Chapter 4: I'll tell you Something Old

Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright.

I walk up the stairs of the school saying this mantra in my head, hoping with all I'm worth that its true.

I'm panicking inside as I search the hallway for the others, looking past all the students that don't even notice me, until I spot them. Near Brian's locker. Each of them stands, not even caring about the looks they are getting, chatting happily, but it soon fades as they see me making my way towards them. I don't know if that means I should turn away and give up but I don't do that, I just continue on, as bravely as I can before I stop in front of them, my mouth trying to form words before one word escapes.

"Sorry."

I'm not looking at them as I speak, I can't make myself do it but when arms wrap themselves around me I gasp.

It's John's arms that have wound themselves around me, and it makes me feel immediately safe. Makes me confidant enough to look up from the grey speckled floor, and look into their faces and see the smiles aimed my way.

No one says anything for a beat, until Claire opens her mouth, her voice unusually quiet as she speaks.

"It's alright, I don't know what happened yesterday, but if you're here today, then it's okay, because we're friends now."

I'm glad her tone is sincere, and even friendly. I smile back at her, as she silently beams at me. Out of everyone, I wouldn't imagine it being Claire that spoke out to me.

I begin to splutter as everyone greets me. All I can really say is that, I never knew they could be so nice, and I wonder where they were hiding this so called friendliness.

After greeting me happily, they continue their conversation; as though I've been here the whole time, and as I listen, smiling at the banter, I feel a hand squeeze my waist from where they have been resting. John. He leans down and whispers to me.

"Everything okay now?"

I don't reply, instead I nod and reach over to wrap one of my arms around his waist because I need someone to hold me, really hold me and he does so willingly. He's my anchor.

I hear mutters as we do this, from the surrounding students, and I can hear them picking me and John apart, picking us all apart but I don't care. As long as I have John within my grasp, and this cheerful talk, then I can ignore whatever comes my way.

It doesn't take long for the conversation to turn though, to what happened to me yesterday. And though I know they want to respect my actions, they have to know because I was fine in the morning and then just, horrible to them after. So really, I don't blame them for being curious.

"What happened?"

It's Andy who asks me, as John takes hold my hand. He's the only one who knows and I can't even begin to explain to the others, because I don't trust them yet. But, I feel bad for not telling them anything. So I begin to speak, I ramble a lot but I get my point across fairly well. At least I think I do.

"I don't really know where to start, but I guess I panicked yesterday, and I know it's not a good excuse, but it is the truth. I panicked when I saw you all, looking at me, expecting something from me that I never expected from myself. I just froze; I didn't like feeling like I was trapped. I have reasons for being so closed off to everyone, and that's why I acted as I did. I didn't mean to, but I just couldn't handle it. I can't tell you my reason now, it's not something that you should have to be burdened with, but maybe one day I can freely tell you. But for now, all I can say is I am sorry for any confusion I caused, and for panicking."

They all nod towards me, and I sigh in relief before Claire begins to grill me, mildly mind you, and I don't really think she realises she's being so upfront about it, but I don't stop her because I know I would be curious too. Plus, being friends, you have to put up with them don't you?

"Is it really that bad?"

"Who else knows?"

"Why's it a secret?"

The questions bounce completely over my head, as she rambles question after question, but her questions are cut short as Brian nervously breaks in.

"Bender knows doesn't he?"

Burning bright red, I turn to John, with an eyebrow raised, and a scolding on the tip of my tongue, but before I can even speak, Brian continues, with the input of Claire, narrating the story of Lunch yesterday.

"Bender was the one who said you had a lot on your plate so we shouldn't be too harsh on you..." Andy cuts in, slightly bumping Brian's shoulder in good will, "Yeah, and we wanted to know why but he wouldn't say. He would just be cryptic and say that it's not something he can tell, only you can, and that it's not your fault that you did what you did because you panicked for some reason about the whole thing. So John knows?"

I'm saved by the bell from answering, literally, and I gravitate towards Ally and drag her with me as I call back, as casually as I can, my goodbyes.

I sigh in relief as we walk around the corner, away from sight, but the sigh falls deaf as I see Ally looking at me with a stern stare, and against my will, I feel my head tip down as though I am a child being scolded for coming home messy.

