Chapter Five: The Date
"Caroline, I'm so sorry, I think there's going to have to be a change of plan."
"Oh. Right. Right, I understand."
Her heart leaps at the disappointment in her voice.
"I don't mean cancel the date, but what's happened is...well, Daisy found out that you're coming round, I'd told Richard to keep quiet about it and then he went and said your name when he thought she was in the garden, and you can probably guess the next bit. Richard took her with him anyway but he's just rung and the tantrum still hasn't stopped yet and she left here almost an hour ago. I don't like to cave into her with these things but I kind of feel like I lied to her, so I feel guilty now, and poor Richard's going to have an awful time of it-"
"Get her back, of course you should."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely! I can't tell you how nice it is to have someone so keen to see me. It makes such a change from teenage boys who grunt in my general direction."
"Thanks Caroline, I appreciate it. Could you maybe come round an hour earlier than we planned, so she can get her fill of you before she goes to bed?"
"I'll look forward to it. See you then."
"Oh, and Caroline?"
"Yes?"
"You realize you have two people who are that keen to see you, don't you?"
A small pause.
"Well I do now." She can hear her smile, maybe there's a hint of nerves too. "See you later."
"Bye."
With Daisy safely tucked up in bed Kate ushers Caroline into the living room, a nervous tension invading her body as she joins her on the sofa. It had been a lovely, if ever so slightly awkward, start to the date. Daisy had been as happy as usual, but there had been a tangible awareness between the two women that this was far from a usual day.
She'd caught Caroline watching her once or twice, averting her eyes the moment she looked up, and she'd had to work hard to keep her mind from wandering to what might take place later in the evening. They hadn't talked about the situation in front of Daisy, of course, but now that she was asleep...well. Now they're officially on a date.
And she can't think of a single thing to say to her. Not one single thing. And apparently Caroline's having the same problem.
Time drags on in silence. A hundred topics run through her mind – ask her about work, about the boys, about the girlfriend from 200 years ago, but for some reason she can't bring herself to break the ice. She fixes her gaze on the carpet.
She's starting to feel ridiculous, to think that this was a huge mistake, when...
"I think perhaps I need to give you a kiss."
"I...do you?"
"Yes. I think it would help. Would that be acceptable?"
Her heart is working triple time but her voice has stopped working altogether.
"Kate? Is that all right?"
"Yes, yes," she says quickly, before the offer gets withdrawn. "Yes."
Caroline leans into her. When she feels her soft lips make contact she's not quite ready for it and she can't seem to return the kiss, her heart thumping, all nerves and no pleasure. Caroline withdraws from her, eyes lowered, the disappointment clear in her voice.
"I'm sorry. Perhaps I should go."
"No, no, don't go, don't go. I wasn't, I wasn't ready. Kiss me again."
"Perhaps I should go."
"I don't want you to go. Kiss me again."
Caroline studies her warily but doesn't move. Kate reaches out for her hand and pulls her forwards and this time they lean in to each other slowly. At the first touch of her lips she's still full of nerves but she manages to kiss her back gently and after a few moments she feels the arousal begin to overtake her anxiety. The kiss deepens slightly, still a little tentative but she can feel the pleasure start to build inside of her. I'm kissing Dr Elliot, she thinks. It's really happening.
They pull apart briefly, gazing at each other, a burgeoning flush on Caroline's cheeks, before both leaning in again, and this time she doesn't hold back. She hears Caroline moan quietly as she intensifies the kiss, her hunger growing, sliding her arms around her waist and luxuriating in the sensual response of her mouth. Turns out that the reserved, serious, stern Dr Elliot really knows how to kiss a woman.
Eventually the intensity gets too much for her and she reluctantly breaks away, keenly aware of the flush on her face and the speed of her breathing. For a few seconds she can see an unguarded flash of desire in Caroline's eyes.
The anxious tension of five minutes ago has been replaced by a delicious sense of intimacy. Caroline reaches out and takes hold of her hand, tenderly stroking her palm. They share a few minutes of calm, a comfortable silence this time, Kate grateful for the chance to regroup. She's beginning to think about stealing another kiss when she hears Daisy start to cry over the monitor.
