I pull up to the address on the paper Faith gave me before I tore out of the parking lot in my stolen car, what seems like miles and hours and lifetimes ago. I don't know what I was expecting, but - the post office?

'Right side alley – Say I request access to the all knowing ones'

It's not Faith's handwriting, it's Angel's. The page is worn with deep creases showing that it had been read and reread hundreds of times. I wonder when she got it. Before prison or after? I have no idea what it means. All Faith said is that she was too afraid to ever use it, and I was too numb to ask questions.

I turn off the ignition and the jeep shudders around me as the engine turns off. The streets are nearly empty in this part of L.A., but the stereo is still playing loudly, the volume turned all the way up to drown out my thoughts as I drove. The haunting melody seeps through now that I'm not concentrating on moving.

'When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth.

No grave can hold my body down, I crawl home to her.'

Plastic pieces litter the floor boards and I pull my fist out of the radio face. I consider my bleeding knuckles and note that my hand is shaking. The sting clears my head. No, I can't think about him now. I just need one question answered before I can rest.

My footsteps echo against the tall brick walls on either side as I walk down the alley. There are no doors and nothing has jumped out at me by the time I reach the red brick wall that blocks the end. No one's around to see me look like an idiot, not that I'd care much if there were.

"I request access to the all knowing ones." I say it loudly and my eyes widen as the dark walls on all sides flicker in and out of focus. I'm reminded of the spell I did that showed me the truth about Dawn. The world around me shifts and alters until I'm standing in a dark room, lit only by a torch hanging on a wall in front of me. The ground beneath my feet is now dirt, not cement. I hear whispers all around, but I can't make out what they're saying. The room is empty to all my senses other senses.

Unseen. Unexpected. Impossible.

"Who's there?"

We are the voice of the Powers That Be. Ask your question, Chosen Warrior.

I don't like this, speaking to a seemingly empty room in god knows what dimension. But, I came here for answers. Answers I shall seek.

"Am I immortal?"

Yes.

So succinct. To the point. The truth of it hits me like a fist to the gut.

Whatever calm I had been fooling myself with disappears instantly.

"How?" My voice is a whisper.

The key opens all doors.

Different prophecies…

Different vampires…

Power over time.

Blessed by choice!

Chosen who travel worlds!

Each whisper is different, excited, and oddly conversational. The sudden sound of a hundred beings gasping at once causes me to feel short of breath myself. I wait for more, but I have a strange sensation that I'm alone again. More alone.

"Wrong vampire? What about Spike? He died! For you! For me! Are you telling me you made a mistake?"

Silence.

"Power over time… You can send me back to him! Do it! Send me to him! Please." 'You don't strike me as the begging kind.' His voice is only in my head. If only he knew...

Silence.

"How can you let this happen to me!? Tell me!" My throat hurts as I scream into the empty room. The silence outrages me. There's no one to yell at. No one to hit. What the hell am I supposed to do?

"I've died twice for you, and you've damned me to an eternity of misery! How dare you! Wasn't that a curse put on a vampire for rape and murder of a little girl?!"

More silence. My raw throat hurts with each shallow breath I take. My heartbeat echoes in my ears.

Immortal…

Alone….

I'm suddenly gasping for air and I can feel hot tears running down my cheeks as I fall to my knees. I can't… I don't know how… My ears start to ache with a high pitch whine that echoes through the cavern, my body feels like it is folding in on itself.

Some distant part of me realizes that the noise is coming from me. That same distant part sees that I am tearing at the ground and wailing… But all I know is the deepest despair I've ever felt.

Not us. The witch…

The sudden whisper in my mind startles me into quiet.

A new voice booms and echoes around me.

Chosen One, your anguish is already under advisement. We have begun the process to correct the issue. Please come back and see us when you arrive at your destination. Please hold momentarily.

What?

Did they just say?

What?

And then everything goes white.

"What happened to you, Buffy?" As the words leave my mouth it dawns on me that I don't know how long it's been for her since I shoved her away and subsequently burned to ashes. For me it seems like it's been mere moments. Moments spent in some sort of mystical dimension where the dead go... Shit. If what she says is true, if she's immortal…

She's still standing, turned halfway between the ocean and me, arms crossed defensively over her chest, and gazing at the dark horizon as if it has something to offer her. Finally, she turns to look at me. The look in her eyes has me completely stunned.

"You died. That's what happened. You died, Spike! You were… burning…and I ran. I should have stayed with you! I should have ripped that stupid thing off your neck and dragged you with me! I should have done something! But I did the typical Buffy thing and I ran."

"I wanted you to -" She throws up her hand to silence me.

"And when I stopped running, I was healed. I was run straight through before you started… before… But when we stopped at the edge of the crater, Giles said from where the blood on my shirt was that the sword must have pierced my liver. I should have died. I didn't." She's on the verge of tears and so am I.

"How? Was it… Oh, god. The amulet! When we touched…" Oh god no. Is this my fault? I close my eyes and curse the damn Powers That Fuck With You. But Buffy's hands are now framing my face and forcing me to meet her eyes. And that's all I can see. Her eyes that have captivated me for years, changing color with her emotions, but always a shade of green. Eyes that I was afraid to look at tonight for fear of seeing them lost and empty. I still see the loss, but the color is one I've only seen once before.

