I hear screams, Marlee's desperate words trying to stop me. The same nightmare again, everyone thinks I've gone out of my mind, I don't really care and keep my eyes down, but Marlee's begs are too loud to ignore, Kriss and Carter both hold her, she tells her that it's going to be alright and that it was my choice to go with them, Carter tries to hide his pain and concern as he holds his wife, but it's useless, what they don't understand is that braveness comes with a price. The Emperor threatens me once again, if I try to escape or if someone follows me… Maxon or my baby will suffer the consequences. I want to scream, I want to hit him, I want to run away on my own and look for my husband, but I can't, I keep my head down as the warm tears full of rage fall down my cheeks, I can't stop thinking about my family, my country, my friends, my son, everyone will be affected by my choice, and I'm scared; but I don't show it, he can't know that he somehow frightens me, I have to be or at least pretend to be strong facing him, it's the only way.
As always, the image changes suddenly, I'm lying down in a bed, there's five people with masks surrounding me, there's someone standing in the front of the bed but I can't see him because of my large belly, my hands and feet are tied so I can't escape. One of the doctor inserts a small knife in there, I yell terribly but I'm unable to feel pain, I'm terrified because I don't understand what's happening,; just when the blood starts to come out, one of the Emperor's guards enters bringing Maxon by his arm, he looks tired and hurt, pale and with lots of bruises, I wish I could do something, but I can't move. I feel lots of hands inside and outside my body, what are they doing? Are they killing my son or am I in labor? My question is answered in less than a minute; the head doctor removes the last skin layer and takes something out of my womb.
My little baby, my precious creature, my beautiful prince, being touched and taken away from his mom by those miserable people, he cries, we also do, the three of us, but he's louder of course. They don't even let me see him and when Maxon tries to approach him, the guard hits him strongly in his stomach leaving him lying on the floor, why did they bring him if they didn't want him to see his son? Oh, right! They're torturing us! I keep shouting so they give me my baby, but they've become deaf at my supplications. It's too late; the child is being carried out of the dark room. The Emperor says: "They're useless now, especially her" one of his guards points me with his gun and after that, everything gets even darker, the pain in my heart grows bigger and I seem to feel lighter. I don't really mind dying at that point; I would have done it anyways. Drowning with my own tears and suffering or either living watching how my husband and I were mistreated for the rest of our existence.
I wake up sweating with tears in my eyes, I'm shaking and the first thing I think is the first thing I do, he's still there, he hasn't been taken away from me, he's right there small and perfect for a one month old baby. Yes, one month and two weeks of pregnancy, and practically one month and three weeks of confinement. When I just got to the Emperor's haven everything seemed so cruel and ridiculous, he didn't let me see Maxon, but he surely wouldn't do anything to him, he knew what would I do if he dared to take a misstep, and though just thinking of it hurt terrible and it made me sick, I had to admit that I might not had another choice. But I couldn't leave them, my family, the people I love the most, one was with me always, we were inseparable literally and the other one was around too, but we were just together in our thoughts. I sometimes hear him scream at night, demanding the guards to bring me to him, but they just ignore them, if they touch him they know what will happen. I still don't know what this whole baby fascination is about, maybe Kriss was right and they want to keep my kid captive so they could always control our lives, country and decisions. I couldn't let them win.
And maybe New Asians were awfully smart, but they let something slide when they brought me to "my room" under the bed there was a radio in perfect condition, Kriss knew they still used those things to transmit messages especially in wartime, she taught me how to configure it to contact the palace, whenever he had any information or trouble I could tell her smoothly, of course I had to be careful with someone could hear me, And just now I had a problem.
"Kriss, Kriss can you hear me?" I whispered begging that she would, after that horrible and recurrent nightmare I needed to hear anyone's voice to convince me that it was not real, that he didn't lose yet, that there was still hope.
"America, I'm here, is everything alright?" She sounded calm and yet worried about me, I felt guilty; maybe she had been busy or resting a bit.
"Not really, I'm having terrible nausea and the baby won't stop moving, it happened… again" I tried my best to cover my teary voice but it was useless-
"By the Lord, try to breathe, ok? With so many concerns you have…. It's terrible for the child." She sighed before the last sentence she said, she pressured herself way too much, we all did, we were desperate for a solution, or rather maybe… making the solution begin.
"I need to see him, Kriss. It has been one month! He has been a father for one month, I have been here for almost one month! And he cannot know!" I cried as low as I could, everyday spent without Maxon was a nightmare, day or night, I couldn't live peaceful without him.
