a/n: There won't be any updates tomorrow (Sunday Feb 14th) but they'll resume as normal on Monday :)
One morning when Hermione is writing the date on one of her papers for class it strikes her that she's been at Hogwarts for almost a month. Her seventeenth birthday has come and gone without her even noticing it, and even though the first of October is creeping up she is no closer to getting home than when she arrived.
Although, that's not entirely true, is it? a little voice in the back of her mind whispers maliciously. Hermione puts an elbow on her desk and rests her head on her fingers. She's having a hard time listening to Professor Vector drone on about the magical properties of the number nine.
Hermione knows accessing the book she saw in the Restricted Section should be her top priority, but she suddenly got caught up in volunteering at the infirmary with Lily and James and a part of Hermione doesn't want her time here to end. It's selfish and goes against everything she believes in, but when she thinks of being torn away from Lily and Remus and Sirius and… and James…
Despite their best efforts to help the sick students, however, their conditions aren't improving at all. In fact, if anything they're getting worse. The vomiting has started up again and a few of them have been experiencing shivers so violent that Madame Pomfrey has had to cast a spell to prevent them from biting their own tongues.
Mercifully, Professor Vector lets them leave early, and she and Lily head up to the common room. They've been hanging out with the Marauders every day now, and Hermione is glad for Lily's presence as it tampers the arctic freeze that's been going on between Sirius and Remus. She's not the only one to notice the cool between the two boys, but Hermione suspects she's the only one who may know the real reason. She tentatively brings it up to James one evening when they're alone doing homework – Remus and Lily off on Prefect duties and Sirius and Peter who knows where.
"Sirius is prone to throwing temper tantrums every now and then," he answers absentmindedly, leafing through his textbook on advanced spells. "Besides," he looks up from his book and stares pensively into space, "sometimes I get the feeling that Sirius doesn't really care much for Remus. It's as though I know they wouldn't be friends if I wasn't around."
Hermione stares at James, gaping at his answer. His response doesn't sound egoistical at all, but genuinely concerned over how his two best friends may not be so crazy about each other. Hermione marvels at how oblivious boys can be. It's kind of cute, the thought pops up unwarranted in her head and she promptly stomps on it and buries it deep in her mind where it will never resurface.
Hermione doesn't forget about her vow to intervene and talk some sense into Sirius, but the opportunity doesn't present itself. Sirius keeps Peter close to him at all times and Hermione wonders if it's a ploy to keep her and Remus at bay. Hermione notices the dejected looks Remus casts Sirius' way every time they sit down for a meal and Sirius sits at the furthest location possible from him, and then when he gets up to leave Sirius calls on Peter to follow him instead of Remus.
At first, when Hermione notices how ragged Remus is looking in the mornings, she thinks that maybe Remus is losing sleep over his deteriorating friendship – or should Hermione say relationship? – until she remembers that the next day is the full moon.
That evening, Hermione makes a beeline for the couch where Sirius is flipping through a Quidditch magazine. It looks like the same one James had been reading the previous week. Even though Peter is sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the couch, Hermione goes over and sits down right next to Sirius.
Sirius makes an irritated noise in the back of throat and moves over away from Hermione, nudging Peter over with his leg. Hermione doesn't care. And she doesn't care that Peter is there. He's probably too thick to understand what she'll say anyway.
"You shouldn't be treating Lupin the way you are because of me. You're really hurting him."
Sirius peeks at her from behind his magazine and then straightens out the page again so his face is hidden from her. "Don't talk about things you don't understand."
"Oh, but I do, you see. Understand, that is." Since Sirius isn't look at her, Hermione can't convey through her eyes what she doesn't dare say out loud explicitly. That puts a real damper on her plans.
Thankfully, though, Sirius' attention, or perhaps suspicions, is grabbed and he lowers the magazine. He frowns sceptically. "What has Remus told you?"
"Nothing. He didn't have to tell me anything." Hermione leans forward. "I'm rather observant, you see."
Sirius doesn't go for the bait. He scoffs. "You don't know anything." He sneers at her, an ugly twist of the lips that Hermione thinks he's much better never doing again. "You think your cryptic talk will make me open up, but you don't know anything. I invented manipulation. You're an amateur."
Hermione sighs. Sirius really is quite the handful, she reflects philosophically. Although, the Sirius she knows has proved himself no less stubborn. She can't push the issue further and although Peter is staring at them in total confusion she's sure that even he would understand if she told Sirius that she knows he and Remus have something more going on between them than friendship. So she lets the issue drop for now.
At that moment, Remus enters the common room. He looks from Hermione to Sirius sitting on the couch, rather close to each other all things considering. Hermione thinks he's about to sit down, or at least ask what's going on, but he doesn't. He just walks on by and heads to the dorms. It's still early, but Hermione suspects he wants to get as much shuteye as possible before the full moon.
Sirius chucks the magazine aside. "I'm going to bed," he mutters darkly. Hermione watches him follow after Remus. Somehow, she doubts that he's gone after him to clear things up. So much for her brilliant plan to talk sense into Sirius.
"What was that all about?" Peter asks, nasal voice immediately waking up irritation in Hermione.
"None of your business," she snaps. Without anyone around to act as a witness, Hermione feels no need to pretend to be polite to him, but she still stands before she can say anything that Peter can complain about to Sirius or James. "You filthy rodent," Hermione mutters under her breath when she's out of Peter's earshot. Feeling a little bit better, she goes to tackle some homework before bedtime.
The day after the full moon, Hermione doesn't see the boys at all. They don't show up for any of the meals but Hermione tells herself that she shouldn't worry. They're probably too exhausted to come to class and most likely sneaking into the kitchens for nourishment.
