I was relieved of duties and lessons for the following days. I reveled in the time I had to pursue anything my private interests, and I found myself altering a gown in the fashions I had seen at Caras Galadhon and Imladris. Even though my time visiting had been short, I had not been blind to the styled wardrobes of the other women. Also, I had Thranduil's coming of age to prepare for, and I wanted to impress him. And despite his accusations, I was not lacking in sewing skills as he made it seem.
The words from both Galadrian and Celebrîan had troubled me, that they had believed there to be romantic feeling between Thranduil and I. I had never considered it, and thinking of his arrogance and contempt I did not want to contemplate it. This, of course, would not change that I wanted to prove that I was better than he.
I deserve a man that is at least kind, I thought to myself as I embroidered silver designs across the sleeves.
The gown, originally a plain silky taupe, now glittered intermittently in the light with the silver patterns across the bodice and sleeves. I had raised the bottom of the skirt so that a silver lace underskirt showed through, and the neckline had been replaced with similar lace. Daring, but not overly so.
I had no jewelry – I had never received any from my family or as a gift, nor did I wish to pay for something that I would never wear. But, as I twirled my handiwork in front of the mirror shortly before the party was to begin, I wished that I had a necklace or circlet of some sort. It would complete the ensemble regally.
I had washed my hair and tied it up in rags, so that it curled slightly as it cascaded down my back. Although it was shorter than normal, it still reached nearly to the top of my legs. I had braided part of my hair back, so that although I wore no circlet, my head was still adorned.
There was a knock at the door, and the king admitted himself. He bowed.
"I have not yet had the chance to thank you for your timely quest," he said, and from his sleeve he removed velvet wrappings. He held it out to me. "My gratitude is yours."
"You are too kind!" I said, accepting the gift.
"Not all of my line are bad-mannered," Oropher smiled at me as if sharing a secret, and left the room, shutting the door behind him.
I unwrapped the soft velvet to reveal a silver necklace. It was adored with teardrop shapes made of tiny diamonds. Too rich a gift for me! I was amazed at the king's generosity, but grateful all the same. His timing is uncanny, I thought to myself as I clasped it around my neck. And perfect.
Despite the impending war, the elves of Greenwood were festive. The king had allowed the revelries as the final night before the march for wise reasons. The whole city had been invited, and I could hardly move through the merry crowds.
"Hail!" One elf cried, lifting his wineglass high above the others. He was looking at me.
"Hail!" repeated several other elves.
Thranduil was standing on the dais, similar to Tervic, except he much more richly clothed and far more popular. He was clad in sweeping silver robes that accentuated his height – when had he gotten so tall? - and a silver band crowned his head. He wore an expression of tolerable distaste. How he must hate this! I suppressed a giggle and navigated through the mass of bodies to the prince. He received me straightaway, ending a conversation with Narya almost rudely.
"I am so happy you are here," he whispered, bowing as was custom. "This is torture."
I smiled as I curtsied. "I know. I am enjoying your expression considerably. I would have been rather disappointed if you could keep a neutral face."
He straightened and looked me up and down. "You look…unique."
"As one afraid of change, you would be adverse," I said.
"The necklace is stunning."
"A gift from your father – for my faithful service."
"He is generous," Thranduil said. "He must like you."
"Everyone does."
"You are humble tonight."
"I match the setting," I gave him a winning smile and moved on so that another elf could congratulate him.
The feast was spread on several tables in the forest - we moved from the hall into the woods as twilight descended. Lanterns were hung in the mossy trees, and the overall effect was one of beauty. I was seated near the head of the table, with the nobles and councilmen and women. The conversation was dull, but I could easily enjoy Thranduil's rigidity from afar.
I ate my fill of clear soups, crusty breads, roast vegetables and meat. The wine served was rich – too rich for my taste, and so I choose instead to drink fresh fruit juice. The elves all along the tables were boisterous and merry, and the drink nearly made them clumsy. I could not decide if I was shamed by my distant kin or amused.
Soon the dancing began both in dimly lit clearings in the forest and the hall inside. I was in high demand again, electing to stay in the cool night air as I was whirled and tossed by men between the trees. I kept an eye on Thranduil, who seemed to not enjoy the flirtations with the young women any more than the pandering of nobles. His discomfort added still more to my cheerful mood.
