Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.
Chapter 4
Belinda Dawes looked at the sleeping form of her eldest daughter and, for the first time in what seemed like an age, she felt hope.
When Captain Marsh had knocked on their door step at 2pm on Sunday afternoon she had had a terrible inkling of trouble. The Captain was not wearing uniform, but there weren't too many young, well turned out, grey suited men calling at her front door and she had known straight away that something was very wrong. Luckily the kids had all been out playing with friends and Dave had been watching the football at the pub, leaving her, the baby and her mother in the flat. Thank God Mum had been there otherwise she didn't know how she would have coped.
When he had introduced himself she had known straight away that something was wrong. She had asked, "Is it Molly?" and he had answered quietly, "I'm afraid so, Mrs Dawes." As her face crumpled and she lost strength in her legs he had stepped forward to support her and quickly added, "She's alive though, but she has been very badly injured and she is in a critical condition." He had led her into the living room and to the sofa, and then her Mum had come downstairs wondering what the commotion was. Seeing Belinda and the man in the suit, she had immediately also asked whether it was Molly and been told the same by the officer. They had hugged each other like they were drowning as Captain Marsh had offered to make a cup of tea, which they both accepted.
When he had returned with three cups of tea he had told them a little more about what happened, including that Molly had been given life-saving treatment by her commanding officer and then again in the rescue helicopter and at the hospital at Camp Bastion. Belinda had sworn to herself then and there that if she ever met Molly's commanding officer she was going to give him such a big kiss that he wouldn't know what day of the week it was! Captain Marsh had explained that Molly would be evacuated back to the UK as soon as her condition stabilised enough to travel, and that the Army would see to getting Mrs Dawes, and whoever else she wanted, up to Birmingham to see her. He had talked her through the situation a bit more, given her a sheaf of contact details and information, and left, making sure to leave his card in case she had any questions.
She didn't play favourites in the family and wouldn't want to say which child was her favourite but if she did have a favourite then it would be Molly. It wasn't just that Molly was the eldest, and a wonderful daughter who was like a third parent to the younger kids (effectively second given that she was married to Dave), or that she was the closest to Belinda in age. No, it was just that Molly was a bit special.
She knew that Molly hadn't had the best childhood; Belinda had tried as hard as she could but they didn't have a lot of money, and Dave was never a great dad. But Molly had always done her best with what she had. Her daughter had gone through her life doing her best. While some kids would sit there and complain about their crappy life, and just take the dole, her Molly had tried to do something about it. She'd got a job in that crummy nail bar so that she could contribute to the housekeeping and then got a job in the Army when it all turned to shit. And she was still contributing. She made sure to transfer a few hundred pounds a month from her wages to Belinda, even though Dave knew nothing about it. And Molly was slowly dragging them up as well. She didn't know what Molly had said to Dave when she was on leave, but it was like he was a totally different man now, and Molly had done that. And she'd supported her in pursuing her teaching assistant job when Belinda hadn't even had the guts to support her own daughter initially when she joined the Army. Molly had proved that she was a better woman than her mother.
And Molly had done well in the Army. While Molly had been out one morning during her leave, Smurf had told her a bit about their life in Afghanistan, and about how Molly had saved his life. Her daughter had saved a life. She couldn't be prouder in that moment. He had told her how initially it had been tough but that Molly had now charmed all the men in her section and in her whole platoon and that now she was one of the boys. This didn't surprise her because she knew her daughter was a special person.
Seeing her in the hospital had been terrible. Her normally mobile face was slack and her beautiful and expressive green eyes were closed. But worse was the pallor of her skin and the number of wires coming out from under the blanket. When they had initially got there Molly had been deep in the throws of an infection and suffering from internal bleeding, and the life support machine beeps were irregular and the low blood pressure alarm kept going off. It had truly looked like she was at Death's door, and in fact the doctors had subsequently confirmed that it had been very touch and go. On the journey up to Birmingham, she had been bracing herself for how Molly would look when she saw her, but the reality of how she had looked was orders of magnitude worse than even Belinda could have imagined.
Dave hadn't been able to cope. When Molly was wheeled off for an operation, he had left the room and told her he couldn't come back. She reckoned he had been thinking about some of the terrible rows he'd had with Molly over the last few years. She remembered when he'd tried to bar the family from seeing her after she wouldn't marry Artan. He had eventually backed down, but he and Molly hadn't spoken for months. She had gone to sit with him outside the room and been surprised to see tears in his eyes. He had looked broken and had told her, "I never got to tell her how proud I was of her. I never once told her I loved her Belinda, and now I might never be able to." She hadn't known what to say. What do you say to a father that realises he has done badly by his daughter, but possibly too late to do anything about it?
