Sorry this one's late! For some reason is didn't post properly. Next chapter will be posted on Friday, I swear!
Constructive criticism welcome!
*WARNING- Some self harming and some tipsy Wincest!
Enjoy!
Sam entered the bathroom, carefully closing the door behind him. He exhaled harshly, trying to calm his nerves. Getting undressed was... Difficult at best, panic attack inducing at worst. He slowly pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it at his feet. Now for the hard part, his pants and boxers. He took slow, deep breaths in an attempt to distance his mind from what was happening as he gently unbuttoned his jeans.
He flinched at the sound of the button unsnapping as memories of Zepar doing the same thing assaulted him. In a desperate attempt to make them stop, to calm himself, he brought his wrist up to his mouth and bit down. Hard. There would no doubt be a bruise as he tasted just a bit of blood from the harsh bite. The pain halted the memories and the tension in his shoulders faded away.
He heard the bathroom door hit the wall and spun towards the sound, yanking his wrist out of his mouth in time to see Deans wide, shocked eyes. "What the fuck were you doing, Sam?" The demon asked in shock. Sam averted his gaze in shame, this was one of those things he never wanted Dean to find out.
"Answer me Sam, why the fuck were you biting yourself?!" Dean snarled, his shock turning to anger. The hunter stayed quiet, keeping his gaze averted. Dean stormed up to Sam and grabbed his arm, looking for the evidence.
Sam flinched at the sudden touch and leaned away from Dean. The demon groaned as he saw Sam's self inflicted mark. "Why did you do this, Sammy?"
The hunter ignored him and attempted to pull his arm away and leave the bathroom. The demons eyes turned black as his anger turned to rage. He pushed Sam against the wall, caging him in with his arms.
"I've had enough of your secrets. You're scared of everything, you're depressed, now you're self harming and you still won't talk to me?! You better tell me right the fuck now why you did this." He growled through gritted teeth.
Sam winced and cowered at Deans aggression. "I'm sorry. I-I needed to." He whimpered. "You wouldn't understand."
Dean grabbed Sam's chin and forced the hunter to meet his black eyes. "Try me."
Sam gulped at the sight of Deans demon eyes glaring at him. "I-it helps." He stuttered softly.
Dean closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, relaxing his emotions enough to get rid of his black eyes. When he opened them a few moments later they were back to normal. "What can biting yourself possibly help you with?!" He snapped.
Sam stared at the wall behind Dean as he quietly replied, "The panic attacks. The pain from biting keeps the memories away."
The anger in Deans eyes softened a bit. "Why did you need to bite yourself just now?" The hunter stayed quiet, not answering. "Tell me, Sam. Now." The demon demanded.
Sam sighed, "Unbuttoning my pants. The sound reminded me of all the times... Zepar did it." Dean dropped his arms and took a step back to give the hunter space, all anger gone from his face. "I'm sorry, Sam. You know he can't hurt you anymore, right?"
Sam nodded, "I still have the memories, Dean."
The demon sighed as he wetted a towel and gently ran it over Sam's bite mark. "I know. You'll probably have them for a long time." Sam winced a little from the pain in his wrist.
Dean tossed the cloth in the sink. "I'll let you get back to your shower."
Sam shook his head, "It's okay, I think I'll take one later."
Dean watched Sam as he went into the kitchen. This kid was turning him into a freakin emotional pansy. The demon went into the living room, deciding they both needed space from each other.
Sam found the bottle of tequila and got out two shot glasses. He filled and downed them both before pouring two more. He didn't want to feel anymore tonight. He downed the third shot, coughing at the strong burn. He drank some water to relieve a bit of the taste before he downed the fourth shot.
Sam coughed and quickly followed the shot with water. Why the hell didn't Dean get any lemons or limes? Sam chuckled as he remembered the guy was part demon, he probably liked the burn. As he went to fill the shot glass again it slipped and fell to the floor, breaking in half. "Shot! I mean, shit!" Sam laughed.
