Chapter Six: Daisy Finds Out

She knows she's staring but somehow can't stop. She has the most ridiculously kissable lips. And now she knows how they feel against her own, how insanely exciting it is to be kissed by an aroused, eager Dr Elliot, she can't stop thinking about it. Hasn't stopped thinking about it for days.

"And I said that he was going to have to buck his ideas up if he wanted to get into Cambridge, he's coasted by for years and it's not going to get him very far in the big wide world."

Daisy's safely in bed. They've kissed twice so far tonight, once when she arrived, a quick peck, and then a proper kiss as soon as Daisy went to bed…she's still high from it. She could kiss her right now, right here in the kitchen, open her shirt to feel her breast, feel her skin…

"Kate?"

Slide her hand between her legs, hear her sigh, make her moan…

"Kate? Wherever did you go?"

She snaps out of it, disoriented. "Nowhere, I…nowhere."

Caroline's studying her now. Watching. "Dishwasher's on. Shall we go and sit down?"

"Right. Yes. Good idea."

She turns to leave, relieved that she hasn't been caught, but then a firm hand grasps her arm and she's pulled around to face her. She's kissing her before she knows what's happening and it's a few seconds before she can respond. When she does the kiss is so powerful so quickly that she's lost in sensuality. A hand closes around her breast, Caroline thumbing her nipple firmly, rhythmically, over and over.

They kiss and kiss and she has long since lost control – it's just Caroline now, Caroline's lips controlling her lips, her knowing hands controlling her body, sending electric sparks to her pulsing centre. The hand moves down from her breast to cup her firmly between her legs and simply rests there, waiting, waiting, and as she leans into her helplessly it's all she can do not to beg.

"Mummy, what are you doing?"

They fly apart, Caroline hurling herself towards the kitchen counter in a way that she might have found hilarious if it were any other time and place.

"Don't fight Mummy, not Calorine!"

"Sweetheart, it's fine, we're not fighting. Look, Caroline's fine, isn't she?"

Caroline's bright red, trying to subtly wipe her mouth with one hand and tidy up her mess of hair with the other.

"S'not fine, Mummy, you were fighting!"

"Daisy, I promise we weren't fighting," Caroline says earnestly. Kate takes advantage of the moment to adjust her own shirt, checking the buttons are still intact, that she's decent.

"What were you doing?"

"We…" Caroline gazes at her helplessly but she's not going to be much help to her in her over-excited state; her body's throbbing with anticipation, her mind buzzing from the high. "Sweetheart, when two people like each other very much they sometimes kiss each other, did you know that?"

"Mummy kisses me."

"Well, yes, and there are other types of kisses. When two adults like each other very much they kiss a bit more…it's a bit more…they kiss on the mouth."

"On the mouth?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

Daisy thinks about this for a few moments, her brow furrowed.

"Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig do that, 'cause they love each other."

Kate stares at her daughter in silent horror as she realizes what's coming next. She carefully avoids looking at Caroline.

"Do you love mummy?"

Her heart beats heavily in her chest. There's no reply from Caroline; she's probably getting ready to run for the hills.

"I love you, Calorine, you're my best favourite."

"I love you too, Daisy," says Caroline, and to Kate's relief Daisy runs over to her and hugs her legs in her excitement, apparently forgetting her previous question.

"Right. So. Back to bed young lady."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, you have to. I expect Caroline will tuck you in if you ask nicely."

Daisy looks up at Caroline with adoring eyes. "Please will you tuck me in Calorine?"

"Of course I will, lovely. Come on."

Their eyes meet as Caroline passes, Kate trying to convey an impossible amount in one glance – that it's absolutely fine that Daisy knows about them, that it's absolutely fine if Caroline doesn't love her, that it's even more fine if she does. Caroline's still blushing, meeting her eyes furtively before disappearing up the stairs.

She goes to the living room and sits down heavily, bracing herself for whatever's coming. Over the monitor she hears Caroline quietly tuck her daughter into bed; five minutes later she returns, smiling at her a little too brightly.

"All tucked up safely."

"Great. Thanks, Caroline. Sorry about…"

"Oh, no, no. Bound to happen. I think she accepted it very well, once she was convinced we weren't murdering each other."

They smile nervously at each other; Kate can't bear to leave it there.

"Sorry about the other thing too. Kids just come out with these things, doesn't mean anything, they're just kids."

"Kate. I have two of them at home and almost 900 extra at work. I know they do. Not a problem."

"Good. Good. Not a word you'd usually mention on a second date." She laughs nervously, wondering why on earth she can't shut up about it. She should really shut up.

"No, I suppose not. It could have been worse, though. She could have asked you why your tongue was in my mouth. I bet they don't do that on Peppa Pig."

"Not that I can remember. Although that Daddy Pig's a bit of a dark horse, I've always thought."

"Dark pig."

"Right. Dark pig."

The tension's easing slightly, but there's something about Caroline's manner that's bothering her – the woman in front of her seems more like the carefully contained, controlled Dr Elliot than the friend she has grown so close to.

"We should probably have a talk with Daisy, explain it to her a bit more calmly. Well, you should, you and Richard."

