"Puddin'? You coming to bed?" asked Harley, entering the makeshift study where the Joker sat, hunched over a lamp, surrounded by sheet after sheet of paper filled with sketches and notes and schemes.

"In a bit," he replied, not looking up. "Busy planning some jokes."

"Yeah? What kinda jokes?" asked Harley, glancing at the papers.

He chuckled, leaning back. "I've just been thinking, pooh," he said, smiling up at her. "Playing gags on unsuspecting bystanders is great and all, but you know who would be the funniest person to hurt?"

"Who's that, puddin'?" she asked.

"Batman," he replied.

"Oh. Why's that?" she asked.

"Don't ask me to explain my jokes, Harley," he retorted. "You must get it. It's so obvious."

"Well, it's…his fault you're the way you are…" said Harley, slowly.

"Exactly, pooh bear!" he chuckled. "Clever girl! He created me! He started the joke, and now I have to give him the punchline! It's only fair!"

He giggled, drawing more knives into the picture of Batman in front of him. Harley stroked his hair back, kissing the top of his head – she had really come to love the green hair. And the laugh, every shade of his crazy, wild laugh. And even the criminal lifestyle wasn't so bad so far – nothing seemed bad as long as she was with him.

"Don't be too long, sweetie," she said, heading for the door. "I got a surprise for you in the bedroom."

"Oooh!" he said, turning to grin at her. "I like the sound of that! Is it a sexy surprise?"

"I think so," she retorted, grinning. "So you'd better hurry up."

"Yes, ma'am!" he chuckled, saluting. She giggled, heading back to the bedroom and lying down on the bed. His present lay wrapped on his pillow, and she stared at it, hoping he'd like it.

Then she heard the noise of a phone ringing. Her phone, she realized, opening the bedside draw and fishing around for it.

"Hello?" she said, answering it.

"Harley!" gasped the familiar voice of Mrs. Quinzel. "Oh, thank God you're alive! George, I've got her!"

"Harley?" came her father's voice. "Harley, are you ok?"

"I'm…fine, Dad," she stammered. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"We've seen the papers," said Mr. Quinzel. "How Jack's snapped, become some murdering nutjob, but I guess the warning signs were always there. I'm just so glad he hasn't hurt you! The police said he hasn't sent a ransom note – do you know what he wants in exchange for you?"

"He's not holding me for ransom," said Harley. "I'm staying with him voluntarily."

There was silence on the other end. "But…but that's crazy, Harley!" gasped her father. "He's…he's a murderer, a monster…"

"I love him," she interrupted. "I love him and that's all that matters. And he loves me, and needs me…"

"Harley, you can't believe the lies he tells you!" cried Mrs. Quinzel. "Nobody who loved you would want you to throw your life away on crime, on some sick joke…"

"It's my decision, Mom," she interrupted. "As it always has been. Mr. J and I are happy together. Our days and nights are filled with fun. I couldn't ask for anything more."

"Hurting and killing people isn't fun!" cried her father.

"It is to Mr. J," she retorted. "And I just love seeing him happy. I'll do whatever it takes for that."

"Harley, please, come back," begged her mother. "Come home! We're your family and we love you…"

"Mr. J is my family now," she replied. "I'm sorry, Mom and Dad, I really am. I wanted us all to be happy together, as we always used to be, but I know that's not possible anymore. I knew it the moment you rejected Jack. And I know you'd never accept either of us back now, not as we truly are. Mr. J needs me, and loves me unconditionally. I can't abandon him."

"Harley…"

"I'll call you back in a second," said Harley, as Joker entered the room suddenly. She hung up the phone, picking up the gift and presenting it to him.

"Wait, me first!" he giggled, opening the closet door and pulling out a gift of his own, which he handed to Harley.

"Oh, Mr. J, you shouldn't have!" she cried, delighted, as she ripped open the wrapping. Inside was a black and red catsuit, decorated with diamonds and topped with a jester hat.

She beamed at him. "It's just like what Harley Quinn wears!"

"It's for you to wear, my little Harley Quinn," he chuckled, kissing her. "When we go out playing pranks together."

"It's so beautiful, Mr. J, thank you!" she cried, leaping into his arms and kissing him. "And now open mine," she said, handing him her box.

He unwrapped it and chuckled. "Kiddo, we must be able to read each other's minds!" he laughed, pulling out a purple suit.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"I love it!" he said. "Now I really am Joker the Clown!"

He kissed her. "Daddy wants to thank you for the pretty present," he whispered, grinning.

"Mmm, and your Harley girl wants to thank you," she purred.

He pushed her down on the bed, kissed her, and then stood up. "You wait here a second," he said, heading into the bathroom. "I'm just gonna fetch some new toys."

"Oooh, I can't wait!" she squealed. "Though I wasn't really sick of the whoopie cushion yet."

"Well, that'll be an old favorite!" he chuckled, shutting the door.

Harley grinned, then picked up her phone again and dialed her parents back. "Harley? Are you ok?"

"I'm just swell, Mom," she sighed. "Anyway, I just wanted to say a proper goodbye – if you're gonna keep calling me just to beg me to leave Mr. J, I ain't gonna keep answering your calls. It won't do any good. I'm never leaving him."

"But Harley, please, you have to listen to reason!" she cried. "You can't just lose your mind like this!"

"Losing your mind is great," she said. "You should try it sometime. It's very freeing. Mr. J's right – we go through life worrying about all kindsa stupid, pointless things, and it's all one big joke. So we shouldn't worry. We should just have a little fun. And that's what we're doing – having fun. So don't worry about me, Mom. I'm happy."

"Harley, please…"

"Gotta go now, Mom," she said, as the bathroom door opened. "Take care of yourself, and Dad. I love you both lots. But I'm madly in love with Mr. J. I always was, and I always will be. It was a crazy whim of fate that led him into my life, but I ain't ever letting him go."

"Harley…"

"Goodbye, Mom," she said, hanging up the phone. She tossed it casually across the room, hearing it hit the floor and break, and then pulled the Joker down into her arms, surrendering herself forever to his kisses, and his body, and his madness.

The End