I woke up making a great effort to open my eyes, everything was blurry and I could hear voices but not understand what they were saying, unfortunately I noticed that Kriss was there too, I could hear her trying to calm Maxon. I was at the nursery of course, laying in one of the beds and my husband held my hand, he was so cold, he must've been frightened.

"Darling, are you ok?" he asked me when I finally could see him clearly.

"I think so… do you have any idea of what happened to me?" my head felt heavy and I started to shake a bit.

"Since when haven't you eaten?" he asked with a worried but still acussing look.

"Since they told me…" I gave a quick glance to Kriss, I didn't want to hurt her after all I had said but he asked it, I bit my lip " that we were going to have visits" he sighed.

"Three days? I know you're a bit risky, but suicidal?" I was a bit embarrased, was I overreacting?

"I was depresive, don't blame me…" I tried to sit on the bed, bad idea I was still a bit dizzy.

"I didn't know you were feeling so bad, sorry…" said Kriss, she didn't look at me but her tone expressed guilt somehow.

"No, I was terribly rude with you, I might feel sick but that doesn't mean I had to treat you like that…" I was probably blushed, what was happening to me? Why was I sad at the point of fainting?

"It's ok, you should get some rest for now, I'll go see the doctor to tell him you're awake" she went out, I took a deep breath.

"I guess you were about to lose your head?" he showed a tender smile and stroked my hand.

"You have no idea… Kriss was screaming like crazy, she got really scared and I… for a moment I thought, I just saw you so pale and I almost died, just when I thought things were going to be better… is all this fuss really about Kriss, America?" he had his doubts of course, but he didn't see farther than what he thought was happening.

"No, not at all! Kriss is not the center of my world!" I tried to explain myself.

"Who is it then?" I was surprised that he didn't know it.

"You are…" my voice broke. "You know… when I finally figured that I had lost it all?" he shook his head slowly, I showed a sad smile "When I understood that I couldn't give you what you deserve or you need, this isn't about who's having your baby or not… it's the fact that it can't be me" he got closer to hug me softly.

"You know I don't blame you for this" he might not, but I did, it wasn't like I could've changed it. Things were what they were at that moment, but instead of trying to move on I just drowned in my own misery.

"You don't need to be sorry about a thing. It's not anyone's fault, actually… I've been so theatrical these days, I won't do it again, I promise…" that little accident was like a sign that I had to stop feeling like the whole world was going to hell, I had to accept it and move on, after all… there's no pain that lasts a hundred years.

"America, for the love of God! I almost threw myself off the balcony!" Marlee opened the door suddenly and came running to me. "Now I'll have to watch you like a little child all day long, you can bet that! I'll make you fat if I have to but you will not starve again, you heard me?" I giggled a bit.

"It's not like the first time that I've starved in my life" I reminded her, she looked down feeling embarrassed.

"Well, it's the first and the last time you'll do it while everyone tries to take care of you, I don't care if you need some privacy or whatever! I won't leave you alone ever again, highness" she hugged me tenderly and I nodded.

"Thank you and I'm sorry I worried you all so much, it's not as bad as it seems…" they both looked at me and then looked at each other.

"You really think so?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, I'll be better is not so serious…" I assured them.

"Look at your wrist, the doctor had to give you serum… you almost died, my love" ok, I was actually worse than I thought, what the hell was I doing?

"Right… I'm so sorry" I needed to clear my mind desperately, God know what I could've done if I didn't stop thinking about what was going on.

"You want me to kick Miss Sunshine out? You just say it and I will!" Marlee offered; there were obvious reasons why she was my best friend.

"No, we need her… And I'll be okay soon" I tried to calm them, or I tried to calm me.

"Oh, we'll make sure you'll be okay. I'll have to tie you on the bed so you won't run out!" Marlee surely was the most worried in the entire situation.

"Hey, that's my work!" said Maxon with a wink.

"Too much information, highness…" said Marlee uncomfortable, we both laughed.

"I meant as a good husband, Miss Woodwork! Please watch your words" this time the three of us laughed.

"I swear to God I'll be better! I just need a new hobby or whatever…"

"Yeah, right. Any distraction will be better than: Let's see how many days can I spend alive without eating a thing!" I did not know why I was behaving so outrageously.

"I'm sure you'll be very busy, so don't worry… Just thank that Silvia had mercy on you" I froze with that, Silvia must've been burning with anger.