"Yes, sure. Sure."

"Do you think she'll get bullied about it? I'd hate for her to be unhappy."

"We'll have to see how it goes but there hasn't been a problem so far, and lots of the mums and dads know that I'm gay. One of the children in the infant school has two adopted dads, I think we're in good company. But I'll definitely keep an eye on it."

"Good. And is she…is she aware of any of your, er, any previous…"

"Oh, um, no, no, she isn't, it's been a while since…" She clears her throat, embarrassed. "She isn't."

"So a talk about the birds and the bees is in order? Obviously only the four year-old version of the talk, but one with bird pairings and bee pairings so she doesn't get confused."

"Of course. I'll get right on it."

She's beginning to feel a little irritated – this is definitely Dr Elliot now, giving instructions, expecting compliance. And avoiding the one issue she longs to talk about.

"Kate? Are you all right?"

"Fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"I said I'm fine."

"Do you want me to go?"

"Up to you." Shit. She sounds like a petulant child, sulking because her girlfriend of two minutes hasn't declared her undying love.

"I think perhaps I'll go." Dr Elliot again, stern, disapproving, displeased with a misbehaving pupil.

They stand up simultaneously, Kate following her to the hall and watching in silence as she puts her shoes on. Their eyes meet but neither of them speaks. Caroline's hand is on the door handle before she finally finds her voice.

"Wait. Wait. I'm sorry."

Caroline turns around.

"I didn't mean to act like that. I don't know why I did."

"Don't you?"

"OK. OK. I do. It was totally unfair, you should ignore me."

"This is our second date. You said it yourself."

"I know. I know. It's just…"

"What?"

"It's just that…it's not really our second date. Not for me. We've been seeing each other for weeks, even if we haven't called it dating. And I'd never usually talk about this so early on, and I wish we weren't now, to be honest, but…I think now that Daisy's said it I need to check that we're, not on the same page, exactly, but at least reading the same book. This isn't casual for me, Caroline."

"You think it's casual for me?" she says, sounding pained.

"Is it?"

"No! Of course it isn't! I've never dated anyone casually in my life!"

"Only, I mean, in the kitchen before, you were very…forward. Much more forward than I was expecting, and I thought…"

Caroline gapes at her, a blush rising on her cheeks. Great work, she thinks, you've just embarrassed the poor woman to death.

"God, sorry, that sounded so…crass. It wasn't a complaint, by the way, not anywhere near. I wouldn't have stopped you if Daisy hadn't walked in."

"Then what…"

"Look, maybe I'm wrong, but you don't strike me as someone who has sex on the second date. And if you were going to with me, and the way you reacted when Daisy said…what she said…I thought maybe I'd misread things, that this is not quite what I was hoping for."

"That I'm just in it for the sex?" Dr Elliot's voice again, although not a topic she'd ever heard Dr Elliot talk about.

"No, no. No. Well…yes. Sort of. That you're interested in something less serious than I am. Nothing wrong with that at all but I think we should be honest about where we stand."

There's no reply. She waits anxiously, trying to read her and failing.

"I made John wait an entire year."

"What?"

"For me. For sex. One whole year."

"Wow."

"Yes. Wow."

"Because you wanted to marry him?"

"Because I wasn't all that bothered about having sex with him."

"I…oh. Oh."

"Your logic is inherently flawed, you know. You seem to have somehow decided that the people I'm most romantically interested in are the ones I least want to go to bed with."

"I...have I?"

"Yes. I wouldn't have stopped either, in the kitchen. And you're right, I don't do casual, I don't sleep with people I don't care about. Never have and I certainly don't intend to start now. I wouldn't have broken that rule today, whether we'd stopped or not. We're reading the same book."

It takes a few seconds for the meaning of her words to register, but when they do the relief she feels is palpable. Maybe she doesn't love her yet, but at least they're both in this for real.

"Thank you for saying that."

"We're good?"

"We're good."

"I should probably still get off home, I've got an early start."

"OK. Ring me."

Caroline leans in and gently kisses her. "Oh, and Kate?"

"Mm?"

"How long are we talking, exactly? Since the last time you…" She lets her words trail off but the mischievous look in her eye is impossible to misinterpret.

"None of your beeswax."

"No?"

"No. Off you go."

"So an enormously long time then? Years, are we talking? Multiple decades?"

"I have a four year-old daughter. Your maths is shocking."

"I'm just trying to find out how enthusiastic you might be if we were to…" Caroline grins at her, her eyes sparkling, moving in close to her.

"I'd say about as enthusiastic as you were earlier on, Dr Elliot." They lean in and their lips meet in a slow, highly-charged kiss that turns her on so much she has to put her hands in her pockets to ensure she doesn't try to get hold of her.

"I'll see you soon?" says Caroline.

"You will."

She stands in the doorway and watches happily as she walks to her car. No point feigning indifference at this point – she's practically told her she's in love. And maybe Caroline doesn't feel as deeply as she does yet, maybe it's still a little out of balance, but finally, after all this time, she has a chance to get everything she's ever wanted in the world.