Since then she and her mother had tried to rotate "Molly duty" as it were. Dave had done his best at home with the kids, and Shazza had been a Godsend. Her Mum had been fantastic, but she could tell that Mum was right on the edge and when she had come to take over from Belinda the other day she had looked exhausted and strung out. Her phone updates from Birmingham had been getting more and more downbeat as though she were losing hope; even though Molly had woken for short periods she was so confused and her speech was slurred and difficult to understand. It was so unlike her Mum to lose hope; she was one of the strongest people she knew. But all that had changed today. The news that Molly had woken and talked with Mum this morning was the most welcome, but the fact that Captain James had turned up, and that he had made sure that Mum got a good night's sleep was great too.
When she had got to the hospital today, her daughter had looked better. And so had her Mum. It was 10.30am and her Mum looked rested for the first time in days. She had given Belinda a big hug and told her, "It's lookin' up love. Molly's better and Captain Gorgeous'll be back this afternoon. You're in fer a treat, let me tell ya!" It was great to see Mum's sense of humour coming back. They had talked briefly with Mum telling her about the room that Captain James had organised for her for tonight, and then Mum had kissed Molly, kissed her and left.
Now it was 1pm. She'd just finished the minging hospital lunch, although the apple pie and custard wasn't bad, and was standing by the end of Molly's bed, thinking that her daughter looked a much better colour, when Molly's eyes flickered open.
"Mum?" her daughter's voice was reedy and hoarse, but to hear it when she never thought she'd hear it again was like all her Christmases had come at once.
"Mols?" she ran around the bed and pushed the emergency button that they'd been told to press if there was any change in Molly's condition. She reached out to touch her daughter's face, cupping her cheek. It felt warm and alive, "My baby! I was so worried…" Her daughter's green eyes were fixed on her as though drinking her in, and she licked her lips, "I'm sorry Mum…"
It was too much, "Oh Mols, don't… I love you honey." Molly's hand twitched and she gave up her grip on her face to pick it up in both of hers. Just then a red headed nurse ran in through the door. Seeing mother and daughter together she broke out in a smile and told them, "I'll leave you to it. Back in a minute."
Her daughter's hand tightened briefly in hers, "I love you too Mum." She paused, "Was Nan here?" Her voice was weak.
She smiled at her daughter, still cradling her hand, "She was sweetie. Your dad was here as well, and Bella. And your Captain James was here last night too. He said he'd be back today." Molly sighed, "Bossman…"
The doors to the room opened and in rushed Dr Matthews, accompanied by the red-headed nurse. "Ah, Private Dawes, nice to finally meet you. I'm Dr Matthews, senior ICU consultant. Now I imagine you're quite tired so please tell me if you feel any pain?"
"No pain, sir," replied Molly, "m' throat hurts though."
The doctor replied, shooting Belinda a grin, "That's perfectly normal. Nurse Richardson here will give you a bit of water to just swish around your mouth. Try not to swallow too much though." With that he approached the bed and looked at her chart while the nurse brought over a glass of water and gently tipped Molly's head so she could sip it.
The conversation seemed to have tired out Molly, since she laid her head back on her pillow with a deep sigh. Belinda could see her fighting to keep her eyelids open, and squeezed her hand, "Don't worry Mols, sleep now. I'll be here when you wake up again."
As Molly faded back into unconsciousness Dr Mathews turned to Belinda and smiled, "Her temperature is normal and so is her blood pressure Mrs Dawes. I don't want to speak too soon, but I am very hopeful that she has turned a corner here. The fact that she is able to speak normally, answer questions and that she recognised you is also a positive. We will continue to monitor of course. Now I'll leave you to it and see you later this evening." Nodding at her, he left.
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
Charles James arrived at Molly's room to see a blond woman in her early forties sitting by Molly's bed. He felt a slight sense of déjà vu and hoped that this meeting went as well as last night's had. As with last night, he straightened his uniform and his beret and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.
The woman looked up and he stepped into the room. "Mrs Dawes?" he asked, "I'm Captain Charles James, Molly's Commanding Officer."
