Chapter Seven

"Teach me to say something in Elvish."

As twilight began to descend on the quiet little field outside the gates of Dale, Kili sat with his back against the same tree that he had spent an hour earlier trying to impale with Tauriel's dagger. They had shared a small piece of lembas bread, which Kili found wholly unsatisfying, but Tauriel seemed not to mind.

Now Tauriel lay on the grass with her head in Kili's lap, her legs stretched out to his side. Her arms folded lightly across her waist, she looked up at him. "Ungol," she said.

"Ungol," he repeated. "And what does it mean?"

Tauriel's lips twitched. "Spider."

He looked down at her with an adorably indignant expression. "That is the first thing you thought to teach me?"

She chuckled silently. "We met because of spiders, did we not?" When he huffed out a breath, she smiled. "Maethor," she said. "Warrior."

He nodded in approval. "Now that's better. Maethor."

"Estel," she murmured. "Hope."

"Yes, much better." As stars began to appear in the sky he repeated the words, and the half dozen others she taught him. He was a quick study, she thought, and wondered if he would teach her Khuzdul one day. The dwarves were secretive about their language, she knew, but she wanted to learn some of his words so she could share them with him. There were so many things she wanted to share with him.

Kili took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. He let them slide away, drew designs in her palm. Over and again he played with her hand while silence spun around them and stars twinkled above.

"Do you think," Kili wondered, "if we gave Thranduil the jewels and gold he wants that it would help? Would it make things better?"

"It is gems he wants. The white gems of Lasgalen."

"I told Balin I wanted to give him what he wants. He does not think Thorin would agree, but Thorin has not awoken, and something needs to be done. Do you think the gems would help bring peace?"

Tauriel was quiet for a long moment.

What do you know of love? Nothing.

What you feel for the dwarf is not real.

She would never forget her confrontation with Thranduil in the streets of Dale, the feel of her bow shattering in her hands with a single lightning-fast swipe of his sword. She remembered the fury in Thranduil's eyes and her own shock at having his sword aimed at her heart.

But she remembered just as well the look in his eyes when he'd found her with Kili on Ravenhill. There had been more than battle-weariness in his gaze. There had been devastation and pain that was very old. Even in her own shock and grief she had seen it.

Why does it hurt so much?

Because it was real.

"I'm not sure I know Thranduil as well as I once thought I did," she said at length. "I've long thought him to be cold, unfeeling."

"Heartless," Kili added, and she nodded.

"It's what I once believed. But now…he sent supplies to Dale this morning, and I would not have expected that. There may be depths to him that he keeps hidden from the world. The gems may keep him from returning with his army. Beyond that I do not know."

Kili frowned, because he did not understand how she could give Thranduil any sort of defense. "How can you feel anything other than scorn for him, when he took your home from you?"

Tauriel felt plenty of bitterness and sorrow for the loss of her home, but how did she explain to Kili six hundred years of history? "It is a long story. One I do not like to speak of."

They were quiet for long moments, hand in hand as they watched the stars. Neither noticed the chill of the night air, or the wisps of voices that occasionally carried to them from the town behind them.

"Fili woke up last night," he said eventually.

She glanced up at him, but when he remained quiet, staring into the distance, she said, "Is he all right?"

"He will be fine."

She reached up with her free hand and brushed a finger across his cheek. "And yet you look sad."

He shook his head, and it troubled her that he appeared weary. "Of everyone, I thought my brother would stand by me. I thought I could convince him to see things the way I see them, and he would in turn help convince the others."

Oh, but she loved this man, she thought. She wished there was an easy way to take away his pain. She curled her fingers around his and held. "Your brother loves you," she said. "He does not want to see you hurt."

"Parting from you hurts." Her lips tipped up, because it still sent a little thrill of amazement through her to hear him say such things. "The night before the battle I thought of you," he said. "I wondered where you were, if I would ever see you again. And then when Fili fell, even in the midst of rage I wished for you again. I wished for you to save my brother."

