"What?! You mean the Kriss Ambers?" I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, my hands were sweating and the world seemed to be spinning faster making me dizzy.

"Yes, the same you met three years go. Isn't it wonderful, princess?" said Mr. Leeroy with that stupid smile on his face, I stood from my seat facing him angrily; I'd show him how wonderful that idea seemed to me.

"Wonderful would be if you could shut that silly mouth of yours when you're supposed to, I'm not accepting that!" I was yelling of course, refusing to give in to them.

"America, for the love of God, we already talked about this…" Maxon sighed annoyed, what was with him lately? Maybe the parliament had already burned his brain to ashes.

"Oh, so you mean you agree? Really? Because I'm not taking it, I'm not going to let that woman have my husband's kid!"

"Could you give us a reason why not?" asked Mr. McAffle who seemed not to be hearing just a second ago.

"Excuse me?" I said shocked.

"Do you have a problem with Mrs. Ambers?" of course I had, but I couldn't say something like that, what would they think if I told them that once I was so jealous of Kriss that I wanted to rip her head off for even thinking about Maxon that in that time wasn't my husband yet?

"Not really, but… It just doesn't sound right, Mr. McAffle" I answered more calmly, 'Thanks for the good reaction, America. You sank yourself alone' my mind scolded me.

"Dear, do you think it would be better to let someone we don't know have the baby? It would be much easier if she helps us, as we actually know and trust her" he was really thinking about it? Oh, right, he didn't give a damn about what I thought!

"Exactly, could you ask Kriss to sell her child for stopping a war?" it was not fair for anyone, not for her, not for the kid, not for us, not for the entire nation.

"Miss Ambers said she's willing to do anything she can to help Illéa, princess." Mr. McAffle assured me, like that could help.

"But doesn't it seem a little cruel to you?"

"When it comes to my country, there's nothing I wouldn't do, highness" he replied sounding mysterious, there was definitely something he was hiding.

"And besides, time is running, highness. We have only two weeks to prepare this matter or we'll lose everything!" said Mr. Phillies almost having a heart attack, so I wasn't the only one.

"Maxon…" I called him, he hesitated but still looked at me with those eyes I loved crazily, and it made me cry "I'm begging you, I could accept everything you ask me to… everything but this, please don't do it, I wouldn't handle it, I would die trying… I know there must be something else we can do, this isn't the answer…" what he said would be the end of everything, maybe he would agree or maybe not, I just needed to know what was going through his mind.

"Think about how many lives are in risk, America. Then you can tell me what's best to do" so that was it, I wasn't going to try anything anymore, he wouldn't listen anyways, was he being prudent or was it just that he didn't want me to take place in that huge problem?

"Fine, then… I promised to the eyes of God that I would always be on your side, and I will… but don't ask me to be okay with this, because I never will" there was nothing more I could say, to anyone.

"Perfect, we'll contact Miss Ambers to tell her the good news right now" the three of them and I went to the door which Mr. Leeroy opened for me and spoke to my ear.

"It's important to know when you have to give up, highness" I had even lost his respect, it was so ridiculous and unfair, if I wouldn't have felt like my heart was beating slower I would've thought it was a dream, but it wasn't, it was so real that it hurt. I kept my eyes to the floor, refusing to see my shame in the eyes of someone else.

I walked to my room slowly, with the feeling that I was dying in the inside, this whole matter was destroying everything that was important for me, my country, the man I loved, even my dream of my blonde haired baby was fading away, leaving a sorrowful and unbearable scar instead. Why was that all happening? Why couldn't I be the mother of Maxon's first kid? Why on earth had Kriss to be it, why couldn't it be someone else? Was I being punished for something? What did I do to deserve such pain? I was just heartbroken, I had no pride left. And I didn't notice that I was crying until I fell on my bed and Celeste looked at me with sad cat eyes

"It looks like we won't have a prince, baby girl. At least not one that's mine" I stroked her head. I asked myself how could I manage to see Kriss again, watching her bearing my husband's son and then hearing the baby's cries, looking Maxon hold a kid that wasn't mine, putting him to bed or kissing his forehead, looking the little boy grow and calling him father, or running to Kriss' arms when he was hurt or when he was scared, a child being an unbreakable bond for them both, I had never felt so sad in my life, not even when I saw Aspen with someone else, not when Maxon was about to send me home with a broken heart. So what Mr. Leeroy said was not totally right, you actually never have to give up, but it is important to when you've already lost. My plan was to stay there and drown in my own tears, but then I heard Marlee screaming like crazy, she was mad of course when she entered my room.

"No freaking way! You're really going to do this?" her voice sounded more like a scolding than a consolation and I didn't know if I could manage someone else questioning and make me feel down again.