The woman gave him a beaming smile and stood up to greet him, "Oh Captain James, I'm so happy to meet you at last. My Mum's told me all about you. We're so grateful that you saved Molly's life. Thank you so, so much." With that she crossed the room and threw her arms around him. Once again he was dumbstruck. He returned the hug, surprised at how demonstrative the older Dawes women were, particularly compared to Molly. But then again it was a stressful situation and to be fair their situation in Afghanistan may have suppressed Molly's normal behaviour as well. Maybe they'd be less touchy feely when things calmed down a bit, or maybe she'd be more.
He told her, "I'm sorry I didn't do a better job of protecting Molly, Mrs Dawes." She pushed away, and faced him. "My Mum told me you were feeling guilty about that. An' I'm gonna tell you exactly what she did. WE DON'T CARE. You saved her life Captain James – and that's what matters to us." And here her composure deserted her and she broke down, "My little girl is still alive. She came home, and it's all thanks to you. Thank you, thank you, thank you." She finished, crying into his shoulder.
He was embarrassed. She didn't know the whole story and he couldn't tell her until he'd had a chance to talk to Molly and, whether she knew it or not, he still believed it was his fault. He had delayed telling Molly about Rebecca and Sam, waiting for a right time which never came (and probably would never have come), prompting their row and then Smurf seeing them when they made up, and then he'd left her unsupported when Smurf broke down. Whether he'd then saved her or not (and he was conscious of the fact he'd missed the exit wound), she wouldn't have been in that situation if he hadn't fucked up in the first place. And even if he had saved her, he thought, he was just doing what any soldier would do for a comrade. If anyone had really saved her it had been Major Watts and the crew of the MERT.
He continued to hold and try to comfort Molly's mother and told her, "Actually Mrs Dawes it's the crew of the rescue helicopter you should be thanking. They did more than anyone to bring Molly back safely."
She sniffled, "I can't thank them, but I'm thanking you Captain James." She started to pull herself together but was very conscious of the fact that she was being hugged by a very attractive young man. Her mother hadn't been joking when she said he was gorgeous. Some girl was going to be a very lucky cow and she found herself a bit jealous of whoever that would be. She was loathe to move away but eventually decided that she had to let go of her daughter's commanding officer. He was a comforting presence though, and she could understand what her mother was on about.
She moved back and looked up at him, and he gave her a quite dishy lopsided smile. There were certainly worse people to spend a day stuck in a hospital room with. She gestured for him to sit down, "So tell me about Molly, Captain James…"
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
This time when Molly woke up the windows were dark, but her room was still lit up by the lights of the ward outside. This time she was much more conscious of her body, and particularly a dull pain in her stomach, shoulder and thigh. She wondered if this was what had woken her up? She was conscious of somebody slumped in the chair next to her bed and looked over to her left, even though she could still not move her body, expecting to see her mother. But it wasn't her.
"Bossman?" she whispered. She tried to talk normally, but it came out as a whisper. It didn't matter though, because he jerked upright, instantly alert, with his eyes flicking open. "Molly," he gasped, seeing her eyes open, and she saw a radiant smile cross his face. He stood up and approached her, grasping her left hand in both of his. "Oh thank God," he continued, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing it. Electricity seemed to shoot through her arm, and her eyes widened at this totally non-professional behaviour. "We've been so worried about you." Then he seemed to collect himself, and shot her a teasing grin, "It's about time you woke up Dawesy, you've been lazing around for far too long!"
"How long?" she croaked out. He released her hand and moved to stand by her head, pressing a button on the wall and then he leaned down and kissed her forehead, smoothing her hair out of the way with his hand. The feel of his lips against her skin was so warming. She felt so loved. He whispered, seemingly choked up with emotion, "It's been 10 days Molly. Please don't do that again, I was so worried!" He had tears in his eyes.
She didn't know what to say. Seeing him so vulnerable like this was an eye opener for her. This wasn't the Captain James she knew. Her Captain James was an alpha male. He was in command and people deferred to him. This man was different, but he was more attractive for it. The Captain James she had come to know was commanding and professional and cold on the outside. This Captain James was warm and loving and vulnerable. This one showed everything that she had hoped lurked beneath the surface in her one. And this one surely cared for her.
As she was musing on this new Captain James, a nurse entered the room. It was a different one from those she had seen before. She didn't remember too much about the first one, Rachel, she thought she was called. It was a bit blurry. The second one, when her Mum had been there, had been a red head she thought – Nurse Richardson, that was it. This one was a small, slightly butch girl with short blond hair, but a friendly smile, also dressed in blue surgical scrubs and with a stethoscope around her neck.