Dean heard something break and jumped off the couch. He jogged into the kitchen and immediately smelled the problem. "Alright, how much did you drink Sam?" He sighed, irritated that he couldn't leave the damn hunter alone for five minutes without the guy getting himself in trouble.
"Why do you care, demon?" Sam slurred as he fell into a chair.
"Really? You're back to calling me 'demon' now?" Dean griped.
"Yup" Sam laughed.
Dean smirked at the hunter, he was obviously a happy drunk. "Okay Sammy, let's get you to bed." The demon grabbed Sam's arm to help steady him before the hunter could fall. As they were walking by the couch Sam fell on it, laughing wildly. "C'mon Sam, get up." Dean smirked at the glassy eyed hunter.
Sam jumped up and wrapped Dean in a bear hug. "Thanks Dean."
"For what?" Sam pulled back to stare the demon in the eye. "For everything." He slurred before he covered Deans mouth with his own in a drunken kiss.
The demon carefully pushed Sam back on the couch, putting space between them. "No Sam. You're drunk, if you weren't you wouldn't want this."
Sam frowned and leaned back on the couch. "Yeah, right. Just say it, demon. You don't want sloppy seconds. I get it."
Dean glared daggers at the hunter. "That ain't even close to being it. You're drunk and I'm not taking advantage of you."
Sam snorted, "Whatever Dean. Just so's ya know I don't blame you. I wouldn't want someone as fucked up as me." He snorted and chuckled sadly before continuing, "I'm nothing but Zepar's whore. His bitch. That's all I'm ever gonna be. You deserve better."
Deans eyes flashed black as he leaned over the hunter, caging him in with his arms. "Shut the fuck up Sam! You are NONE of those things, not even close! You have no fuckin idea how bad I want you, okay? But you aren't ready, I know it and so would you if you weren't drunk!" He snarled at Sam.
The hunter stared straight into Deans blackened demon eyes. "I want you now, right now I can handle it. If you want me so bad, if the fact that I'm Zepar's whore doesn't matter, then why won't you touch me?"
Dean growled angrily, "You aren't Zepar's whore, damn it!"
Sam looked at him, confused. "Then why don't you want me?"
Deans eyes flashed back to normal before he stood up straight and took a step back. "I DO want you, Sammy. So fucking bad it hurts." Dean groaned.
Sam carefully stood up as Dean grabbed his arm to steady him. The hunter looked the demon straight in the eyes again. "Prove it." Sam dared, his slurred voice raspy.
Dean moaned in frustration before bringing his lips to Sam's. He gently kissed the hunter, tasting tequila. He took it slow in case the alcohol didn't block out all the hunters fears. Sam moaned softly and fisted the demons shirt as Dean gently bit his lip and started kissing his neck as his eyes flashed back to black.
The demon carefully lowered Sam on the couch before he straddled the hunter and brought his lips back to Sam's. He gently licked Sam's bottom lip, grazing the hunters tongue. Sam moaned softly as he tried to pull Deans shirt off.
The demons black eyes snapped open as he grabbed Sam's hands. "Not going that far, Sam. Not tonight." He rasped before bringing his lips back to the hunters. He licked and sucked Sam's swollen lips for a few moments before pulling away and squeezing beside the hunter on the couch.
Dean sighed, calming himself down as his eyes flashed back to normal before he asked, "Believe me now?"
Sam nodded, out of breath.
"Good, now sleep." Dean whispered into Sam's ear.
Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and snuggled his head on the demons shoulder. "That's the first time a kiss didn't hurt." Sam mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.
Dean sighed sadly as he gave Sam a gentle squeeze of reassurance. The demon gently kissed Sam's forehead before he fell asleep.
Dean woke up first, desperately needing the bathroom. He yawned and stretched a bit before slowly lifting himself over Sam to get off the couch. That's when the hunters eyes snapped open.
Sam saw and felt something on top of him. He gasped in panic as he gripped his demon blade and pulled it out, pointing it at the demons chest.
