Don't Get the Wrong Idea, I Just Want Sex

Cielle's Amour

JeanSasha; Hints of other pairings

2. Wild Horse

Sasha waited restlessly in the university health center lobby. She slightly shook her legs—a bad habit of hers that she never really cared to change. The clock above the reception station ticked softly for each passing second, while the nurses at the prescription desk spoke to their respective clients.

She turned the pages of her Japanese modern literature textbook, scanning the words with her eyes. No matter how many times she read the same sentences, she couldn't comprehend them. Her mind became too pre-occupied with what happened yesterday. She grabbed the end of the book and closed it anxiously. Out of all the people, it had to be Jean to take her virginity.

She wasn't going to lie. He never really bothered her too much in the past, but she didn't exactly think he was a good person, either. She always thought he hated her; he would give her a repulsed look or bump into her without apologizing. The worst part was when she overheard him talking to Marco about how much of a disgusting pig she was. She could easily forgive people for teasing her, but that stung. Hard. Maybe because everyone who joked about her eating habits usually laughed alongside her, but Jean had that cold, distant expression that she's never seen directed towards her before.

"Braus?" A nurse approached her seat. "I have your prescription. Please follow me to the desk." Sasha nodded nervously and clumsily slid her book in her backpack before following behind. The woman held a brown paper bag and placed it on the desk. She slid a tablet connected to her computer towards Sasha, as well as a stylus. "Please input your school I.D. and then your signature here."

After the brunette wrote her information, the nurse slid the tablet back to her side of the desk. The simple 'tic-tic' clicking noise of the mouse from the nurse made Sasha incredibly tense. A last click and then the nurse handed the brown paper bag to her with a smile. "Thank you and have a nice day."

Sasha smiled back and left with an awkward "thank you."

Plan B emergency contraception. She flipped the package over. "Take one pill within 72 hours after unprotected sex. Take the other pill 12 hours later." Easy enough.

She opened the package and popped a tiny circular pill from the foil wrapping. She immediately swallowed the pill and grabbed the cup of water on her desk. After gulping it down with ease, she fell back on her bed and toppled over to her side.

What does she do now? Does she try to forget everything that happened that night? Was forgetting really the best option for her? She closed her eyes. But maybe that was the only thing she could do in this situation…

She was at a loss for words, until her stomach grumbled loudly within the room. She wearily brought a hand to her stomach. Well, she knew one thing for sure; Jean owed her some meals. Perhaps, today could be one of the days he treated her out.

On the morning when Jean told her they indeed had sex, the brunette wanted to refuse that thought, even though she knew full well it happened. At the time, she clutched her head in denial. This had to be one of the hardest she's caved in her life. She couldn't help it; she cried again on the spot. She refused to look up at Jean who asked if she would be "okay." Sasha dug her face deeper into the clothes hugged around her chest. She hated crying—it made people look at her with pity, and in turn, forced her to realize how small she really was.

"Jean…" she whispered.

"What is it?" For the first time, she thought, Jean actually sounded sincere.

"Why did you do this?" She partially regretted asking this question. She didn't know the circumstances, but yet she was blaming him already.

"I didn't do anything you didn't want." He started to sound angry again. She heard some rustling from the bed covers when he moved slightly. He picked his voice up, "We were both drunk. We both wanted it." He really was scary when he got mad.

He must've realized he was losing his cool, because she heard a sudden sigh from him. Then he spoke again, "Listen, just don't pin all the blame on me."

She knew he was right. She did remember drinking a considerable amount of shots the past night, and he probably did too. And her intuition told her that he didn't mean to take advantage of her. Sasha pulled her face upwards from her clothes and smiled. "I'm sorry, Jean."

His face turned slightly pink and looked away in embarrassment. He muttered, "It's not your fault…" She raised an eyebrow. Jean can be really nice when he wanted to be.

Even though she felt a lot more comfortable with the situation now, her head started to spin. She collapsed on the bed, her arms instinctively clutching her stomach. There was a low, growling sound from the exhausted girl. Shit, how embarrassing! She knew Jean was going to give her that look of disgust again.

Instead, he just smiled. He grabbed a shirt hanging off his desk chair, and looked back at her. "Hey, get dressed. I'll get you something to eat."

Sasha woke up with a start. Her whole body mildly ached; the left arm tingled to numbness from the awkward sleeping angle she had suddenly woken up from. She looked around her room and towards her window. Opening her curtains, she realized it was already dark outside, an uneven jagged shape of a moon illuminating from the clouds.