"Oh, Private Dawes. Excellent to see you awake. I'm Joanna. Are you OK? Do you need anything?" she asked with a friendly smile and a strong Scottish accent.
She mulled that over. "Some water," she requested, "and a painkiller."
The nurse's face clouded. "Are you in a lot of pain?" she asked, "and if so, where?"
"Constant ache," she told Joanna, dredging up the description from the medical textbooks she remembered reading for her CMT courses, "shoulder, stomach and thigh."
Joanna's lips pursed, "I'd better call the duty doctor then," she said, "Bear with me," she added, "Captain James, could you please give her some water from the jug over there?" she asked, gesturing to the cup on the bedside table, "Not too much please; just enough to wet her mouth." And with that she turned and left the room.
The Bossman had moved to pour some water into a glass and now moved towards her. He gently tilted and supported her head and let her get a small mouthful of water, before taking the glass away. She felt a little bit of water dribble down her cheek and cringed with embarrassment, but he gently dabbed it away with a tissue he pulled from a box on the table. Noticing her discomfort he told her, "Don't worry Dawesy, you aren't the first soldier I've met who couldn't hold their drink!" She smiled at him, grateful for his attempt to lighten the atmosphere, and he gave her a half smile and a quick peck on the forehead.
He sat down next to her and grasped her left hand in his, gently massaging the back of her hand with his thumbs. "Now, while we wait for the doctor to arrive what would you like to do? I've got letters here from your adoring fans that I could read to you, or we could play I-spy or you could help me with my end of tour reports?"
She grinned at him tiredly. "You really know how to show a girl a good time, Bossman. I hope you come up with better ideas for our date!"
Just then Nurse Joanna returned, followed by a young-looking man with sandy hair in green army scrubs. He introduced himself, "Private Dawes, I'm Captain Jones. Nurse Atkins tells me you are in some pain. Can you describe how you are feeling?" He picked up her chart from the end of the bed and examined it while she tried to describe the pain she felt. He turned and gave some instructions to Joanna who vanished, and then he started to pull the curtains around her bed.
Captain James, reacting to the implication that he wanted to give her some privacy, let her hand go and scooted his chair back, but stopped when she exclaimed, "Oi! I was enjoyin' that. You can stay."
The two men shared a look and Captain James asked, "Are you sure Molly? I think the doctor wants to examine you." And Captain Jones confirmed, "I just need to check whether your drips and drains are OK, Private Dawes."
She could feel the energy draining out of her, but the feel of his hands on hers had been so relaxing and loving and she wanted that feeling back. She addressed the doctor, "It's OK sir, he can stay." Again she was conscious of the two men sharing a look and then Captain James moved his chair back to the bed but turned it so that he was facing away from her. She sighed – always the gentleman. But he had taken her hand again so she supposed she couldn't complain. The feel of his thumbs massaging her hand soothed her as the doctor performed a quick check on her and checked that her drips, drains and catheters were all working. Then he hooked up a new IV packet brought in by the nurse, checked that she was covered by her sheet, drew back the curtains, bid her goodnight and left. Joanna asked that if she needed anything then would she please ask Captain James to give a call and, after one last smile, also left.
She could feel the effects of the painkiller almost immediately and that, combined with what his hands were doing, was quickly sending her to sleep, "Boss" she whispered, and he immediately got to his feet and leaned over her, "What is it Molly?" he asked, concerned. "Can I get a goodnight kiss?" she asked, smiling up at him cheekily. He grinned down at her, and she saw the worry falling away, "Evil Minx." He told her, "I can see you're feeling better!" but he immediately leant down and gave her a peck on the lips and pulled back slightly, "When you get better there's more where that came from Dawesy." She grinned tiredly, "Promises, promises boss." The last thing she saw as she faded out was his happy smile.
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
Belinda Dawes arrived the next morning at 6.30am, the time they'd agreed on when she said good night to Captain James last night. The Captain was sitting in a chair in Molly's room doing what looked like paperwork, in pretty much the same position as she'd left him last night, although the stack of completed files now looked larger than what was obviously the "to do" pile.
"Don't you sleep?" she asked, unknowingly mimicking her mother's comment from the previous day. He turned to her and smiled, "I wake up with the daylight," he told her, putting down the file he was working on and rising stiffly to his feet, "I think it's an army thing."
