a/n: My friend and I were up at Mount Weather the other day taking pictures, and it was so cool thinking about how in a couple hundred years (if we lived in the 100), Clarke and Bellamy would be right there, fighting for their survival. I was seriously nerding out about it.

My head lay on the cool glass of the bus window, my eyes closed, trying to block out the world. Or maybe just the boy next to me.

Bellamy and I had barely spoken after our kiss last night. After he'd told me he couldn't lose me. After he'd turned my entire world upside down.

The bus went over a pothole, and my head hit the glass a little too hard. I reached up to soothe the little bruise that was sure to form, and took the opportunity to peek over at Bellamy. He had his eyes closed, and his head on the back of the seat. He looked very peaceful, almost asleep, but I knew better.

Bellamy Blake was always vigilant, always watching.

I looked down at his hands. He had the hands of a fighter; rough and course. I loved his hands. I loved holding his hand, and I wished I could do it now. I wanted to feel his thick, warm, scratched skin. Wanted to hold it against my own, much paler, and much softer skin.

While I was lost in some weird hand fetish dream, I didn't realize Bellamy had opened his eyes and was now quietly staring at me.

My eyes slowly raised to meet his, and, despite his intense stare, I refused to be embarrassed that I had been caught staring.

I wanted to be brave, wanted to let him know that he meant something to me, too. Or maybe it was just the car sickness pills he'd convince me to take this time.

I smiled almost involuntarily. Hell, maybe it really was those pills. I was feeling a bit loopy at the moment.

"Bellamy, how many of those pills did you give me?"

He gave me a small smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You don't look like you're about to puke up your intestines, so I'm guessing I gave you enough."

I giggled at that. "You're always looking out for me, aren't you."

Bellamy's smile vanished, and he turned to face forward again. "Yeah, something like that."

I frowned, confused at his abrupt mood swings. "Are you sad, Bellamy?"

He looked over at me again. "Jesus. Maybe I did give you too many of those pills."

I hit his arm. "C'mon, Bellamy, I'm being serious."

He nudged my shoulder. "I'm fine, Princess, I swear."

I wasn't completely satisfied with his answer, but I let it be for a bit. God knows Bellamy wasn't exactly much of a sharer. He'd tell me when he was ready.

Taking out my phone, I plugged my headphones in and offered him one. "Do you wanna listen?"

"Why not." He reached over, and took one of the speakers, his fingers brushing against mine, and causing warm little jolts to shoot through my body. I decided I loved those jolts too.

We listened to music, until the bus stopped at some rest area. One of those places with a bunch of different food options, and some small shops.

Bellamy and I headed out and got in line at some coffee and sandwich shop. My pills were starting to wear off a little, and the world was coming back into focus, louder and more hectic than ever.

We took our trays to a private table. I saw Raven sitting with a few other people I knew, but I really just wanted to spend some time alone with Bellamy. I needed to find out what was wrong with him.

Bellamy didn't say a lot at lunch, his eyes focused on my hands the entire time.

After a few minutes of sitting in awkward silence, I was seriously ready to know what had crawled up his butt.

"Hello. Earth to Bellamy." I said, waving my hand in front of his face.

He looked up at me his face a stony puzzle. "What? Did I miss something?"

"No, but I did."

He raised one of his eyebrows as a silent question.

I took a deep breath. "What the hell has been up your ass all day?"

He sighed and looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I grabbed his hand, and he looked at me in surprise. "Don't lie to me, Bellamy, please."

I could see his eyes soften a bit. Knew that I was breaking down the walls that he'd somehow put up between last night and today.

I wrapped my hand around his. "Please, Bellamy."

Bellamy swallowed and looked around. "All right, but let's throw away our stuff first."

I nodded and followed him over to the trashcan, where we tossed our lunches. Bellamy then headed into one of the quiet hallways that lead to the restrooms.

I leaned back up against the wall, waiting for him to start talking.

Bellamy swallowed and ran his hands through his hair. "All right, this is going to be really hard, but I have to say it."

Panic was beginning to settle in my stomach, but I only nodded, trying to keep calm.

Bellamy's eyes met mine, and I realized just how much I loved their eyes. They were always so expressive, even he was trying to put on his secret agent/bodyguard persona.

His eyes right now terrified me.

"Clarke, I have to leave."

The words didn't register for a second. "What? But you're on a full year assignment."

"I know, but I can't stay. Not anymore. Not after. . . what happened."

The panic was starting to seep out of me, and terror was taking it's place. "Why? Why are you saying this? Bellamy, you don't have to go, I swear to god, I'll keep my mouth shut, I won't tell my parent s a thing."

I dug my nails into his arm, needing to hold onto him. "I swear, I swear I won't say anything."

"Clarke." For some reason, the fact that he had stopped calling me Princess was making all of this ten times worse.

I dug my nails in deeper. "Bellamy, don't."

He brought his hands up to cup my cheeks, my back pressed up against the wall, but our stomachs not touching. We were only connected by my hand around his arm, and his hands on my face.

