Revenge on Dipper
"The first thing we need to do is get Dipper out of the way," said Gideon. "I have the perfect revenge planned for him, based on something he once tried to do to me."
"What do we need to do, Gideon dog?" asked Greggy C.
"We need the gnomes. That's the hard part, getting' in touch with them," said Gideon.
"Gnomes?" asked Creggy G.
"Little men with beards, who wear pointed red caps," said Gideon.
"Oh, those dudes," said Greggy C. "They come to this place to steal pies. We wanted the pies too, but we were afraid of them."
"We tried to beat them to it a couple of times, but they can smell pies a long way away and they get here just a couple of minutes after one is put out to cool," said Creggy G.
"Perfect," said Gideon. "I'll break into this place and we'll warm up a pie and put it out as bait at just the right time."
"The right time for what?" asked Greggy C.
"The other part of the plan. We can use the phone here to call Dipper Pines. Here's what to say..."
They placed a call to Dipper on his cell phone (Gideon had used hacker contacts in prison to get hold of the number, while planning his revenge from there).
"Yo, is this Dipper Pines?" said Greggy C. "I'm, like a guy from out of town who came to the Woodstick festival today... I went for a hike and I found this weird book with a six-fingered hand and a number one on the cover... I asked around and people said you were interested in this kind of strange stuff... Yeah, I have it with me now... I'll meet you in front of Greasy's Diner in a few minutes... No, it can't be tomorrow... I have a plane to catch later tonight, dude."
After he hung up, Greggy C. said, "He said he would come and meet me. Did I do good, dog?"
"You did great, dog," said Gideon, "I've played this kind of trick on him before, but he thinks I'm still in prison."
Gideon and his gang were watching from inside the diner when Dipper arrived, and they quietly slid open the window and placed a warm pie on the sill behind him.
As Dipper stood waiting for his contact with the Journal, the gnomes came for the pie, with their leader Jeff in front. Gideon threw one potion-laden fry at Dipper's back, and another at Jeff's peaked hat. Both hits scored, transferring love potion to the intended victims.
Jeff said, "Hey, what are you doing here, Dipper? Are you staking us out... and are you interested in holy matrignomey... I mean matrimony, I always get that wrong."
Dipper said, "You know what? I'm super interested. At least in you, Jeff. For some reason I'm very attracted to you."
"I'm part of a package deal, sweetheart," said Jeff. "You marry all of us or none."
"I guess I'm all right with that," said the lovestruck young man. "As long as I can be with you."
"Whoopee!" said Jeff. "Boys, we found ourselves a new queen."
One of the gnomes behind Jeff said, "But Jeff, we're looking for a woman, right?"
"Be quiet, Steve," said Jeff. "Nobody's perfect. But Dipper..."
"Yes, Jeff?" said Dipper.
"You would be an easier sell to the rest of my people if you would borrow some clothes and makeup from your sister," said Jeff. "For the wedding ceremony."
Dipper turned red. "Do I have to? They'll all find out I'm a guy very soon, anyway."
"Once we get though the wedding they'll be committed," said Jeff. "They'll come to love the real you like I do, in time."
"The things I do for love," said Dipper with a sigh. "All right, I'll run home and change and be right back."
He headed off, leaving Gideon rolling on the floor with laughter inside the diner.
"Hee hee hee! Vengeance is mine!" said Gideon. "Mabel will be next."