"Oh dear, I'd better go and look at her."
"Of course."
"Back in a sec."
In the 30 seconds it takes her get up the stairs Daisy's mild cries have turned into a full-on screaming fit.
"Mummy!" she wails, and Kate thinks wryly that it's nice to know that her daughter stills chooses her over Caroline occasionally.
Fifteen minutes and a lot of cuddling later the crying has stopped. She tucks her back into bed, whispering words of reassurance.
"You can go to sleep now, there are no nasty monsters I promise. I love you."
"I love you too mummy," says Daisy sleepily, melting Kate's heart. "And I love Daddy and I love Granny and Grandpa and I love hedgehogs and I love Calorine."
Kate gazes at her lovingly, gives her a final kiss and rejoins Caroline in the living room.
"Did you hear that?" she asks.
Caroline's smiling widely. "I did. Although I noticed that I came after hedgehogs."
"Oh no, hedgehogs are like unicorns around here. She told me the other day she wants to be a hedgehog when she grows up. You're in some very elite company if you're right after hedgehogs."
She takes her hand, needing to feel that connection between them again.
"She went back to sleep?"
"Yes, just a monster-related false alarm."
"Ah yes, the monsters. I remember them well."
They share a smile. Kate decides to take the plunge.
"I know this might be a little premature, but can I ask you, um, if you think...our first date seems to be going well, so would you like there to be a second?"
"Would you?"
"I asked first," she says teasingly.
"Yes. I would. You?"
"Yes."
"Good. Next weekend?"
"Maybe...maybe something sooner? One day in the week?"
"I would think that could be arranged, if you really can't wait."
She glares at her but Caroline just grins.
"Oh I can wait. I was only thinking about Daisy, she's the one who gets withdrawal symptoms. Me, I can take you or leave you."
"Is that right?"
"Mm-hm. Not bothered either way."
"It's funny, I think Daisy really opened my eyes to a few things."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought I might...what you said the other day, about Daisy picking up on your feelings...there was a time when I thought that maybe something similar was happening from my side, that I was conflating my feelings for you both somehow."
That doesn't sound good at all. Is she only here because she cares about her daughter?
"You thought that because you loved Daisy so much you'd transferred that onto me?"
"No, no, I meant...the other way round. I was always fond of Daisy, even as a tiny baby. The staff often bring their new babies into school, and I always like to have a cuddle but I never feel particularly...enamoured. But then I met Daisy and I felt...I adored her, she was so lovely, I used to look forward to seeing her so much. And it made me analyse things, a bit. Wonder why."
Kate listens in silence.
"And I realized that it was because she was your baby, your child. She looked so much like you, but it wasn't just that, there was something almost...automatic about it, that's not quite the word I want...something unconscious, intuitive. She was part of you and so I cared about her. Simple as that. And once I'd considered that for a while it made me realize that I had feelings for you, too."
She strokes her hand, moved beyond words.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
Caroline smiles at the callback to their conversation a few weeks ago. "I was working up to it."
"We're talking about when Daisy was tiny!" she exclaims. "You've had four years!"
"I was working up to it, really, but I was stuck with John until he helpfully had his mid-life crisis and after your own divorce I still thought you liked men. And then there was an intriguing rumour that you might be seeing a woman, not that I listen to gossip of course, but I may have inadvertently listened on that occasion. That was one step forwards and one step back though because gay and taken was no more use than straight and single.
"And more recently when I've known you were single I could never work you out. One minute we were all friends together and the next you couldn't get away fast enough! You went weeks without saying more than two words to me at work and I found that very…I thought the best thing to do was focus on Daisy, outings for her, and then I could still…it would be easier for you, and we could still…but even then Daisy was becoming more and more attached to me and you seemed to become more and more uncomfortable with it. You apologised twelve times an hour for the terrible inconvenience of Daisy's unbridled affection.
"It did fleetingly cross my mind that you might be attracted to me when you stopped talking to me, that you thought I was off-limits and you were trying to keep your distance, but it seemed much more likely that you were appalled by the notion of pretending to be pals with your bloody boss. So I'd as good as buried any idea of romance. I just kept clinging on to the rapidly receding notion that I could keep Daisy's affections even if you seemed uncomfortable with it sometimes, even if spending time with you was…well. Bittersweet. Difficult. For me."