"Oh sit down!" she told him, but he shuffled the chairs around so that she could be next to Molly's bed, before inviting her to sit. He didn't sit back down again until she had.
"Ooh, ain't you a gentleman!" she told him jokily as she smiled at him.
He smiled at her and told her, "You'll be pleased to know that this lazy little madam woke up once during the night and was quite lucid. But we got some more drugs into her and luckily that shut her up again."
"Oi! I 'eard that!" came from the bed, causing Belinda to jump to her feet. Her daughter's eyes were closed but there was a smile on her face. Captain James set his paperwork down, "About time you stopped pretending to be asleep, Dawesy!" he told her, "Your Mum's been really worried about you."
Molly's eyes flicked open, "Sorry Mum," she said contritely, then looking at Captain James, "'Ow did you know I was awake, Bossman?"
The Captain had started to collect up his paperwork and was putting it away in a black rucksack as he answered her, "Your breathing changed Dawesy. You were snoring like a chainsaw before and then you stopped!"
"I was not," she sputtered, glaring at him, "I don't snore!" he simply grinned at her, packing the rest of his papers away. Belinda watched this interplay with interest. She didn't see this side of Molly much, but the banter between her and Smurf had been fun. But this was a little different to what she had seen with Smurf, and the glare that Molly was giving her CO, and the gentle grin on his face directed at her, set her alarm bells ringing. There's something goin' on here, she thought.
He turned to her and said, "I'd probably better make tracks if I'm to get back to the Barracks at a reasonable hour." He smiled at her, "She's only been awake for a few minutes and she managed over 15 minutes last night so it looks like you're in for a treat Mrs Dawes! There are some cards and letters from her friends which I've left on the bedside table, which maybe you'd read to her if she'd like. Otherwise, I'll see you later. Have you got my mobile number?"
She replied in the affirmative. They had shared contact details last night. She gave him a hug and thanked him for coming.
"Boss?" The uncertainty in her daughter's voice pulled at her heartstrings, and they both swung around towards her, "You are coming back aren'tcha?" he smiled at her sadly, obviously just as upset as Belinda to hear the lack of confidence and the desperate need in Molly's reedy voice, dropped his rucksack on the ground, and then walked round the bed 'til he was by her side. "Of course I am Dawesy," he told her, crouching down so he was on the same level as her and grasping her hand gently, "you're not getting rid of me that easily! I have to go back to the Barracks in the mornings to make sure everything's alright with the cockwombles but I'll be back this afternoon. I'm going to be with you all the way. I'm one hundred per cent by your side."
That was so sweet she thought, but why is Molly in tears? Does that phrase have some special meaning to them? What's going on here? Molly sniffled and told him, "Thank you, Boss." Belinda watched as he took a paper tissue from the bedside table and gently dried her daughter's eyes and her nose as she smiled up at him wetly. There's definitely something going on here. He stood, smiled down at Molly, squeezed her hand, laid it gently on the bed and went to pick up his rucksack, pausing to smile at her. Their eyes met and she said quietly, laying a hand on his arm, "Thank you Captain James." He responded, "My pleasure, Mrs Dawes." And then he left.
She was dying to ask Molly what was going on with Captain James but she reckoned the poor girl had enough on her plate just now, but she resolved to discuss the situation with her Mum and see if she'd noticed anything. She went over to sit by Molly's bed and reached out to take her hand. "So little madam, how are you feeling today…?"
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
Molly woke late that evening. Things were much clearer now. She'd managed to talk with her mother for nearly 40 minutes after the Bossman left this morning and then, with the pain coming back again, they'd topped up her pain medication and she'd drifted off. But she'd woken again just after lunch and she and her mother had had a proper chat, with her Mum filling her in on what the family was all doing. She had told Molly that she was heading home tonight after Captain James got here, but her Nan would be arriving the next morning to stay with her over the weekend so that she was never alone.
She'd been really emotional, thinking about her Mum and Nan commuting up and down to Birmingham to make sure she was never alone, and Captain James taking the nightshifts. Her Mum had called him Captain Gorgeous and she'd laughed out loud (despite the fact that it pulled at the stitches in her stomach and was bloody painful) and agreed that actually he was quite pleasing on the eye, and then she'd told her Mum that she should see him without his top on, cos that was even better. Her Mum had got a far-away look as if she was trying to picture it (which was a bit disturbing) and then told her she was jealous. She had managed to stay awake for much of the afternoon, aided by a few power naps.
