Disclaimer:

I own no part of the 'Twilight Universe' … only the idea to this story. This is strictly for fun.

Author's note:

Finally managed an other one! Thank you all for your support! And a huge thanks to those who review anonymously, too. I sadly can't reply to you via pm...

Previously:

Marcus had gifted Bella with the alarm clock and asked her to be allowed to spend the day with her.

Chapter 44 (Bella's pov):

After Marcus left my room I continued to hold the small alarm clock he had given me in my hands. It was made of a silvery metal in a classic design, with two small bells on top and the hands were filigree. It was so beautiful in its simplicity. I instantly took a liking to it. Carefully I wound up the clock and set the time so that it would ring in a few moments. I wanted to hear its chime.

Only shortly later it resonated and I was surprised by its purity. It was such a beautiful sound and a wonderfully thoughtful gift.

Unfortunately I couldn't listen to its ringing again because the Doc and his nurse niece chose that moment to knock on the door.

I decided I'd test my new alarm clock later and quietly called out: "Come in."

The doctor and his nurse entered and quickly did their usual assessment of my condition as was their daily routine. The doctor seemed somewhat dissatisfied with what he saw on his ultrasound screen.

When I asked if there was something wrong, he explained that there was some small damage to the valve connecting the left atrium with the left chamber. He told me it was a common complication with Endocarditis and that I shouldn't worry, that I was already recovering and the damage should not progress any further. He would continue to check the valve function continually as before.

When they were finally done with their prodding of me they left after I had declined the nurse's help to get me ready for the day. Somehow I felt more comfortable with Heidi around.

Or perhaps I could simply get myself ready... I did feel much better.

Slowly I sat forward and hauled my legs over the edge of the bed. When I had finally made it that far, there was a knock at the door.

"Yes?" I squeezed out.

Talk about horrid timing, I grimly thought to myself.

Heidi stepped cautiously into the room.

"Good morning, Bella. Please forgive my intrusion. I realized you didn't accept the nurse's help, so I concluded perhaps you might accept mine."

I felt like a child caught doing something naughty and, by the looks of it, Heidi didn't feel too comfortable in her skin either.

"Well, I mean … sure," I caved.

"It's not my place to criticize you … So pardon me for speaking out of turn. I don't think you are well enough yet to be moving around by yourself. Master Marcus would be so upset were something to happen to you. Just think how you would feel were the roles reversed." She stopped there and left the rest to my imagination.

I didn't like the scene I came up with one bit. And once again I was shown how ungrateful my actions might seem after all they had done for me … especially Marcus.

"You are right. I'm quite the brat, aren't I?" My voice was dripping with self-disgust and I felt a shiver go down my spine.

"No! No, Bella. I never meant to imply that!" Heidi called out louder than necessary, even by human standards.

After she had taken an unnecessary calming breath she continued in a smaller voice: "No, Bella. I merely intended to point out another perspective … to make you see how you judge yourself differently to any other person around you. You seem to expect so much more from yourself than others. You want to take care of others but don't want anyone to care for you. This makes it hard for those of us who truly wish to help you because we do not wish to over step your boundaries.

It took me a moment or two to digest her words … to make sense out of them. Did I do that? Yes, I guess I did. But I had a perfectly good reason: I had to try to be better … to be good enough. But I knew I would never achieve that goal. I would never be good enough.

Obviously my inner musing had taken too long and had worried Heidi, as she then asked: "Bella?" in an urgent voice.

"Hmm? … Yes … I see what you mean." My voice got smaller towards the end despite my efforts to speak at a normal volume.

"And why is it that you act like that?" She asked curiously, undeterred by my obvious discomfort.

Just as I was about to stammer out an excuse there was another knock at the door.

"Yes?" I mumbled, relieved I could avoid an answer.

To my surprise it was Sulpicia who glided into the bedroom.

"Good morning, Isabella, dear. I hope you slept well?"

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Heidi look towards the floor and take a step back.

"Oh, good morning, Sulpicia," I replied as a reflex before my mind went to last night and all that had happened. To my surprise I had to admit I had slept peacefully all through the night … with Marcus, her brother by all means, right next to me. I could feel a small blush creep up my neck and into my cheeks.

"Thank you, yes I slept fine," I tugged on.

"Very well. If you'll allow me, I'll help you get ready today?" She asked but it had the air of a statement.

"Erm, sure. But you really don't have to," I reasoned.

"Hush, nonsense, dear. I really would enjoy it greatly," she shot me down.

"Okay," I stated but as soon as it was out it sounded like a question to my own ears. Instantly I felt foolish.

"Perfect. Heidi, thank you; you may leave. I am certain Bella and I will get along just fine. I will have Felix call for you if we require your assistance." I knew a polite dismissal when I heard one … Heidi obviously did too.

"Yes, My Lady. I will be at your service," she bowed slightly towards Sulpicia, then turned to address me: "It is a pleasure to see you slightly better, Isabella. I shall be at your service, too."

