Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Twilight Universe. Just playing around.
A huge thank you to my superb betas: "Isarma" and "Servant of time"
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Like a balloon with a leak, I feel myself deflate and I sink back into my chair, thunderstruck.
'When you put it like that, they are right. But what does that mean for me? Why do they want to keep me? What are their motives? How long until I can 'go in peace'? They won't change me, right? Oh my god, what if they do? They can't! Please, no! An eternal life alone? Is that my fate? Are they that cruel? I hope not...'
I feel the panic creeping up on me.
'I don't want to live!'
I want to tell them; scream at them but my mouth just opens and closes without a word slipping by my lips.
"Isabella, please calm yourself. Are you not happy that you are cleared of the charges you lay against yourself? Why do you want to die so badly? You are so young, not yet twenty years of age. It would be such a waste. You know what people say: There is a solution for every problem."Aro looks at me encouragingly.
"No, there is not. And I deserve to die." My tone holds no emotion and I feel like lead has replaced the blood in my veins. Guilt weighs heavy. No truer words have ever been spoken.
"And what have you done? Why would you possibly deserve death, Bella?"
"Please, do tell us. I don't understand. To put it frankly: I don't understand anything about this absurd situation. I know you are here on some kind of twisted suicide mission. I know you have things that you can not tell us. Whether to keep a promise or because it is too personal, does not matter right now. But please tell us, why are you so angry at yourself? I am not pushing for details, just a reason?"Sulpicia sings.
The way she pleads with me is cruel. She looks lost. I know she wants to help me. But why would they be willing to help me? What could I tell them? Did I even want to tell them anything?
"Why would it matter? What would you want me around for anyway? I would only bore you and be a burden. I am of no use..."My tone is bitter.
"You are no burden, Isabella. You hardly need much and if you indeed bored us, believe me, you would be no longer alive..." Surprisingly the one arguing now is Athenodora.
"What would you think about the following understanding, Isabella?: You simply stay alive and here with us as our guest, up to the point you bore us and we lose our interest in you? We surely will heed your request then." Aro is all business all of a sudden.
What could I do, really? Demand death again? Attack them? I had no choice. I could always try to take matters into my own hands... Then again, I had found I could not do it, when I first considered it back in Forks. Honestly, I only came up with this plan so I did not have to do it myself! Damn it!
I shrug my shoulders in response.
I only have to be boring. Should not be a difficult task to accomplish. Mind you, I managed to drive others of their kind away pretty quickly, in the past. Let's face it. I am too much to handle. They would soon lose interest. HE told me that. Their kind is easily distracted.
"Good, now that this is settled, what would you like for dinner? We should discuss your accommodations as well..." Aro's manner is annoyingly cheerful.
I feel run over. In the background I can hear Aro, his wife and their sister discuss matters. My eyes swiftly search out the other ones in this room. Marcus is clearly content with this outcome and Caius is back to indifferent.
Defeated, I lean back in the chair. My surroundings begin to drift into the background as I sit here, back to watching the fire. 'How did you get yourself in such a mess, Bella?'
I don't remember falling asleep, however the next thing I know is someone shaking me lightly by my arm.
"Bella, wake up. Your dinner is here."
Groggily I fight my eyes open. After some fruitless attempts, I succeed. I am still sitting in the chair in front of the fire, yet a little slumped down and with a blanket placed over my legs. It takes me a little to figure out where exactly I am.
On the small table sits a tray with a plate with some pieces of bread, cooked ham and some kind of cheese on it and a small bowl with roasted vegetables. Also there is a glass of red wine to go with it.
The jug with water is filled, with ice cubes in it.
Two steps to my left Marcus stands, his left forearm resting on the mantelpiece. He is watching me intently.
"Sorry. I did not mean to space out like that... Thank you for the food. It looks good." I say awkwardly.
"I hope you like it. Gianna, our secretary, put it together for you. She thought you might enjoy the wine. Something about sleeping well? Would you mind me sitting next to you?" I do like Marcus' voice. It is so soft, although it sounds almost fragile, wavering. While speaking he gestures to the seat on my right. My chair, the fireplace and this chair building a vast 'V'.