After one such nap she realised that Captain James had arrived. When she woke up she could hear he and her mother talking. They had had a bit of three way banter for a little while before the nurse came in with her afternoon pain meds. Before she connected the meds up her Mum had told her that by the time she woke up she would probably be on her way back to London. Captain James and the nurse had looked at each other and said that they would come back in 10 minutes.
What followed was a bit of a tear-fest but a conversation that Molly would treasure for the rest of her life. Molly had thanked her Mum for being by her bedside and apologised for worrying her. Belinda had shooed her apologies away and had then sat holding her hand for a few seconds, obviously trying to compose herself. Then she had said, "I don't think I've ever told you Molly how proud I am of you. Not just what you've done in the Army, although I'm so proud of all of that, but all the way through your life. You've never given up, you always try and you're always there to support everyone, friends and family, and I am so proud of the woman you've become." As she'd gone to speak, her Mum had held her hand up to signal that she wasn't finished, "When it looked like you were going to die I realised that I'd never told you that and I'm so pleased I got a chance to. I love you Molly. I love you so much and I realised I didn't say that as often as I should have either. I can't stop you going back to the Army, and I wouldn't want to, but please know that you've made me the proudest mother in the world, Molly Dawes." Molly had been speechless, but had squeezed her mother's hand. Finally she had told her, "I love you too, Mum. I know it wasn't the easiest childhood, but I wouldn't exchange you and them other little blighters for nothing. You always tried to do your best for us, even standing up to Dad. You're the best Mum ever." They had sat holding each other's hands for a few minutes with Molly wishing she could hug her mother, and then Belinda had pulled a tissue out of her bag and cleaned up her own face and then Molly's. Both women had smiled at each other and gone back to their hand holding and a few minutes later Bossman and the nurse had returned. Her Mum had stayed until she had fallen asleep and then, apparently, left.
She enjoyed a bit of banter with the Bossman, and a drink (he helped her have a sip and gently cleaned her up), and they were just making a start on the cards and letters from the Platoon when a rather distinguished looking man in a white coat over a dark suit, who she remembered from the previous day, walked in. He turned to look at her. "Good evening, Private Dawes. I'm Dr Matthews, if you didn't remember from yesterday. I must say I'm very glad to see you awake again. How long has she been awake Captain?"
He replied, "It's been nearly 10 minutes sir."
He started, "Well that is very positive Private. I'm hoping you've turned the corner. I must say, my wife will be very pleased. She's been asking about you every day."
"Your wife, sir?" she asked, wondering if she'd missed something.
Captain James smiled and helped her out, "Dr Matthews' wife is Major Watts. She commanded the MERT that came to pick you up, and saved your life. Also she looked after you at Bastion, and she kept me informed of your condition once you got back here, so I didn't go mad."
Molly looked pensive, "She was called Nicky?" she questioned, and both men nodded. "She was there at the beginning, and the end of my tour." Captain James looked questioning, but Dr Matthews seemed to understand.
"Yes," replied Dr Matthews, "she told me. She remembers you freezing on your first night, but I wouldn't worry about that Private, lots of people freeze at their first sight of a catastrophic injury. It's how they go on from there that matters, and you certainly passed that test."
"Well, at least one person had faith in me," she observed, looking at Captain James. It wasn't quite a glare but there was a certain amount of exasperation in there.
He had the decency to look embarrassed. At the questioning look from the consultant, he told him, "Let's just say that Private Dawes and I didn't get off to the best of starts!"
"Not the best of starts?" she complained disbelievingly, "You threatened to lob me out o' the plane! Then you told me I was a Doris, made fun o' me and told me medical checks was like speed datin'. Basically you were a complete git!"
"Yes, well," he looked down, "It's fair to say I didn't cover myself in glory, but look at it from my point of view. I've got a perfectly organised platoon that I'm taking into a war zone and then my medic, who I've been training with for six months, gets drafted and I get this newbie with no experience. She turns up and she looks like someone's kid sister and she reckons she's the class joker," Molly winced, remembering Corporal Geddings' comments from her basic training, "I needed to focus you up quick. We were going into a war zone and the lives of my men depended on you doing a good job. Everything I saw of you at the beginning suggested you didn't take it seriously and I needed you to take it seriously. So I was really hard on you. I worried that you were a loose cannon and that you would disobey orders. And at the end of the day, you did disobey orders, didn't you?"
"Eh?"
"You didn't hear me tell you not to go up on that winch? Bollocks. Besides, you can't lie for shit Dawesy!" he grinned at her.