"Clarke, I can't stay with you. I can't protect you like this. And if anything. Anything. Happened to you. I would die." The look he gave me was fierce, but I was drowning.

"Nothing's changed, Bellamy. Nothing! And, and, if this is about me getting lost, or running away," my voice was desperate. "I'll be perfect, I swear. I won't run, or do anything stupid, or anything. Okay? I promise. Nothing's changed."

Bellamy put his forehead down against mine, his eyes focused on the ground, while I stared at him, my eyes never leaving his face.

"Everything's changed, Clarke. Everything." He looked back up at me. "I'm so sorry."

I opened my mouth, but all I could taste was the salt from the tears I hadn't realized were falling.

And then Bellamy was gone, the space where he'd been was empty, and I felt broken.

Suddenly, I didn't have enough strength to stand and I simply slid down the wall to the ground, my butt hitting the cold tiling.

I sat there for god knows how long, my mind empty of all thought.

I didn't expect to ever feel happy again, but what I really hadn't expected was the anger that started to course through my veins.

How dare he leave me. How dare he make me love him. Bellamy Blake and his stone cold persona, and his stupid warm brown eyes could go jump off a cliff.

I honestly don't know how I would've gotten up if it hadn't been for the anger that was now racing through my heart.

I picked myself up off the ground, my feet strong and stiff beneath me. I was almost vibrating with tension.

Stepping up onto the bus, I avoided looking at Bellamy at all costs, instead heading to the back of the bus. The entire ride home all I had for company was my own thoughts and anger. And finally, those were what I fell asleep to.

"Clarke," someone shook my shoulder. "Time to get up."

My eyes opened, but I still felt groggy. Experiencing twelve different emotions in only a few hours tends to do that to a person.

"Are we home?"

"Yeah, Clarke, you're home."

And then I was looking at the devil. The devil who liked to dress up as an angel.

Unfortunately, the adrenaline inducing anger was gone, and all I felt was tired. "I'm mad at you." Was the only thing I could say.

"I know, Princess."

Hearing that name, however, gave me a quick shot.

I stood up, and stuck my finger into his firm chest. "Do not call me that."

Bellamy's eyes shifted, but he backed up. "Come on, I have to get you home."

"Sure," I sneered at him. "Wouldn't want you to miss your flight out of here, now would we."

I didn't wait for his answer, just pushed past him and headed off the bus.

Of course I could feel his eyes on me the entire way to the car, but I didn't care. Or at least I tried not to care.

As I got into Bellamy's black suburban for what could quite possibly be the last time, all I could think was that this boy would be the death of me.

We spent the entire car ride in tense silence. I wasn't about to make his leaving any easier, so I sat there, refusing to open my mouth.

We finally arrived back at my parent's apartment building, and I hopped out of the car, both glad to get away from him, and terrified I'd never see him again.

Walking up the flight of stairs to get to the floor we lived on, I had the first feeling that something was wrong.

There were a bunch of men and women in business suits, that I knew by now had to be agents working for my father. Bellamy was tense, stress exuding off of him.

"Clarke." His voice was calm, but I could feel how anxious he was. "Stay close to me."

I didn't say anything, but I did move closer to him.

We continued our ascent up the stairs until we reached my parents door.

I quietly pushed the door open, my hand shaking a bit. Something was really wrong. I could feel it in my bones, and I knew Bellamy could to.

"Mom." I called out into the empty space. "Dad. We're home."

An agent opened the door to my father's study. "Clarke. Agent Blake. Please come in here."

My stomach dropped, but I forced my feet to move forward.

As soon as I walked into the room and saw the tears falling from my mother's eyes my heart stopped. "Mom. Mom. What's wrong?"

I walked over to her, trying to see if my dad was hiding behind his desk. Of course he wasn't. "Where's dad? Mom. Where is he?"

I could hear the panic in my own voice. "Mom. Please say something."

She looked up at me, and her tear stained cheeks were all I could see. "They took him, Clarke. They took your father."

I backed up, my hand over my mouth, dread filling my stomach like a piece of hard lava. "What? What did you just say?"

"He's gone, sweetheart. He's gone."

My heart broke at those words, and I spun around wanting to flee, but I ran straight into Bellamy's waiting arms.

Before I knew what I was doing, before I remembered everything that had happened, I wrapped my arms around his waist, needing him to be solid and real for me.

Just needing him.

My mother kept crying, and I needed to get away. I think Bellamy knew that, because he lead me out, out of my parents place, into my own, private room.

He sat me on the bed, his arms still wrapped firmly around me.

I had no more energy to keep myself upright so I let myself fall, and surprisingly, Bellamy fell with me. Our bodies hitting my bed in sync.

I wrapped my around his chest, and held on for dear life.

"Please don't leave me. Please." It was almost a whisper, not even really meant for him to hear, but his hands grabbed my face.

He looked into my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Clarke. I promise. I won't leave you."