Deans eyes turned black at the sight of the knife. "It's me Sammy, take it easy. You're safe, I promise." Dean carefully took the knife and jumped off the couch as
Sam exhaled, trying to calm his racing heart. "I'm sorry. I just saw you over me and... "
Dean nodded, "I know, Sam. I think we should make a new rule, no knives that can kill me when we sleep." Sam nodded in agreement. Dean placed the knife on the chair beside the couch and went to the bathroom.
Sam yawned and slowly sat up as last nights events replayed in his mind. He groaned and buried his head in his hands. He was NEVER drinking again! The things he had told Dean...
Sam walked in the kitchen, smelling eggs and bacon. He paused at the sight before him. "Are you... Cooking?"
Dean nodded. "Demons can cook, ya know. Hybrids too. Personally, I think hybrids do it better." He turned the stove off and put three pieces of bacon on his and Sam's plate before putting them on the table. Dean put the pan in the sink before he sat down and bit into a piece of bacon.
Sam moaned softly as he chewed his piece, "This is pretty damn good."
Dean nodded as he continued eating. Sam started on his eggs as he asked, "So... I got kinda buzzed last night, huh?"
Dean tensed briefly before answering, "You were drunk, Sam. Like, falling into walls drunk. How much tequila did you drink, anyway?"
Sam shrugged. "Four shots, maybe?"
Dean chuckled, "Such a lightweight. You're lucky that Sauza is real tequila, otherwise you'd have a serious hangover kickin your ass."
The hunter finished his eggs and pushed his plate away. Dean stared at the two pieces of bacon left on Sam's plate. "Seriously? How do you survive? You never eat meat, like ever."
Sam chuckled, "Somehow I manage. Have 'em." The demon quickly finished off Sam's bacon before picking up both empty plates and bringing them to the sink.
The hunter cleared his throat, "I remember last night."
Dean dropped the plates in the sink, nearly breaking them accidentally. "... How much do you remember?"
Sam stared at Deans back as he answered, "All of it."
The demon tensed and sighed as he ran a shaky hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Sam. I was hoping you wouldn't remember. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that... But the shit you were saying about yourself." Dean turned to face Sam, not meeting his eyes. "That's no excuse, though. I'm sorry, Sammy."
Sam stood up and shook his head, "You didn't take advantage of me, Dean. I was actually going to apologize. I shouldn't have told you anything."
The demons eyes shot up to meet Sam's. "Do you actually think that about yourself? That you're nothing but Zepar's whore?"
Sam dropped his eyes, not answering.
Dean growled, "Really? We're back to this? Am I gonna have to shove you against the wall and go all black eyes angry again before you tell me?"
Sam sighed wearily. "Yeah, that's what I think of myself."
Dean shook his head, exasperated. "Damn it Sam. You aren't a whore, and you sure as shit don't belong to Zepar!"
"I don't want to talk about this, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn't have said those things and I shouldn't have made you feel sorry enough to... Do what you did. I'm sorry." Sam said hoarsely as he started walking from the kitchen.
As Dean registered the words he briskly walked after Sam, grabbing his shoulder to stop him. "Hey hey, what the hell do you mean by that? 'Making me feel sorry enough'?"
Sam kept his gaze low, ashamed. "I shouldn't have manipulated you into... Doing something you didn't want to do. I'm sorry."
Deans eyes widened a fraction. "What?! Sammy, I kissed you last night because I WANTED to. You didn't manipulate me, I'm a freakin demon hybrid for fucks sake! If anyone's gonna be manipulating anybody around here it's gonna be me!" Dean snapped.
Sam shook his head, pulling away from him. "You don't have to lie, Dean."
The demon spun the hunter around to look him in the eyes, "I ain't lying. You remember how my eyes turned black last night, when I was kissing you?" Sam nodded. "That means one of three things. I was either beyond pissed, scared or turned on. I wasn't angry or scared, Sam." Dean said, his voice going husky at the memory.
Sam didn't know what to say. "Oh... Well... I-I like you too, Dean."
The demon snorted. "Easy, kid. I'm not expressing my undying love here, okay? I'm saying I'm attracted to you and I think you're a decent guy... For a hunter."
Sam chuckled. "You're cool too... For a demon."