"You know what? I don't feel better actually; tell her I'll have to spend a week locked in here!"

"No way, miss. We only have one week and a few days left if you've noticed…." He was right; we had not much time left.

"I guess that the nightmare is only starting…" I whispered.

And of course, Silvia had to scold me even just an hour after I got out of the nursery, was that what Maxon called "mercy"?, I wasn't completely recovered but I had much to do, like I wanted to do something. Sometimes pain is so great that it makes you want to die at the second, but what kind of pitiful and selfish girl would do that?

"We understand that you're going through hard times, princess. But this is stepping out of the line! Your country is on your hands and you're trying to kill yourself? What would we do if something like that happened? And don't make me get started with Prince Maxon! I can't believe you're so irresponsible! When are you going to become fledged woman?" I had heard her so much times that now her words didn't hurt anymore.

"I said I'm sorry like a thousand times! You think I wanted this? Of course not! I was sad; I forgot I was a human being! That's it, it's over… and in fact you should thank me because if I actually would've wanted to kill myself, I wouldn't be here talking to you…" I finished talking with a sarcastic smile. Marlee was shivering.

"Sometimes I just don't know what to do with you…" she sighed and tried to calm down. I couldn't blame her for saying that; no one knew what to do with me anyways.

"Don't do anything then!" I advised her, she gave me a death glare. I shook my head "You wouldn't say anything if your husband was having a baby with another woman…"

"Fine, that's it! You'll get sick again! Silvia, she already knows she did wrong so stop reminded it to her! America, she only wants the best for you, we all do! So let's stop feeling bad for ourselves and focus on what's really important here! Okay?" Marlee left us speechless "Okay, then" she smiled and took out her agenda.

"What happened to her?" Silvia asked me with a low voice.

"I guess she's also tired of me…" I answered, now she just seemed the always so angel like Marlee, but a second before she was a mad devil, the whole palace was a little crazy those days.

"Ok, so… the first thing, you haven't told the people about that we are already done with the eighth cast, when are you planning to say it out loud?" I completely forgot about everything with Kriss and the whole baby thing.

"I was supposed to tell everybody when we ended it but… it obviously wasn't like that, so… I think I'll just say it at the next report and that's it" that was my answer, I had no brain left.

"Just like that? No preparation, no warning? You shouldn't take this so easily, highness. Have you thought about the consequences?" yup, she was especially annoying that day.

"Of course I have, Silvia! We've been doing this for three years! They deserve to know as quick as possible, that if they haven't found out yet…" it was far too easy to see that the rules of Illéa were changing; I didn't know why she was so worried about everything the whole time.

"It's a big change, highness…" she reminded me.

"The hell it is! But is something that has to be done one way or another, and we're already making progress, it's too late to stop it right now, because I know that's what you've thought about this complete matter, I'm not backing up, and if you remember…. It was Maxon himself who decided to start with this" it was good to shut her mouth sometimes.

"I… haven't said anything, highness" that was it; she would have to understand me the good or the bad way.

"Good, keep that up" Marlee giggled a bit at my comment, I winked at her.

"She has just shown who has the crown on in here!" she said with a smile, this time we both laughed.

"Well, one thing I know for sure is that the princess recovers soon from all her problems…" said Silvia looking at me suspiciously.

"You know how much I wish that was true…" I was just good at hiding things from people, I couldn't be totally fine yet. And I prayed to know if I would be fine any time soon.

In the afternoon I had not much to do, Marlee ran to fix some of her "marriage problems" that I didn't know about, was she fighting with Carter lately?, Maxon was tied up with work as always, Silvia was still a bit hurt for my previous talking and I had no idea of where the hell could Aspen be, you should be thinking… what about Kriss? Nice joke, I didn't want to see her face not even in a painting! So I just went to my room to find my kitten sleeping above the mirror of my comber, I can swear that almost gave me a heart attack.

"What are you doing there, Celeste? Get down in this moment!" she was so little and fragile, how the hell did she get there? I was afraid she would fall but I wasn't tall enough to get her down, she yawned tiredly and meowed. "I don't care if you're tired, miss! Be a normal cat and sleep in your own bed!" was I talking to my pet? Yes, I was officially sick somehow. But then I understood why had she fallen asleep up there, she couldn't go down.