"People in glass houses, Boss!" she replied.
It was his turn to say "Eh?"
She smiled at him sadly, ""Just a scratch Dawesy" – that's what you said, ain't it Boss? You need to work on your poker face."
The blood drained from his face and he rapidly sat down in the chair, as if all the energy had left him, "You remember?"
She smiled at him and gestured with her left hand for him to hold it. Hesitantly he reached out for it and she replied, "Yes I do Boss. I remember you saving my life. I remember you not giving up on me. And I remember what you said," and here she stared hard at him, "And my answer's still ditto!"
He looked at her, anguished. "But then you must remember what happened, and why we were there. You know that I cocked up. It's my fault you were injured."
This time she did glare at him, "Boss, you need to listen to what I'm gonna say or, as Fingers would say, you and me, we're gonna fall out. Nothin' was your fault. You didn't shoot me, Badrai did. You didn't melt down, Smurf did. You didn't make the decision not to move, I did-"
"Yes, because I left you unsupported!" he interrupted loudly, staring into her eyes. She could see the tears in his eyes and his mouth working with emotion.
She smiled at him and squeezed his hand, "That's by the by, Boss. I don't blame you for it, and you more than made up for it when you stopped me bleeding out."
He stared at her longingly, then told her quietly, "That's very good of you Dawesy, but I blame myself enough for both of us anyway."
Just as she went to speak Dr Matthews, who had been standing back out of both of their eye lines, interrupted gently. "I think you should table this discussion for now." He told them, catching Captain James' eye and cutting his eyes towards the life support machine which showed that Molly's heart rate was elevated, suggesting some distress on her behalf. "While I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, I think Private Dawes is right Captain. What's done is done. You must focus on the present and the future now, and stop dwelling on the past. Having said that, my door is always open if you need to talk."
Captain James subsided, still distraught, while Private Dawes gazed at him lovingly, unnoticed by him. Dr Matthews gave a small, private smile, I must tell Nicky about this; she told me that he was head over heels for her, but she clearly loves him just as much, before bringing the conversation back to the present.
He cleared his throat, bringing both of their attention back to him, "So Private Dawes, you seem much better and your blood pressure is back to normal, as is your temperature. I would say that things are coming along well. Now, I think we can free up some of the restrictions on your movement. You can have your left arm back, and your upper body, but we still need to keep your lower abdomen stable for a few more days to give it time to knit. Your right shoulder is coming along but we do need to be a little careful there, and your thigh is only a flesh wound so we'll have a physio start working with you over the next few days to help you keep as much muscle mass as possible and also to minimise the risk of further infection and-or blood clots.
"In terms of the outlook, we'll keep you in the ICU for a little while longer, but after that we'll transfer you to a ward and you can have more visitors. I would expect you to be in hospital for another 4-6 weeks and then, if all continues to go according to plan, we can see about getting you discharged and sent home for a little while. After that you'll be at Headley Court for rehab for several months on and off."
He tailed off, waiting for the question that all of them asked, and he wasn't disappointed. While he had been speaking Captain James had reached out and grasped her hand in support. Her voice wavered, but strengthened as he squeezed her hand, "And then sir? Will I be able to go back to active service?"
He smiled at both of them, before fixing his eyes on hers, "It's early days, Private Dawes, but barring any additional complications, and as long as you keep up with your physio and rehab exercises, then yes, I believe you should be able to. But it will be a long process Private, and you'll need to stick at it."
The relief in both their eyes was a joy to behold. If anything, the Captain looked more relieved than her. Probably reasonable if he blames himself for her injuries, he thought.
"Thank you sir," they both told him, and then looked at each other, grinning.
"Now Private, I think we'll give you a quick once over and then I'll ask one of the nurses to give you a quick bed bath. After that you'll feel a lot more human!"
The Captain blanched, "I'll leave you to it Dawesy. I'll just go and call your Grandmother and your Mother to pass on the good news and then I'll wait outside until you're finished."
Dawes grinned at him cheekily, "What's the matter Bossman? Aintcha ever seen a naked woman before?!" He glared at her, but then grinned and left with his tail firmly between his legs.
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
"So tell me Mols," her Nan's voice was playful but with an element of seriousness to it, "When was you goin' to formally introduce us to your new boyfriend then?"
Molly accidentally dropped Mansfield's letter on her chest in surprise, but decided to try and bluff it out. "What new boyfriend, Nan?"