"I already told you that it's dangerous! I've sent some of my people to cheek where could he be and they've found nothing! Please be patient, we'll find him and when me make sure that he's fine, we'll proceed with what we planned, but until then… God, just wait a bit more and stay out of trouble, understood?" she sounded like she didn't know me at all. The question was: When did I not get in trouble?
"I cannot stay here doing anything while Illéa falls into pieces" I reminded her.
"And what if you start falling into pieces? America, listen to me, they trust you. You are their only hope; if they don't have you… they don't have nothing, and neither any of us, not your siblings or your mother, or Marlee or Carter, not me! And especially not Maxon. If you do anything reckless right now, they'll end with you and that's it. I can't let that happen" I was being a little selfish I know, but between my country and all my loved ones dying than sacrificing my own life, the second option was the most viable. The thing was that I wouldn't only be sacrificing my own life.
"I won't stand being here much longer, can't you just get me out?" I didn't know what big difference would it make, but I just wanted her to understand that I wanted to see my husband and that was it.
"He'd notice and it would be our end. Don't you know what a hostage is for? They're using you and the baby to manipulate the whole nation, if we take a fake step, it'll all go to hell, Illéa will be nothing but ashes and we'll just become one of the Emperor's annoying memories, I don't really think you want that, so you must wait" Kriss had her own and cruel way to make me think again, the consequences would be terrible if I decided to rush, her words make me cry even more.
"But still… it'll be our end if we don't do anything right now" I said feeling my heart convulse and shrink, the agony was still there.
"It's not that we're not doing anything, America, we're doing it slowly. You know when you turn a bomb the rope must be burned first so the weapon explodes. That's just what we're doing now, we shatter the most small and insignificant part of the problem first to reach the center and completely destroy it internally, but we need some more time. It will not be much, but it is still necessary" what a smart metaphor, it helped me to calm down a bit.
"You know? I've never wanted for you to be right more than I do now…" I told myself once more that it wouldn't be much longer until we could break free. Like Kriss said, we had to begin with the small part first to reach to the biggest, and when that would happen, I would be the head of it.
The next day started as always. The guards came inside my room to wake me up, too late for them , I hadn't slept at all after I contacted Kriss. They didn't dare to touch me, the just told me the most "nice" way they could that I had to get up and meet the Emperor for breakfast. I had some of my dresses there so I picked the first one I saw and put it on, it was a big tight at the waist, no wonder why. I walked through the halls of that horrible place without any life, not being sad anymore, but burning with anger.
"Good morning, highness" said the Emperor as hypocrite and annoying as always, I didn't answer, I just sat down. The guards said something in Chinese that I didn't understand although I had taken some classes with Silvia before, there was my point! Why would I have to learn so many languages when it was useless while being captive? "You seem a bit tense today" what a motherfucker, tense he said? I wouldn't call "being tense" to that feeling of wanting to rip off his head with my own teeth, it was far worse than "being tense".
"Thank you for noticing" sweet sarcasm, I absolutely adored it.
"Well, if that's because of your husband, don't worry much about him, He'll be perfectly fine once we… send him to visit his parents" I froze for a bit and had goosebumps all over my body.
"Please, don't do it…." I said in low voice, I know that only he would hear me.
"Then you should stop the rudeness, princess. I've got a question for you…" he crossed his arms while the servants brought me the food, I couldn't eat anyways, I had a knot in my throat.
"Yes…?" I tried to cover the anger I felt.
"How much do you want to be the Queen?" I'd never thought about that, I wasn't ready for that question.
"I'm… not so sure, I just want to take care of my country" and that was not a lie, even with or without a crown, Illéa was all I had. Becoming the Crown Princess was just the price for Maxon's love, but I would've still protected my nation without being a royal.
"There you are, I'm doing a favor to you… Aren't I? You never really wanted to be the princess, and you'll never really be, so… why should you be so sad?" I strongly pounded the table and lifted my gaze to his infernal eyes.
"Having power over people doesn't mean everything in life!" I almost yelled at him, he blinked calmly and turned his chair to one of the paintings behind him.
"I can't understand why are you so damn impossible sometimes" he lifted the tablecloth and pressed a small button, the painting turned and left it a screen showing the image of someone in a cell almost equal to mine. My heart stopped when I recognized him, I ran to the wall where the screen was and shouted his name.