To my horror she inclined her head in a show of respect towards me and then, before I could object, she was out the door and I was left staring at the closed door.

Slowly Sulpicia stepped closer to me, a benevolent smile on her lips.

"I apologize, Bella, but I simply couldn't wait to spent more time with you … and … well, I know Marcus has asked to keep you company during the day, so I had to take my chances," she explained her presence.

"I'm not that interesting," I mumbled, being embarrassed.

"Well, we will have to disagree on that. I for one enjoy your company, and Marcus obviously does too. I also know my husband would love to spend more time with you. Alas he is differently engaged. And you saw how I had to practically force Heidi out of the room." She added the last part with a wave of her delicate hand toward the closed door.

"I still don't get it," I told her honestly, looking at her questioningly.

She sighed heavily.

"Ah, Isabella. Sometimes, you just need to let things be as they are and not call every detail into question. Some things just are not to be understood. And those moments you have to live and experience simple as that: A well spent moment."

During her mini speech she had fluidly glided closer to me and was now standing right in front of me. In a measured movement she lifted her hand and carefully caressed my cheek.

"Just live, Bella. Find yourself again, or reinvent yourself. You can do so; you are not set in stone. And we all will help you. We will all stand behind you and support you in becoming who you want to be, just as long as in the end you will be who you were always meant to be."

Her little monologue had me teary eyed.

Who was I!? At the moment I couldn't tell and that scared me like nothing else. I could feel a lump forming in my throat.

Sulpicia held my gaze in hers, scrutinizing my every reaction.

Her lips spread into a breathtaking, comforting smile and she spoke again:

"Don't worry, Bella. There is no need to decide who you want to be; with time you will figure it out. Growing takes time whether it be physical growing or the growing of a personality … And if you should end up becoming a clown, we wouldn't care, just as long as you were happy with who you are then."

The last part had me chuckling through my slowly falling tears.

Me, the clown … red nose and all.

In a spontaneous act I hugged her midsection from where I was seated, burying my head in her non-existent belly.

"Thank you," I whispered.

After a moment her arms wound around my shoulders and head, holding me close for a moment. When she let go, I felt slightly awkward, but instead of rejecting me or acting as if this had never happened, she crouched down in front of me until we were on the same eye-level.

"Good?" She smiled encouragingly. I nodded in answer and repeated the one word: "good." I looked up at her, grinning in amazement, as I suddenly realized that, for a change, I actually felt … good! I had to repeat it to myself in my head … "good" … I really honestly felt GOOD! I felt safe! I felt cared for! The nightmare of terror was over … for the first time in what felt like forever I felt real hope!

"Sulpicia! I exclaimed: "I REALLY do feel good." That was all I managed to get out before Sulpicia was grinning back at me as we hugged, all the while looking into each other's eyes … "Eccellente! Eccellente! ... Bravo Isabella! … Now you are truly on your way … we must find a suitable way to celebrate …. But first … let us start the first day of your search to find yourself by getting you out of that nightwear and into something comfortable for the day, shall we?" In a moment's time she had turned my emotional climate around again and now I felt fitter somehow, like my battery had recharged a little.

Over the course of the next hour she helped me clean up and change my clothes. At first I had been reluctant to accept her help, with the obviously more intimate places of my body, especially since the catheter was still there. She simply convinced me by giving me the choice between being helped by her or the nurse. As I preferred her company to the nurse, and the nurse would have had to be called to the room again, I opted for Sulpicia.

When I was done, I was sitting in one of the nice arm chairs, dressed in a very comfortable, fluffy green leisure suit and covered with a blanket; my feet rested on a footrest.

The blanket was as much to keep me warm as it was to hide the catheter.

Had it not been for Sulpicia's extraordinary strength, we would never have managed to get me there without disconnecting some of the tubes. She literally had to lift me into the seat, as I was quite obviously weaker than I felt.

While helping me, Sulpicia had regaled me with some quite amazing stories of Aro and herself, telling me about ancient times she had witnessed. I simply couldn't hear enough of these tales. She seemed fond of those memories and happy to tell me.

Now that I was comfortably situated she deemed it time for me to eat, though I didn't feel particularly hungry.

To my surprise it was Aro who knocked a few minutes later and carried in my breakfast.

"Good morning, Isabella. It is good to see you out of bed. But let me remind you to not exert yourself. I am sorry to have heard about your heart. I had been hoping it wouldn't come to this. Now we simply need to do all we can to keep the damage to the valves as small as possible, no?" he said in one go, as he placed the food on a nearby table, and positioned it over my lap, so that I could easily reach everything on it.

I realized there was an American newspaper on the tray: "The Seattle Times."

"Good morning, Aro. Thank you, for breakfast … and all that you have done," I told him earnestly. To be honest I was eager to read something about home. It had been so thoughtful of them to get me the paper and I had no idea how they even managed to get it here.

"Never you mention it, Isabella. I am glad I intercepted Felix so that I could bring you the food." He grinned cheekily and it made him look years younger.

