Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.
Direct quotes from the BBC series are in Bold. These are copyright BBC & Tony Grounds.
This is quite a fluffy chapter – you have been warned!
Chapter 5
Charles James reflected that he had seen way too much of the M40 in the past few days. It was getting so he could probably drive the route from Bicester to Birmingham in his sleep! At the moment he was living this strange half-life where he was a soldier and platoon commander in the morning, and a concerned boyfriend in the afternoon, evening and at night. Luckily it was Friday afternoon now and he was staying in Birmingham for the weekend so he could take a break from the M40 for a couple of days – yay!
Thankfully things were starting to come together a bit more at last. He had spoken to the military liaison team when he was at the hospital yesterday and they had given him names of some landlords specialising in short-term lets in the area and he had some visits scheduled for this afternoon. He had been surprised; he actually hadn't been able to find a two bedroom flat. All the properties he was looking at were 3-4 bedroom houses, so if the Dawes family did want to come up en masse there should be no problem accommodating them. The prices were actually cheaper than he had expected so there was no issue there. Maybe Sam could even stay there with him if he was able to prise him away from Rebecca for a weekend. He was sure that Sam would like Molly but he wasn't sure that he should introduce them just yet. Rebecca would certainly NOT like it, but that was a bridge he was likely to have to cross at some point because he was absolutely dead serious about Molly Dawes. Maybe he would leave it for a little while before he fought that battle though.
He had been assured by the agent that if he did find something he liked today, then he could move in by Tuesday next week, which was ideal because that was the day of the medal parade and the last day that he'd be needed at Barracks. He was still wondering how he was going to broach the subject of staying at his flat with either of the elder Dawes women, but he would just have to cross that bridge when he came to it.
He had rented an apartment over the weekend so he at least had somewhere to put his stuff. He figured that he would stay with Molly overnight and her grandmother could stay with her during the days. The apartment had two bedrooms, just in case, and he was going to try and force Marge to stay over. It wasn't costing him too much, just £60 a night, and Molly was worth it. He reckoned he would spend £60 a night just to have a shower anyway. It was so great to be able to lounge in the hot water after the rationed water in the FOB and at Bastion. Now he thought about it he was really looking forward to wearing his civvy clothes as well. In fact he was thinking he would change before he went to the hospital this afternoon.
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
When he strolled towards Molly's room later that afternoon with his rucksack on his shoulder, containing his laptop and all his paperwork as well as Molly's latest batch of fan mail, he felt altogether more human. He had found a really nice little house to rent just round the corner from the hospital which was within 2 minutes' walk (maybe 5 minutes for Marge) and he had signed the papers to rent it for five weeks there and then. It had four bedrooms and two bathrooms, and a pretty little patio garden, in which he could sit outside if he needed some space, and also a driveway so that if he had a car he had somewhere to park it. Best of all it was all costing only about £300 per week. He reckoned it made sense to rent a place, since when Molly was kicked out of ICU they would be back to normal visiting hours and he would need to have somewhere to stay from 20.00 to 08.00. He expected to stay with her for a lot of the time but he was really looking forward to going back to Bath for a few days to see his family. Sam's birthday was coming up and he hoped Molly was out of ICU by then; she should be, barring any unforeseen issues. He was really looking forward to seeing his son, but for the time being Molly's needs had to be prioritised.
After signing the papers he had headed round to the apartment he was staying in over the weekend, dropped off some stuff, had a shower and put on his civvies. Now he was dressed in jeans, a black T-shirt and a plain blue shirt and had his maroon sweatshirt tied around his waist, just in case he got cold overnight. It felt so nice not to be dressed in green!
He had stopped by Smurf's room on his way up. Smurf was asleep (apparently he spent quite a lot of time under sedation) but Candy was there and very happy to see him. She had remarked how much younger he looked out of uniform. Apparently they had now eliminated neurological causes for Smurf's lesion and were planning an operation to take a biopsy to make sure it wasn't cancerous. Once they had eliminated that as a possibility they would be able to decide what to do and how to treat it going forward.
He had asked whether Smurf was any better when he was awake but Candy told him that he was still confused on and off, and sometimes angry. He asked whether she had told him that Molly was better and she replied that she hadn't mentioned it. Thinking that Smurf might still think that Molly was dead or dying, he had suggested that telling him that Molly was awake and asking after him might help. He didn't know whether Molly was asking after him, but he was sure she would be once she realised he was here. He had suggested that if Smurf wasn't awake then Candy should join them in Molly's room for dinner and she had looked thankful for this. He was sure she was lonely and resolved to spend a bit more time checking up on her and Smurf.
He found that his anger towards Smurf had dissipated over the past few days. Certainly Molly being better was the major reason, but also finding out that Smurf had genuine issues that might explain his strange behaviour was part of it as well. And he couldn't forget the fact that before all of this had happened he had been fond of Smurf. He had grown less so over the course of the deployment because, even though he had been a good soldier in training, it had transpired that he was unpredicable on operations, but he felt he owed it to Geraint's memory to get Smurf out alive and then he could decide for himself what he wanted to do with his life. Hopefully everything would go well and Smurf would still be able to make a decision for himself.