"I cannot believe those boys!" Lily exclaims at dinnertime. "They've missed an entire day of classes. And here I thought they were turning a new leaf," she scoffs. "They better not have done anything to cost us points. I will murder them if they have!"
Hermione smiles at her rant. She knows Lily is going for the outraged Prefect act but Hermione can hear the underlying concern in her tone.
"You wouldn't murder them," Hermione teases. "Admit it."
Lily sticks out her lower lip and rolls her eyes. "Okay, okay, I wouldn't. They're kind of… starting to grow on me. Ah! There I said it. Are you happy now?"
Hermione laughs, but it does make her happy to hear that Lily is changing her opinion of the boys. Maybe there's hope still, she thinks… and then that same needle of jealousy stabs her heart.
Hermione tries to keep her mind from running wild through every worst-case scenario she can imagine that night when lying in bed, unable to fall asleep. What if something went wrong during the full moon? What if their animal instincts overpowered their human drive and someone got hurt? What if Remus attacked and overpowered them?
The thought that Hermione may have contributed to the untimely death of one of the Marauders sends Hermione into a panicked state and she has to force herself to breathe calmly to avoid having a panic attack. No, everything will be fine, she tries to reassure herself. She tries to turn her thoughts to more pleasant topics – the assignments due coming up – but her brain keeps returning to the unpleasant business of violence and blood and death, and at one point Hermione does drift off to sleep, but it's a restless sleep and she wakes up in the morning feeling more tired than if she hadn't slept a wink at all.
Hermione's mind is put at ease the next morning when she sees the boys arriving to class. They're cutting it close, but thankfully the professor hasn't arrived yet and they don't get into trouble. They look exhausted, but other than that, they look fine. Lupin has an odd expression that Hermione can't decipher, but she suspects that's only to be expected after a full moon.
"What in the world were those boys up to?" Lily whispers. Hermione thinks she may be referring to how tired they look but then Lily nods at Sirius and that's when Hermione sees it – the limp. Sirius is injured.
She can tell that he's trying to hide it and walk normally, but there's a small hiccup in his step when the pain becomes unbearable and his leg gives out right before his other foot touches the ground.
Terror padlocks Hermione's heart and her eyes swivel back to Remus. She recognizes the expression now for what it really is: guilt.
Last night's scenarios come back full throttle: has Remus attacked Sirius and wounded him? Is Sirius a werewolf now? Hermione will never be able to forgive herself if he is.
Hermione's chance to find out what happened presents itself after their last class of the day. Lily and Remus leave the class quickly to report to their Prefect duties and Hermione sees James lingering outside the classroom door, waiting for a slower-than-usual Sirius.
Anxious not to wait too long and miss the moment, Hermione makes to leave the classroom but as soon as she steps out of the doorway she turns and grabs James by the arm and pulls him into the adjacent empty classroom and slams the door shut.
James looks delighted. "I was wondering when you'd-"
"What happened to Sirius?" Hermione demands right away, not in the mood for James' light-hearted bantering. In her concern she forgets to refer to Sirius by the distancing last name.
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that. I saw him limping. What. Happened?"
James looks surprised, and then panicked. "Nothing, really! Look, two nights ago we snuck out to have some fun outside. I don't know what's going on with those two, but all of a sudden Sirius just pounced on Remus. Just like that. I was so shocked. He jumped on him and started attacking him. Remus defended himself, naturally."
Hermione feels sick to her stomach. She pushed the two into fighting. It's her fault, she knows. It could have been so much worse than a limp. "Did… did Remus hurt Sirius? Other than the limp?" She's almost too scared to hear the answer.
James frowns. "No…" he says slowly, and Hermione realizes her mistake. Why would she assume Remus hurt Sirius? Sirius could clearly take Remus in a fight any day. Well, any day that's not the full moon when Remus transforms into a very powerful, very dangerous werewolf, but Hermione isn't supposed to know about that.
"I just noticed Sirius limping, and not any of you," Hermione scrambles to explain. "I was just worried."
James gives her a soft smile. "I honestly don't know what it was all about. Sirius wouldn't say after the fact. I just hope he got it out of his system. Is your interrogation over? Can we go grab some dinner now? I'm bloody starved." He says it playfully, but Hermione can sense that he's scared Hermione may get the truth out of him if she keeps pushing.
"Sure," Hermione returns his smile. "Let's go eat." She doesn't need to push him to admit anything. She knows the truth. And then she remembers – werewolf wounds don't have the same effect on animals as humans. If Remus had attacked Sirius before he could transform, he wouldn't be able to use his leg at all. Besides, James' calm demeanour reassures her. There's no way he would be able to keep this calm if his best friend had been turned into a werewolf, good actor not.
The realization is so strong that Hermione feels her soft smile relax into something more genuine and relieved. Of course, she's being so silly. There's no way Sirius would have even been allowed to class if he'd been transformed. Dumbledore would have had to take him to the Ministry to register as a werewolf, and Remus' secret would have been exposed and no doubt Dumbledore's reputation would have been tarnished when parents found out a lethal creature had been roaming Hogwarts grounds every month for the past six years.
Hermione shakes her head, desperate to rid her mind of this new, terrifying scenario that could so easily have happened.
James is looking at her curiously. "Are you okay, Granger?"
She nods and tries her best to smile at him winningly. "Yes, sorry, just got lost in my thoughts."
James chuckles. "Come on, let's go get some dinner." He reaches for Hermione's bag before she can stop him, slinging the strap over his shoulder.
Hermione is perfectly capable of carrying her own bag, thank you very much, and is just about to tell James this when she stops herself. For some reason, it doesn't seem so important. She smiles at him and lets him open the door for her and accompany her to the Great Hall.