How long was she out for? The clock above her desk read "9:27." She huffed at the time she spent doing nothing. She narrowed her eyes and remembered she had been clutching her cellphone ever since she fell asleep. She took a closer look at it and realized it was open on Jean's name; it was an unfinished text message that read "I'm hun"

Guess she didn't finish typing it before falling asleep. She exited the text and rolled off the bed. She might as well get some food while she's awake. She made her way to the mini fridge, until she felt a soft vibration in her hand. With an 'eep,' she jumbled her cellphone in the air for a second before catching it securely. She sighed in relief; man, she almost crashed her cellphone to the ground. After grabbing a small ice cream bucket from the freezer, she flipped her phone open.

Text message from Jean. "you wanna come over tonite?"

Ah, she was so close to eating her food. But why would he want to ask her to his place? Although, she did want to head over. Tough choices—food or Jean? She texted, "Do you have food over there I can eat?"

He must've been confused when she sent him that message. Well, maybe not confused, probably changing his mind about inviting her over. It was a good five minutes before she heard another buzz. "w/e sure?"

She stuck a spoonful of strawberry ice cream into her mouth. She texted back, "Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes"

Sasha nervously sat down on the floor of Jean's room. Her body fidgeted, while she scanned his room left and right with shifting eyes.

Jean seemed tense as well. He sat down across from her and started to look around his own room as well; however, he looked at anywhere but her direction. She wanted to ask him why he invited her over all of a sudden, but she was a bit afraid he would get angry again.

"You want food right?" Jean tossed her a bag of chips onto her lap. She glanced shyly at him. "Sorry, that's the only quick thing I have on me at the moment."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He huffed. "Yah, you look hungry."

"Thank you very much," she softly responded as she opened the bag.

He's surprisingly a lot nicer to her now compared to in high school. So much that she couldn't help but notice how mature he's gotten with only the past year.[1] And how sculpted his face and body were… He had such a perfect shape to his nose and a masculine jawline that complemented his neck. She lowered her gaze; his chest was bulkier than it was in high school, and his arms, shown through rolled up sleeves, clearly had more mass in the muscles. Her face blushed red even before she realized it.

Jean raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong? Aren't you gonna eat?" She nodded vigorously and stuffed a handful of chips into her mouth, before choking on it and coughing.

The man sighed in annoyance. He reached into his mini fridge next to his bed and handed a water bottle to her. "Drink, so you don't die on me." She hastily grabbed the water and downed it with one stroke, droplets rippling down from her mouth. She gasped for air and wiped the water running down to her chin with her arm sleeve.

Jean looked at her, slightly repulsed at the sight, and crossed his arms. After seeing his face, she sat up straight and clutched the empty bag and bottle tightly in her hands. He might have matured a little bit, but he probably still thinks she's disgusting.

"I-I'm sorry!" She bowed her head down and slowly rose to her feet. "W-Where's the trashcan?"

He stood up as well and stuck his hand out. "Give it to me. I'll throw it away." Why was he being so kind to her after he gave her that look of revulsion earlier?

"It's fine!" Sasha yelled. She must've caught Jean in surprise, because he backed a step away. She didn't mean to yell that loudly, but she just didn't want to trouble him for something so simple. She exasperatedly opened her mouth, "I mean, it's okay, it's not a big deal. I can throw it away myself."

The man rubbed the back of his head with a hand and pointed to a trashcan next to his desk. She quickly said "thanks" before dropping the bag and bottle into it. [2] She sat back down, not really knowing what to do next. Maybe now was the right time to ask him why he invited her over.

She opened her mouth to speak. "Sasha." She clamped her mouth tightly after she heard Jean talk first. "Do you mind…" Does he mind…what? What was he trying to ask her?

He looked at her intensely. "Do you mind… wiping that crumb off your face? It's bothering me." Oh. She rubbed at her face with her hand, trying to find the crumb. She struggled, wiping up and down her cheeks and lips. Jean snorted in frustration and leaned close to her, picking the crumb with his fingers. "There." She flushed a bright pink. Their eyes looked at each other in trepidation after he flicked the crumb. He looked away from her and flushed the same color as well.

"Sasha." He grabbed her shoulders with shaking hands. "I actually wanted to know if…"

"Ah…" Maybe he wanted to know whether or not she got the morning after pills earlier today. Sasha interrupted him, "Um! I got the pills today, so you don't have to worry about me getting pregnant."

Jean closed his mouth for a second, and then opened it again. "O-Oh that's good!" Then he paused and continued speaking, "But I was actually going to ask you something else."

"Oh?" She tensed.

"I wanted to know if…" He took a deep breath. Oh no, was Jean going to ask her out? She wouldn't know how to answer him if he did. She didn't exactly know him too well. But then again, if he did ask her out and she said yes, she wouldn't have to fully regret losing her virginity to him. They would be going out as a normal couple, albeit the fucked up order.

She took a deep breath as he continued. "D-Do you want to keep having sex with me?"

She didn't know how to respond. She just finished going over the possibilities of him asking her out, but yet at the same time, she already knew at some point, he didn't like her. She had to ask.