"I thought of you as well," she said. "When I saw Bolg's army departing Gundabad, I was frightened for you. I was not sure I would make it in time to help you. I thought that I might never see you again, that I would be too late."

"You did. You made it in time to help all of us. I know that, even if the others refuse to see it."

She thought of the long rift between her people and his. And she thought of battle wounds both new and very, very old. "Time does not erase all hurts, but it eases much," she said. She had learned to move on from the wounds she'd suffered a lifetime ago, but hurt still found a way to pierce her from time to time. Now, lying in the arms of a man her people told her she should not love, she thought of how she'd come to be in Thranduil's company. She never spoke of it, not even to Legolas. But she found that for the first time wanted to share the story with another.

Argument and discussion had continued at Erebor for most of the day. There were a few in favor of giving gold and gems to Dale and Mirkwood to ensure peace, but there were more who thought to give the elves nothing. Yet another faction insisted that nothing at all should be done without Thorin's approval. He was the rightful King under the Mountain, after all.

Fili was getting tired of hearing it all. He was Thorin's heir, but he was not king yet and he was not ready to be. He wanted to enjoy their hard-won peace. He wanted to help repair Erebor and bring it back to the glory he knew it had once had before the decisions were all his to make. He wanted to sword fight and spar with his brother, if Kili ever saw fit to return.

He figured he knew where Kili had gone, and for the moment he was not going to worry. His brother was not in danger, and that was what mattered.

He sat in the sick room near Thorin's cot, idly playing with a dagger. As the day wore on, more of the company joined him. Oin and Balin were there. Ori had drifted in, and sat quietly on a cot sketching something on a sheet of parchment. Gloin was with Dain, seeing to the repair of the main gates, but Nori came in, flipping a couple of coins in his fingers, followed by Bombur.

Dwalin sat on Thorin's other side, quiet and brooding.

Bofur wandered in, playing a few errant notes on a flute. He stopped and looked around when he saw all of the other dwarves in the room. He made note of who was there and who was not. "Has Kili not returned? Is he with Tauriel then?"

There were quiet grumbles and slanted looks shared amongst the dwarves.

"Are we really going to let this happen?" Nori asked.

"It is not about letting something happen or not," Fili said. "This is Kili's choice, and I would not see him shamed because of it."

"But an elf?"

"An elf who saved his life. Saved my life. Saved Thorin's life." And while Fili placed a hand on Thorin's shoulder, he was looking at Nori, so he missed the way Thorin stirred at the touch.

"Do you think I expected to find myself defending an elf?" Fili asked. "If you had told me a week ago that we would be here like this, I would have called you a liar."

"We all have cause to despise elves," Bofur said. "But are we strong enough to admit it when we owe one our thanks?"

"Thanking one for saving the lives of our kin is one thing," Bombur said. "But a relationship between a dwarf and an elf? It does not seem natural."

"Kili belongs here with us," Nori said. "And yet where has he been all day? Why is he not here with Thorin?"

"He left here in anger after I tried to convince him not to pursue a relationship with Tauriel," Fili said. "I awoke from what should have been death to find my brother declaring his love for an elf. Do you think that was easy to hear? But consider this also. Should we be bound forever to old hatreds? Did we fight for this place only for it to become a prison?"

"Fili, what will your mother think when she arrives?" Balin asked.

"I think she will be grateful her sons are alive," Fili answered. "She will not let an age-old hatred keep her from her son."

"You are young and optimistic," Dwalin murmured. "You were not there when Thranduil turned and led his army away rather than help us. You do not realize how deep the insult goes for some."

"I know about hate," Fili assured him. "And I am not asking anyone to forgive the insult Thranduil gave to our people. I have not forgotten it. But I stand by my brother. I will always stand by him. You may call us young, you may call us foolish. But look me in the eye and tell me you would rather we were dead than to have to face thanking Tauriel for saving us."