"Um, not at all. This is your home, you don't need to ask me..."
"I wish not to make you uncomfortable, Bella. You are our guest. You should be as comfortable, as possible in this environment. Please, do eat." Nonetheless he takes the seat next to me, moving humanly slow and without saying anything else.
I dedicate my attention to the food and begin to eat. It is superb. After consuming about half, I abandon the food. We stare into the flames together.
"Are you all done? You have not eaten but half of it." Marcus states without looking at me.
"Yes, I am. It was very good,honestly." His only answer to that is a nod.
"Felix, would you please get some more logs for the fire? You can enter without decorum."
There is no reply, at least none that I heard.
Some 30 seconds later the door opens and a bear of a man enters, an awfully large amount of wood piled in his arms.
"Please poke the fire here as well as in the other room and come back." Again there is no audible answer.
The giant feeds the fire, vanishes and is back to the right of Marcus.
"Master?" He bows while addressing my fireplace companion.
"Felix, I would like to introduce you to Isabella Swan. She will be staying with us as a guest. Under no circumstances is she to be harmed. Understood?" The last part is definitely spoken as a threat.
"Of course, Master." Another bow.
During their short exchange I scramble to my feet ungraciously, my hand outstretched to Felix in greeting. It is the polite thing to do, isn't it?
Felix looks at my hand uncertainly before accepting it and shaking it ever so lightly and only for a second.
"Hi Felix. Pleasure to meet you. Please call me Bella though."
"Welcome, Bella. The pleasure is all mine." The vampire replies wit a smile on his lips and a amused twinkle in his eyes. Felix' built is similar to HIS brothers. He is large and very muscular. His hair is dark, and he has the same burning red eyes, that I slowly am becoming used to.
"Would you please take the dishes with you on your way out? Leave the wine and the water."
"Yes, My Lord." Again the bowing...
"Have a good time tonight, Felix."
"Thank you, Bella. Rest well." With that he is gone.
"Bella?"
"Yes, Marcus, or Master? How am I to..."
"No, Bella, you can just call me by my name. It is their way to express their respect towards us. That is my siblings and I."
Marcus' is looking at me now. His eyes so much darker than anyone else's here. Almost black.
"You missed dinner."I don't know what possessed me to blurt it out like that. I was falling back into old patterns way to easily.
"Pardon me?" He raised his right eyebrow in question.
"Your eyes, they are so dark. I mean I should have been... you did not get to...I'm sorry. And now your throat is on fire." I am squirming on my seat as if there were a hundred ants under me; at a loss for words.
"Ah, I see. Do not fret, Bella. I am fine. I have lived long enough to all but forget about the thirst. Though I have to admit, your scent is tempting." A small smile plays around his lips.
"I wanted to talk with you about some things. Have no fear, nothing personal. You are our guest now. As the end to your visit is unforeseeable, there are some things we need to agree upon:
We know you are nowhere thrilled with the way things have turned out. Take your time to think things over, please. If you would consent to a personal favour, I would like you to promise me that you will not try to force our hand."
'How did he know? Then, when I come to think about it, it is pretty easy to see through my musings. Anyone would come to that conclusion.'\
He is still looking at me with an unfathomable expression. Waiting for an answer that I am not willing to give.
Upon reading my reluctance he continues:
"Bella, I wish you would talk about whatever it is, that has rendered you so hopeless. Just know that we are more than willing to listen. We might even be able to help you."
"How could you possibly? That is unless you have someone with the ability to turn back time at your hands?" I look up at him and I know there is a foolish hope reflected in my gaze. I just can't shake it.
He does not hold my gaze longer than one or two seconds before he turns his head to look at the fire. Shaking his head slowly from side to side.
"No, no. I am afraid not."
"It's okay. Really. I have no idea, where that spark of hope came from. I know it is foolish. I just…it was there suddenly..." I reach up to wipe away the tears that threaten to spill form my eyes with the sleeve of the pullover.