"If you came here to yell at me, it's not a good time "I said bringing Celeste to my chest, her purrs made me feel better.

"No, of course not. I just can't believe it…" she sat next to me on the edge of the bed, "Kriss? What the hell does she have to deal with this?" she stroked my shoulder.

"Well, she's becoming the royal mother. She's the one and she's lucky to be it…" Marlee sighed; I wondered how miserable I could make her feel.

"And I guess there's nothing you can do?" I nodded sadly.

"This time the game's over for me, my friend. She will have Maxon's son and I have to stay out of it, for more ridiculous that it sounds" I showed a depressed smile "I have to stay out of the fact that my husband is having a kid with another woman, can you believe it?"

"Why do the worst things always happen in here?" she said as a tear fell from her beautiful eyes, I wiped it.

"Because this is the place where the power is held, maybe I'm paying for King Clarkson's mistakes… of maybe his making me pay for what I did to him" she held my hand strongly as I felt her scars.

"You have nothing to regret, America. You're the kindest person I've ever known, in a world full of unfairness and tragedy, you're the one that's the brightest"

"I don't want you to feel sad anymore, ok? None of us, I'll get through this, I promise. With time, I might get to be fine with it…"

"How can you? Nobody deserves to go through this, we're talking about the love of your life, you fought so much to finally win Maxon's heart and now you're just going to let anyone have his kid?"

"You're right, he is the love of my life, but now we're talking about our country, Marlee. There are some sacrifices I must do in order to protect Illéa… and that's exactly what Maxon's doing too" I assured her.

"But sacrificing your own heart? This is a scar that will never go away, America!"

"It's the price I have to pay to keep our freedom, no matter how much it hurts… this more than just me"

"You're such an angel" she hugged me tight and like that I couldn't hide my tears any longer, I felt desperate, but still I had to think about someone who wasn't me, as Maxon said, I had to think about my country, my family and all the people I know, I would never forgive myself if I let everything go to hell, what was the point of making a fuss and then letting New Asia take control? It was no use and I had to accept it. That was the way I comforted myself: There's always worse things that could happen.

The next days I felt like I was in a bubble, everyday was the same, I went to the Woman's room and worked along with Marlee and Silvia, never smiling or laughing about anything, I thought that was the best way to keep the sorrow away and focusing on what was really important, the rest of the day I spent alone, I sometimes didn't feel hungry or tired, but still Mary was worried about me and she constantly asked me if I was alright, but the answer was always the same: "I could be worse". The day finally came and I didn't stop it from happening, a "sweet" reunion someone would've called it, but absolutely no one could know about my little problem and the fact was Kriss was coming to the palace and only God knows how long she would stay.

"She is really coming, uh?" I opened the door that led me to Maxon's room, he looked as tired and sad as I did, I couldn't understand why, he had been depressed too in those days, but he didn't seem to have a reason to be.

"She is, she actually is coming right now, America. Please don't try to make me change my mind once again" he stood from the bed and tried to go to the front door, I stopped him.

"I'm not going to do that, but I need to know if you're ok…" he wasn't looking at me and I figured he needed another reason to speak up "I heard you last night, you were crying..." I confessed, he finally gave in and hid his face in my shoulder, as I felt his tears falling from his eyes again.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this, you don't deserve it, America. And I feel like a total jerk for asking you to stay out of it, but I can't stand the idea of watching you facing this matter! I'm so sorry, darling" I stroked his hair trying to comfort him, I was such a fool of course he was feeling terrible too, it was such an awful situation, it couldn't be easy for anyone.

"It's not your fault, Maxon; you're the only one that has been thinking straight all this time. If it would've been me I would've sent Illéa to hell for not thinking about other solution, but you did… you were never a selfish person and you're not being it now, I'm not blaming you for this" I assured him taking his wet cheeks in my hands.

"I promised myself that I would make you the happiest woman in all the world, but every time I see you sad, I can't help of thinking that I've ruined your life, I was selfish for not setting you free, America, you deserve freedom more than anything else, but I couldn't live without you…" I shook my head.

"What are you saying? Sending me away wouldn't have been setting me free, it would've been making my life miserable for the rest of my days, I don't care if I have to live in hell everyday and sacrifice all I have for my people, If that means I get to spend next to you every moment, I would say yes over and over again. I love you, Maxon; nothing would ever change that, ok?" I couldn't believe that he thought something like that, our life was hard, it's true, but nothing was so bad for making me change my mind about him and the path I chose.

"I love you too, I wish I could do something to ease the pain you feel" I smiled tenderly and gave him a kiss on his check.

"You just stay by my side, ok? We'll get through this together; we'll protect Illéa no matter what" I had to let him know that I was with him always, even if that meant to see him having children with someone else.