The dwarves glanced at each other and then away, their eyes downcast as they considered those options. None of them wanted to see their kin dead, of course. There had already been too much death here, too much sorrow. They wanted peace, and they wanted their kin, including Kili, here where they could flourish. Not a one of them throughout their long journey here had ever considered that they would receive aid from an elf, especially an elf who owed allegiance to Thranduil. It was a bitter pill for many of them to swallow.

To some, it felt as though thanking Tauriel was akin to thanking Thranduil. But they also remembered the still, near-lifeless bodies of Fili and Kili, and they remembered hearing the news that Thorin had collapsed. Believing that their king was dying had brought on a grief that was almost impossible to comprehend.

"She has our thanks for saving our kin," Dwalin said. "But beyond that? A relationship between a dwarf and an elf? Are we to support that as well?"

They all looked around again. "What would they do?" Ori wondered. "Where would they live?"

"A wood elf could never live at Erebor," Nori said.

"Thorin would never allow it," Bombur agreed.

"If you think this dilemma is not tearing Kili up inside, you are wrong," Fili said. "He wanted to win the mountain as much as any of us."

"And yet he is with her, not here where he should be," Nori pointed out.

"He left in anger," Fili said, as he had before. "He will return."

"Are you sure of that?" Dwalin asked him. "Are you absolutely sure?"

Fili opened his mouth to say yes. Of course he was sure. Of course Kili would choose Erebor and his people in the end. His love for Tauriel might be real, but it would not last. How could it? But before he could say anything, a deep, raspy voice cut through the din of arguing.

"Enough."

"I was young," Tauriel began. "I was very, very young."

They sat still against the tree in the field outside Dale. Kili played with a long lock of Tauriel's hair as she lay with her head in his lap. She stared up at the stars, unable to look at him as she told her tale.

"My mother said I had the gift of healing, and she wanted me to study with Lord Elrond in Imladris. We were to go there together, my mother, my brothers and I."

"You have brothers?" Kili asked.

She shuddered out a long breath, and answered him in the telling. "We had just left the far western reaches of Mirkwood when we were set upon by a company of Orcs. There were more than twenty while we were only four, and only my brothers carried weapons. They fought valiantly, but it was not enough."

Kili held his breath, reached down and gently wiped away the tear that had fallen from the corner of her eye. "You do not have to speak of it," he murmured. "You do not have to say any more."

"My mother was slain first," she said, as though she had not heard him speak. "She tried to defend me, but…I tried to run, but an Orc pulled me from my feet and threw me against a tree. When I fell I could not move, and I thought my body was broken. I could only watch as my brothers were overtaken by the pack and slaughtered. When all else was lost I closed my eyes and feigned death, and the pack moved on. I was a coward."

"No," Kili said immediately, shaking his head in denial. "You could never be a coward."

"I should have done something. Taken up my brother's fallen sword."

"You said yourself there were too many of them," Kili said. "If you had done that, you would have died for certain." He took her hand, lifted it to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles.

"The next thing I remember is waking up inside Thranduil's halls. Some of his guards had come upon the slaughter and discovered I was still alive. They took me back and saw to it that I was healed." She squeezed her eyes shut, the memories coming to her, sharp like knives. "When I was healed I asked to be taken to Imladris. Thranduil agreed to send some of his guards with me, and I went to Lord Elrond to learn the art of healing. It was the only way I knew to honor my family's sacrifice. But from the moment I awoke all I wanted was to learn how to fight. From that first waking breath I wanted to be a warrior, and so I returned to Thranduil's halls and asked him to teach me."

"And he did?" Kili asked, his heart aching for her. He remembered all too well the sight of Azog plunging a blade into Fili's back. It had been the worst moment of his life, watching his brother fall. And she had lost not just one brother, but her entire family at once.

