I know. I said I was going to try and update weekly, and after this chapter, I will, but I just felt bad about giving you a short chapter, not that this is much longer but it give you the other half of the meetup thingy.

Thank you for the reviews and favourites/follows so far. Keep with them. I love knowing what you think about my story. This is an especially big deal because this is not from a script, it's all my own and I am so self conscious of it it's unbelievable.

So, I'll be posting a new chapter Thursday or Saturday next week. Probably. Since I have more time, I should be able to get it done, so don' worry about that.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the newest chapter. This is my favourite at the moment. I got way into it. Aufwierdersehen.

Edited 30/September/2014

Chapter 2: A Seesaw

All through homeroom, Ally and I had the strangest looks directed at us. It made Ally duck her head like she usually did and I switched between glaring, and looking at my desk in submission. Even though I didn't like the looks, glaring would only attract more attention than I need. I still don't want people to know my secret, its bad enough John does, and although it's not my main priority right now, it's a close second.

I didn't really listen in homeroom, it wasn't anything important anyway, it was just road call and some notice announcements, but I didn't need to listen to them because it was usually about a club, and I wasn't in any of them.

It wasn't until my name was called did I tune in to listen. But it wasn't the teacher, it was a girl. A girl I didn't really know, I mean I'd seen her around but I didn't know her name, and it made me frown in confusion. How does she know my name? Better yet, why the hell is she speaking to me?

"So, Alka, that's your name right?" She didn't actually give me time to respond before her light toned voice spoke again, "Why were you walking with that nerd this morning? And why are you sitting next to the mental chick?"

Did she seriously just say that to me? I don't fucking care who she is, but she does not get to say that to anyone, no matter how different they may appear to be. Also, why does she even care about who I spend my time with, she doesn't know me. Sure, she knows my name, but she doesn't know who I am so she doesn't get to ask me that. Such a bitch. Tell her then, tell her exactly what you are thinking, who cares if it draws attention. You stand up for friends, don't you?

Faintly, in the background I could hear the bell chiming, signalling first lesson, and I could feel Ally tugging my sleeve slightly, I could even hear the other people in the class whispering about how I was going to start crying. It didn't happen.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

My voice didn't sound sorry; I think there was amusement leaking out of it instead. My words and perhaps tone, made the girl in front of me splutter, but she quickly regained herself and stuck her nose in the air.

"I just thought you should know that hanging with those losers is stupid, and no one is going to notice you and want to be your friend because of it. You're a nobody, no matter who you hang out with. And now, you're a loser as well."

Everyone around seemed to hold their breaths at my response, even Ally had stopped tugging my sleeve, but she never let go, instead she held my sleeve in an iron lock. I was kind of glad for her grip, it seemed to ground me.

"Oh, well that's not quite right is it? You've noticed me. However, I'm not trying to get attention, popular to what you believe; I rather like Brian and Allison. I'm happy to be a loser rather than a bitch who tries to break people down with her words. So, let me give you some advice honey." I paused for dramatic effect, and rose to my full height, which made me tower over her, "I suggest you stop bullying whoever you fancy, or trying to bully, because no one likes that sort of thing. It isn't funny, you aren't funny. So be a good girl and kindly fuck off and don't tell me who I am. Thank you."

I smile sweetly at her, before grabbing my bag, and Ally's hand. I shrug at the teacher on the way past her desk, and calmly step through the door.

No one was around for the most part, probably because the bell had run a little while ago. I stopped walking and turned to Ally who was looking at me dumb struck.

"What class do you have next?"

She didn't answer, she squeaked, so I took that as 'not what you have' and patted her on the shoulder before walking away and shouting back at her.

"I have math. See you at break Ally-pop!"

I didn't wait around to see if she replied, I just walked towards the math department, and hoped I wasn't too late. Luck wasn't on my side. Damn. As soon as I get friends, I'm suddenly late, and getting into 'fights'. I mean yeah, I do some mildly bad things that get me detention, but never do I get noticed by the student body, and I am never late to class. Fuck.