After that I tucked in and Aro and Sulpicia informed me about inconsequential things like the weather forecast and such, to keep the conversation going and the atmosphere light.

When I was done Aro rose and mentioned to Sulpicia to accompany him. I was a little disappointed to see her leaving but knew she certainly had other things to do.

"Well then, dear Isabella, I hope you forgive me for stealing away my beautiful wife, but there are some things I need to discuss with her. Let me remind you though, that Marcus is anxious to spend some time with you. He actually has some surprises organized for you. Just call for him when you would like his company," he explained.

"Of course, Aro. I am sorry I kept you so long," I apologized.

"No need for regret. I, for one, enjoyed the morning," he deflected and his wife nodded in agreement. I blushed while answering: "If you're sure … and I think I'd like Marcus here, after I have a look at the paper, but only if he isn't needed elsewhere … I would hate to inconvenience him … or you."

Aro and Sulpicia both assured me that Marcus wouldn't mind, nor would they, if Marcus spent the day entertaining me. They left right after that to give me time to read the news and rest a little.

I was awoken by a soft knock on the door. I was still in my half sitting, half lying position on the chair with the paper on my lap and the machines beeping away in the background.

"Hmm?" I mumbled sleepily.

The door opened slowly and Marcus entered carrying another tray of food in his hands.

"Isabella, forgive the disruption, but we thought it was time for your lunch, if you like?" His voice was so soothing, calming and the adrenaline from being startled out of my slumber was soon down to normal levels. I could hear my heart slowing down.

"Sure, I guess … I mean I'm not really hungry, but I could eat a bite. The doc said I needed the energy," I answered lamely.

I took a look at my alarm clock and saw it was already two in the afternoon.

"Very well," he said happily as he placed the tray before me again, after he had taken away the paper.

"Would you mind if I stayed while you eat your lunch?" he asked politely.

"Of course, Marcus, I'd love to have you stay … I meant to just read the paper and then ask for you to keep me company … but then I fell asleep. Sorry 'bout that. I know I told you I'd call," I rambled.

For some reason, that I couldn't quite pinpoint, I felt disappointed. It was as if I had missed a really important or special appointment ... I felt like I had somehow let him down.

"It is quite alright, Isabella. I am happy you could rest some more. It is imperative you take all the respite you need to get better soon." Marcus' smile was so reassuring and honest. I knew he didn't take it personally.

"Thank you," I smiled shyly.

The pasta was delicious and while I ate, Marcus asked me about some articles in the paper, that he had obviously read, too. He was very interested in the American way of life and customs and traditions.

I had long been done with my lunch, but Marcus and I were still talking about small things, when I really had to use the toilette. I was mortified, when I really had no choice but to ask for the nurse's help. Naturally I blushed madly, when I asked Marcus to leave for a few minutes. The way he assured me so decidedly and calmly, made me realize he truly had no problem with me being human and having human needs. He was not uncomfortable with my bodily functions including the catheter. In his security and comfort I found the serenity to accept my humanity. I didn't need to be ashamed to be human or to feel as if I was inferior. He and the others had proven that they were not ashamed of what they were either: vampires. It made no difference to how we interacted as people … nor did it make any difference to my intrinsic worth and value.

While the nurse helped me to do my business, I absentmindedly wondered when I had started to feel so self-conscious about my humanity … unwillingly I had to admit it had been when I first began to spend more time around the Cullens. It might have been the knowledge of their super sensitive senses, but thinking about it I realized I had begun to excuse my perceived faults, when I had seen them do the same for their vampiric traits. But in the end it was senseless, as none of us could help basic needs. I had to go to the toilet, drink, eat, breathe and sleep, just as well as they had to drink blood and act according to their instincts. Those behaviors were essential. Sure, one can work on the point in time, when one would indulge in those necessities, but we all had to bow to our baser needs.

When Marcus came back in, I must have smiled at him funnily, as he asked me straight away what had happened. I was so giddy with my epiphany, that I couldn't hold back and told him everything about it carefully avoiding not to mention their names.

Even so, I could not help but have my mind wander to Victoria and all she had done. Suddenly, I realized, to my horror, that Marcus had told me he had killed Victoria. Did that mean that the others were also involved? Did that mean Aro might have touched her and seen her memories?

I had frozen mid-sentence and looked at Marcus, dreading what would happen to … or what might already have happened to the family I loved so much, if they knew who they were.

"Isabella? Are you alright? What is the matter? Talk to me!" Marcus asked with an urgent tone to his voice. He could no doubt see the frantic look on my face.

It took me a moment to form words, and by that time Marcus had stood up from his place, moved in front of me and had his hands on my shoulders, looking at me intently and with worry in his ruby eyes.

When I finally found my voice again it was just barely above a whisper when I asked: "Did Aro touch Victoria? Do you know?"

End note:

Thank you all for reading! I hope you had fun. SIERRABEAR helped me loads! Thank You!