I was dancing with Tervic, finally glad for a chance to woo the handsome elf, when I was twirled too far. I went spinning into air, panicking slightly and hoping I would not make a fool of myself! Strong arms caught me, and I found myself trapped, safely stopped, between a tree and the prince.
"Thank you," I said.
"You should not give your attention to Tervic if he does not take care," Thranduil said into my ear. "You have avoided me all night – now you cannot refuse a dance."
"I was not avoiding you," I said, allowing myself to be swept into another set of steps by the prince. I could not see Tervic – I hoped that he did not resent my abandonment.
"You seemed content to dance with the others," Thranduil replied stiffly.
"I am! I love to dance and as such I will accept any partner I can."
A frown creased his forehead. "I could not help but notice your flightiness."
"Flighty!" I exclaimed. "That is an unjust accusation! I have done as any woman would!"
"That does not make it right. None deserve your heart."
"O! Suddenly that is your choice to make?" I wrenched my hands away as the lively song ended.
"Caradel!" His cry fell on deaf ears – I was already stomping away. I was becoming incredibly annoyed with his persistent disapproval of the choices that I wished to make. I sulked internally in the hall while I drank some wine against my better judgment. I gazed out into the woods watched Thranduil dance with other women, thinking angry thoughts. How I wished I could speak my mind, rant and rage to him to make him understand! I watched the elaborately dressed women that he rotated through the paces.
She is much too short for him, I found myself thinking. And her – I have never heard her say a kind word to anybody! Euck – that one is far too dense to make a proper queen. I continued in my vengeful temper long into the night. Although wine normally calmed me, I felt rancorous and feisty. I knew I was not in the right state of mind to converse, so I retired to my rooms.
I opened the window as I as I could and sat on the sill, dressed in my nightgown. The air was pleasant on my flushed face, and I began to relax. I don't care whom he marries! I told myself. He will still remain a thick-headed oaf!
The sun shone bright in my eyes the following morning – I had forgotten to fasten the window. I leapt out of bed, and when I leaned out I saw that the warriors were marching. It made me sad, and I sent a brief prayer for safety to the Valar.
After I bathed and dressed, I devoted the day to better memorization of the maps of Middle Earth. Although I had not gotten lost on my recent travels, I did not want to slacken and open myself to the possibility. I sat in the sun on a large public balcony, munching on an apple.
"You rose with the sun," the comment came from Thranduil, who approached and took a seat next to me without invitation.
"So have you," I replied, returning my attention to the manuscript. "Why are you not departing with the troops?"
"Special orders," he said. "Father wishes for me to stay for a season longer."
"I am not so often fortunate," I said. It was facetious and ornery, but Thranduil did not rise to the bait.
"I want to apologize for my behavior last night," he continued. "I should not act as though I have dominion over you."
"No, you should not," I gazed levelly into his eyes, and then sighed at his honesty. "I forgive you. I was too quick to anger."
"I have never felt so small," Thranduil's voice broke, and his head bowed as his fingers ran though his hair, gripping tightly. "My father expects so much of me now – I have lived as a child for far too long."
I gently removed his hand and clasped it. "Your only fault is that you have retained innocence. I have too, in a way. We have been blessed in the fortuity of our adolescence."
"What if I disappoint him?" he gripped my hand tightly. "I could not bear it. I cannot bear the thought of death – of seeing it! The consideration that I will kill and watch my friends be killed brings bile to my throat! It is as though a veil has been brought over my eyes, and I am surrounded by an impenetrable darkness."
"You are afraid," I said. "But - you are not alone. I have watched you fight – you have the skills enough to command an army. Besides," I said matter-of-factly, "You cannot die. I will not allow it. I could not gain such happiness from the misery of any other."
A ghost of a smile appeared on the prince's face. "I would spend my day here, listening to you pander to my pride, but I must not," he kissed my hand and stood. "I will see you again before I depart."
"I am fortunate indeed," I said, and I watched him go. What words of comfort I gave him! And I was still irritated at him for the previous night. The conflict of emotions broiled in me, and I cleared my mind with the maps.