Hey guys, I'm back! I'm starting school in about an hour so I just wanted to post this chapter to make sure you know that I'm gonna be sticking to a schedule. I going to try and go back to usual schedule of every two weeks.

Broken: Chapter 30

Broken Trust

Max

I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I had just thought that Fang would be a little more open about what was going on, but then again, this is Fang we are talking about. Fang, aka the emotionless brick wall. Fang, who would rather die then tell you what he is really thinking. Fang, who was so good at blocking away other people, that they can't help but feel drawn to him.

After staying up all night, racking my brain over what had just happened, I came up with two possible outcomes. One, Fang decides that the kiss meant something, and we tumble through another field of awkwardness as we try to define what had happened; or two, Fang decides that the kiss was no big deal, and we both pretend that it never happened.

Honestly, I was hoping for the latter.

I'll be completely sincere when I say that I like Fang. He may be a sarcastic asshole, who finds the worst times to speak and the worst times not to speak, but he is funny, and he makes me laugh, and he makes me forget that my life is terrible, even for only a moment. But, that's just it; I like Fang. Like, not anything more. Have I thought about him in more serious way that a friend before? Yes, but each time I come up with the same conclusion.

A, Fang would get too close to me, and eventually not be able to bare the fact that I am abused, and tell the police; or worse, confront Jeb. B, we would get serious, and then break up terribly, and just to spite me, he would tell the police. There would be absolutely no way that it would turn out well.

But, every time that I push away the idea of us ever becoming more than friends, it always drifts back into my mind. It stays there, as if there's a small beacon of hope shining out of my mind's dark shadows.

I was explaining all of this to Kayla, as we were walking into school, (except the part about the abuse.) I grabbed the front door handle, and started down the endless hallways, "I mean, I want this to happen, but something's going to go wrong. Something always goes wrong."

She sighed, deep in thought; unlike Iggy, Kayla thrived when I asked her relationship advice, (since I so rarely ask her about it.) "Look, Max, you keep going back and forth with this guy, and he's gonna realize that too. You say that you like him, but some shit always keeps coming up. What you gotta do is define it. Define what the hell is going on. If he thinks there is something really going on, then now you know how he feels, and you get to choose whether you want something to go on or not. If he thinks that you're just a fuck buddy-"

My face flushed with anger, "I am not a fuck buddy." I grunted with a sour look plastered on my face.

"Are you sure about that?" She scoffed, "I mean he has been a bit handsy; he got you to second base."

"No, he just-" I began, but I realized I couldn't tell her what really happened. It matter how amazing I thought Kayla was, she still didn't know about Jeb, and I intended to keep it that way. And so I couldn't tell her that it wasn't in a sexual way that we had taken off our shirts; we were just showing each other our scars. Fang and I both knew that.

But what if he didn't? What if he was just wanted to get my shirt off? I mean, I was acting somewhat impulsively, and somewhat sensually. What if he took the entire thing wrong? What if he did think of me as just a fuck buddy?

"He just got you to second base and you didn't realize it until now," She finished for me.

Rage filled throughout me. I was not one who was could be taken advantage of easily. But, Fang had managed to do it, because I had been enough of an idiot to believe that he wouldn't. I had lowered my guard, and he went in for the kill. I stopped my mind from over thinking, "Look, I haven't even spoken or seen Fang today. When I finally see him, then we'll talk about it."

Kayla raised her eyebrow suspiciously, "You guys haven't talked at all? You haven't texted, or called, or, I don't know, emailed even?" I wasn't surprised when Kayla mentioned this; she was utterly obsessed with technology. Not even just the regular, typical teenage girl who can't step away from her phone, but completely obsessed. Kayla did not just use the technology, but she wanted to know why. She would take her entire phone, computer, tablet, etc. apart piece by piece and then put it back together perfectly. I honestly believe that if she had the materials and the time, that she would be bigger than Steve Jobs was.

I reminded her, "I won't text or call or email Fang because I don't want to. It's annoying, and a hassle to keep up with."

"Texting is an important part of any relationship." She boasted vigorously.

I was happy that she had changed the subject; I was tired of worrying about Fang yet again. "I would rather not text in a relationship than only text. If you only text, than you don't even know how to speak to each other away from a screen." That was something I prodded myself on. I only texted, or called when it was utterly important. I.E. When Nudge had a panic attack at school, or when I was lost beside a ditch. Not when I was wanting someone to talk to. If I really wanted to talk to someone so much, I would just go to them and talk to them.

I had completely disregarded my rule against texting. I couldn't take it anymore. Fang and I didn't have any morning classes together, and so I was all alone with my thoughts. He took advantage of you. No, you're just overreacting. Just wait, only a few more minutes. Then you can see him in the hallways or something. Just wait. Calm down. Wait.