Finally he took his leave and headed towards Molly's room. When he got there he could hear that she and her Grandmother were talking, which he took to be a good sign. Knocking on the open door and entering he greeted them with "Good afternoon ladies." Both looked up, and seemed surprised to see him out of uniform. Marge commented, "Someone looks chipper, don't they!" before standing and giving him a hug. Accustomed to the Dawes' hugs now, he didn't tense at all, just returned it, and looked to Molly on the bed. She looked much better and was grinning at him, "Do I get one of them hugs Boss?" she asked. He replied, moving around the bed towards her, "I don't know Dawesy. Generally I don't hug people who throw up in the doorways of Army recruitment centres, but I suppose I might make an exception in your case!"
Marge guffawed and Molly looked gutted and glared at her grandmother, "Someone's been tellin' tales out of school, ain't they Nan?" He wasn't ready to let her off yet though – after all she deserved some payback for teasing him about the bed bath last night, so he continued, "But don't worry Dawesy, I've tracked down Sergeant Peters and I'll be speaking to him on Monday." Now she looked scared, "Boss?" He couldn't hold it in any longer and grinned at her, "Proper rinsed Dawesy, proper rinsed!"
Now she glared at him, "Boss…" but then something occurred to her, "but how did you know the guy from the recruiting office was called Sergeant Peters?" He tapped his nose, "Ah well, that's for me to know and you…not to!" he gave her a shit eating grin. Actually he had looked it up in her record after Marge had told him the other day, but she didn't need to know that. She glared at him again, "I'm not so sure I want that hug now…"
Her grandmother looked at her, "Are you sure Mols? Your loss is my gain! Maybe I could get another one then!"
Molly looked scandalised, "Nan!"
He looked up to see Marge grinning at him and looked across to see Molly glaring at both of them. This was fun! He grinned back at Marge, "Well I suppose if she doesn't want one of my patented hugs then why not?" As he moved back towards Marge, Molly pulled out the heavy guns, giving him the doe eyes. Whereas he had managed to withstand the doe eyes at the beginning of the deployment, there was no way he could withstand them now, but he was saved from having to capitulate when she asked pleadingly, "Boss?" and held out her arm. He grinned again at Marge and turned back to Molly, "Well, since you put it that way Dawesy…" and he went round the bed, leant down and gently hugged her around her left shoulder, being very careful not to jostle her right side. Molly made a small sound of satisfaction and Marge harrumphed before sitting in her chair. "It's good to see you looking better," he told her quietly before pulling away.
"Oi, you don't need to whisper sweet nothin's to 'er Charlie," said Marge, "I know all about what you've been up to with my granddaughter!"
To say he was flabbergasted would be a prize understatement. He swung round to see Marge grinning at him. "Wha…?" he stuttered.
"Don't worry Charlie, I guessed," she told him, "And our Mols confirmed it. But she says you've been a right gentleman about it, and I can see you're devoted to 'er, so I'll let ya off." He swung round to look at Molly, who was grinning up at him, "Sorry Boss, I didn't get a chance to tell you. She knows, and what she knows, Mum'll know soon too. Now we just have to tell the Army…"
He gave her a small smile, "Actually, the Army knows too. Sorry, I didn't get a chance to tell you. I had to tell Major Beck in my after-action debriefing since it was germane to the situation with Smurf. The section don't know yet though…"
She looked at him worriedly, "Was it alright? Are there going to be any problems?"
He gave her a lopsided smile, "I don't know Molly. Major Beck said that he didn't think it would be a problem, but would have to see when his report went upstairs. I told him that we had feelings for one another but that we'd agreed to wait out until we got back to the UK. I said that Smurf must have overheard us talking." He hoped that she'd pick up on what he'd left unsaid, that he hadn't told Major Beck that they had kissed in the compound. "I offered to resign my commission if need be."
Molly looked wretched and shook her head, "Boss, you can't do that." He grasped her hand, then smiled at her and told her, "I will if I have to Mols. End of. What happened, happened on my watch. It was my mistakes that caused it. If higher decides that someone has to take the fall then it's me. I'm the officer; it's my responsibility." He tried to smile at her again, probably only managing half a smile, and tried to change the subject, "Anyway, that's not a subject we want to be talking about, is it? So what did you ladies get up to this afternoon?"
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
It had been a good day, Charles thought. They had talked for an hour before one of Molly's power naps and, while she had been napping he had sent Marge out for a fag. He had thought about mentioning the overnight accommodation to her while Molly was sleeping but decided that Molly might make a good ally in the fight that was sure to follow, so he had decided to hold off until she woke up. He had spent the time on his own trying to finish off his last few personnel reports; he wanted to get everything submitted by Monday.
He was surprised when Molly woke after only 20 minutes. Marge wasn't even back yet – he had told her to go and get a coffee in the canteen and grab some fresh air. He had been writing notes in Molly's personnel jacket when a voice came from the bed, "What are you doing Boss?" He jerked up, surprised.