The older woman looked at her scornfully, "Pull the other one Mols – it's got bells on! You might be able to get away with hiding it around a group of clueless male soldiers but your Mum and me are a different story. We've got eyes and we've got brains and we can use them both! The poor man's obviously totally besotted with you. 'E's bin 'ere every day since he got back ter the country. 'E 'asn't even taken the time to go and see 'is own family. I just wondered whether you felt that way about 'im or whether 'e was another Smurfie? Then I saw 'ow you look at 'im. You didn't look at Artan like that and you still let 'im brand you! So it's obvious. When are you goin' to tell your Mum and Dad? Not that your Mum probably needs tellin' but I'm sure she'd appreciate it."
It was the following morning and Captain James had left for the Barracks early again. He had also told her that he might be a bit later arriving tonight since he had to see a man about a flat. She didn't know what that was all about but she expected he'd tell her when he was ready.
She had felt so much better last night after the bed bath. It had been a bit painful as they had moved her around, and very embarrassing (both because of where they had cleaned her and also because there had had to be a male nurse there to help move her), but she felt much more human after it. Unfortunately they hadn't been able to do anything about her hair which felt uber manky but the nurse, Rachel, had promised that she'd see if they could do anything over the next few days. Bossman had come in after they'd all left and after giving her a fulminating look which promised retribution if she mentioned anything about bed baths, he had taken his seat at her side and re-taken her hand.
A nurse had come in almost immediately afterwards with her pain meds and she'd drifted off to sleep savouring the feel of his good night kiss on her lips. She'd woken late this morning just as her Nan arrived to relieve the Bossman. He'd looked tired, as though he hadn't slept well; she hoped he was OK. She'd endured the poking and prodding of morning rounds and was just making a start on reading what Captain James described as her "fan mail", the pile of which was now growing to pretty epic proportions, when Nan had dropped her bombshell.
She supposed it was only a matter of time and Nan was right, trying to hide a relationship from women was much more difficult than from men, particularly her section, who were totally clueless. They even thought she had the hots for Smurf, for God's sake! She sighed, "When did you guess?"
Her Nan smiled at her in much the same way as she imagined a lion would look eyeing up its prey, "It was on the first night he was 'ere. You was still unconscious. 'E came in 'ere and he was nice to me and all, but 'e only 'ad eyes for one person. Then there was the 'ints Dr Matthews dropped about 'ow he'd been back at Bastion, and the whole way 'e was with you. I knew that 'e 'ad a thing for you, but I didn't know 'is feelings was returned until you went all doe eyed when 'is name was mentioned. Your Mum asked me about you two last night as well. She noticed 'ow gentle 'e was with you, and the look you gave 'im. Asked if I'd seen anythin'? I said I wasn't sure, but you've just told me, 'aven't you Mols?!"
She smiled at her Nan, knowing the old woman had trapped her, and decided to come clean. "We was fallin' for each other and we knew it, but he told me he needed to wait until we got back because of his bloody duty of care. Then when we was on that bridge he told me he loved me and since I've been here he didn't seem like he wanted to wait any more. And I don't wanna wait either."
She looked up and her Nan had a smile wider than any she'd ever seen. "You remember when I told you that you only get one good 'un in a lifetime Mols? It looks like I was wrong. He's the best 'un I've ever seen."
She was surprised, "So you approve? I thought he would be too posh for you?" Her Nan smiled at her, "There's no denyin' he's well posh Mols, but he really loves you and he's got a great 'eart on 'im (and 'is bum's not too shabby either!). Damn right I approve and your Mum loves 'im too. In fact she'll be well jealous – I don't suppose you'd share 'im with us would you, Mols?"
She spluttered, trying not to laugh because it pulled on her stomach and was painful, "Don't you dare Nan. He's all mine!"
A/N 1 Thanks again to Marc for his great advice on trauma injuries and treatment.
A/N 2 I have used the dates of the shooting from Captain's Log in this piece.
A/N 3 I read an article about a retired soldier who served as a casualty notification officer and it sounded like the worst job in the world. I wanted to include some of the job that they did in this fic. Captain Marsh is based on an actual officer of the same name mentioned in a Guardian article.
A/N 4 I'd like to thank the members of the Our Girl Anonymous Facebook group. Since joining you've really inspired me to get past my writer's block. You might recognise some of the situations in this chapter from some of our discussions – I've tried to answer some of the questions we've discussed in the group over the past few days.