"Don't start, Spike. It wasn't you. It was Willow's spell. The one that brought me back. I went to L.A. and I…" She looks pained for a moment and seemingly shakes it off just as quickly. "Angel's known this whole time how to contact the Powers That Be directly. He never told me. Anyway, I went to an address that Faith gave me. They hinted around a lot of crap, but that part was clear. It all started with Willow. Tonight, I guess."

A part of me wants to jump up and down in ecstatic joy that I won't lose her again. The other part is weeping for her, for the fact that she won't be getting the rest she deserves. And I still can't believe she's here – my Buffy. Granted, I didn't think a whole lot before I agreed to go back in time, but this is the last thing I would have imagined. I'm at a complete loss for words. Luckily Buffy starts again before I have a chance to blurt out anything stupid. As she speaks her hands slide down my neck, across my shoulders and down until she's gripping my biceps. The way she's touching me… It's something I thought I'd lost without ever having had it.

"God, Buffy. I don't-" She cuts me off before I say something stupid.

"Spike." My name never sounded so beautiful from her lips. "Listen, just let me get this out. OK?"

I nod and reach up to cup her elbows. She's still clutching my arms, but it's through my duster and I have to feel her myself.

"I'm here for you, Spike. I came for you. I didn't mean to throw you away. I just… When I ran… I guess I always assumed I wouldn't be around for long if you died. It wouldn't be long before I was gone, too, and then it would be over. I'd understand, and it wouldn't hurt anymore. But that was stolen from me in a more permanent way than I ever thought. "

"I lost it when they told me. I didn't - couldn't - think about anyone else. I'm the one who has to live my life and I couldn't imagine forever without you. The heaven's heard my cry, literally. And then everything went away, and I looked up, and you were there. If they hadn't sent me to you, I don't know what I would've done. " Her voice breaks and her lower lip trembles almost imperceptibly. The look is in her eyes again, the one that's astounded me throughout the night. All of a sudden it hits me. Devotion. That's what I'm seeing. It's too much. I can't believe… I release her and turn away, scrubbing my hands through my hair in frustration.

"This can't be real. This is a trick." The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them. Just as quickly I'm spun around and wind up flat on my back with an angry Slayer perched on top of me.

"It's real! How else can you explain us both being here? They said things – about wrong vampires and prophecies and the key. But they knew that I chose you, Spike. I love you! You didn't believe me, but I do! I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to risk my heart again, that I was too late. I know it shouldn't have taken your death to make me say it. But this world, my calling, it's taken everything from me! Over and over again I've sacrificed, asked others to sacrifice, and I just couldn't lose you, too. It turns out that losing you was the one thing…. It was the one thing I couldn't…" Her words tumble out of her mouth until she trails off and visibly struggles to retain her composure. She takes another deep breath and looks directly into my eyes, willing me to listen and believe what she's saying.

"I know it's real, Spike. I know that I love you, that I need you. That I've loved you for so long and that's ok. I know we've basically been given the stamp of approval from the PTB. We're not going to waste this chance. I'm not going to be the girl that's faces monsters nightly but is afraid to love, and you're not going to be the monster that loves so much but it's never returned. Not anymore."

"Buffy, I…"

Suddenly she's kissing me. Deep, passionate, desperate kisses, drawing the air from my dead lungs, devouring me in a way that she never has. And I'm lost. All that I am, all that I have ever been, is hers. I can't help myself but to take everything she will give me. I want to believe her, I want so badly to believe her.

As if sensing my thoughts, she springs up off my lap and backs away a few paces. The look of horror on her face as I look up at her makes me cringe. Here it comes.

"Oh god! I'm sorry! I'm doing it again! I didn't think. You died and I don't even know where you were. I didn't even ask! You might not even want -" She breaks off with a stifled sob, and tears are about to spill over her lids.

That brings me off my back and she freezes as I storm toward her.

"Damn it, woman! Are you daft?! Of course I bloody want you! You're all I've ever wanted! For over a hundred years - human, unsouled, souled - it's always been you. You're what I was looking for this whole time. You know you're everything to me! I just… I didn't really think…" I've long since reached where she stands, and our faces are so close, it's all I can do not to kiss her. She needs physical reassurance, but she needs to hear me first. I settle for pushing some stray hair away from her face and cupping her cheek.

"Love, do you really believe I would hold it against you that I'm the one thing you can't live without?"

"Well, yeah. Obviously!" She huffs, but I see her lips turn up a bit before she becomes serious again. "It turns out the thing I'm most afraid of is losing you, so that means all kinds of horrible things could happen."

"Doesn't matter, love. We have right now, don't we? Isn't that what you were just sayin'? Blessed by the PTB and what all?"

"Yeah… So, you're still with me?"

"Always. I'm going to take care of your heart, if that's what you're giving me. I love you and not a damn thing in this world or any other is going to take me away from you. I'll make sure of it."

She grabs me again and presses her words into my lips "I'm with you, too. Always."

And everything else falls away.