"Jesus Dawesy, give a guy some warning!" then, worried that she might be in pain he looked up, "Are you OK? Are you in pain?"
She replied, "No I'm OK Boss. Just saw you there and you seemed to be concentratin' very hard so I wondered what you was up to?"
He decided to have a bit of fun, "Well I'm just working on your fitness report actually Dawesy. Trying to decide whether to include Sergeant Peters' comments or not. He remembers you, you know?"
She stared at him, trying to work out whether he was telling the truth or not, until he grinned, "Don't worry Dawesy, just kidding, but I am working on your report. Yours, Dangles' and Mansfield's are my last three. I'm going to have to hand yours over to Major Beck to complete because I've declared an interest so I just wanted to make sure that everything is shipshape."
"Is it OK boss?"
"I'm not telling you what I'm saying about you, if that's what you're after Dawesy! Not even if you try and bribe me…" he finished, grinning at her lasciviously. She giggled, "Well it's not worth tryin' then is it Boss?"
Just then Marge walked in. "Bloody 'ell, you're still working on those reports Charlie? How many 'ave you got to do?"
He smiled at her and took the finished reports off her chair where he had been piling them, so she could sit down, "There's one for every member of my Platoon Marge, that's 25 since we're a bit understrength."
"I didn't realise it was so many Charlie, I thought there was only eight?"
Molly answered for him, "No Nan, that's just my section. There's three sections in a platoon and he commands all of that. Actually he's senior enough to command a whole company which would be four platoons or 100 men."
Marge looked interested, "So why ain't you got a company Charlie?"
He replied, "I'm not quite senior enough to command a rifle company Marge, although I could command a non-frontline unit. It's more normal to have a Major commanding." He looked at Molly, "So for this deployment I had Major Beck, who Molly's met, as my CO."
Since there were no more questions about the army, he thought that this was as good a time as any to start the accommodation "discussion", and he had broached the subject of her staying in his rented flat over the weekend. An hour later he had emerged victorious. Not unscathed, but victorious, but probably only because Molly had come in on his side. Molly had dropped off to sleep after Marge had been persuaded, and they talked about nothing in particular while she was asleep, discussing current affairs and talking a bit about their families.
Molly woke just after 18.00, just in time for evening rounds and her bed bath. Nurse Rachel was as good as her word and had brought in a basin so Molly's hair could be washed and she was really excited about that. Charles and Marge had given her privacy for 20 minutes and Charles had mentioned to Marge that he had invited Candy to join them for dinner if Smurf was asleep. Marge had no problem with that, remembering how supportive Candy had been during Molly's tough times.
Dinner had been fun, their first dinner all together in Molly's room and with Molly taking part. She looked much better with her lovely hair clean and shiny (although it was tied over her left shoulder to keep away from the injury on her right). He was really looking forward to caressing it though, maybe when she got her goodnight kiss. He had managed to fill Molly in a bit about Smurf's problems before Candy arrived and she had been happy to know that there was a reason behind his somewhat strange behaviour recently, although upset at what the reason was. When Candy had arrived, Molly had bombarded her with questions about Smurf's condition and he could see that Candy was really touched that she was so concerned.
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
Dinner had been pretty disgusting but Molly had done the best out of all of them. She was still on liquids and only had a bit of soup but the rest of them had done their best with their extremely soggy fish and chips and liquid peas. They had all agreed that once again pudding (jam roly poly) was the best part of the meal. Molly had dozed off just before 20.00 and Candy had taken her leave; apparently she was staying with friends while Smurf was here. He and Marge had talked a little more until Molly woke up at about 21.30. They had talked together until Marge yawned for the third time and then he had packed her off to the flat, giving her a key and ordering her to take a taxi, to which she responded, "I ain't one of your soldiers Charlie, so keep your orders to yerself!"
They had wished Marge a good night and she had left, closing the door behind her. He looked down at Molly, who was grinning up at him. Is now the right time? He wondered. Well, now is as good a time as any, he thought. He moved the chair over so that he could hold her hand and be closer to her face at the same time.
"Molly, now that everybody's gone, I wondered if we could have a little chat?" It sounded trite, but he was so focused on the important things he wanted to say that he hadn't really spent any time in thinking about how he was going to start the conversation.
She looked a bit concerned as she asked, "Boss?"
He tried to reassure her, angry with himself for worrying her, "Oh it's nothing bad, don't worry. Well at least I hope you won't think it's bad…" he tailed off, mentally banging himself on the head for making such a balls up of it.
She still looked worried and he reached out for her hand to comfort her. He wrapped both his hands around it and started massaging the back of her hand with his thumbs. Interestingly, holding her hand comforted him as well and he couldn't help but think about how that had been the case at Bastion too. He took a deep breath and jumped in, "It's just that when you were lying in that bed at Bastion I had a little chat with you. Actually it was pretty one sided…" he tried to inject some levity, "You were a pretty tough audience," she smiled, "but I pushed on and said what I needed to say, but I promised myself that when you woke up I would say it again." He was finding it harder than he thought, and the memory of her lying in the bed at Bastion looking so damaged brought tears to his eyes. He tried to soldier on but in the end he had to let go of her hand to scrub his eyes.
