me to marry him."

"What? What are you doing here?" Kono asked not really sure what was going on. She had seen Catherine and Steve together and they were perfect for each other. She wasn't sure why Catherine would want to spend the night with her and a bottle of beer and not with Steve.

"I said no."

"You said what." Kono replied almost spitting out her mouthful of beer. She knew Catherine wasn't the type of girl to have a big white wedding but she had never seen a reason why Catherine wouldn't want to marry Steve, they were perfect together.

"I couldn't go through with it. I thought about it but I just couldn't say yes."

"Are you crazy why not?"

"After last time when I was married and he died, I made a promise to myself that no matter who the guy was I would never get married."

"From what you have told me your last husband died off a drug overdose, I doubt that McGarrett will die of a drug overdose." Kono was failing to see Catherine's logic.

"I know that he won't die like that but he works dangerously ever day and one day he could get killed and that does scare me. But it's not about him dying. Last time when I was married, my life was horrible. We were both happy until we got married. Putting a label on it ruined our life. We both got married because it seemed like the right thing to do and I don't think I want to change our relationship for it to end up like that. I was the most miserable in my life when I was married and I told myself that would never happen again that no matter whoever I ever met I would not marry them."

"Cath, I get that you have had one terrible marriage. But you can't let that stop you. You were young and there were plenty of reasons why your last marriage didn't work. He was a drug user for one. You were both young. You were joining the navy. You had two young kids. There are reasons why it might not have worked. But I didn't know you back then. But I know you now and know that you and McGarrett are happy. Why throw that away? All of these problems would have happened if you two had not got married. They happened because it was your life back then not because you got married." Kono knew that Catherine had one bad experience with marriage but she also knew that her and Steve were made for each other and marriage would not change that.

"I know, I get that I am just over thinking it. But it was the worst time of my life and I am happy as we are. Why do we need to get married. Why do we need to change what we have?"

"Maybe Steve doesn't want to change what you have. But maybe this time he wanted to give you your wedding of your dreams. Maybe he wanted to show you how much he loves you and maybe he wants to show you that he wants to grow old with you."

"You're right. But I think I have blown it with him on the marriage subject. How can I explain all of this to him."

"Exactly like you have to me. That you are scared that things will happen over again. But you are willing to give him the chance to prove to you that it can and it will be different this time. I am sure if you go home and tell him you have changed your mind he won't even care about the reason, he will be happy that he gets to spend the rest of your life together."

"Thank you. Now about you and Adam?" Catherine asked changing the subject. Kono had made her feel better about all of this.

"Things are getting better. Steve, Danny and Chin are slowly getting better with him. They still don't trust him but they trust my judgement enough to be happy."

"I know Steve trusts you, I know he is happy for you and Adam it's just his protective side."

"I get it, Chin and my brothers have always been the same. I know they do it to look out for me. I am lucky to some extent that they all care."

Catherine's phone rang. She knew who it was going to be. Steve, she had suspected that he would call the second she left the house, but he did give her the time that she needed. She still wasn't sure that she was ready to go back.

"I can answer it, if you want. He just wants to know that your okay."

Catherine passed her phone over to Kono.

"Hi boss...yeah she's at mine...no we've both had a drink I will drive her home tomorrow." Kono spoke, she wasn't sure if Catherine wanted to go home or not, but she thought she would give them the space.

"Thank you. I don't think I could face him yet. I am still not sure that I can give him an answer."

Meanwhile...

"Your Mom she has gone to stay with Kono for the night." Steve said to all three kids. "I think it's time for bed for you Miss." Steve said to Evie.

"Okay, see you tomorrow." Evie said to everyone.

"I'm going to lock up and then go to bed. Don't stay up too late." Steve said to Chelsea and Jay.

"What do you think is wrong with Mom." Jay asked. He was trying to figure out what was going on with his mom.

"I don't know. I don't understand either. We are just going to have to see what happens tomorrow."