Sara's Secrets

Disclaimer: i do not own CSI or it's characters

A/N: first story please review thank you to my beta reader I really appreciate your help

Chapter Four

Nick awoke with Sara still in his arms and he is hard. Shit! he thought. That's just what Sara needs, to feel him aroused when she wakes up especially after what she had told him. His member is nestled against Sara's ass and wants to be introduced to Sara. Nick has always wanted Sara but he didn't want to hurry things along and lose her either. He was in this for the long haul.

Nick decides to get out of bed trying not to wake Sara up. He got out of bed and watched Sara for a moment. Then he headed to the bathroom to take care of his problem. He doesn't want to scare Sara off by moving too quickly.

While he was in the bathroom Sara started to have a nightmare. She woke up with a scream, scaring Nick, who has just finished in the bathroom and was washing his hands. He hurried back to Sara. He took her in his arms and held her as the nightmare drifted away.

"What happened, Sunshine? Another bad dream?" he asked.

" I felt safe when your arms were around me but when I felt you leave the bed I had a nightmare. You kept the monsters away last night." Sara explained to Nick, and knew that he understood; when she was in his arms she felt safe and the demons that haunted her disappeared.

"Sara I am sorry that I had to go into the bathroom. I had to take care of something." Nick didn't want to admit what it was for fear of turning Sara off, she had been through enough without adding his sex drive into the equation. He didn't know how Sara was going to handle that. It was something to think about later and something to talk to her about later.

"It's not your fault Nick, the nightmares always come at this time of year. In two weeks it will have been twenty years since my mother killed my father and no matter how long it's been it seems like it was just happened yesterday. I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess." Sara paused unsure if she should say anything. "Nick I know why you went into the bathroom, I could feel you against me and I can see the tent in your boxers. I am not afraid of you and what being with you will entail."

"Sara I want to take this slow, I don't want to rush into things that we are not ready for. I want to be with you, sex is just part of what I want with you; a big part, but just a part of what I want. I want everything Sara. I want to wake up next to you and talk to you and laugh with you and walk in the rain with you just because we feel like it. I want it all with you Sara, you are my best friend and I want that to continue I just want to add to it and be with you in every sense of the word. I don't just want to jump in the sack with you for the sake of having sex. I want a lot more than that. That's why I went into the bathroom I don't want to rush it. I want us to take our time really get to know each other outside of the lab in a romantic sense, not just as friends but really get to know each other. I want to make love to you Sara, not just sex." Nick laid his cards out on the table telling her what he really wanted, wearing his heart on his sleeve.

By now Sara has tears of joy in her eyes at what Nick has told her. She realized she wants the same thing. A round between the sheets would be fun but it would be just sex and like he said he wants more. Sara never thought she would hear Nick say anything like that and certainly not to her. Sara wasn't like the other woman that Nick had gone out with. For one she wasn't a tall blonde and for two her IQ was in the triple digits and his usual dates could barely spell their names.

Sara had been a little concerned about what Nick wanted from her. She should have known that Nick wouldn't just want a roll in the hay. He wanted more and she was very happy at that because she did too; she wanted more than just a night or two with Nick, she wanted forever with Nick and that scared her and excited her at the same time.

"Sar are you okay? I didn't mean to make you cry." Nick is concerned that he said too much too soon. Nick felt horrible for making her cry.

"Oh Nick! No one has ever said anything like that to me before and I am so happy right now. I want all that with you too and it excites and scares me at the same time. It's been so long since I've had anyone in my life that cares about me and didn't just want to jump in bed with me but wants to take the time to really know each other. I've been looking for that all my life. Someone who is there for me as you have always been. You are my best friend. I want to make you happy like you have made me." Sara spoke from her heart to Nick; she thought that she just may be in love with Nick Stokes.

"Sar you do make me happy. I am happier now that I am here with you than I have ever been. Waking up with you in my arms gave me a sense of peace that I have never had. I didn't want to get up I wanted to stay with you, with my arms around you, holding you and when we do make love that's what it will be making love, not just sex and we are not ready for that yet."

"I want that too Nick, but I need to get up and go to the bathroom. If you want to go make a pot of coffee I'll take my shower. Do you have clothes you can change into in your Denali or do you want to go home?"

"I have a bag of clothes In the Denali. I'll get them and take a shower after you if that is okay." Nick has picked up his jeans from the floor and was stepping into them with Sara watching.

Nick was sexy as hell and she needed to go into the bathroom-not watch him get dressed-but she couldn't help it. She wanted to be with Nick but Nick was right; they should wait. "You are welcome to the shower after I have mine. I'll even save you some hot water." Sara told him as she headed to the bathroom.