"Boss?" she asked worriedly, and handed him the box of tissues from the bed, "Are you OK?"
He gave her a watery smile and cleaned up his eyes and nose before throwing the tissue in the bin. He took her hand again, "Sorry, Mols, it's just thinking about you lying there all battered and broken and I was totally helpless to do anything. And it was my fault you were there."
She frowned at him, "Boss, we already had that chat about how we were gonna fall out if you didn't stop blaming yourself…"
"I know Molly, and I thank you for saying it, but at the end of the day, it was my fault. If I had told you about Rebecca and Sam then you wouldn't have found out the way you did, which was never the way I wanted you to find out and I understand it hurt you deeply and I would never have wished that for you…" realising he was gabbling he tried to bring himself under control, squeezing her hand and looking into her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes stared back at him empathically and she smiled sadly and went to interrupt but he held his hand up, needing to get this out, "Anyway, then we wouldn't have needed to make up in that compound and Smurf wouldn't have seen us, then he wouldn't have flipped and then I would have been in a position to support you."
"But Boss," she told him quietly and patiently, "How do you know that somethin' else might not have happened to set Smurf off? It wasn't your fault that he flipped, that's all his own problem. I told him so many times that I weren't interested in him like that. How could he not have got it?"
"Well, it might not have been all his fault, as you found out today. Apparently brain lesions can impact people's behaviour. But even if Smurf may still have flipped I still made my second howler and didn't call for support for you when he flipped. If I had, then you wouldn't have been shot. Face it Molly, as your officer and as someone who cares for you very much, I'm an epic fail." He looked up into Molly's brilliant green eyes willing her to understand the truth that he had screwed up and be angry with him, but all he saw there was acceptance and understanding. He looked down, unable to meet her eyes.
She reached out with her left hand and gently raised his head, "Boss, will you please look at me?" The effort of reaching out was obviously great, causing her arm to shake, and it fell away. He caught it and placed it back on the bed and looked into her eyes. Her green eyes were huge and staring at him, wet with tears.
She said, ever so gently, "Boss, it hurts me that you keep blaming yourself for this. You did your best in the situation you found yourself in. And as I said before, you didn't flip, Smurf did; you didn't shoot me, Badrai did; and you didn't make the choice not to take cover, I did. But one thing you did do Boss, was that you saved my life on that bridge. I'm a medic, I know about these things. If you hadn't taken care of me I would have bled out before the MERT got there." She held up her hand as he went to interrupt to tell her that that didn't count since she had just told him what to do, "No, it's my turn now…
"When Smurf got back after he was injured you told him that everybody makes mistakes, Boss. You told him that it's what we do to rectify them that separates the shit from the clay. Well from where I'm sittin' you must be pretty high quality clay Boss, because not only did you save my life, but you've been there for me and, more importantly, my family, when we all needed you. No-one I've ever been with would've done that for us, for me. So I think you need to lay this to rest Boss. I don't see that you made mistakes, but if you insist you did then I think you've done more than enough to rectify them."
She was crying and he was crying when she finished. He was immensely touched. How could this brilliant, loving, beautiful, feisty, emotionally complex young woman possibly see anything in him? He couldn't speak, all he could do was stare into her beautiful light green eyes, and he simply lifted her hand up to his face. He laid it on his cheek and she cupped his cheek. Then she tried to pull it towards her and he realised she wanted him to hug her.
He leant in as best he could without jostling her and wrapped his right arm behind her, cupping the back of her head in his hand, stroking it through her hair, and laid his left cheek against her right one. She wrapped her left arm around his neck and pulled him into her. From where he was he could see one beautiful green eye staring into his. He didn't know how long they stayed like that but he had been conscious for some time that his back was hurting but he didn't want to end the moment. His tears were starting to come under control and he pulled back, kissing her on the cheek and choking out, "I'm a very lucky man to have you in my life Molly Dawes, and I won't ever forget that. Thank you." He reached for the tissues, which had fallen on the floor, and cleaned his eyes and nose. Her left hand was searching for the box and he took a tissue and helped dab her eyes as well, finally giving her a clean one so she could blow her nose. They smiled at each other wetly and he sat down again and clasped her hand.
He didn't know if he should go on. Their conversation had already been highly emotional, but he had important things to say and he wanted her to hear them. He resolved to continue.
He took another deep breath, "OK, well now we've got that behind us, maybe we could have the other part of that conversation?" He wondered if he'd be able to have this conversation without crying again. He didn't know when the last time he'd cried so much was – maybe when his dog Robby had died when he was seven. It was just after he came back from his first half term at boarding school and his mother told him that Robby had wandered next door and drowned in the swimming pool. It had actually happened a month earlier but she hadn't wanted to tell him for fear of upsetting him at school. He had cried for what felt like hours then. Not just for Robby, but for the times spent together with his parents that he represented. He had found it so hard at boarding school to start off with but it was necessary because his Dad's job in the Diplomatic Service kept him moving around the world and his parents had decided that at that age he needed stability.