"Tell me this isn't happening!" I had to stood on the chair and almost break my arm to catch her, but she was too afraid, but then she finally fell right on my hand, or maybe held on to my hand with her kitten claws, she was hurting me but if I left her she would fall again. I sat on the chair and left her in my lap while stroking her head, how she could be so peaceful while I dying inside? Ah, of course! She was a cat! She did not care about that.

She had nothing to deal with that terrible matter that was going on; she had no reason to worry about a thing, and… neither had I, I was no longer inside the problem, Kriss would take care of that so why did I have to be so concerned about it? I know it's kind of a dumb metaphor, but that was the only thing I thought about. Maxon asked me to stay out of it, it wasn't because he was being unfair, and it was because he didn't want me to get hurt, I should've known from the start. He knew how heartbreaking it would've been for me, so he had to be harsh and tell me to stop thinking about it, at least he tried to, because there was no way for me to forget it and move on, it was far too awful and though everyone tried to ease the pain, it was just impossible.

I just had such a bad luck, it was something that was a punishment for all my nonsense for sure, but even that would achieve to change me, and I was convinced of that. Did I have to go through hell and back to give up only for that little thing? Of course not! I had one less problem to take care of, it wouldn't be me who would be pressured to have a kid, it wouldn't be me the one whose body would change in a terrible way, it wouldn't be me who would have to eat for to and it wouldn't be me who would have to break herself into two when the baby was born! I actually was the winner in some way, Kriss's self would be shattered while I stayed the same as always.

But it would be her who would have Maxon's complete attention, it would be her who would have a special connection with him, it would be her who would be called "mother" by my husband's kid. Thinking about it more carefully, there was absolutely no way I could win in that whole situation! What if… their feeling were reborn? What if Maxon decided he loved me no longer? What if he discovered that his least good option had become his wife? What would happen to me? Would I be able to live after all that? My thoughts were making me dizzy and I felt a sharp pain inside me, I looked down but Celeste was already asleep again, I had to calm down, I wasn't supposed to think about a thing, maybe my body was only getting worse than recovering.

I felt uncomfortable and trapped inside my room, so I left the kitty on my bed and went to the door of Maxon's room, I realized that I had not had much time to be observant with what was on the walls, I had never realized he had so many pictures of me, like a paparazzi or something. There was one where I was laughing with Marlee while drinking tea, and the other one while hugging his mom, another one where I was looking at the garden from my balcony, and the first picture they took of us together when he had tickled me so I'd smile, or the one with all the other 34 girls. And another one talking to Nicoletta along with Kriss, but most of them were from our wedding and the coronation. What a cute way to keep his memories, maybe his camera was already full of my pictures. He also had something there in the video player, and as curiosity killed the cat, I thanked myself for leaving Celeste in the other room. When the image appeared I remembered everything; it was my first interview as a candidate of the Selection.

"Please present yourself, miss." It was Silvia, she sounded much more excited and happy back on those days, I just looked annoyed and tired.

"I'm America Singer, I'm a five, I'm 17 years old and I represent Carolina in the selection, for my good luck…" I remember I tried to make that sound believable, but I was just so angry and heartbroken by Aspen that I could hardly think about something else.

"What do you think about Prince Maxon, Lady America?"

"Really? He's such a…" I had something like "jerk" in mind, but then I thought about that everyone loved the prince"… great person, with a big and giant …" again I thought about saying "ego", but thought about it better "… heart. He will be a great king for sure" such a liar.

"What about your partners, the ladies of the selection? Have you met anyone yet?"

"Well, they seem cute, funny, very smart… oh! And they have nice hair! What else do you need to be a princess?" falling in love with the Prince, that was actually all you needed to be the princess. I wondered if I had nice hair. Such a difficult question…

"Nice thoughts. And now what would make you a good princess?" I snorted a bit of confused and angry.

"We just talked about the other 34 girls in here! Any of them would be a better princess than me! And I guess that their "cheerful" attitude will make them win in one way or another, but… If you really want to know that much about me, let's just say that if I hypothetically would win, you should be ready for some big changes" and smiled; I reminded that Silvia looked at the camera man worried, no doubt of why.

"Ok… that should be fine, Thank you, Lady America…" my expression turned into a bit worried and nervous.

"Wait! Who was going to see this?" I bit my lip.

"We're going to show it at the Report, miss" Silvia answered calmly, I was completely scared.