"Please, do not cry. There might be another way. Perhaps we can not change the past but I could try and help you change the present. Believe me, there is a lot we can do."
Marcus is kneeling in front of me suddenly. His hands resting lightly on the caps of my knees, eyes beseeching.
"You can place your trust in me. I will not disappoint it. I promise."
"How could I tell the difference? I would not even know if you were lying! I made that mistake once and you can clearly see where it got me! I know only few people I trust and I had to hurt them, disappoint them, leave them!"
By the end of my outburst I am crying. The tears are streaming down my cheek freely and I don't care. The hurt, the loss everything just crashes down on me like a tidal wave and I can feel myself drowning under it. All the while his eyes hold mine. Mine are pleading for him to understand, his are pleading for my trust. Abruptly I feel myself lifted off my chair, and before I have time to register anything I am placed on his lap. All my walls crumble, and every last shred of dignity flies out the window as I cling to his shirt crying for everything I have lost. Renee, Phil, Charlie and THEM. In short: I am throwing a self- pity party.
I don't know how long he holds me. Not a single word slips by his lips. He just holds me and rubs soothing patterns on my back.
Finally, I calm down. The sobs subside and are replaced by sniffles. I am exhausted. Drained by all my emotions.
"Sorry I lost it like that...I don't know why I lose it like that here. I have not cried in weeks. But now it seems to just catch up with me..." I am first to break the silence. My voice hoarse from all the crying, I look up to meet his anxious gaze. It softens, when my puffy swollen eyes meet his dark red ones.
"Do not apologise. You seem to have been put through a lot. By your words, I understand you have not yet had the possibility to grieve for what or whoever you have lost. I think it is overdue to be let out. It cannot be wise to bottle your pain up like this."
My forehead still rests against his shoulder, the coolness of him helping with my eyes' soreness as he holds me and consoles me.
"Bella, there are some things I would like to speak to you about, but I understand it if you would prefer to rest. We can discuss those matters in the morning if you wish."
"No, no I am fine now. Sorry you had to see me like this...again."
"Are you sure?"
I nod and try to clamber from his lap. He realises my intentions, lifts me up and sets me down on my chair, lowering himself into his own.
"Well, as you can guess, this is not the safest environment for you. To prevent any harm, we agreed it would be best if you were assigned your own guard. Felix agreed to fill this spot. The rooms you have seen are safe. As is the hall outside the study. You will find three other doors in the hall. Two each, leading to Aro's and Sulpicia's, and Caius' and Athenodora's quarters respectively. Please knock before you enter there. It is only polite. The third one leads to the rest of the castle.
Felix is outside this door. He will show you around the castle, when one of us is not around. If you need anything, anything at all, do not hesitate to call for any of us. We will hear."
His eyes are looking at me, asking silently whether I understood.
"But is this not your quarters?" I gesture wildly around the room.
"If you do insist upon me staying here as a guest, should I not stay in some other room? I don't want to disrupt you personal space..."
"Your presence will not disturb me. I have not been in the bower for a long, long time. It is quite al-right. Apart from that fact, I already told you here is one of the safest places in the castle. Would you like to retire for the night? It is quite late."
"Um, okay? What time is it anyway? I completely lost track of it." I admit shamefully.
"It is almost 10 pm." His look is reassuring.
"Are you sure? I would hate to bother you." I am barely able to suppress the yawn.
"Absolutely, Bella. There should be everything you need in the bathroom. Take your time."
"Thank you, I guess." I mumble and blunder my way to the other set of doors trough which I came in in the morning.
After I got ready for bed, I open the door and whisper a soft "Good night" to Marcus who is still sitting in front of the fire.
"Good night, Isabella. Have a good night's rest. If you need anything, do not hesitate to call."
"Thank you." With that I turn around and make my way over to the bed and slip in, under the covers. Within no time I am asleep.
Hey you all! Thank you for reading! Reviews very welcome!