He looked at Molly and she nodded jerkily and he continued. "Well it's like this Molly. You were lying in the bed at Bastion and frankly you looked shit, and it was really touch and go, and I realised then how much I missed you and how important to me you'd become." Molly had grinned when he told her she looked shit, and she went to interrupt, but then her head jerked upwards with his last statement, "Boss?" she asked.
"What I'm trying to say Molly is that I had and I have come to rely on you. All those weeks at the FOB, and I know it was difficult at the beginning and I'm sorry that I made it harder for you to fit in, but you knuckled under and got on with it and once you relaxed a bit everyone could see the real you. And as I got to know you, I realised that the real you is very special. You're beautiful and you're spunky and you're disobedient and you always reckon you're right and you're bright and you're interesting and you're empathic, and you're just so unique. Waiting out on our relationship was the hardest thing I've ever done, but now we're back I wondered if you'd be my girlfriend?" he finished in a rush.
She exclaimed, "Boss? Are you sure? I mean you hardly even know me. You only know the "me" on tour."
He looked at her, trying to find a way to explain to her, "I know enough Molly, I've seen enough. It's like when you see an iceberg, you only see the tip of it, but you still know it's an iceberg."
She exhaled, and mock-glared at him, "Are you calling me an iceberg? I didn't think I was that fat!"
He smiled at her exasperatedly, "No, that's not what I meant Molly – it's a metaphor. I guess you didn't do those at school since you didn't go!" they both grinned at each other, "What I mean is that I've only seen the little bit of you that I see on tour but I've already seen enough to know that the little bit of you that you've shared with us is so exciting and wonderful that it makes me want to explore the rest of the iceberg."
She blushed with embarrassment but tried to hide it with sarcasm, "Aww, Boss. That's so sweet."
He thought I guess there's no time like the present, so he told her, "Charles."
She looked at him as if he was nuts, "Eh?"
He replied, "If you're going to be my girlfriend, don't you think you should call me by my name? I mean you're not going to call me Bossman for the rest of our lives are you?"
She smiled coyly, "Bit previous there, weren't you?"
He told her, "Well…it's chemistry…" to which she replied, , "I failed that." So he told her, exasperatedly, "Well, you know what I mean."
She looked pensive, so he said, "I know I'm a lot older than you Mols, I mean I'm 27 and you're - what? 19-20?" she nodded, "but you're so different from anybody I've ever met. You're so bright and warm and I feel so alive when we're together. I've never had that feeling with anyone else. And you've got so much potential Molly, but you don't believe in yourself at all. I want to help you to see yourself like we see you – the boys and me, because you're brilliant, but you just don't understand that."
She looked at him for what felt like hours, as if trying to assess whether he was telling her the truth. She had tears in her eyes. No-one had ever said those sort of things to her before. Not any of her previous boyfriends; certainly not Artan. Sure, she had had that conversation with her Mum the other day, but surely Mums always felt like that about their kids. And this was the Boss, well she guessed she'd have to call him Charles now. That would take some getting used to – what a terrible name! It made him sound like such a stiff. Why couldn't he be Robert or James or something accessible like that? She'd wondered why her Nan had been calling him Charlie - at least that sounded more friendly, more approachable. She'd have to see if she could get away with that over the next few months and years. Her thoughts ground to a halt as she realised she already had her answer; she was already imagining building a life with him. Nan was right – he obviously thought the world of her and she knew she loved him, so it was a no-brainer, really.
She looked up at him and saw his beautiful light brown eyes fixed on hers. There was a hint of vulnerability in them and she realised it must have been difficult for him to put so much of himself on the line. He had never been that expressive on tour and she wondered what had changed. She realised she hadn't said anything for a while as she mulled over his words and saw that he was worried. She smiled up at him, "OK, Charles," she told him, "As if you didn't know already, but I'd love to be your girlfriend."
It had been an easy answer, but she knew she'd made the right choice when his face lit up like a thousand light bulbs. She thought back to his comment about age gaps, and a thought came to her, "So, when is your birthday then Boss-sorry-Charles?" he grinned at her. "Sorry, that's gonna take some getting used to."
He smiled, "You don't have to call me Charles all the time. Besides," he observed cheekily, "it's a massive boost to my ego when you call me Boss out of work!" he grinned at her and she mock-glared back, "My birthday is coming up actually, the 10th of May."
She grinned up at him. "So what did you want for your birthday then, Charles?" He looked at her piercingly for a moment, trying to decide whether to make a joke or not. Then he replied, "The best birthday present I could think of for now would be to go for a walk in the country with my beautiful girlfriend."
"What? The country? Trees 'n shit? I'm not sure that's gonna work boss, trees give me the willies!"
He looked at her disparagingly, "Well I'm not sure why you joined the Army then Dawesy. It might have escaped your notice but we do quite a lot of our work in the countryside…"
She grinned, "Yeah, well I didn't really think that through!"