"Thranduil took me in," Tauriel continued. "I had only rarely been inside the halls before that, but from then on they became my home. Thranduil gave me shelter, and Legolas taught me to fight. I learned to use a bow, daggers, swords. I learned not to be afraid every time I stepped into the forest. And I learned to watch the starlight and treasure the memory of my family."

She squeezed his hand and pressed her lips to his knuckles this time. "I know you think I should hate him," she said. "I want you to understand why that is not so easy. Thranduil may be cold, and sometimes cruel, but he gave me a home when I was lost, and for six hundred years I had a purpose. I was the captain of his guard. I was not weak, and I was not afraid."

Kili urged her to sit up, because he wanted to look at her. In the blue-white starlight, her eyes were damp, haunted by memories, by pain old and new. "You were never weak, and you were never a coward," he said.

Tauriel closed her eyes, leaned her forehead against his. "I miss them," she whispered.

He held her in the stillness of the night, let his nearness provide what comfort it could.

Bofur and Dwalin stood in the shadow of the gates of Dale, struck by the emotion of the tableau they had come upon. It had been easy enough to come to Dale and learn that Kili and Tauriel had been seen in the field just outside the gates.

Dwalin was not sure what he had expected to find here, but it was not this. While he had intended to march straight through the gates and inform Kili that his duty was at Erebor, Tauriel's words had stopped him. They had carried on the chill night breeze, and he had listened as she told Kili of her family's destruction.

He watched them hold each other in silence now. There was nobody in Middle Earth he felt more loyalty to than Thorin, and that included seeing to the welfare of Fili and Kili when Thorin could not do it himself. So while he had come here prepared to thank Tauriel for healing his kin, he had been prepared also to convince Kili that what he was doing was impossible. To let Tauriel go, for his own good and the good of the rest of the dwarves.

Now he watched Kili and saw not just a young, impetuous dwarf, but a man grown. And when he looked at Tauriel, he saw a woman scarred by her past who seemed to have somehow resisted the hatred and scorn that existed between dwarves and elves. They were a strange pair to be certain, but did he have the right to tear their bond apart?

He glanced at Bofur, who watched the pair with a quietly surprised expression on his face. He nodded, and lightly cleared his throat and started forward.

Tauriel heard the sound instantly and looked up. When she saw the two dwarves she pulled back from Kili and rose to her feet. Kili came to his feet beside her and she waited, fearing the worst.

Dwalin surprised her by looking at her first. "I want to thank you for saving the lives of my kin," he said to her with quiet dignity.

She nodded in acknowledgment, unsure what else to say. Dwalin struck her as tough, hardened by resentments built up over long years of experience. To see him here now, humble enough to give thanks to someone he had considered an enemy was not a small thing. She was surprised to realize that hearing Dwalin's words helped ease the raw edge of emotion that speaking of her family had brought to the surface. Even if only a bit, his words gave her hope.

"Has something happened?" Kili asked. "Why have you come?"

"Kili, it's Thorin," Bofur said, his lips breaking into a smile that lit his eyes even in the pale blue starlight. "He is awake."

Kili's breath rushed from his lungs. He looked from Bofur to Dwalin and back, and finally up at Tauriel with a smile growing on his face. "Go," she said, smiling in encouragement. She remembered the pain in Thorin's eyes when he'd believed Kili was dying, his plea that she save him. "He will want to see you. He will need to see you with his own eyes to be sure you are all right."

He took her hand and squeezed it between both of his. He looked up at her, hoping she could see in his eyes everything he felt for her. Love, gratitude, hope.

He left her there in the field, torn between wanting to stay with her and needing to see Thorin, needing to know that his uncle was truly going to be all right. He was comforted to know that Tauriel would be here in Dale, that she was not going to disappear if he closed his eyes or turned away. His thoughts turned fully to Thorin, and as the three dwarves left Dale and crossed the valley to the gates of Erebor, he wondered how he was going to convince Thorin to accept Tauriel as part of his life.