"But why?" She really didn't know what he was thinking; if he didn't want to date her, why would he want to become more involved with her? Sasha was sure she wasn't his type at all.

He blushed and furrowed his eyebrows sternly. "I don't know. I just thought maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to do it again."

Her body fidgeted. Was this actually his awkward roundabout way of asking her out? Or did he just want sex?

Sasha looked straight at his eyes. "Do you even like me?"

He paused. "I don't know," he said as he looked away from her. "But…I don't think so."

She knew it. "Then no." She looked at the ground in front of her. How could he be that insensitive to just ask her that question? He didn't even bother to check for her feelings. She kept her head low and backed away from him. "I only want to do it with a guy I'm actually in a relationship with." She was hoping for a bit that he would ask her out.

He scoffed. "Fine, be that way." He raised his arms behind his head and leaned back against the bed in frustration.

Her head still hung low, and her eyebrows crumpled in sadness. She didn't understand why he was getting upset with her. It was perfectly understandable to only want it from a person she loves, right?

She heard him mutter to himself. "Seriously, Sasha, out of all people. Why couldn't it have been someone like Mikasa?"

Her body halted and her stare at the ground intensified, brown eyes darkening.

"Then…why did you do it with me?"

He huffed in irritation. "Did you think I wanted to do it with you? This whole thing was an accident. If I was sober at the time, I wouldn't have even looked at you."

In the end, he only wanted sex from a better girl.

The room spun nauseatingly for her. The striped pattern of the floor seemed like it was waving in and out, while she sat silently staring. The clock in his room noisily clacked against her ears.

She saved her body only to be taken by this man. Someone who didn't want her in the first place. She was an accident. Sasha closed her eyes and placed her hands on her skirt. She felt useless; she felt little. She wanted to disappear. She wanted her virginity back from him.

The world is cruel.

He kept talking, "Listen, I only invited you here to be nice. I thought we could benefit from just having sex, but I guess I was wrong." He continued. "Let's just forget the whole thing, alright?"

She snapped. He called her in for sex, claimed her as an accident, and now he wanted to simply forget everything? The nerves coming from this man. She bit her lips and her body trembled. Her hands gripped her skirt viciously. Jean was nothing but a…

At that moment, everything went slower than she wanted it to. She shouted without knowing it. The words that came out of her mouth shocked both the man and herself. Her feet were planted on the ground as salty tears flooded down her face. Her entire body felt numb as if she was watching herself from above.

"You're nothing but an asshole! A jerk! A dick! You don't care about anyone else other than yourself!" Sasha, stop, she told herself. "You don't like anyone, and no one likes you! You don't have any friends!" Please, stop. "You think you're so cool and so awesome, and everyone needs to fucking worship you! But you're nothing!" Why was she being like this? "Everybody at school hated you! They honestly wouldn't have cared if you died!"

Neither of them moved or said anything after that. She lifted a hand to her head. What was she thinking when she said all those terrible things? She turned to Jean, but…

He was crying. He wasn't sobbing, but his eyes were wide and bleary. His shoulders slumped. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked straight at Sasha.

Seeing him in this state, all she wanted to do was to say 'I'm sorry,' but the words couldn't come out. What was wrong with her? All those awful things she said—she honestly didn't mean them; they just blurted out from her mouth without thinking.

"I know I'm an asshole…" More tears came out. No, Jean, stop crying. This isn't like you.

"I yell and make fun of people…" What are you saying all of a sudden?

"I know I'm not perfect, even though I act like it…" Jean, where's that angry, cocky attitude you always have?

His lips formed into a smile and he laughed. "I'm sorry…you had to put up with me."

Her heart tore and all she could do was fall down to his chest. Her arms slid around him and to his back, embracing him softly. She didn't know what came over her, but she wanted to make him feel better. Her face neared and softly placed her lips on his. Their light kiss felt like an eternity to her.

She pulled away and rested her forehead on his slumped shoulders. "No, I'm sorry, Jean. I shouldn't have said all that."

Sasha felt his arms wrap around her. He pressed his face into her ponytail and muttered, "That's okay."

Notes:
[1] Past year: Both Jean and Sasha (in my AU story) are in their sophomore year of university. They haven't seen each other since their high school days, so Sasha is surprised at how mature he looks. (Jean is also surprised how good she looks too.)

[2]: Bottle in trashcan: Because college kids rarely recycle. Darn kids. But I joke, there's enough of us who recycle :D

Author's Notes:
For some reason, I really like it when Jean has tears in his eyes…
…I think I've been reading too many uke Jean doujinshi :I

By the way, I was really tempted to type "Jean was nothing but a…poopyhead."
Glad I didn't, though.

Thank you so much for reading! Next chapter on Friday!