He was puzzled, "But you liked Afghanistan – you said it was "proper nice" if memory serves?" he grinned at her, enjoying teasing her. She glared at him, "Why is Britain so different?"
"I dunno Boss," this time it was his turn to mock-glare at her and she corrected herself quickly, "Sorry, Charles. It's just that I grew up in the city and I don't really know trees and countryside and that. It just feels a bit unnatural to me, like."
"Well, why don't I show you some of my idea of what makes great countryside when you're better and we'll see if I can change your mind?" he smiled at her and she smiled back, "I'd like that, Charles."
They both waited for the other to say something and when it became clear that neither had anything else to say they settled into a companionable silence. After a while he looked up at her asked, "Do you want to read more of your fan mail Dawesy?"
- OG - OG - OG - OG -
Molly woke up early the following morning. It was light, but not very light, outside and it looked like dawn had broken but the sun hadn't come up yet. She looked around and saw the Bossman, she supposed she should try to think of him as Charles, slumped in a chair. He didn't seem to have woken yet. His face looked more relaxed in sleep, which made him look younger, and she reflected that it went well with his recent behaviour. Was this more relaxed, more open Charles James the one that she could expect to see from now on?
It was fair to say that she had initially been attracted to his on duty Captain James persona but as she had got to know him better she supposed it was the tantalising glimpses of "Charles James" that she had started to fall in love with. It was a good thing too, because once their relationship was official she wouldn't get to see too much of "Captain James" again, because they'd never serve with one another again. It was impossible for a couple to serve in the same chain of command, particularly when their ranks were so far apart.
She reflected on how lucky she was that he had returned her feelings. She'd started to fancy him quite early on in their tour, once he'd finally started to treat her like a human being, and she could see that he had started warming to her, but she just thought that he was so far out of her league she had never dreamed that anything would come of her feelings and she had resolved that they could have a good working relationship.
She had thought she'd totally blown it when he had reamed her out for chasing after Bashira through the village. In retrospect she could understand it was a pretty stupid thing to do, but at the time she hadn't really thought about it. She had been desolate when she thought he was so angry with her. He had shouted at her in the town but when they'd got back to the FOB he had called her into his tent/office and absolutely annihilated her, accusing her of betraying his trust and all sorts. It was all she could do not to burst into tears. Afterwards all the boys had tried to pick her up, and Kinders and Qaseem had both taken her aside to explain that the Captain was only concerned for her safety and that was why he was so angry, but she had worried that their easy relationship had been destroyed. The horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach hadn't been made any easier over the next few days when he'd clearly been avoiding her but she resolved to just get on with her job and be professional. Eventually he'd come to see her to have his blisters checked. Sitting on her medical table he'd told her that what he'd said to her was nothing personal but she had needed a good bollocking and that sometimes that was the best way to learn. The day after next Smurf had come back and thankfully it had returned to business as usual between them.
She had grown to like him more and more over time and there had been occasional signs that he liked her as well, but she had never dared to hope that he could possibly think that way about her until that mind-blowing morning in the medical tent before she went on leave, when he had asked her to buy his Rosabaya. She still got goose bumps, even lying in a hospital bed, when she thought of him writing on her arm, and the way he had held and massaged her hands. The look of his beautiful brown eyes lit up by the sun was amazing and his "Come back to me" was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever heard. She could have killed Kinders when he'd disturbed them and it had been such a shock when loving Captain James had been replaced by all-business Captain James, and she'd felt horribly betrayed by the change.
Then, when she'd come back from leave everything had changed. He'd greeted her at the gates and she understood he couldn't say anything then. She thought, in retrospect, that they'd both been looking for signs from the other but both had failed to see what they'd hoped for. The boys had clearly thought that she'd gone off with Smurf and he'd been well jealous and then, when he heard she'd gone to Newport, he'd really gone off on one. She had been so upset and hurt by his lack of trust but resolved that she needed to get him alone. Unfortunately that was easier said than done but when she had seen him risking his life to check out the sheet across the road, even though he should have delegated it to one of his troops, she had decided that now was her time for two reasons. Firstly because it was likely her only opportunity to catch him on his own, and secondly because if he died in this situation without knowing how much she cared for him, and without her knowing if he genuinely cared for her, she'd never be able to forgive herself so she may as well be with him.
It had worked out for the best and, when they got to Bastion, they'd discussed their feelings with each other in his office, but he had been quite clear that they needed to wait. She had accepted that because he was all about his duty and in fact that was one of the things she loved about him.
But she had been livid with him at Bastion when she had discovered that he'd been holding out on her about his wife and son. Although she'd never thought of dumping him because of that, she was just so angry and hurt that he hadn't respected her enough to tell her about them. But now she thought about it she did understand his point of view that it was a difficult topic to bring up.