Nick just smiled. Nick went down to his Denali and grabbed his bag of clothes and headed back up to Sara's apartment. He went in and shut the door. He headed to the coffee machine and, knowing his way around Sara's apartment and kitchen from all the time they spend at each other's places, knew where everything he needs was. He got eggs out to make them omelets. She had no meat in her apartment because she was a vegetarian so he would make do with vegetables in the omelets. He was just finishing up when she came down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. She saw Nick cooking breakfast at 2 in the afternoon. "Thanks Nick." She gave him a light kiss on the lips. She pulled away but he pulled her back to him and really kissed her passionately. They stood there for a few minutes trading kisses. "The food is going to be cold." Sara looked at Nick with longing.

"You are right. Let's eat. Do you know this is the first vegetarian omelet I have ever made? I like meat in my omelets."

"Poor baby. You'll just have to get used to it if you are going to here with me." Sara thought for a minute she didn't like meat but that was her choice but Nick does. She decided something and told Nick "I'll tell you what, you can bring some meat over just don't expect me to cook it. You can have a drawer in the fridge for it."

"You are serious? Sara you hate meat! Why are you willing to have it in your fridge?" A surprised Nick watched Sara and asked her wondering what her answer would be.

"Nick I care about you and you like meat and I hope you are here enough with me that you will be eating here a lot. I want you in my life Nick and I want you to have what you want and you like meat just because I don't doesn't mean you have to go without what you like. So I will clean out a shelf in the fridge so you can put some meat in there." Nick was speechless; He's surprised that Sara is willing to let him have meat in her house just because he likes it.

Nick is surprised by Sara but thinks this is good not because he likes meat but because Sara is willing to do this because it is something that he would like that she wants him there with her. "Thank you Sara. It means a lot to me that you are willing to do that for me. I will clean out a drawer or two so you can have vegetables at my place so when you are there you will have something you like there too. Hey I have an idea let's go to the store and you can choose what kind of food you want to keep at my house and I can choose what I want here. I intend to spend as much time as possible with you. I hope you don't get tired of me."

"I won't Nick, I promise you that. I really care about you and want to make this work." Sara reveals her feelings on her relationship with Nick. She was in it for the long haul if he was too. She trusted him and was willing to do anything to make him happy and if she had to put up with meat in her apartment so be it.

They finish eating and Nick goes to jump in the shower as Sara cleaned up the kitchen. She is surprised at how easy this was, being with Nick like this. Kissing him, him holding her in her sleep, him listening to the horror of what her past was like and not walking away. She was sure any man who knew about her early years would walk away. Her ex-husband who she never told of her past had walked away from their marriage in to the arms of another woman because she couldn't put him first anymore and just drop everything to be with him, to put her children on the back burner, not thinking that someone had to take care of them. She wondered about her children, she missed them so much. She didn't hear the shower shut off or Nick walk into the room. Nick saw Sara with tears in her eyes and wondered what she is thinking about.

"Sar what is going on? What are you thinking about?" Nick was scared that something happened while he was in the shower.

"My children Nick, I miss them so much." Sara sobbed.

"I know Sara. I can't imagine what you are going through. But if it helps I'm here and I have two shoulders you can cry on anytime you want." Nick held his arms out to her and took her and hugged her. She dropped her head to his shoulder. "Sara does anyone else in Vegas know about your children and the fact that they have been kidnapped." Nick figured that Grissom knew.

"Nick; I know what you are asking and, no, Grissom doesn't know I even have children let alone that they were kidnapped by their father. You are the only one I have told. You I trust, I don't trust Grissom." Sara looked at Nick who was looking at her in shock. He thought she would have told Grissom. Maybe her feelings for Grissom weren't as deep as he thought they were.

"Sara, what about Grissom? Are you truly over him?" Nick was concerned about what her feeling for their boss were. Would Nick lose her to him if Grissom made a move on Sara, which Grissom could when he found out they were together. There had always been a rule about Sara being Grissom's.

"Yes Nick. I am. If I wasn't then I wouldn't be here with you, kissing you, and having you hold me as I sleep. I want to be with you Nick not Grissom. Grissom could ask me out right now and my answer would be no. He is too late. He had his chance and he didn't take it. Over the last few months I have looked at what Grissom has done in regards to me and he has hurt me too bad to many times to ever give him another chance. I want you. Please believe me Nick." Sara truthfully told Nick, showing him her heart is with him and not Grissom.

Nick believed her and leaned in and kissed her passionately, showing her without words that he believed her and is happy about it. "Sar I just want to be with you, no one else. I just want to make sure you feel the same way about me. I am very happy you do. So let's get out of here."

"Where are we going Nick?" a curious Sara looked at Nick waiting for answers.

"Well you have always wanted to go to that body farm and a friend of my works there and I can go there whenever I want. I know Grissom has never taken you even though you have asked to go so I thought you would enjoy going there. Am I wrong?"