I gather my wits as I step into class. Every eye turns on me, and I really wish I was exaggerating but alas, I'm not. From looking around the room, I find Brian in my class. I didn't know he was in my maths; then again, I sit on my own and don't pay attention to anyone but my work. I smile over at him, before I look back to the teacher who is looking at me expectantly. So I sigh and speak with dread.

"I'm sorry I'm late ."

"And why are you late Alka? You never usually are."

"Do you really want to hear it, it's nothing fascinating sir, and I'd rather get on with some math. No? Ok, bad suggestion." Coughing slightly, I rub my throat as I speak. "I was having a verbal fight with someone in my homeroom."

He doesn't say anything, just rolls his eyes –rude- and points towards my seat, which I make my way over to, all the while smirking.

Maths is boring. We're going over revision material because our exams are not that far away now. I'd rather be learning something new opposed to something I already know, but I guess that they want to make sure we know everything so we don't fail our tests, because I'm pretty sure the teachers do not want to hold us back a year.

Urgh, even though I think math is boring, I'm thinking about the subject! I seriously need better thought patterns because they are getting so old. Then again, what else is there to think about, other than the dreaded, what will happen next thing?

What will happen next? I sure don't know, and I'm unsure on whether I want to find out. I mean, there are 4 of us together so far, we've chatted and acted like friends despite the constant staring we seem to receive, but that was to be expected from the single minded baboons. I don't know where John is, he's probably avoiding us or something similar. I can't believe I even let him make me think he was going to hang out with us, with me. Better not get ahead of myself though; he could just be coming in later or something. But, if that is the case, what about Claire? I am not fooling myself to believe she's going to hang out with us because she even said she wouldn't. I know I did, but I have proved that my statement was wrong, and I'm happy to be seen with them, but Claire, she's probably worried about her image and what her 'friends' will say about her rather than actually finding good friends that she can count on.

Woah, I have seriously changed my tune. Am I ready for this? Better yet, is this actually what I want?

The answer to that thought is unknown, but I'm going to have to be because it's not fair to them if I back out.

Anyway, Claire, yeah, I doubt she'll stick with us, and if she does, it won't be for long. Though, I was surprised about Andy, I really didn't think he would so blatantly ignore his wrestler mates and talk to us. Talk about a shock. I'm happy he did come over though, because I'm happy he's actually letting Allison have a chance to be with him, rather than him just ignore her in favour of popularity.

I'm not entirely surprised about Ally and Brian because they admitted they wouldn't do that, and it's nice to know they weren't just playing around or something.

John. That's who I'm worried about rather than Claire because if he does ignore me I am going to break, because that is the first time I have ever opened myself up and told someone that I'm dying. Maybe it wasn't the best idea since I hadn't known John for long, and I didn't know if he was joking me around but he seemed genuine, and he knew me from before. He remembered me from before. I guess the only thing I can do is wait till he shows up, and hope he doesn't leave me alone.

I swear I sound desperate. Maybe I'm so starved of affection I've become desperate for any kind of social touch. What? It could be possible.

Sitting at the back of the class has its advantages, for one, I can get away with daydreaming or thinking for the whole lesson like I am now, and two, he hardly ever picks on people at the back. Or maybe he doesn't make me answer questions because he knows I know the answer, maybe he knows I'm like super smart. That'd be the day.

Drifting away in my head is easy, and it's much better than the material world. In my head I can be whatever I want to be. I can be a dancer, or an artist. Or maybe even a photographer! But outside my head I have to prepare for my last breath, and that's something no person should ever have to do because no matter what you do, in the end there will be something you wished you had done but also something you regretted. It's how we humans are, at the end of life, you question your meaning, and if what you did was enough. I don't think anyone's ever gotten an answer. But maybe I will get...Wait a second... I'm being poked.

Crawling back out of my head, from where I had burrowed myself in, I see the teacher in front of me, but it's not my Math teacher, no. It's my homeroom teacher. Oh fuck.

"May I speak to you outside Alka? Bring your bag; it's nearly the end of the lesson."

I don't say anything, just nod at her and pack my belongings away before handing my roughly done work and stalking out the room.