And then the final mission happened and they had had their first kiss and then she got shot. He had apologised to her in the compound for not telling her and she'd seen the vulnerability in his eyes then, and then when he told her he loved her when she lay dying on that bridge she'd seen the pain in them, but she was fading fast and the only thing she could find to say to tell him how she felt had been "ditto". And then waking up to find that he was here for her and her family was amazing. When Nan had said that he hadn't even been to see his own family, then she'd understood that her feelings were returned but she had never expected him to say it.
But then the conversation last night had come along and he had. The Captain James from before could and would never have said what he said last night, but it seemed that Charles James could, so she was pretty happy with Charles James. In fact, she couldn't be happier. It had obviously been a time for heart to hearts. She had had that conversation with her mother that she would treasure for the rest of her life and then Charles had trumped it. They still had some mountains to climb with their relationship but she did love him and it was obvious from his tenderness towards her and the way that he'd been with her Mum and her Nan that he loved her as well. Any of her other boyfriends would have run a mile rather than support her in this situation, but here was Charles supporting not only her but her totally mental family too. He said that she was different from anyone he'd ever been with before, but he was also totally different from anyone she'd ever been with before. But she loved this new reality. He honestly treated her like a princess and really she felt she could get used to that!
She focused on the here and now again to see that it was a lot lighter outside and that the sun was spilling in through the window. He was stirring, proving his point that he really did get up with the daylight. He woke very quickly, as most soldiers do, going from sleeping to alert in about a second. What was really nice was that his first waking thought seemed to be for her. His head turned to her life support machine and he seemed reassured by the steady rhythm on the screen (they had turned the sound down a few days ago) and then looked at her, smiling to see her eyes open.
He smiled at her, "You're a sight for sore eyes, Dawesy," he told her, "although it would be nicer if we were in the same bed, but hopefully soon…"
She grinned happily, "I'm up for that as well Boss." She smiled as he stood and stretched, his back cracking. He did some stretches like he used to do before he warmed up at the FOB, "Not going to give me a show are you Boss?" he raised his eyebrows at her, "Sorry, Charles"
He grinned at her, "Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you? Don't think I didn't see you checking me out Private Dawes. It gets so a guy can't even do his exercise without some randy medic checking him out!"
She smiled at him, "You loved it Boss. I could tell. Showing off with your weight lifting and with your singing. You loved the attention."
"You should watch yourself Private Dawes. Soldiers who tell the truth about, sorry tell lies about their COs tend to meet sticky ends!"
She snorted at the double entendre, whether intended or not, "Ooh, I hope so Boss".
He blushed bright red, clearly showing that it hadn't been intended, which made her even more amused. He glared at her, but then he softened and told her, "Well, I'm sure a brief show could be arranged, providing certain healing goals are reached…"
She looked at him quizzically, "Are you saying that if I get better then I can have a show?"
"Yes Dawesy, that's exactly what I'm saying. Do we have a deal?" he cocked an eyebrow at her.
"Well that's a no-brainer Boss – I'm in!" she told him, smiling.
He smiled at her then moved round the bed, "Deal then. Do you need any water? How's the pain, do I need to call a nurse?"
She smiled at him gratefully, "The pain's OK for now Boss, but some water would be nice."
He attended to her needs, gently brushing her hair away from her face, tilting her head up again and giving her a sip or two of water, then lowering her head and giving her a tissue so she could wipe her mouth with her left hand. Part of her was sorry that she could now wipe her own mouth; the way he had tenderly brushed the water away the other day had literally melted her, but another part was happy that she could take care of herself.
He offered to help her with her fan mail for which she was grateful. When she was wide awake she could read for a little while but her attention drifted quite quickly with all the painkillers she was still on. He happily read out the letters and cards from her colleagues and passed them over to her. The cards he propped up on her bedside table and the read letters he put in the drawer. As he opened the drawer he saw a small plastic box in there. "What's this?" he asked, picking it out. She had no idea and told him.
He opened it and pulled out her dog tags and a ring on a string. She realised it was Mrs Smurf's engagement ring. He looked at her seriously, "Molly, is there anything you want to tell me?"
He couldn't be jealous now, could he? He really was the most annoying man! She'd told him she loved him (well, technically she supposed she'd told him "Ditto") and she'd agreed to be his girlfriend. She decided to speak plainly, "Well, obviously it's Smurf's mum's ring and he gave it to me. Despite the fact that you had been a complete cockwomble I still didn't want to marry him and I told him so, but I agreed to keep it safe for him since he told me it so didn't suit him." She tried to smile at him, and was pleased to see the left side of his mouth twitch up. She decided to give him both barrels, "So you can tell your jealousy to bugger off Captain James. I chose you. But if you're gonna keep getting all jealous like this we might gonna fall out again!"
He had the decency to look apologetic and, as he put the ring and the tags back in the box he told her, "Sorry, but when you've found someone really special of course you're going to be worried that others are going to covet her. But you're right," and here he looked straight into her eyes, "I owe it to you to trust you. I'm sorry, Molly."
Both of them smiled at the unintentional rhyme, and she told him, "You're forgiven this time, but I don't want to see any more of that, OK?" to which he replied, tongue-firmly-in-cheek, "Yes Ma'am" snapping her a mock-salute.