And a part of my subconscious believed that it would all be okay. But the other part was an eccentric trench that would fill with water every time I freaked out. I could tell that slowly but surely, it was about to overflow.

Five minutes until the end of class. I thought. Then you can talk to him, and everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.

Had this been any other class, I would've been engaged and listening, but this was just English: the epitome of useless. And so, as I barely listened to Ms. Steadman drone on and on about The Scarlet Letter, my mind kept racing with thoughts. I wish there was a way to turn off a mind.

"Class dismissed," She sighed unenthusiastically only a few minutes later.

I was the first out of the classroom.

I rushed to my locker, expecting Fang to show up any moment. A second passed, then a few more, then a minute passed. I could almost feel the beads of sweat falling down from my face. Then, a glimpse of black flickered in the corner of my eye. It had to be Fang. It just had to be. For God's sake, I hoped it would be.

And I had been right. Of course, he wasn't alone though. Because the world never wants to be all too giving. Everything comes with a price. And my price is the price of privacy.

Fang was walking down the hall with none other than Iggy. Of course he was walking with Iggy. Why wouldn't he be? They were best friends; Fang was always was walking with Iggy. Why had this come to such a surprise to me?

"Whatcha doing, Max? Reminiscing about yesterday?" Iggy said with a huge smirk. I glanced over to Fang eccentrically. Had he told Iggy? I couldn't; he wouldn't. At least I hoped he wouldn't. My cheeks flushed; but Fang's face was blank. He wasn't worried at all; he was completely calm, "What was it, you're thousandth 100 percent on a test? Or was it ten-thousandth?"

My face calmed; Iggy had been referring to a Chemistry test we had received back the day before. I had received, as he had mention, one hundred percent on the test. Iggy was quite annoyed since he had received a seventy-seven. He had stood up in the middle of class freaking out, screaming at our teacher, and screaming at me.

"Whatever, you're just jealous of the amazing Max," Fang said, with huge amounts of sarcasm laced in his voice. I looked harder at him. I don't know what I had expected out of him, but I at least thought that he would be different in some way. Suddenly, I didn't care if he was repulsed by me or entranced by me. I just needed to know that there was some part of him that reacted to what had happened.

It couldn't have just been me. It couldn't have. "You all right, Max?" He asked in honest confusion.

How could he have been so apathetic of everything? Well, of course Fang was apathetic. He was always apathetic. But, I thought that he would have at least had some kind of response. Some witty remark, or an evil glance. I just needed something. Anything.

"I'm... fine," I said as more of a question.

He cocked his eyebrow, "Okkkayy? Well I gotta go to class, Geometry has been killing me lately. Can we tutor later today?"

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrow. Not only because I was surprised that he was being so casual, but also because he knew just how careful he needed to be around Jeb. He knew how careful I needed to be. Now, he was suggesting we just go into the same house and study in the same way even though Jeb would be there. I continued to stare at him in disbelief.

"Maybe we can go to my place, since you know..." He trailed off.

My face reddened in pure fury. Was that all he thought of me as? A tutor? I would've thought that after yesterday, that was the last thing that I would be. A sickeningly sweet smile appeared on my face, "I don't know, I think I might have some better things to do, like cut off my ear, or eat a cat."

Iggy turned a bit toward Fang, "Eat a cat?" He whispered incredulously.

"I need to go," I slammed my locker shut, "AP Euro beckons," I said to try and get away from the increasingly irritating boys.

But, why was I the one who had to walk away? This was Fang's fault. He just had to be so emotionless; so blocked off. I could see Fang and Iggy walking away from me, and the anger flooded away. Now, the urge to speak to Fang enticed me as it had before. Privately this time.

Maybe that was why Fang had been so callous before. He didn't want to talk about anything around Iggy. Maybe he just wanted privacy. Maybe he didn't want anyone to know anything.

For some reason, that made me feel worse.

Before I realized what I was doing, I could feel my fingertips tapping on the old phone. Another tap and the message was sent, We need to talk later, it said. Only a few moments later I sent another, In private.

Read

He had seen the texts. He had seen them. Minutes passed; hours. It was almost lunch and he still hadn't replied to that stupid text message. That stupid message that I should have never sent. He was probably thinking that I was a lunatic. First, I freak out at him in the hallways, then, I act all cryptic in a freaking text message, which he knows I never send.

Maybe he was wishing that he never met me. I wouldn't be surprised. I didn't even want to met me. I was too much to deal with. Fang was probably running for the hills.

I was looking at the clock as if I could make time move faster. That I could push the minute bar to 12:15, when lunch started. I was happy that I was hiding behind the person in front of me, because otherwise, my Trig teacher would have obviously pointed me out.

The clock read 12:04, but I couldn't believe that there was only eleven minutes left. It seemed that there was only eleven minutes left fifteen minutes ago. Instead of time going faster, it seemed to go slower.

