- Chapter 8 -

The local pool near the house was always a popular after work activity for the family. Not only was it relaxing for the Jane and Maura to enjoy the warmed water of the Olympic sized indoor pool but Bart also enjoyed the freedom to kick and paddle to his heart's content. The pool was attached to the large gym where Maura frequently took him to his weekly mommy-and-me classes in everything from yoga to language immersion. They were there on a daily basis during some weeks. Maura knew that Jane thought all of the classes were a tad ridiculous. If it had been up to her, Bart would watch sports all day. Their son needed a constant balance of interaction, mental stimulation, and physical fitness in order to put him on the right track to future success.

Bart giggled endlessly as Maura played alongside their son in the kiddie section of the pool. His inflatable neck floatie kept his head bobbing above the water, little stars and sea-creatures inside the tube meant to keep a child preoccupied. Despite her fears, the risk of drowning was kept at bay even with Bart's loud efforts to create forward movement. Splash, splash, splash. Jane looked on, her legs creating small ripples in the water. The never-ending ripples were magnified in Bart's large, brown eyes, enraptured by the rhythmic movement.

Bart enjoyed swimming in the local pool so much that Maura and Jane always tried to get done with work as early as possible to take him to the local pool in the evenings. Given his high-octane energy level and their crazy schedules, both women made sure the little guy got his pool time at least three times a week. With the late hour, they didn't have to worry about being disturbed. Only a couple of swimmers were getting a couple of laps in while Bart enjoyed paddling in the roped off kiddie section with his two mothers.

"That guy over there needs to calm down just a tad," Jane commented, casually watching a fit man in one of the lanes slice through the water with well-executed butterfly strokes. "This isn't the Olympics, buddy. Tone it down a notch."

Maura rolled her eyes as she got Bart set up for his own version of swimming laps in the pool. He couldn't physically swim like the grown-ups yet, but, given his time spent in the water over the last couple of months, their son was becoming increasingly skilled in attempting to swim around the enclosed space with the assistance of the pool's special arm floaties. Despite their size, Bart was used to them because of the swimming mommy-and-me classes that implemented the device to encourage self-confidence. Clearly the lessons were working better than she had thought. The way that Bart pushed her away upon wearing the device brought a certain degree of pride and sadness to her heart. He's already pushing me away and he's only six months. What's next? Him making his own meals, asking for the keys to the car?

"Maura," Jane began, sounding like an overbearing mother. "Don't get that look."

"What look?"

"You know what look. That look like you're crying on the inside but don't want anyone to know so you're holding it together on the outside. It's the same look my ma' always had on her face anytime she went to my games and I scored the winning goal or whatever." Jane jumped into the water to direct their adventurous son as he paddled over to the marked off edge, squealing happily all the while. "Stop worrying about Bart. He's doing fine."

"I am not worried about Bart. I just wish he'd be less," Maura stopped abruptly, unsure how to phrase her thoughts, "like you."

"Like me?" Jane laughed. "He takes after you, not me."

"And how does he take after me?"

"He, I don't know, cares a lot."

Maura frowned. "Please, tell me you're just setting up for a really sweet sentiment that'll blow me away with the level of thought you put into it."

"Honey…you know me. I'm not full of hidden meanings and allusions. That's your thing." Jane pushed Bart back to Maura's side of the pool with a smile and a quick chat in baby-talk. "What I meant is that you care about people."

"You're a cop, Jane. You 'care a lot' too."

"Not as much as you do. You care. About people and plants and animals and, hell, things that I don't even see. All of that caring capacity makes you like the sweetest woman I've ever met. Once he's tired out, Bart becomes the sweetest little guy in the world."

Bart continued to waddle through the water toward Maura. She smiled at him, causing his little arms and legs to peddle faster to get closer to Maura's familiar face. Their son only had eyes for her, sadness dissipating with each exuberant giggle. The man who had been doing laps came out of the pool and made an aww sound at the three of them as he walked back to the locker room with a towel.