To my curiosity, Ally doesn't say anything; she nods and pats my arm before continuing to walk towards art.

I don't move from that spot for a while, all the while thinking, that I'm lucky my new, friends, are so understanding. Or at least they know when to stop asking questions.

I shake my head to dispel the thoughts and run to catch up with Allison, and I grin widely for the first time in a long time. It feels like a weight has been lifted, and even though it may be temporary, I don't care.

I will enjoy this for as long as I can, I promise Mama.

With that I walk into class, my head held high, despite the mutterings from my classmates, and sit down casually next to Ally and begin to have a conversation with her, waiting for the teacher to walk in.

"I never asked, did you have a good weekend Ally?"

She doesn't seem like she's paying attention, as she focuses on a doodle, but as she turns her head slightly, and up twitches her mouth, it gives me all the indication I need to know she is listening. I jump slightly though, when she actually speaks to me. Not just squeaks, or nods, but speaks.

"Not really."

"Oh, that's not good. We should hang out next weekend, maybe me, you and Claire. A girl's day out or something like that. I've never had one before; I bet it would be fun though."

"Sure."

"Really, you wouldn't mind?"

"Don't you have detention though?"

I freeze for a moment, completely forgetting the fact I had one more detention to serve next Saturday.

"I completely forgot! Oh man, maybe we could go out Sunday then? Stupid Saturday detentions, already ruining my new social life."

"Do you want me to come?"

I stare at her in shock; she isn't suggesting what I think she is... Is she?

"To detention?"

"Yeah."

"Oh no, no, I couldn't let you come to detention for no reason!"

"But we could hang out, and it's not like I have things to do."

"But... Well, I suppose it is a good idea. You can teach me to draw like you do, and we could talk more. You wouldn't mind, John will be there too."

"Yeah, that's okay."

Out of instinct, I wrap my arms around Allison and squeeze her tightly, muttering my thanks to her. She flinches at the sudden touch but relaxes and hesitantly pats my back. I pull back grinning and softly say to her.

"It's a start."

And as if she knew our conversation was over, the teacher comes in rattling off our tasks to complete in the lesson, but I hardly pay attention as I smile at the thought of really making a true friend in Allison. I just hope all the others are as friendly.

Suddenly, I'm broken from my thoughts at a nudge, and I look towards Ally to see it's the end of the lesson. I swear, these go by so quick, especially when I space. I gather my stuff, hoping to get out quickly before the teacher can grill me about doing no work.

I successfully run from the classroom and wait for Ally to come out, which she does, and I smile at her, and begin rocking on the balls of my feet.

"What lesson you got next Ally?"

"Drama."

"Oh, tough luck, I hate that lesson. Mine are full of complete morons who hardly know who Shakespeare is. God. But hey, it's better than science, I hate that thing even more. Good luck though; I'll see you at break?"

She nods and I skip off in delight. Woah. I feel so giddy.

I knock it off before I get to my classroom as I notice the odd looks I am getting from the other students, before, coincidentally, I find Brian standing in front of the same class I am participating in.

"Brian? You're in this class with me too?"

Brian, to put it lightly, is startled by my voice that much I can tell. And I snicker at his reaction before I smile at him as his cheeks become red from embarrassment, and he rubs the back of his neck, as though it is a nervous twitch.

"Yeah, I'm in a couple of your other classes as well."

"Really? I am so sorry; I've never even noticed you! Not in a mean way though, not at all like that..."

"That's alright; you always seem dazed in Science, like you aren't paying attention to anything around you."

"I do?"

"Yeah, you ignore everyone and just work silently. Like in a lot of the other classes."

"Oh, I sound really anti-social. Sorry."

"It's fine. I get it."

I smile at Brian, he's so nice, and I want to actually pay attention to him, rather than just ignore him. I mean, he might get the wrong idea if I continue to ignore him even though we are friends. A light bulb dings above my head, or I feel like it does, as I race a single finger in excitement before I relay my idea to Brian himself.

"How about we work together if we have to do an experiment?"

"You'd be willing to do that?"

"Willing? I want to. I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't."

"Thank you."

"Brian..."