Dean glared at Sam, "I'm a hybrid Sam. Hybrid!" The hunter laughed as he sat in the living room chair.
"Before you told me your eyes change for two reasons, not three." Sam said curiously.
"I left the last one out on purpose. I didn't wanna spook you even more than you already were." The demon sat on the couch and cleared his throat before asking, "You said something else before you went to sleep."
"What else did I say?" Sam asked.
"You said... You said that was the first time a kiss didn't hurt you."
Sam winced and stood up, slowly pacing around the coffee table. "I really need to stop drinking tequila." The hunter chuckled nervously.
Dean stood up too and stepped in front of Sam, stopping his pacing. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Sam."
Sam averted his eyes. "I'm fine, I'll get over it Dean."
The demon glared at him. "Don't do that, hunter. Don't lie to me." Dean growled with a bit of menace.
Sam instinctually lowered his eyes in submission. The demon pushed his head back up. "Don't do that, either. I may get pissed but I'd never hurt you. Ever. Remember that."
Sam nodded as he stared Dean in the eyes for a few moments before sitting on the couch and opening his laptop that sat on the coffee table. Dean sat beside him. "What're you researching?"
"Zepar stuff." Sam replied. "Mainly his weaknesses, and how to forcefully summon him."
Dean shook his head. "Only weakness that bastard has is women. As for summoning him, he's a duke of hell. A fallen angel, actually. If he doesn't wanna come, he doesn't have to. He ain't like a normal demon."
Sam sighed in irritation as he closed his laptop. He glared at Dean, "Thank you. You're so helpful."
Dean smirked, "I know."
It was 2pm when Castiel appeared behind Dean, who was sitting on the couch having a beer. Dean tensed as his eyes went black and he jumped off the couch, his beer falling on the ground. "Damn it Cas! You made me spill my freakin beer!" Dean yelled at the angel.
Castiel shrugged, "Sorry." The demon sighed as his eyes turned back to normal.
"What do you want?". Cas glanced around, looking for Sam. "Just checking in."
Dean snorted, "You mean checking to make sure the big bad evil demon didn't ravage your friend?"
The angels eyes returned to Deans. "Yes."
The demon rolled his eyes. "Sam's in the kitchen. Before you go, I have a couple questions for you."
Castiel narrowed his eyes curiously at the demon. Dean cleared his throat before asking, "Did you know Sam was hurting himself?"
Castiel nodded, "If you mean the biting, yes. He's been doing it for months."
Dean glared at the angel, "And you're okay with that? With him hurting himself?"
The angel shrugged, "What would you have me do, demon? It helps him and it doesn't risk his life. It could be worse."
Dean scoffed, "'It could be worse.' Really? Self harming is bad, Cas. It's not far away from suicide."
The angel shook his head. "What would you have me do? I do what I can but I can't be here 24/7, Dean. That's what he would need to help him, but I can't be it." Castiel replied, sadness in his eyes.
Dean nodded. "I get it, but you should've told me."
"I wasn't sure if you would use it against Sam, or stick around that long if you knew." Castiel replied.
Dean chuckled, "Still think I'm here to fuck him up, do you?"
The angel looked the demon up and down before saying, "Not entirely, anymore."
The demon nodded, "That's a start, I guess."
The angel cleared his throat before saying, "I did come here with a purpose." Before turning to walk into the kitchen.
Sam's eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the angel and demon entering the kitchen together, peacefully. "Cas, hey. What's up?"
"Hello, Sam." The angel replied before he met Dean and Sam's eyes. "I have new information about the dream spell you two did. Apparently, if Sam chooses, he can show you memories, Dean. Any memory he chooses. Also, you two must be sure that when Sam sleeps you both stay in skin to skin contact, Zepar is still out there and without his tie to you kept strong, Dean, Zepar could easily abuse Sam again."
Dean nodded as Sam averted his gaze. The name Zepar still made him tense. Being reminded that he was still vulnerable wasn't comforting, either.
"I'll make sure he stays safe. Thanks, Cas." Dean replied. The angel nodded before disappearing.