It happens a few days later. After passing her O. Hermione is swamped in homework to catch up in the N.E.W.T-level classes she's taking. She can't think of a reason to avoid doing the homework that wouldn't avoid rousing suspicion, not after all the effort she went through to study for the exams, and as a consequence Lily is glued to her side, helping her with her overdue assignments.
By the time Lily drops her off in the common room in the evening for her Prefect duties Hermione is studied out and barely has enough energy to stumble to bed and pass out. Her brain feels constantly fried. Hermione never thought that she, of all people, would actually wish she had less work on her plate.
On Friday evening, Lily has Prefect duties and Hermione hurries to finish her dinner. Finally, she can go to the library on her own and begin her research; she's spent too much time here as it is.
Hermione is heading up to the library when James pops out of nowhere.
"Hey there, Granger. I saw Evans hurrying up the stairs."
"Ah, yes, she has Prefect duties this morning."
"How dreadful, all that responsibility. Don't you think so, Granger?"
"Ah, well…"
"I was just on my way to Hogsmeade for a stroll. Care to join me?"
Hermione frowns. "Hogsmeade? I didn't know this was a Hogsmeade evening."
"Well, it's not exactly, but why should that stop us?"
Of course, Prongs the Marauder, always looking for a thrill. Hermione has to check herself from rolling her eyes. "Oh, I would love to, really, but I still have so much work to catch up on…"
"Bullocks to that! Remus told me how you're practically all caught up already."
"Practically is not completely," Hermione chastises. "Besides, my parents didn't sign the form."
James laughs but he sounds genuinely confused when he asks, "What form?"
"Don't you have forms? We do at, ah, Beauxbatons to leave school grounds. Besides, I told Lily I'd be at the library when she was done with her duties."
"Well, bugger Evans!" James exclaims, maybe a bit too loudly. "And bully for the forms, too. You know what you need, Granger? You need some fun! Now, come on." James places a firm hand on Hermione's back and Hermione finds herself being guided away from the library by James.
It's not like Hermione is a stickler for the rules, like most people who don't know her tend to think. She's broken plenty of rules in her five years at Hogwarts; but there was always a reason, always a legitimate purpose that overruled the system in place.
She's never broken the rules before to take an unproductive stroll around Hogsmeade. And yet a part of her is curious and wants to follow James. James is what Harry never had the opportunity to be, Hermione finds herself thinking, and there's something in James' carefree attitude that Hermione finds oddly reassuring. This is what Ron and Harry would have loved to do, sneak out for no reason in the evening after class, knowing they'd be breaking curfew and countless other rules. But with the fate of the Wizarding world riding on their shoulders it's not something they've ever allowed themselves to even consider.
Following James through the hole-in-the-wall secret passage that Hermione's not supposed to know about, but does know about because of Harry, is a curious experience. Similar to what Hermione imagines an out-of-body experience might feel like. It's surreal.
Then, they're in Honeydukes, lifting a trapdoor and stepping into the storage section of the store. James turns to her and presses a finger to his lips. "This is the trickiest part," he whispers. "No one can see us coming out of this room."
He opens the door a slit and inspects the shop, then he pulls it open just large enough for their bodies to slip through. He closes the door behind Hermione and pushes her along the aisles.
"How about one of those floating bubblegums? Think Remus would like one of those?" James asks loudly, pointing to a stack of candy. The shop owner looks up at them disinterestedly and then goes back to reading his newspaper.
Hermione suppresses the urge to giggle. The rebel in her stirs. She may care about her grades even when she knows they'll have no impact on her permanent record when she returns home, but this act of rebellion feels good. It feels liberating.
"I think Lupin likes his feet planted on the ground." She walks down the aisle, looking at all the candy. Most of them she recognizes, but there are some candies that have not stood the test of time. "How about this…One drop is all it takes in your best friend (or enemy's) pumpkin juice, and listen as his or her voice becomes a her or a him. What do you think? Black's drink, or Pettigrew's?"
She's only joking, but James snatches the small vial out of her hands and reads the description himself. "Sirius, definitely Sirius. Peter's too sensitive over these things. He already thinks his voice sounds like he's got a permanent stuffy nose he can't charm away."
'He does,' Hermione thinks spitefully.
To her surprise, James actually buys the vial, and then he beckons her toward the exit.
Although the sun has set there is no shortage of light. Every store in Hogsmeade has their doors open and bells jingle cheerfully as people go in and out. Hermione has never been to Hogsmeade this late, she suddenly realizes, and she's surprised at the level of activity in this remote village.
She sees stores she recognizes: The Hog's Head, The Three Broomsticks Inn, Scrivenshaft's Quilll, among others. Other stores she notices are absent, not yet having been established: Wizarding Wireless Network, Zonko's Joke Shop. And yet more stores are around that Hermione doesn't recognize, ones she knows go out of business or change with the shifting economy.
James takes her inside Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, which is so much smaller than how Hermione knows it as, though still just as pink and frilly and silly-looking. The store might not undergo extensive renovations over the course of 18 years but they do expand to add more than the two tables currently there. Hermione doubts it's the go-to location for couples now as it is in her time.