"What?! Okay … well then, sorry mom!" I blushed; guess some things never end, 'You're a disaster, America Singer. But you're good at scaring people with unnecessary honesty.' I thought and turned the TV off. I looked again to the pictures of my wedding and saw some letters at the end of one, it showed Maxon and me giving our first kiss as husband and wife, I approached to take a look, it said: My darling America, I'll love you forever. I couldn't believe that answers showed up so fast! Just a second ago I was about to go crazy thinking about what could happen between Maxon and Kriss, and know I was smiling stupidly at a wall.

"Honey, something wrong?" I turned to see him at the front door.

"Oh, no. Absolutely not…" I assured him. He smiled suspiciously.

"Since when do you enter the Prince's Chambers without permission, highness?" he asked, I giggled.

"Since we got married, actually…" I hugged him tight. "You know? It is still the best moment of my life…" he softly kissed my neck,

"Really? You have only one? Of course that's one of my favorites, but I have thousands of them!" he said with a smile.

"Which ones are your favorites?" I asked; he stroked my cheek tenderly.

"Well, that time we kissed on the roof, or maybe the first night we met, what about when we made that ridiculous bet I was so happy for loosing?..." I laughed at those embarrassing but still cute memories "but the one I love the most… is when you finally said you loved me".

"I still do, and I'm perfectly sure that it will never change… "I blinked fast to stop the tears from coming out. Hell, I was so sentimental! "And that's why I've been so intolerable these days… I'm disappointed at me, that's all" but I couldn't stop the tears any longer, I turned so Maxon wouldn't see my sad expression to face the wall again, it was better to see the good times in front of me than thinking about the awful time I was living at the moment.

"How many times will I have to say that's not your fault so you believe it?" he held my shoulders.

"I'm not blaming myself… I'm just sad because… I've always wanted to give you everything I have… and now it has to be someone else, what's the point of having a wife if she can't make you joyful and happy all the time?" it was such nonsense, didn't you get married so you could be happy with the one that completes you?

"America Schreave Singer, what on earth are you saying? Of course you make me happy, dear! If I wouldn't have you I would be lost!" he hugged me by the waist and I stroked his hands, I sighed.

"I just think you would be better if you had someone who could actually give you children…" he turned his face to see me eye to eye.

"How longer are you going to keep this up?"

"Until I don't feel useless anymore" that was my answer.

"You surely are a hard nut to crack… what makes you think you're useless?" he smiled as sweet as always.

"You even have to ask?" I looked down.

"Darling, you did what no one dared to, you've changed the monarchy, the people and the whole country upside down, you made Illéa become a nation of fighters, you've made me even braver and you made the most terrible and bratty Princess of the entire world get jealous of someone that wasn't born under royal blood! You're such a character, America!" well, he was right at that last part, It actually had been fun to see Princess Daphne that mad.

"That only means I'm a troublemaker" we both chuckled a bit.

"I don't want you to say something like that ever again, ok? You're perfect just the way you are, and I wouldn't change a thing of you… because, let's face it! You wouldn't be my sweet and crazy wife if you were not just like you are now, I could not love you as much as I do if even a small part of you was different than it really is.

"If you say so…" I kissed his cheek and he tightened the hug.

"Wow, how did you do that?" he said laughing.

"Do what?" I smiled.

"That thing with your…" he pointed at my waist where his other hand was resting, I looked at him confused. "Never mind, too much working may burn the neurons too…"

"Or maybe too much stress!" I turned to place my arms on his shoulders again.

"Or maybe both of them, but everything turns heavenly like when I'm next to you" how could I help of kissing him insanely happy with those words? The man had his ways to melt my heart!

"If you continue with that kind of flirting I won't let you out of this room ever again!" I said in between kiss and kiss.

"And you don't know how much I would like that but… we have company to take care of, dear… the dinner must be ready by now…" he reminded me, I scowled.

"If you don't remember, Kriss is not a baby she'll just have a baby, she can eat on her own!"

"Of course she can, but that would be rude from us" why did he have to be such a gentleman?

"Freaking royal manners… Fine, but don't you dare to go there without me!" I held his hand and he kissed it.

"Never, my love" he closed the door behind us as we went out.

Just as he had said, Marlee, Carter and Kriss were waiting for us at the table. Marlee was a bit angry, she looked at Kriss with a death glare and cut her food so strongly that seemed to break the plate. Carter was scared and Kriss was nervous of course.