I inwardly groaned. How could time go by so slowly when you wanted it to hurry up, but go by so fast whenever you want to slow down? It's a slut, time is. It screws everyone over.

Seconds passed, and suddenly it was 12:05. Time was surely screwing me over right now. A second felt like a minute, and a minute felt like an hour. I couldn't help myself.

I checked my phone once again. Read. God, he probably hates me. He probably thinks I'm the spawn of the devil. God.

But then I calmed myself down. Fang didn't hate me. He's not one to hate people. He probably just didn't care. Fang was one to not care. He was the master of not caring. It was so infuriating.

But I corrected myself again; Fang did care. Fang cared so much that he wouldn't show anyone. Not even me. This troubled me. Fang was one of my closest friends, and yet he was too afraid to show me that he cares.

I wasn't much better, though. I had been friends with Kayla for who knows how long, and yet she didn't know the most troubling thing about me. I know that if I told her, she would be mad. Not mad at Jeb, or at the abuse, but at me. Because I wouldn't have told her about it. I was supposed to tell her everything. She was my best friend, and yet I didn't trust her enough with my biggest secret.

I did trust her, though. I trusted her more than anyone else, maybe exclude Iggy. I trusted her with Fang drama; why couldn't I trust her with Jeb drama. I should be able to. I should be able to trust her with everything.

And then it all made sense. It wasn't that I didn't trust Kayla; it was that I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust myself to be able to tell her, because I didn't trust myself to be able to big up the pieces. I couldn't pick up the pieces when I told Fang. He had to pick them up for me. Same with Iggy.

I was living in a body that I didn't trust.

I had only told Iggy and Fang because they had already known something was up. Iggy had been over to my house enough times to see the fear in my eyes whenever Jeb was around. We had been too close of friends for him not too see my scars. And Iggy, being the genius that he is, inferred the worse. And he was right.

Fang must've known that something was wrong. Jeb definitely wasn't the type who would come across as innocent. He must've had beckoning questions before he had seen it all. Before he had saved me from the monster of a father I lived with.

I couldn't live like this anymore. I couldn't simply live with the unlivable. And it was unlivable. I couldn't breathe correctly without thinking that someone would find me out. I restricted my movement to ensure that no one would see my scars. It wasn't living.

I was going to tell Kayla, the next time that I saw her. I needed to stop worrying about it. The lying was going to stop. It had to stop. Whether or not Kayla hated me afterward didn't matter. She deserved to know.

As I left that trait of thought, my mind switched back to the clock. Almost ten minutes had passed. Ten minute where I wasn't paying attention in class, and completely zoned out. I wasn't too worried; I normally had to go back over each section. My Trigonometry teacher was so boring that I could hardly sit in his class without falling asleep. 12:14. I realized that I had barely thought of Fang in ten whole minutes. I could do this. I wasn't afraid anymore. Fang was just a person, so there was nothing to be afraid of. He was just a person. Just like Iggy. Just like Kayla. Just like Nudge. Just like Jeb.

I entered the lunchroom determined. I wasn't going to live with the unlivable anymore. I was going to be free. I was empowered, and it felt amazing.

There he was. I saw Fang sitting with the rest of our group. Trig ended up being let out late since the teacher had completely forgotten about the bell. He did this often. My mind singled out Fang. I wasn't taking no for an answer. He smirked, as if he knew I was coming, and he knew that it would drive me crazy. His annoying half-smile always drove me crazy. Especially when he flipped his raven black along side it. My eyes narrowed in assurance. "Fang, we need to talk." I made sure not to divert my eyes to the rest of the group, who were probably staring at me in confusion.

He chuckled slightly, "Okay, talk." My face flushed. I squinted my eyes into a glare, and he kept the same smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes, grabbed his hand, started pulling him out of the cafeteria. "If you wanted to hold my hand all you had to do is ask," He said once we were outside.

I pushed him roughly away from me, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I almost screamed, "We have to talk about what happened yesterday. I have no idea what happened or why, but we need to talk about it, because I'm not gonna be your fuck buddy or-"

He cut me off by kissing me. I wanted to fall into the kiss; continue it just as I did just yesterday, but I was too furious to do anything. I pushed him off of me, and sighed in anger, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I repeated.

He chucked, "Max, I don't want you to be my fuck buddy. All of that was real. I didn't mention it earlier because I didn't think that you would want to bore Iggy with the details."

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest, "Then, what's going on, Fang?"

He smiled, the first time I had seen him smile in a long time, "Max will you please do me the honor of go out with me?"

I chuckled too, "I might have to check my schedule. It might interfere with me eating that cat." He pulled me forward into a kiss, and a fell. I was all in.

And that's the chapter. So I did use a John Green quote in this: "Time is a slut. It screws everyone over." I just wanted to make sure to credit him for that.

See you guys in two weeks!

~Maximum Ride