"I'd like one hot cocoa, please," James orders. Hermione hangs back, trying to avoid looking at the pink décor lest it blind her. With the stress of the O. having been weighing her down Hermione hasn't given any thought to her situation. She hasn't figured out what to do about money or textbooks.
Once they've left the store James hands her the hot beverage. Hermione can only stare at it, unsure if James is offering her a drink or giving it to her.
"Here, have it."
"Aren't you going to have any?"
"Nah, I don't like cocoa."
Hermione is baffled. What if she didn't like cocoa! Thankfully, though, she loves hot cocoa and accepts the drink. "Thank you." It's too hot to drink right away and she just holds it as they walk. James sets an unhurried pace, which Hermione finds nice. It feels like they're walking in slow motion as others around them hurry past, most likely eager to get their evening shopping done and hurry home to their families.
"So, tell me all about yourself." James turns his whole body toward her when he speaks, able to match her speed while walking sideways.
"What's there to tell?" Hermione hates this conversation. She doesn't want to talk about Beauxbatons and have to invent more lies.
"Who you are, who you want to be." James turns his body around again so he's facing forward, walking normally.
Hermione sips her cocoa. It's thick and warm and has a rich, bitter chocolate taste, balanced out by the sweetness of melted marshmallows. It's very good. Hermione will have to remember to go back to Madam Puddifoot's in eighteen years and see if they're still as good.
James' voice doesn't sound anything like Harry's, Hermione finds herself thinking. It's not as deep, and there's an easiness to his voice that Harry doesn't possess. Most of the time Harry seems to live in his thoughts, and when he talks his words are heavy with the weight he's put into them. It's not that James speaks without thinking. He just lives in the present, in the current world, and the way he speaks reflects that. Hermione envies him.
"I'm Gabrielle Granger. I want to be someone who makes a difference."
"I don't think that was quite vague enough for me."
Hermione laughs. "What do you want me to say? I'm almost seventeen years old. Other than defeating Voldemort, I don't have many long-term goals right now." The words slip out before she can censor them and she realizes her mistake before she's even done speaking.
James stares at her, mouth hanging open slightly.
"Whoa," he whispers. "No one dares say his name around here, except Dumbledore."
Hermione blushes. She can't admit that it took her almost five years before she was able to bring herself to say Voldemort's name without fear. "Being terrified of a name only grants the person even more power over you. I refuse to be controlled like that."
"I'm impressed. Smart and tenacious."
Hermione rolls her eyes. "That's not a compliment, you know."
"Sure it is. I'm very tenacious myself and I'm very proud of this fact."
Hermione laughs and shakes her head. She's not sure if James is being cute or thick-headed. They've left the village behind them and are on their way back up to Hogwarts. She realizes something else when she looks ahead, that they're almost at the Shrieking Shack.
Hermione sees the building in the distance, past the fence. She slows down. This is where James goes once a month to become a stag. Where Peter goes to become a rat. Oh, the dramatic irony.
"That's the Shrieking Shack," James says, noticing where Hermione is looking. "They say it's haunted. Students say they can hear a ghost howling at night."
"You don't believe that?"
"Well, ghosts don't usually howl, do they?"
"I've heard about this Shack. It's rather famous, you know. I've heard people say that the noises are most prominent on the full moon." She's watching James carefully, but he's a better actor than she is and she watches his eyebrows shoot up in fake surprise.
"I suppose maybe the magical qualities of the full moon must agitate whatever spirit inhabits the place more than normal."
"Have you ever snuck in?"
James looks over at Hermione, genuinely surprised this time. "What makes you think I'd do such a thing?"
Hermione shrugs. "You seem like the daredevil type. Certainly not one to be put off by rumors of ghosts or spirits."
James grins. "How do you know me so well already, Granger? Well, if you must know, I've tried. But I swear there's no way inside that Shack. Whoever built it, and supposedly died in it, must have wanted to make sure no one ever bothered them. I suppose it's for the best. The place gives me shivers."
Hermione doesn't doubt that the place gives James the shivers, but it's what type of shiver he gets that's left unsaid. Personally, Hermione can imagine this boy getting quite the thrill of transforming into a stag every month and hanging out with one of the most ferocious and feared beasts in the Wizarding world.
"Come on, it's getting darker. We're almost back to the castle." And he slips his hand into the one she's not holding her cocoa with.
Hermione doesn't realize James is reaching out to her until his touch warms her cold fingers. It also sets off the red alarm in her mind. She instinctively stiffens and jerks her hand out of James' before she can analyze the situation.
She hadn't realized how comfortable and relaxed she had been feeling until the mood's ruined and all her nerves are on edge, heightening her senses.
She sees different emotions flash across James' face – bashfulness, embarrassment, indignity.
"I'm sorry." He apologizes defensively. "I thought you… Well, you seemed like…" His cheeks are flushed red and he looks away from Hermione, the muscles in his jaw flexing visibly.