"See what I mean," Jane said. "He's your son just as much as he is mine. That's not gonna change, no matter how old he gets."

Maura smiled before stretching out to meet Bart, already tired from his lap around the shallow end of the pool. He happily moved into his mother's welcoming arms, independence now forgotten. The boy nuzzled up to Maura's warm breast as if he couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

"So you going to tell me about Day? We are in home mode, away from our professional obligations, after all."

Jane sighed. "Ask and you shall receive."

"Okay," Maura continued, retying her hair up in a bun, "tell me how you know him. I mean, you obviously knew him from somewhere other than the promotion ceremony."

"I…had a crush on him back in middle school. He was, everything to me back then. Like a person I could be. Like a person I had to be."

"For the first time, you didn't feel lost in your own skin."

Jane looked away, eyes shiny with tears. "It's so damn stupid."

From her wife's conflicted expression, Maura could tell that she wasn't trying to hold things back. As difficult as it was for her to talk about, Jane was attempting to open up for Maura and talk things out. She looked like she was one step from bolting from the pool. Maura decided to take things as slow as possible, warming her up to the discussion.

"Honestly, I don't even really like the captain for who he is, as a person. It's not like I think he's attractive. I just, I don't know what it is."

"A misfire."

Jane frowned as she moved to sit next to Maura on the steps leading into the pool. "What's a misfire?"

"A crush is nothing more than a misfire and, therefore, your feelings for the captain are nothing more than a misfire. When you experience a crush for someone or something, your body and mind are both reacting to outside stimuli. The problem presents itself with teenagers because teens are usually not mature enough to understand the distinction between the two."

"Mind and body, you mean?"

Maura nodded. "Exactly. To a teenager, being intellectually turned on via a professor triggers the same response in both mind and body as being sexually turned on to an entertainer of some kind. The two feelings might be distinct subconsciously but the mind or the react as one, creating a coagulated mess of feelings. Without adequate maturity of both one's mind and sexuality, it's hard to separate the original impetus from the misfire, thus, creating the teenage crush."

"That sounds great for explaining my crush for him twenty plus years ago but what about how I feel for him now?"

"Well, how do you feel for the captain, right now?"

A sudden shiver from Bart's small body interrupted the conversation. Before Maura could even request it, Jane was already standing up to get their son his favorite towel. They wrapped Bart in the warm fabric and he immediately started to snore like a freight train, much like his mother after a hard day.

"The captain was my hero when I was a kid. He's why I wanted to be a detective in the first place. But, now, seeing him as my captain, my boss, makes things hard. I can't rectify the two images in my head," Jane continued, playing with the water-wrinkled skin on her feet. "And, what makes it worse, he doesn't even remember me, but I remember him. Hell, I glorified him into a fucking icon."

"Then unglorify him."

"What?"

"Perfection is symmetry, Jane. True symmetry does not and cannot exist because there are too many variations in the human genetic code. When you take into the infinitesimal account the expressions those variations can take…"

"Maura, later that same day."

Maura sighed, gathering her thoughts. "In your mind, Day means a lot to you because of what he represents. You've idealized him into a symbol, a figure, much like the Pope or an imam. But he isn't that. He can't be that because that person doesn't exist. Capt. Ashley Day is just a man, complete with faults and contradictions."

"And secrets," Jane interrupted, quietly.

Maura knew the look that Jane had on her face. She sometimes called it the bulldog because of the tenacity it promised to release upon its victim. Whatever she had said had clearly given Jane an idea regarding something back at work. With a tilt of the head, Maura placed a hand on Jane's goosebump covered knee.

"Jane, you alright?"

"I need to figure something out regarding the case. I may not be in bed until late tonight."

Standing up from the pool, Maura nodded. This wasn't the first time Jane had gotten all focused nor would it be the last. Having these bursts of creative understanding was what made her such a great detective.

"It's alright, honey," Maura said. "Just don't wake us up when you come in."