Caroline suddenly seems enthralled by a few loose threads on a cushion cover, tracing them with her fingers and avoiding Kate's eyes. Kate gazes at her with affection.
"Then last week when I was putting Daisy to bed I thought you were so horrified by seeing the dragon lady boss kiss your daughter you'd had to go and fume in a cupboard. I thought that was it, all over with."
"God, Caroline, we should really have talked to each other. I've liked you for a long time. To tell you the truth – and please don't ever tell Richard this – but to tell you the truth I liked you when I was still married. I would never have acted on it, but I was doing some soul-searching at the time, and I think I knew exactly who I was deep down, but it would be fair to say that you, um, helped me to be sure. If you see what I mean."
An embarrassed blush spreads over her face; Caroline just smiles at her.
"That's rather flattering."
"It should be. You're beautiful, Caroline. That weekend when we went to the modern languages conference together…God, I'd been looking forward to it for weeks and then the reality of it was wonderful, but it stoked the attraction something fierce. All that time together in your car, hours and hours alone with you in full power-suit and killer heels headteacher mode and I went home and-"
"And...what?"
She avoids her gaze, embarrassed. "Nothing."
"No, what were you going to say?"
"Too much information. Shouldn't have said anything."
"Well now you have to tell me!"
She fiddles with the sleeve of her cardigan. "Would you like a coffee? Or some wine?"
"And now you definitely have to tell me. Went home and what?"
"I...sort of...can we just say I took my frustrations out on my husband and leave it at that."
Caroline frowns at her. "Took your...oh. Oh."
"Yes. Oh."
A slow, pleased smile spreads over Caroline's face, together with more than a hint of desire.
"Well that's even more flattering. Although if you don't mind I'd prefer to labour under the illusion that you and Richard only slept together once for the sole purpose of procreation."
"Understood. Same rule for you and John. Twice."
"Absolutely."
"So, if you've liked me for years...that's a long time to be harbouring these...frustrations."
She has the most delicious expression on her face, a mix of arousal and happiness.
"Yes, I suppose it is. I wonder what possible solution there might be."
"Hmm. I'm sure we can think of something."
Caroline's hand strokes lightly up her thigh, pausing for a few moments and then, to her surprise, slips underneath her top to stroke the sensitive skin of her stomach. Each gentle touch sends a shiver of pleasure right through her, Caroline holding her gaze the entire time, her own pleasure at the contact written clearly on her face. She should have known that it wouldn't take long for her natural confidence to overcome her nerves. She's fantasized about going to bed with her for years, seeing exactly how that confidence might manifest itself during sex, how she would touch her, how she would lead. She knew it would be like this.
The touch of her fingertips gives way to a caress from her whole hand, palm flat against her stomach, the hand moving deliciously against her skin, the heat travelling directly to her core. It's maddeningly sexy. But an unwelcome voice at the back of her mind insists that they shouldn't rush things.
"On a first date, Dr Elliot? I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you." She's never been a good liar. She doesn't sound remotely shocked; she sounds breathy and highly aroused. The hand continues to stroke her, lightly, tenderly; she longs to move it downwards.
"It's your own fault, Miss McKenzie. You can't kiss a person like that and expect them to be unaffected."
The hand moves slowly downwards and one finger lightly traces a slow line along the top of her trousers. With all the willpower she can muster she places her hand over Caroline's and stills the movement before moving their joined hands to rest on her thigh.
"I want a second date. And a third and a fourth, come to that. We have time."
Caroline smiles her understanding, although the genuine disappointment on her face almost makes her change her mind. But Daisy's here, and for their first time she'd like an empty house and no interruptions. Besides, she can't imagine that Caroline's ever had sex on the first date before; she suspects that once the adrenaline and desire wears off she might be a little embarrassed.
"Much as it pains me to say it, Dr Elliot, I think perhaps I should send you home."
"Hmm. Perhaps you're right. I'll see you in the week though?"
She smiles at the barely-disguised eagerness in her voice.
"Yes," she says. "You most certainly will."