Hermione feels like a fool for having missed the signs: the impromptu visit to Hogsmeade, the hot cocoa, the looks... She's just not used to romance in her life. Her mind jumps to Harry and Cho, to Ginny and Michael: all twisted, pathetic attempts at normalcy in their lives. They're just not built for it, not with everything they've been through. Hermione feels comfortable around boys. She can be herself, as smart and obnoxious as she wants without having to worry about them gossiping with their guy friends later.
Maybe that's why she hadn't realized what James was doing. Even Krum, Hermione has to admit to herself, was nothing more than friendship and a little bit of curiosity. Romantic feelings had been flying high with the Yule Ball and Hermione had felt out of her league. Krum had just been a way to save face with Harry and Ron. There hadn't been signs to misread.
"I'm sorry. I'm not good at this. And, with Lily…" She lets her voice drift off because James is looking at her again, unsmiling, even almost angry.
"What about Evans? What the bloody hell has that girl been saying about me now?"
Hermione is stunned by the venom in his voice, the anger and violence that drip from the curse words. Has she ruined everything? "No, nothing. I just thought… Nothing. I'm sorry. I really did have a lovely time, James."
It's the first time Hermione's says his name and it feels weird in her mouth. It feels odd stretching her mouth wide like that instead of opening it like for Harry's name.
James doesn't say anything. He shakes his head and lets out an aggravated sigh, and then he turns and starts walking back up to the castle. This time, Hermione has to jog to keep up with his pace. He leads her to the secret passage that sees them safely into the castle, bypassing the entrance door guarded by the Head Boy, anxious to take points from poor students who stayed out on the Quidditch pitch too late and missed curfew.
Hermione tries to tell James that she's sorry again, but when they reach the common room James makes a beeline for the dorms and calling after him would just cause a scene. The common room is full of students studying or hanging out with their friends. Hermione hates creating a scene for others to gawk at more than anything.
She can see James' friends sitting by the fireplace though, and out of the corner of her eye Hermione sees Sirius looking at her. Hermione meets his eyes. She can't decipher his expression but she can tell that he's not pleased with her. Hermione ducks her head and heads to her dorm as well.
It doesn't take long before Lily joins her in the room. Hermione's changed into her pajamas and is lying down on the bed staring up at the ceiling and thinking of how she's royally fucked up, in more sense than one, but the most important is that she's made James think Lily is talking trash about him. How in the world is she going to fix that?
Lily pulls back a curtain and takes a seat on Hermione's bed before pulling the curtain closed again.
"I was surprised when you weren't at the library like you said you would be," Lily starts quietly. A couple of the other girls have already gone to bed. It's close to ten o'clock, though it hadn't felt like that to Hermione when she'd been out. "But then I overheard Black and Lupin talking about how Potter had snuck off to Hogsmeade and I had my doubts."
Hermione sits up in the bed, propping the pillow behind her back. She briefly considers denying it, making up some other story, but then she scolds herself for even thinking of lying. She owes Lily so much more than that.
So she tells Lily everything, about James whisking her off, walking around Hogsmeade, the Shrieking Shack, and even about James taking her hand.
"I didn't enable him, Lily, I swear. I pulled my hand back immediately. I thought he'd invited me purely out of friendship. I hope you don't mind."
Lily frowns when Hermione finishes, and then her eyes widen. Her laugh startles Hermione. She's having a fit of laughter and Hermione is lost as to the cause of it.
"Mind? Why would I mind? Gabi, you don't seriously think there's something between Potter and me?" She laughs harder at that, as though the idea is the most hilariously absurd thing she's ever heard.
Hermione is blushing. Of course she'd deduced they weren't together, but… "I saw you two together my first day here. You seemed close. And then he's always teasing you…"
Lily finally calms down, and after a few hiccups of a chuckle, stops laughing. "That prick has been trying to impress me since first year. I've never liked the way he acts – arrogant and confident, like he's a present we should be thrilled to be offered. But he's always been a bully. Okay, yes, he seems to have mellowed out this year, I haven't seen him bully anyone yet, but Gabi," Lily grasps Hermione's hands in hers and looks at her straight in the eyes, "as a friend, I'd recommend you stay away from him. It's been two weeks and I promise you this is a front to gain your attention. He'll soon be back to pulling mean pranks at other people's expenses."
Hermione's head is spinning. She knew James was a troublemaker but she thought he bent school rules like Fred and George did, for gratuitous fun, not gratuitous violence.
"If he really has turned a new leaf," Lily is going on, "then he's all yours. But, between you and me, with the friends he's got he won't be Mr. Goody-goody for much longer."
With that, Lily gives Hermione a sympathetic smile and slips out of her bed and into her own; completely oblivious that she's left a devastated Hermione behind her.
Hermione knows that by merely existing in the past she's screwing up the timeline. But she'd thought that if she kept out of the way, if James and Lily got together, maybe there'd still be a chance she wouldn't ruin anything.
Hermione slumps back against the headboard of her bed. She's not the best-versed in girl code, but if Lily's given her the green light to be interested in James doesn't that mean Lily won't go for James herself?
Slowly, Hermione brings her hands up to her forehead and cups her head.
'What. Have. I. Done?'