I can't bring myself to look at because I know she'll have that classic 'I'm disappointed in you' look. It always got to me; it reminded me of my father too much. Not that she looked like a man; it was just the way her look was directed solely on me.

"Alka... What happened? You're always so quiet."

"Well maybe I was sick of her saying stuff that shouldn't be said."

"Everyone is entitled to their opinion."

"Yeah? Well that's my opinion. She shouldn't have said any of that; she picked on them for no reason. On me. She's so far up her own arse she can't see right from wrong..."

" !"

"It's true, I'm not going to apologise for stating my opinion miss."

"A little less of the vulgar language and it's perfectly..."

Suddenly, it's like I've walked into a tunnel, as her voice gradually fades until I don't hear anything else she's sprouting, all I feel is a familiar pound in my head, getting steadily faster as the seconds pass. The urge to vomit isn't far behind. And just like that, I know I'm doomed.

God no! No. Calm down. Calm down Alka. You are completely fine. Just stay still, don't vomit. Suck it back up. Push the headache away. Get rid of it. It's easy. Go. Please go. Oh. This is worse than last time. What's that tingling sensation? Is... Is that my arm? I can't feel it! What?! Oh God, calm down. Don't freak out. Don't puke. Don't pass out. Just calm down. You can do it, it's easy. Forget the pain. Forget. Shhh. What's that noise? Bell. Bell! It's the bell! Omg. Run.

"Ahh, sorry miss, time for class. Bye!"

I've already starting running away from her half way through my sentence, so I don't know if she heard me but I don't care as I race down the hallways, bumping into others, and dodging some. When I finally get to the library, I race towards the bathroom, quickly lock the door and puke my guts out right in the sink. Ew. Well, it's the next best thing.

I just keep vomiting, it's only acid coming up, and not before long, there's blood coming too. I know there are tears running down my face, like little rivers because it hurts. It burns, and when it finally stops I do nothing but pant heavily, trying to fight the weak feeling I have brewing inside of me.

I don't look in the mirror this time because I know I'll find a sweaty pale girl staring lifelessly back and I just can't handle it right now. I don't want to handle it. Because it's real. And it's only just hitting me.

There's no way out. I'll be 6 feet under soon and no one can do anything thing about it.

I've already started the pity party. I hate the pity party. I hate pitying myself but I can't help it as I ask that stupid question. The question that everyone asks, but no one ever gets the answer they want.

"Why me?"

And I scream it, scream myself hoarse in the sanctuary of the library bathroom, hoping that no one can hear me way in here.

There's blood pounding in my ears as I try to catch my breath. But that question is still ringing in my head. My headaches making me wince. And I feel the strong urge to vomit, so I jump towards a stall and choke on the acid but still, that question, it's there, right in front of me. Why me?

I never asked for this, I know no one ever did but why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to suffer, and watch as I wilt away while others bloom? It's not fair. When my mother died, that wasn't fair, then my dad leaving me to deal with an illness I didn't even understand, that was anything but fair, and now, me, I'm dying every day. It isn't fair. Nothing was ever fair.

I've come to terms with dying. I know I have to die. Life begins and then it ends. That's just how it is but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I want longer. Is that so selfish? I've hardly had a life. I have a limited amount of months and it's not enough. There's still so much I want to do.

I'm lying on the floor now, by the toilet because I can't bring myself to stand up. I still feel weak, and the pity party isn't helping. I feel tingly everywhere now, and I can only hope it disappears or something because I'm honest to God scared.

I don't think I've ever really been scared of my illness, not truly anyway. But right now, knowing that I could lose feeling in any part of my body, that my brain could stop working at a second, is making me cry. I want my mum. But she isn't here and my dad, he's gone. Why is no one here?!

I just want someone. I need someone.

I don't know how long I lie there for; I'm so numb I don't hear if the bell has gone for break, or even the next lesson. I just lie there, crying over my horribly short life and thinking of the memories I cherished the most.

My memories are short, and I finally start to feel again. The ache of my joints from lying curled up on a ceramic floor, the pain swarming my head with a slight harsh ringing, the horrible burning feeling that travels down my throat.