She growled, "Good, and don't you forget it, Charles James!"
He smiled at her lopsidedly, "On a totally different note, I think you should give this to your grandmother for safekeeping. Hospitals aren't the safest of places and it's practically a miracle it hasn't gone missing." He was right and she was grateful he cared enough to say it so she agreed.
She was really chuffed with the cards and letters from her section and the platoon as a whole and wanted to do something to thank them. She asked Charles what he recommended.
"Well, I suppose when your grandmother gets here I can go and find a card shop and buy you a "Thank You" card?" he suggested.
She was confused, "Yeah, but I can't write."
"Well I can write it for you and maybe you can just put an "x" at the bottom or something? You just dictate to me what to write and I can write for you." She thought his idea could work, but there was just one problem, "Do you know where there is a card shop?"
He smiled at her, "I'm sure I can find one Molly, don't you worry about that. Actually I think there's a newsagent just round the corner from the flat I'm staying in, so I can grab something this afternoon when your grandmother is with you. Then if we fill it in tonight or tomorrow I can take it with me when I go back to Bicester on Monday morning."
She agreed, but the mention of her grandmother brought up something else which she wanted to ask him about. She looked at him seriously, "Boss, how come you let my Nan call you Charlie? I wouldn't 've thought you would take that."
He looked sharply at her, then sat back in his chair clearly considering his answer. He smiled at her, slightly sadly, she thought, "Well, you're right. Normally I wouldn't, but at the time things were slightly different. You were at Death's Door and had been touch and go for days. Your grandmother and your mother had been taking turns coming up and down from London and being here with you, even sleeping in this room (though I'm sure they didn't get much sleep) and when they weren't here they were taking care of your siblings, so they were both massively stressed. Then, just as you had started to improve, you took a turn for the worse. Your Grandmother was barely hanging on. I knew from talking to her she was pretty anti-establishment and I knew from how you are and what I'd seen of her that she would probably like a bit of banter, and when she called me Charlie for the first time it was just in that way, so I took it as a sign of her trying to cope, and she needed it, so I took it. You might say it was a rite of passage. She needed the banter and I needed to feel like I was supporting your family, so it worked for both of us, and I suppose it just sort of grew from there. Does that answer your question?"
It was her turn to consider his answer. She hadn't really expected his answer to be this complex. In fact she'd only asked the question in order to get in a position to ask her next big question, but his answer spoke to so many factors, but the overwhelming one was the fact that again he was supporting her family when she could not. She was massively touched. She looked up and saw his light brown eyes staring at her, so she smiled back, "You realise she'll never stop callin' you that now?"
He grinned, "Yes, unfortunately. Maybe it's a generational thing - my mother calls me Charlie as well. She always complains that Charles is too formal – it was my great uncle's name and my father was very close to him and desperate to honour him, so they decided to call me Charles, but Mum's always hated it – she says it makes me sound stuffy…"
This was perfect. She smiled at him and said nothing, just continued to smile.
He looked at her, waiting for her to reply, but she didn't say anything and the silence stretched on, until the penny dropped. "Oh no," he groaned, "Please don't say you don't like it either."
She decided to wheel out the big guns. She'd noticed how he responded to her doe eyes yesterday, so she lowered her head slightly, widened her eyes and looked at him from under her eyelashes. This look had always worked for her when she wanted something before. "Boss…?" she asked imploringly, "Could I call you Charlie too, or at least anything that's not Charles?"
He looked at her fulminatingly for a few seconds, "It must be important if you're rolling out the doe eyes Dawesy." Secretly chuffed that they seemed to be having the desired effect she continued to look at him beseechingly. He stared at her for several more seconds, "Evil Minx," He told her, "OK we'll give it a try…but I wouldn't do this for any old medic I want you to know! And only between us. Not in public."
She grinned at him. Result. "Thanks Boss." To which he replied, "Do you really think it makes me sound stuffy?"
"Boss, it makes you sound like a complete stiff!" she told him playfully, not noticing his blank look.
"What makes him sound like a stiff?" asked her Nan from the door, attracting both of their attention. She didn't know how long Nan had been there but judging by her question, not long. The older woman walked into the room and started pulling the spare chair forward towards the bed.
She glanced back at Charles who was glaring at her forbiddingly. Shrugging off his glare, she turned back to her Nan and told her, "His name."
Nan smiled, "Oh yes, agreed. That's why I call 'im Charlie – it's much nicer and more friendly." And she turned to him and winked, "Ain't that right, Charlie?"
He mock-glared at both of them. Getting to his feet he told them, "I'm going to brush my teeth and get a coffee."
Molly grinned at him, "Is that what they call a tactical retreat, Boss?"
"Piss off Dawesy," he told her, beating a tactical retreat.
A/N 1 Thanks again to Marc for his great advice on trauma injuries and treatment.
A/N 2 This is the longest chapter I've ever written so I hope it's OK. There were some overdue conversations in there. Please R&R.