"Maxon! Where is he?" I started crying in desperation again.
"You think I would be as stupid as you think I am to tell you? It's useless, princess… What's done is done… " He called his guards with a sign and spoke to them "Make sure he understands his wife's message, but don't leave him unconscious"
"No, you can't do this! Don't touch him!" I shouted, two more of his guards grabbed me by my arms not allowing me to move and made me watch the screen as my husband was hit awfully and left in the floor, I also screamed when he did.
"Now he knows that you're here… happy?" he laughed and the guards did the same thing, he finally let go of me and I fell felling the nausea begin again.
"Someday I will be…" I made sure that he listened to that. He didn't see me though.
"Guess today she'll be eating half of the breakfast alone. Lead her back to the room" I had never been so pleased to hear those words, the guards approached me once again.
"You touch me again and I won't be alive by tomorrow" I told them.
"Be gentle" he replied.
"C'mon now, my love. It's ok, they won't hurt us, I won't let them do anything to you. And If we have to escape from here, we'll do it together, I promise…" I was lying on my bed feeling my son move against my skin, I tried to calm him but he knew something wasn't right. I took out the radio and listened to whoever it was. But it wasn't that easy.
"Kriss? Is that you?" the sounds were strange and hard to identify.
" …can… hear me? It's…emergency! … It… a trap!" I adjusted the controls and volume and tried to find out if he was talking to the enemy or vice versa.
"Hello? Who is it?" when I did all that I could, the speaker stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath.
"Hello" he finally said. I smiled.
"My God, Aspen! You're alive!" I tried not to yell in excitement, but I was so relieved.
"Mer? I can't believe it's you!" he sounded like crying, he was pleased to hear me too.
"It was a trap, I know… I'm so sorry, Aspen! I should've done something! I should've stopped Maxon from sending you to New Asia, I didn't know what would happen" I cried my eyes out, both for guiltiness and the precious feeling of hearing his voice again; he was alive, but safe? I couldn't say so.
"It's not your fault, America. But I'm glad we noticed soon enough, when we got here, all the army was gone, but the palace's guards took us to a prison. You'll never guess who helped us out" he sounded so calm, maybe his situation wasn't as bad as ours.
"Who was it? Are you hurt?" I wanted to ask him everything, I wanted to tell him everything, but I had to be careful.
"No, we're fine! We just need some help to go back to Illéa. Empress MingXia helped us and made sure that no one would follow us, I think she's on our side but I can't be sure because I don't know if she's aware of her husband's plans" the empress? I only know that her husband hated me, but her? Would that be possible?
"It's so good that you're alright, but I don't really know if it would be better for you to come back…" I confessed as the tears fell.
"What do you mean? Of course we have to come back! It must be a battle field over there!" and damn, he was right.
"It's true… but I can't risk any more people, Aspen… I've already been taken prisoner and he has taken advantage of it… and of my…" I could finish the sentence, it hurt way too much.
"Of your what? What's going on, Mer? " He started to get worried, I knew it.
"Of my baby… I'm pregnant, Aspen. He wants my kid! I thought that he would free Maxon if he took me, but… it obviously didn't work" he sighed in concern.
"You mean that both of you are trapped? And you're carrying his child?" he lost the small peace he had left, once again for my fault.
"That's exactly what it is. I can't escape, and the northern rebels are doing all that they can…" I did my best to try to comfort him, but I couldn't even comfort myself.
"Why am I thinking that Kriss has something to deal with this?" I had absolutely no secrets for Aspen, I would've liked to tell Maxon that little detail about Kriss, but she begged me not to, she was scared that he would think that she was a traitor or something, what she didn't know was that Maxon had met other northern rebels before.
"You're absolutely right. And it's a mess in here… you cannot come back now" It was terribly painful to tell him something like that, but I had already lost my only love, if I lost my best friend against the Emperor too, I wouldn't handle it.
"But if you need our help we must come back!" he yelled, I had to decrease de volume.
"It's not the time, Aspen. Hear me, Kriss is planning the ambush right now, when that part is done the war will come, that's when we'll need you. But before that, it's best for you to stay there" I heard someone approaching the cell and forced myself to calm down, no more tears, no more rushed confessions, just silence.
"But, what about…?" I didn't let him finish, there was no time.
"Just trust me, please! I don't want you to get hurt if it's not for a good reason. Please take care of yourself, Aspen…I'm really sorry about everything " I only had time for one more sentence before I could get caught.