"Why can't I be as strong as you are?" he sighed.

"Hey, you have the brain and I have the braveness, remember?" we both giggled.

"So, you're accepting this?"

"Is there anything else I can do?" I was obviously forcing myself to accept the unbearable, but if that was the only thing I could do for Maxon when it came to that, I would do it.

"Thank you" he stroked my cheek "I couldn't do this without you"

"You don't have to ask me not to leave you alone, I would do it anyways" I took his hand and he pressed his lips against mine, in that second I felt the most joyful I had felt in days, I needed him too, I figured that the reason why I was so sad and angry all the time was because I thought that he wasn't thinking about me anymore, that he didn't care about what I felt, but now I just felt guilty for that, how could I even imagine that the man that loved me more than he loved his life could stop caring about me? All that he did, he did it for me and I had to understand that.

"Well, we still have a little time before the guest comes" he took me in his arms and led me to the bed, It took only seconds for us to throw our clothes away and start to breathe heavily as we became one; it had its benefits to not be able to have children.

I lost myself in the most beautiful view in the entire world, Maxon's tired but satisfied expression and the feeling of his naked body against mine, my head resting on his chest hearing his heart, it was just perfect.

"Will I ever be able to make it up to you?" he said while stroking my back. I released a little laugh.

"You don't have to do it, it's natural, and we do it all the time" I reminded him, he smiled brightly.

"No, I mean this whole baby thing; I know it's not easy for you and…" I stopped his words with a soft kiss.

"There's no need to do it, Maxon… but if you really want to reward me" I thought about a better idea than the one I had in the beginning.

"Anything you want" he answered, I smiled.

"Well, what do you think of a little surgery and then having kids of our own?" I proposed and he kissed me once more.

"That sounds perfect" maybe that little dream of a cute family wouldn't be so far away, Kriss' child would help us to make New Asia and ally and the emperor would never know that the kid wasn't mine, but then we could have babies that were actually made by both of us. Then someone knocked in the door, I would lie if I say that I wasn't a little disappointed and pissed but still Maxon had to answer.

"Is something wrong?" he said, I heard my maids laughing outside the room; they were so nosy and we were terribly predictable.

"Not really, your highness. Miss Ambers just arrived to the palace and the parliament requires both of you" I sighed annoyed, why do they always had to ruin the moment.

"Thank you for the info, we'll be out in a second" I could swear I was scowling, but he only chuckled happily. "Don't worry, dear, we'll have much more time to continue with our marital activities" he kissed my forehead and got out of the bed.

"Yeah, right. I want to hear you saying that when Kriss is pregnant with your kid" I complained and it was like something appeared in my head. "Wait a bit! You're going to… I mean you and her… are going to…" I couldn't even pronounce those words, even the thought that Kriss could be in my place with Maxon made me feel sick.

"Oh, of course not, dear! It'll be an insemination, I won't even see Kriss if you don't want to" he said while putting his clothes on again, that was the worst part when I was so used to see him wearing nothing, it almost hurt.

"That would be great, actually" I wrapped myself in the sheet and hugged him by his back.

"Since when are you so jealous, America Schreave?" he turned his head to kiss my cheek.

"Since I entered the Selection, actually, you know how hard was it to watch you being cute with other 34 girls? Then he took me by waist making me face him.

"I can't imagine how awful it must've been" and his lips met mine again as I rested my arms on his shoulders making him get closer to me, I didn't want to face that there was other people in the world, I didn't want to think that the reality was so cruel, I just wanted to have him next to me every second of the day, but I couldn't.

"We have to meet Kriss" I reminded him; he gave me a little kiss on the nose and smiled.

"Right, we're supposed to be responsible" we finished dressing ourselves and tried to fix our tired expression it might've been no use but still we had to try.

I felt like dying again, I had to breathe deeply and held Maxon's hand to have the enough strength to see Kriss again and watch my past reflected in her eyes, all that struggle, al the pain of my last days as a candidate, she somehow reminded me all of that. But still the palace's gates opened, the entire parliament was there and as we went down the stairs I saw her face once again, she still looked like she was 19, she hadn't changed not a bit and still she showed a kind smile in her pretty face.

"So good to see you again! I'm so glad you're alright" she hugged me; I have to admit that I had missed her too, Kriss might not be my favorite person in the world, but she still was a very good friend and good person.

"I'm as alright as I can be" I assured her trying to sound happy.

"Kriss, it's always an honor to have you here" she hugged Maxon too, 'Come on, don't burn with jealousy now! You promised, America, be strong!' I swallowed my angriness and smiled to her too.

"I heard you've been having troubles and I was so worried about you, but now I'm relieved to see that you're fine. Still, I'm so sorry this is the reason why I have to visit you" damn, why did she sound so honest? Why was she so angel- like? Why couldn't I just hate her?