"No, Nick that would be wonderful. Thank you so much. You are right. I have always wanted to go and Grissom has taken everyone but me there. Even though I have asked many times he just ignored me. He makes me mad. He gives me the shit assignments and won't talk to me even about cases. He isn't being professional at all. That is what bugs me. He can't leave personal stuff at the door. He takes it out on me. I'm a damn good CSI and he treats me like shit. If it wasn't for you, Catherine, Warrick, Greg and Brass I would have left al long time ago."

"Sar let's not talk about Grissom today. Let's just enjoy ourselves and the fact that we are together." Nick knew how Grissom treated her and that was not right but knew no one could do anything about it because he was the boss.

"Okay Nick. What a good idea. Let's go." Sara grabbed her keys and walked out the door with Nick.

Nick took out his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. He heard his friend answer the phone and told him he wanted to come to the body farm and bring his girlfriend, who is also a CSI, with him. His friend told him the passes would be at the gate to the body farm so they could tour the facility. They held hands as Nick drove to the body farm. They held hands all the way through the facility; Sara had the best time with Nick.

After they left the body farm, they went out to eat at a romantic little restraint that served a wide range of vegetarian dishes. They ate and talked and joked with each other and when it was time to leave it was late. They drove to Sara's apartment and Sara didn't want the night to end yet so she invited him up to her apartment. As soon as they entered, Nick kissed her passionately. They kissed till it became difficult to breath. Nick put his forehead against Sara's. He breathed in her scent, just happy to be with her like this. He never thought it was possible that he would be with Sara like this. He softly kissed her.

"I don't want this night to end. This day has been so perfect. First waking up with you in my arms, to the body farm and dinner. This is what I have always wanted; to be with you like this. I've wanted to be here with you like this since I met you but you were hung up on Grissom and I didn't think you would want to be with me, so I did the next best thing I became your best friend, as you became mine." Nick looked Sara in the eyes as he said this to her. He saw tears in her eyes, and he knew theywere tears of joy not sadness. He could tell because of the radiant smile on her face.

"Oh Nick, I wish I would have known before this how you felt." Sara was regretful of all the time she wasted on Grissom when she could have been with Nick. Nick made her feel things that no one else ever had before.

She felt like her past and what her father and brother did doesn't matter. Nick understood what she went through and didn't see her as damaged; he really cared for her and wants to be with her. She had not really had someone care for her in so long it wasn't funny. Nick showed that he cared for her and she really appreciated Nick. She thanked God that he came into her life, she didn't know that she needed him like this in her life till he was there.

"Sar, at the time it wouldn't have mattered. You were hung up on Grissom. You needed time to get over him before you could let me into your life.I understood that and so I waited for you. It was worth the wait, you are worth the wait! I promise you that."

"Oh Nick, thank you. You mean so much to me and I don't want to lose you." Sara put her hands on his chest and leaned in so she could gently kiss him on the lips.

"You never will Sara, I 'm here for you and I always will be. I want to be with you more than anything, I have waited for you for years, I am not letting you go without a fight." Nick drew in a deep breath before he continued.

"I don't want to go anywhere else or be with anyone but you, Sara, you mean so very much to me and I wouldn't have it any other way." Nick honestly told her without really telling her that he loved her and has for four years. Since the day he met her he has loved her and wanted her and knew she would never love him, never want to be with him. Now she is and he is going to do whatever it takes to make her happy, to make her feel like he cherishes her and loves her. Nick now knew she had very little love in her life except for her children. He wanted to know more about them but after last night and this morning he didn't want to press the issue. She had cried enough for now and he knew she would cry when she told him about her missing children.

"Nick, you mean so much to me too. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. You are the only one I trust completely, which is why I could tell you about my father and brother and what they did to me. I've never told anyone as many of the details as I told you yesterday not even my counselor knows all of what they did to me. I couldn't tell her but I could tell you because I trust you and I care about you very much. I would like it if you would stay with me tonight, just to sleep. I want to feel your arms around me again. i feel safe when you hold me." Sara wondered if she was asking too much of Nick.

"Okay Sara, I would love to." Nick just wanted to hold Sara in his arms as they slept. They went to bed. Nick pulled Sara into his arms after Sara went into the bathroom to change into her tank top and pajama bottoms and Nick had stripped down to his Texas flag boxers. He got into bed and was waiting for Sara when she came out of the bathroom and headed for her side of the bed. It seemed natural to slip into bed with Nick. Nick pulled her close to him wrapping his arms around her, pulling her to his chest and spooning behind her. He lightly kisses her on the cheek and they fell asleep like that.

please take a minute and review I am new at writing and would appreciate your comments Thank you