"America, don't!" he knew me far too well to know what was going on.
"I love you, Aspen" and that was it, I lost the connection and left the radio under the bed again, but I stayed on the floor.
"Emperor Cho has decided to forgive you, and he has arranged an appointment with the doctor for you…" like he gave a damn about me anyways, he was just using us.
"Tell him that I'm not feeling well and that I'll see the doctor only when it's necessary" I covered my belly with both of my hands, trying to keep my child even from hearing them.
"If you're not feeling well, then it's necessary" they stood in front of me and one of them tried to grab my hand.
"You know what will happen if you dare to do it…" I threatened him.
"Well, just get up then…" I gave them a death glare and stood up the smoothest way I could. They lead me to the nursery were both the Emperor and his doctor were waiting for me.
"How's pregnancy going for you, highness?" said the doctor as sarcastic as his lord.
"Let's just say that it could be better" I lay down on the stretcher, it was useless to try to fight him.
"We're going to do an ultrasound, is that alright for you? Or should we tie you up?" said the Emperor with a huge smile.
"You should shut your mouth and that's it…" He tried to hit me but he stopped when my eyes met his. "I wouldn't do that if I was you" now it was me who has laughing. Of course they had to lift my clothes a bit to see the baby.
And there he was, my sweetheart, my little prince, how I wished that Maxon would've been there to see it, to see our little miracle. But that was impossible.
"Well, this is a true surprise… You're lucky, highness" but he wasn't speaking only to the Emperor.
"What do you mean?" he said.
"Gōngxi ni, diànxià(congratulations, highness) It's twins" he smiled once again as I started crying.
"Twins?" I asked with broken voice when I saw it for myself. There were two of them in the screen.
"Aren't you happy, highness? Just think about what your family would think! We're not having one, but two beautiful heirs! Smart and cute as their father" he said, I started crying harder.
"I can't do this!" I made the doctor get his hands off me and I ran to the door, the guards tried to grab me but the Emperor stopped them.
"Let her go…She needs to understand the weight of her own mistakes" I opened the door and tried to see where I was going with the tears filling my eyes. 'It's twins! We're having two babies and he doesn't know! Maybe he'll never get to meet them, maybe they won't even be born…' I thought to myself. But I went the wrong way, I was lost. I looked out the crack in the door of each cell in the hall to see if any of those was mine, but they were not, I went to the left and did the same with the other until I got to the last one. My heart and my babies were shaken inside
It was Maxon! He didn't lift up his gaze to see me, he probably thought I was a guard trying to kill him again. I was so happy and yet so heartbroken to see him. There was him, my everything, as sad, tired and worried as I was, exactly how he had been in my nightmares, looking like he had nothing to lose. But he was mistaken, now he had three things to lose, but he didn't know. What had happened to us? Was the Emperor right? Was I his biggest mistake? Was all this matter my fault? Could I ever make things right? It was the same questions and doubts as always, but now they had a much bigger and real reason to be asked. What had I done to him? The price of love was this difficult to pay? I wanted to call him, to tell him I had always been there, that everything would be alright, that we were having two gorgeous children! But I heard them behind me again. 'I'll come back for you, I promise' I thought to myself and went back to the main hall.
"Is something wrong? You should be in your room right now" he told me like I didn't know.
"I got a bit lost, but I'll be back there right now. It frankly makes me sick to be around you, gentleman" I found the way to my cell and left, with my heart on one hand. I loved him badly, but I couldn't sum up more miseries to his life.
After "dinner" I went back to the cell and took Queen Amberly's journal. She couldn'0t finish writing her story, but I least I could start writing mine.
It's twins, after all this time and suffering and lies, I'm having twins. It turns out that nothing of what I thought I knew was true, and I'm constantly questioning myself, it's curious how much time to think you have when you're trapped. It's awful in one way, but in other way it has helped me to clear my mind. I'm scared, I won't deny it, but I'm mad as well, I don't want to hide anymore, I don't want to do anything slowly and careful; I don't want to be the rope, I want to be the bomb. I want to make everything burst and burn, I don't want to see any of them in my way anymore, I want to mark my journey to Maxon once again, I want his eyes watching me, I want his mouth to become a smile when he senses me, I want to feel his arms around me again, I want to feel his lips against mine, I want to hear his whispers saying: I love you, in my ear. I want him back, , I want to see my mother and sibling's expression when they found out that I'm pregnant, I want to hug Marlee again, I want to laugh along with Carter, I want to apologize to Lucy for all that has happened, I want to see Aspen coming back safely, I want to thank Kriss for everything she has done for us. I want my country back, I want to become the Queen, I want to become a mother, I want to continue being a daughter, sister, wife and friend, I want my life back, I want peace, happiness and relieve. I want many things, but I'm not sure I can get them.