"Thank you for caring about us so much, and don't worry… it's so nice from you to try to help" I decided it would be better if Maxon didn't say a word to her; it was strange to feel that threatened by her when I was the princess and his wife.

"Oh, America. I would do anything I can to help you, I came as soon as I heard you needed me… oh, wait! I'm supposed to call you highness right?" she even was cute when she made a mistake! It would be like hell to try not to feel so jealous about her.

"It's ok, you're my friend, you can call me whatever you want to" and that was the same thing I told everyone.

"You haven't changed a bit" she said happily.

"Neither have you" she was still the same girl I had to share Maxon's heart with once, and now I had to started doing it again, my husband wouldn't love her of course, but he would love her child, unless I would've sent the baby to New Asia as soon as he or she was born, but that would've been cruel, I was surely angry but the baby wasn't guilty about that. We guided her into the palace and for our good luck Marlee and Carter were looking for us.

"Marlee?" Kriss said joyful but Marlee just froze at the view, she didn't look so happy but I gave her a death glare so she would smile too.

"Kriss! It has been so long" she laughed and approached to kiss her cheek, Carter asked something with his lips: Who the hell is she? , 'She's the mother of my kid' I answered and he nodded.

"Right, how have you been?" she took Marlee's hands.

"Oh, you know how the married life is…" she winked at me and I smiled.

"Not really, I'm not married… If I was I wouldn't be here" she answered, really? Miss Kriss Ambers aka sunshine didn't have any suitors? The whole country loved her! Or maybe it was the fact she was a rebel, but who on earth could know that?

"Oh, sorry then, but… thank you for coming anyways! Silvia told me to lead you and the princess to the woman's room so we can discuss your duties a little more privately" she took my hand.

"Sure. I'll see you later, honey" I kissed my husband on the cheek and walked to the Woman's room along with Marlee and Kriss, with so many "friends" of mine there we only needed the other 31 girls to make a "Selection candidates reunion" but I wouldn't do that, not without Celeste, and I wouldn't take my cat!

"You have to tell me everything about the palace, America! I was so excited to be back!" and I couldn't think a good reason why, oh wait! She was going to have the crown prince's kid, how couldn't she be excited?

"That's good, you know… taking in consideration that you're here for the wrong and not so good reasons" Marlee looked a bit concerned.

"What are you saying?" she asked a little confused, Marlee smiled kindly.

"I'll wait for you inside" and she got in, it would've been easier to control myself if she had stayed.

"Look, Kriss, this is a really difficult matter for me and I'm not blaming you when you have done nothing wrong, it's just that… If I act a little cold around you, I beg you to understand my reasons" I had to explain the pain I was feeling so she didn't think I hated her.

"I completely do, America. And I don't want you to feel bad around me or anything, I just came here to help" she assured me.

"And I know you came here with the best intentions but… just try to think about it. All I want in the world is to give Maxon everything he wants, and not being able to do this, just breaks my heart, it's not like it's your fault but… I can't help of feeling a little hurt…"

"Why? I don't mean to make you feel bad"

"I know you don't, but… you're someone special to me, Kriss, it's obvious that I'm a little uneasy with this, it feels like betrayal" I started feeling a little dizzy and not understanding the weight of my words

"Ok, if you think I came here to steal Maxon away from you or something, please reconsider it… don't misunderstand what I'm doing"

"Of course not, but… you have to have a clear idea of what is your place in here" I closed my eyes hoping that could make me feel better.

"I perfectly know that, America. You don't need so much drama; I'm not going to do anything I'm not supposed to, I'm not that kind of woman, ok?"

"I didn't say you were…" I leaned against the wall.

"Well, your words say another thing, you should thank me for being willing to do this" now she sounded angry, but I didn't mind, I couldn't think about anything.

"You're here just because I can't do it, I know that… but you had once feelings for Maxon and that makes me feel insecure" I started shaking, what was wrong with me?

"But it's over! You won, ok? You're the princess, Maxon chose and loved you and only you and I'm not here to change that so don't say that kind of things to me"

"I don't really know what I'm saying right now" I felt empty somehow, and it seemed like the earth was breaking under me and I couldn't see her face anymore, her words sounded distant to me.

"Oh, please, don't pretend that you're sick, it's pitiful, especially on a princess!"

"No, really, Kriss. I'm not ok!"

"You already said what you said, America! Don't try to fool me!"

"I'm not trying anything, I just…" I didn't get to finish my sentence; all the strength I had left was gone, the light faded away, and the coldness of my own blood made me shiver, I couldn't feel my body anymore and all I saw was darkness.

To be continued…

Dreamer.