I force myself to get up, to stop crying, and to suck everything back up because it's not helping. I need to live my life, try and accomplish something, anything that will make me feel happy. Maybe that's all I needed, happiness rather than just surviving.

I flush the toilet before heading towards the sink, I grimace at the mess, and it's drying up so I run the water and get some paper towels before I rub off the mess I made. I feel like vomiting but I just swallow it down because it's different this time, I don't want to vomit because of my head, I want to be sick at the sight of my own vomit. Lovely indeed.

After I've scrubbed it off, I drink some water from the tap, rinsing my mouth thoroughly, trying to get rid of the God awful taste. It doesn't work so well, but I have some gum in my bag so I take a stick a chew.

While chewing, I finally look in the mirror to see what the damage is from crying. My eyes are red and swollen, puffy looking really, and I cringe at the sight. Everyone will see them. Maybe I have some shades in my bag. I riffle through it, before I come up with my Aviators.

I slide them on, run my hand through my hair, and check the time.

Oh shit. It's nearly Lunch. Oh shit. Oh shit. I am so dead. OH. Man. I missed break with the others. Bugger all.

I don't have time to continue my thoughts as the bell for Lunch sounds. There's nothing I can do about it now, and I've done this before, granted I managed to pass it off as some stomach bug and go home, but I'm sure I look ill enough as it is.

Unlocking the door, I peer out, searching for any students, before I speed walk to the library emergency exit, which leads to the fields.

There are already people out mucking about, tossing a football around, prancing about and such, so no one really notices me as I make my way across and to my locker.

It's hectic inside. There is whispering and gossip flying from everywhere, and I only manage to catch snippets.

"Did you see them together? So weird."

"How do they even know each other? I mean, who would want to hang out with him?"

"Can you believe Claire?"

"All 5 of them are losers."

It's the last 2 that strike me as odd, but as I make my way to my locker I find out what the gossip was really about, and I can't help but feel stupid because I should have known it was about them. All of them. Brian, Ally, Andy, John... Claire.

There they are, standing casually, talking to each other like they've known each other their whole lives.

Each expression they hold is different. Brian's face is shining, he looks happy. No, it's more than that; he's over the moon to be talking to them. Claire's face has interest deeply woven into it; she looks happy nodding and making small comments here and there. But the thing that gets me is, she doesn't look fake. Ally is smirking, and I can see the jumping about she does as she squeaks her answers, while Andy, he's just staring at Ally with a smile on his face, his eyes are lighter than I've ever seen them, and he's talking animatedly to everyone, even though his eyes never stray too far from Ally-pop. John's face doesn't show much, less than the others, he's got a glint in his eye, like he's disappointed, but then he catches my eye, and they change. You wouldn't notice if you didn't want closely like I did, but they light up ever so slightly, as he smirks and winks in my direction, making the other 4 look over at me.

I don't move. There's a little voice in my head saying I should move but I can't make my body work. It's like I've frozen, almost like this morning but different because I'm debating if I really want to do this. Until today, I hadn't really thought about fairness and how long I really have, but now I have, do I really want to put them through that just to gain happiness myself?

I keep changing my mind. It's like a God damn seesaw. One minute I need them. Then the next I'm hesitating to even be with them.

I don't know what to do. I need to give them a solid answer, a solid action because I can't do this to them. It isn't fair.

There's that word again. Fair. What's fair and what's not? Don't they deserve a chance to be my friend, to be there for me? Or do I just forget about them and hope when I die they don't grieve?

Everything's slowing down, and I'm still standing there, staring at them, contemplating about what I should do, what choices I have. Their faces have shifted by now, they look confused, hurt even.

I look at the ground, before I turn away slowly, retracing my steps till I get to the Nurse's room.

No one stops me as I walk from school. No one notices, I hardly notice but I take a long even glance back to see the 5 of them, looking over me, but the only person who seems to have a knowing look in his eyes is John.

But they don't stop me, and I disappear across the road, and out of sight.

So there you have it. Leave a review or something. Thanks for reading dear followers.