And that was it, I couldn't write no more, I couldn't stay quiet, I couldn't stay calm and in low profile, I couldn't wait any longer. I got up from the bed slowly and opened the cell. The guards were at the main hall, I had to distract them. I looked for a stone or something that would make a loud noise, I didn't find anything so I used the little strength I had to brake the cell's lock and throw it away, the guards came immediately.
I made my way to the main hall, following the way I had gone before, I could almost hear him breathing, something told me that he was waiting for me, I was so close. But as always something had to stop me.
The Emperor was standing at the door, he was telling something to him, but he didn't protest or yell, I hid behind the closest wall and tried to listen.
"I heard you had something important to tell me so, begin already!" the Emperor ordered.
"Please don't do anything to her, if someone has made a mistake here… that's me, just free her, that's all I ask" he had been crying for sure.
"What makes you think I've hurt her? The only one who's shattered here is you. She has not even asked about you, she has actually blamed you for this many times… I was sure that it was not your fault but she had made me doubt about it…" what was he talking about? I didn't worry about the lie about what I had said but the fact that he doubted about him.
"I don't care about any of that… just let her go… I do anything you want…" he was hurt but he didn't want to show it, how could he even think about believing something like that?
"It's too late, Prince Maxon. You see… nobody says that live doesn't give you second chances, because I've given you a lot, but you both are making it harder and harder to try to forgive you for all the mistakes you've made, it's not time to ask for mercy, don't you think?" how could he be so joyful about it? How mean could he be?
"That's not what I'm asking, I don't want you to forgive me… because she's right, this is not her fault… I chose her for my own selfish and whimsical reasons… she has nothing to deal with my issues or anything, I just wanted her by my side and I never thought about what consequences it would bring. So, as this has nothing to deal with her, there's no right to keep her in here" I couldn't believe what he was saying, but a hurt heart speaks for itself. It wasn't his mistake, I was the one who was a disaster, but we couldn't help of loving each other, was that such a sin?
"Oh, I assure you there is a reason… or should I say… two reasons?" he laughed, I just begged that he wouldn't tell him the truth, not that way, not him.
"What do you mean?" Maxon started to lose his patience.
"You'll soon find out, prince, I assure you, if nothing goes wrong. Well, as you see… I have to plan a war in case your people decides to do something they must not, but let's face it, half of your country is with us so… there won't be many problems for us. If only those fools knew that they were being used, and not as allies. Good night, highness" He was about to close the door again, but he stopped. "You know what? Here's a little gift for you, I'll leave the door open in case you want to go and look for your wife. Good luck, you'll need it to find her, but just remember that you'll never escape from here." And he left, luckily the other way. I felt so relieved, but I knew that Maxon wasn't going to move from there, I tried to walk without making any noise, but anyone can always notice when you're running.
"Your highness…" I stood behind the door trying to make him notice me.
"I thought you were already gone" his eyes went up from the floor and I saw him, so destroyed in the inside as he was on the outside.
"Well, that depends on who are you talking to…" I tried to smile as I felt like crying again.
"America!" he got up as fast as he could and hugged me tight. When his eyes met mine again he kissed every place in my face until he reached my lips.
And that was all that I needed, all the pain left, all my worries, and all my fears.
He was there, and whenever he was I was too. I had my life and hopes back.
To be continued…
Dreamer.
Hello, little readers of mine! This will be a quick message! First: I'm sorry, I haven't updated in ONE week, ONE! (or maybe two? Can't remember!)You must hate me for that, but I have a good excuse, last Saturday I turned fifteen so I had this huge party and there was no time to write with all the planning and school stuff , so please forgive me! But remember I love you all, haha! So I'll try to update more frequently. Second: if I've made you cry (that's awesome! Haha! Ok no) I'm also sorry but you see that we're getting to the happy part of the story? It won't be long until the bomb explodes ;) Third: so, I guess it'll be twins! And finally… be ready for some surprises and serious action, it's time to break free! Thank you for reading and please leave your comments, haha! Bye!