Stupid Zoro.
"Hey, hurry up Usopp."
Making me pick up his slack.
"We don't have all day!"
Why's it always me that gets punished.
"We still have another four hours of shopping, so look alive!", called the navigator as she consulted a map with the islands layout on it. This particular stop just so happened to be a consumer's mecca, much to the sniper's chagrin.
"Slow...down...Nami.", panted Usopp, as he slugged along behind her. "I'm not used to all this physical labor like Zoro is."
"Be a man.", said the redhead nonchalantly, dismissing the sniper's complaints with a wave of her hand. "Sanji had to restock our food supply and watch Luffy, and Zoro needs some new cleaning supplies or whatever for his swords, so you're all that's left."
"Glad to know I'm wanted.", huffed Usopp.
"Here, why don't we take a short break, we can stop at that cafe up there.", suggested Nami.
"Wow, really? That's so nice, thanks Nami."
"You're paying though.", said the navigator, giving Usopp a wink over her shoulder before heading towards the swanky looking establishment while he struggled under the weight of all her purchases.
Stupid Zoro, I'm definitely gonna make him pay., thought the sharpshooter as he followed Nami into the cafe, taking a seat beside her mountain of bags and parcels containing everything from new skirts and shoes to gardening gloves and shears for her tangerine trees. Itching powder in his boxers, tabasco in his water bottle, and for the finish I'll slip him some of those sedatives Chopper uses for surgery and mark all over his face. I can probably blame those last two on Sanji since he always has it out for Zoro, and I'm sure Luffy would take the fall for the first, hehe.
"Usopp!", yelled Nami, drawing the sharpshooter out of his vengeful thoughts.
"Gah, what is it, Nami? I think you made my heart skip a beat with your loud yelling.", complained Usopp, holding his chest for emphasis.
"I wouldn't of had to yell if you weren't spacing out in the middle of our lunch."
"Touche, now what did you say?"
"Look behind you.", said Nami, her eyes fixed on some point above his shoulder.
"What's so...", started Usopp, but the words died on his lips as he took in the scene taking place across the street. Usopp's jaw dropped, his mind overloading at seeing the feared "Demon Cutter" Roronoa Zoro holding the smooth hand of Nico Robin, the "Devil's Child" in his own. The pair didn't seem aware of their friends' presence, too engrossed in whatever the other was saying to notice someone spying on them. Usopp watched as the pair paused in front of what appeared to be another restaurant, one that served something more to Zoro's taste by the look of it than the cafe he and Nami were currently patronizing, exchange a few words, and then enter still hand-in-hand.
"Well?"
"Well what?"replied the sniper nervously.
"You saw that right?", said Nami exasperatedly.
"Yeah."
"So what do you think they were doing together? That didn't look like a place that sold stuff for sword care and they looked pretty at ease holding hands.", said Nami.
"That could just be circumstantial.", said Usopp, his brain not wanting to believe what his eyes had clearly seen.
"Oh, come on. Have you ever known Zoro to do anything 'circumstantially'?"
"Is that even a real word?", wondered the curly-haired man skeptically.
"Yeah, I just said it."
"But that doesn't mean that it's right. I could bledferky, but that doesn't make it a word."
"Fine, I'll ask Robin later, after we go and spy on their date.", said the navigator, a mischievous glint in her eye.
"Woah, woah, woah, aren't we jumping to conclusions. Maybe Robin's hand was just cold and Zoro offered to warm it up so she would bring up a bunch of morbid facts about frostbite and limbs falling off. Or Zoro could of gotta lost and hit his head, so Robin was leading him through town since his vision was all foggy from the fall. Or they could have been attacked by a giant bee that got honey all over their hands and now they're stuck together."
"Why does it have to be a giant bee? Regular bees make honey too.", interrupted the redhead.
"Well, they'd have to run into a whole swarm of regular bees to get the same amount of honey as a giant one. Besides, don't you think it's more likely that they had trouble fighting one massive, monster bee instead of a bunch of little ones."
"Not as likely as them 'beeing' on a date.", said Nami with an eager smile. She waited patiently for the sniper to burst out laughing after her brilliant pun sank in, but was met with only a blank stare.
"Did you just try and make a joke?"
"Yeah, so."
"Hehe, since when do you try and be funny?", laughed the sniper, holding his gut as tears built up in his eyes. "That was bad even for a comedy beginner."
"Shut up, jerk!", yelled Nami, throwing a fork at the unsuspecting young man as her cheeks colored.
"Woah, be careful.", cried Usopp, ducking for cover under their table.
"What was that about 'bad for a beginner'?", asked Nami, her butter knife twirling in her hand.
"Okay, I'm sorry. You're the funniest girl in the world, just don't stab me.", begged the sniper, his head barely peeking out from below the table.
"Go on."
"And you're pretty, and smart, and the best navigator on the whole Grand Line, and kinda greedy and bossy..." Usopp froze as she slammed the knife's point into the table right in front of nose. "Eek, and you're nice and very forgiving of innocent snipers who will keep their mouth shut from now on, and you're pretty."
"Better.", said Nami, leaning back into her seat, and bringing the knife away from the grateful Usopp's face as he slid back into his own. "Hey, they're coming out!", said the navigator excitedly, shooting out of her side of the booth to get a better view. "Dang, they're not holding hands now."
"See, I told you, circumstantial."
"Well, we're gonna find out. Come on.", called Nami, heading for the cafe's exit.
"Wait, where are we going?", asked Usopp, hurriedly collecting his burdens into his hands.
"We're going to follow them, of course."
"Woah, I would really rather not tick off Zoro and Robin, you know the two people known as demons. The ones that have a lot of swords and A LOT of hands, that can you know hurt us, when they find out we stalked them because we assumed with practically no evidence that they are on a date."
"Don't you want to know if they're on a date or not?"
"Yeah, but..."
"And wouldn't this be some serious leverage to hang over Zoro's head if I'm right."
"Probably, but..."
"And if I'm wrong, I'll even let you pick out some spare goggles while we're shopping."
"Really?", asked Usopp, naturally suspicious of any generosity from the stingy navigator.
"I never lie when it comes to betting."
"Fine, but when we find out they're NOT dating, then you better not cheap out on me. I want some infrared puppies like Franky has souped up in his eyes."
"Deal, now hurry before we lose track of them.", said Nami, exiting on to the street and following the direction she had seen her nakama take. Zoro, you better be ready to pay up when I get proof. I'll spend all day tracking you if I have to.
"Wait Nami, help me carry some of your stuff!", shouted Usopp, struggling under the enormous weight again as he stumbled his way after her. "I..I think I need some...", started Usopp as his foot caught on steps outside the door. He had just enough time to scream before his nose smacked against the rough cement of the road, the packages crushing his ribs as they fell on top of his sprawled form.
"Usopp, stop messing around, or we'll lose them.", said Nami, standing in front of him with her hands on her hips.
Stupid Zoro "Yeah, sure thing Nami."