I'm interrupted by the teacher unlocking the door and letting all the waiting students file in. I grab a seat next to Brian quickly and begin to take out my books.

It takes a few minutes for everyone to settle down, before, finally, the teacher, speaks of volcanic eruptions and how natural disasters like that really happen, and why. It's not an overly interesting lecture, but it's when he speaks, half an hour before the lesson ends, that interests me fully.

"For the rest of the lesson, I want you to get into pairs and pick a volcanic eruption or earthquake, or a general natural disaster to present to the class. You need to write about the happenings, and describe the process in which how it happens, as well as the casualties that were caused. I want diagrams to be included, and I don't want you reading right from a sheet of information. Any questions?" There is silence for a couple minutes before he continues, "Good, off you go. And this needs to be ready for next week Thursday, but I want something solid by this Friday at least."

Immediately, I turn to Brian grinning, which he returns to my surprise.

"So, Brian, be my partner?"

"Of course."

"Ah, thank you. So kind. Anyway, what do you think we should talk about? I don't know many natural disasters."

"I know a few tsunamis, but maybe we should do about Mount Helena, the one that erupted a few years back. We'd still have to research a lot about it but it was interesting to read about, and I doubt anyone else will do it."

"Yeah, I remember hearing about that. Okay, Mount Helena it is. We should probably start with splitting the work load so we can get it done quicker."

"The people I work with usually make me do everything."

"No way, Brian, don't worry. I won't do that. I like researching, and plus you are only a half of this team."

"You really catch me off guard Alka."

I blush at the comment but shrug it off and begin to make a list of what each of us could do, all the while speaking aloud to Brian.

"Well, if you research the volcano itself, and the resulted casualties, I can draw the diagrams, and research more on how the eruption happened, even though they did all those tests. If we come across anything we've missed, we can just add that on and pile all our research up together and see what we need to include."

"Sounds good, do you mind if I get the statistics?"

"Not at all, it's probably best; I always get mixed up when numbers get involved."

Brian just chuckles at me as the bell abruptly shrills into my conscience. I jump wildly which Brian openly laughs too, making me pout while packing away my items.

"Where are we meeting them Bri?"

"My urm... locker?"

"Oh. Are they going to fix that anytime soon?"

"I don't know, Principal Vernon hasn't gotten back to me about that, but I didn't really expect him to."

"Ah, good ol' Rick. Never does much does he? Ha. Are you still using my locker for the other baggage you carry around?"

He looks sheepish at this as I point to his bulking bag that looks like its heavy.

"I wasn't sure if it was okay since you left in a hurry yesterday."

"Oh..."

I guess that was my fault, making him doubt my offer. Why am I such an idiot, I really need to sort my thoughts out before I just blurt out meaningless garbage that will no doubt hurt all these people.

"Sorry about that, but you can use it. I offered didn't I?"

Punching his shoulder playfully, we walk down the hallway to the exploded locker and find everyone but John waiting for us. I wonder where he is. On second thought, where's Claire as well?

Ignoring that thought I bound over to the other two, Andy and Ally, and pat their heads in a silent greeting before I greet them aloud.

"Hallo my new friends. What a lovely day it is. I'm hungry though. Anyone got an apple. I crave one so badly for some reason."

All 3 of them chuckle at my behaviour before Andy reaches into his bag a pulls out a red apple. My favourite. I reach to grab it and bounce slightly.

"Thank you! You are a life saver."

Andy raises an eyebrow in response.

"A life saver am I?"

Munching on the apple, I reply quickly, "Yes!" before I take another chunk from the apple and chew happily.

We stand there chatting about our classes, and weekend plans when John strolls over, looking slightly pissed off while Claire trails slightly behind him. It's when I look at Claire that I see something is wrong, her eyes are slightly red. She's been crying?

I step towards Claire and grab her arm gently, making her look at me and smile weakly.

"What's wrong man?"

Andy's voice is hesitant, but still strong, though I doubt he really wants to sound weak to John, of all people. Anyway, John huffs angrily in response and tugs his scarf.

"Just some dildos. Got a bit mouthy at Claire."

And just when I thought things would be alright, but no, people had to ruin things for us.