"Sorry, we're late…" said Maxon, we decided to seat in different places so Kriss wouldn't be so uncomfortable.

"No problem, highness..." said Kriss with a bright smile. Marlee snorted annoyed.

"This idiot is such a bootlicker!" she said with her lips.

"Be kind" I answered.

"Look who's talking" ok, maybe I wasn't the only one who was a bit moody.

"So, is it weird to be back to the palace?" Maxon said as friendly as always. My love, he never knew when he had to talk or not and with who or not.

"Not at all, Maxon! It's actually familiar and exciting, I have no trouble at being back… and of course I won't have trouble to stay a bit more if you require it, because of the baby, you know…" that just make me froze, we definitely had to talk about that. I tugged my ear hoping that he wouldn't have forgotten our secret signal that we hadn't used in so long, he just nodded.

"That's… very nice from you".

"And if you need some more time to prepare for the conception I would be totally glad to give it to you!" she said that sounding incredibly honest, I could swear that everyone was shocked. I tugged my ear again, we also had to talk about that, he nodded again.

"We actually were thinking about hurrying this matter a bit, we have not much time left, Kriss…" he reminded her.

"Oh, right! It was just in case… as you're so busy and America is a little sick, you should take it easy…" she even sounded cute when she was saying nonsense! Why did life have to be so cruel?

"This can't be easy in any way, Kriss dear" said Marlee sounding not kind at all.

"I have that on mind, Marlee. But I intend to stay here as long as they need me to, and… God, they need me desperately!" and I tugged my ear again, harder this time, what the hell was all that?

"Ok, I get it, America! God, you're making me nervous!" Maxon kind of exploded.

"Did I say something wrong?" Kriss asked a bit concerned.

"Did you say something right?" where was my always so friendly and nice Marlee? She was strange that day, and not strange in the good way.

"Well, well… they say that time changes people but this is just shocking, Marlee… what have I done to you?" it was about to get ugly, and not just because of that little discussion, when the servant brought my food something inside me made me feel dizzy, perfect! I was still sick. I wasn't really hungry, but if I didn't eat something I would have ended in the nursery again.

"To me specifically? Nothing much! To my best friends and my country? Everything!" she let down her fork on the table and it made a strong sound.

"Marlee, for the love of God… "Said her husband ashamed.

"No, don't try to stop me right now, Carter! You're such a whimsical and smug little traitor! Have you any pride left? How could you accept this?" she stood from her chair, I couldn't even breathe.

"Calm down, ok? It wasn't my idea, the parliament asked me to help and that's what I'm doing" Kriss on her side was completely calmed as always.

"Well, I think it actually was your idea! You think that nobody knows that you were crazy obsessed with Maxon? God, Kriss! How blind can you pretend you are?"

"I'm not saying any of that…"

"It doesn't matter what you say, little bitch! It is actions that count… you know what? I'm out of here! This much stupidity and cruelty is making me sick!" Carter tried to stop Marlee from leaving the dining room but it was too late, an ugly silence spread around the room.

"I'll go with her…" I wanted desperately to know what happened to her so I stood up and also left. But it wasn't such a good idea. It was raining terribly and it looked like all the officers of the palace were outside waiting for something.

"Officer Deaton! What's going on?" I called him, and then I heard that someone was following me.

"We were just about to leave, your highness" he answered.

"Leave? Where are you going?" Maxon stood behind me.

"America, why did you leave like that?" I raised my hand so he would stop talking and I could talk to the officer.

"To New Asia, princess. His highness told us to leave as soon as possible to make sure that the emperor's army won't attack…"

"Everyone is going there?" I asked a bit worried.

"If you're thinking about Officer Leger, yes, we're all going there" that was enough for me to understand everything.

"You're sending them to New Asia on their own?" I yelled at my husband.

"It's the only way to prevent an attack!" he defended himself.

"Aspen is getting married and you're making him go to a place where death is not a possibility but something that surely will happen? What's wrong with you?"

"I'm trying to protect you!"

"And what about your people? They may be soldiers but they count on us too! You know that the emperor is totally crazy; he won't hesitate to kill them all if he wants to! How could you be this selfish?" I walked to my room with tears in my eyes. It hurts a lot to be disappointed about yourself, but it hurts even more to be disappointed at the one you most love.

To be continued…

Dreamer.

PD: Just have a little hope, my readers! Things get better when you less expect it ;)