Hello there guys! Thought I was gone for good, huh? ... *hides in shame* I'm just a lazy, little, moody girl, who leaves this for what? 2 months? Almost 3? I'm terrible! X'( (Good news: I'm trying to become more disciplined! Yes, you heard it!) So, I hope that this slightly long chapter pays off the long wait! (I'm so sorry again! I'm so irresponsible!)

Okay, enjoy! And I previously apologize for any mistakes!

XVI

The next thing she knew, her body was being pulled out of the water, sending shinning droplets flying everywhere; and for a moment, just a frozen second in the infinite of seconds that had passed before and the ones that waited ahead, the pair was surrounded by a halo of tiny diamonds sparkling under the moon.

The boy hugged her tight to his chest, spinning them both around as much as humanly possible - with the mermaid's tail dragging in the water, such efforts did not reveal to be easy.

"Jack!" squeaked the other, both from surprise and from the tightness of his hold. Still, she laughed the entire time.

But after some more twirls, in a strangled voice it came:

"Jack! Jac- I can- I can't breathe!"

And the boy realized that he was probably holding her out of the water for far too long! An apologetic "ups!" was quickly uttered, and in his embarrassment the apparently simple job of returning the mermaid in his arms to the ocean became incredibly messy.

Some gasps, a couple of stumbles, her heavy tail constricting his legs and SPLASH! - The mermaid, as much as the boy, were back into the cold water.

Toothiana broke the surface first, having landed right on top of the soaked shepherd and all, spluttering curses and giggles in that strangely musical language of hers.

"For all the starfish in the sea, Jack!" she laughed, as a shaggy mass of hair erupted from the water before her. "You surely missed the ocean, didn't you? But I think that for a non-aquatic being, this is enough bath for a day!"

She helped him sit in the increasingly shallow waters, the tide following its course and retreating towards the ocean once more.

But suddenly, the half-girl realized something odd, unsettling: his silence… As strange as it was, the boy hadn't uttered a single word the entire time!

Her laughter quietening down, with one petit hand the mermaid reached up, and brushed the dripping bangs out of his eyes. And when the curtain was pushed aside, Toothiana was confronted with those incredibly expressive eyes of his.

For one infinite moment, not for the first time and hopefully not for the last, all that there was were irises – eagerly, shyly, joyfully, enthusiastically – examining every inch of one another, avidly trying to catch every speck of pigment, every shifting nuance, every star in those little universes: one was kaleidoscopic combination of pinks and purples, unsteady magentas and violets that changed depending on the angle in which the moonlight hit them. The other was a clear blue, as much of a blue as the immense sky, or the beloved ocean, or the marvelous ice. And Tooth was taken aback for a second, because it seemed impossible that such icy gaze could be as warm as it was in that second.

But what had been warm soon became scorching and it seemed that the mermaid simply couldn't hold such intensity much longer. So her eyes swept the area around them, just as a splash of crimson changed the colors of her skin, headfins fluttering slightly. Suddenly the half-girl's stare befell on their held hands. She blinked, and this time the sudden wave of heat was actually felt.

"I…" she begun, in a quiet mutter, part trying to distract herself from the fire in her face and palms, part desperately wanting to break the deafening silence. "I… I should not have left you there, by yourself…"

But then, as the apology left her lips, a sudden tsunami of words threatened to burst out of her, and there seemed to be no way of stopping it now.

"You were just getting started again, and I convinced you to go, but then all that thing with the whales, and you were just behaving like an old cranky lobster, and I got mad, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you hanging there! And then the storm, I swam back right away, but…" her endless blabber abruptly came to a stop. If only her nature allowed such merci, her eyes would be brimming with tears now, as they fixed an inexistent point somewhere in the water. Her brow furrowed. "I… I came back, and had to scream into the water to find you… And when I heard where you were, when I heard your immobile body, sinking slowly, so deep into the ocean… So still!" and a strange kind of strangled hiccup wrecked her chest. The timid attempt of a sob. And the sound seemed to wreck Jack himself. "I… I thought…"

And her eyes came back to his, the terror, the dread so utterly visible, Jack could do nothing but frown compassionately. Because he knew what she had felt: that sudden painful ceasing of your own heart... He had felt it as well, far too many times; so many, that one didn't even hope to survive to feel another.

His gelid arms (how he hadn't fainted from the cold yet was beyond his understanding) circled her tiny body, holding her so tightly against his torso that the mermaid might just squeak.

Thus, when she trembled violently, as he was about to hide himself in her neck, Jack almost let go completely, guessing that he was probably choking her again. But then tiny hands gripped his back, as desperately as a shipwreck sailor does when finding a slippery rock after miles of sea, pulling him closer. He immediately complied. And the shepherd was so used to being the drowning man and not the rock, that for a frozen moment he didn't know what to do. But then the mermaid shuddered again, and it was not due to his hold or the chilliness of the water!

So the boy did the only thing that felt right doing: he hugged her dearly, hoping that his embrace gave her as much comfort as she needed. And if the muscles of his arms strangled the smaller Tooth slightly, it was because he didn't know of another way to show how fiercely he lo-

The gesture was enough to open the gates of her pent-up scare. Like vomit, the words came out of her again.

"I saw the light go of your eyes, just as I was about to reach you! But I couldn't believe… I just couldn't… So I swa- and swam, an- I brought us here, but you didn't move the entire time, and I didn't kno- I didn't know if you had already…" she hiccupped so much that she seemed not to be able of breathing at all. But there were no tears in her eyes (as a mermaid she was deprived of such release). So all the emotions dueling inside her, finding no way out, choked and strangled and suffocated her. Jack panicked.

"Shush, it's okay, everything's alright now! See, I'm right here! Everything went well!"

"But it could have not been! It coul- it could hav- you could have…"

"But I didn't!" insisted the other with a chuckle, "I didn't, and it's not your fault! Even if I did, it would not be your fault! It would never be your fault! Ever!"

And as he repeated this, like a mantra, the words coming out of his mouth had even more effect on him than in the quietening mermaid.

Soon, both of them could breathe again, and it felt so invigorating, so easy, that it was as if they were breathing freely for the first time in centuries, a tired Toothiana closing her eyes in peace and a wide eyed Jack staring amazed at the sparkling ocean behind her.

It would never be your fault…

Jack couldn't even stand the idea of burdening poor innocent Tooth with such guilt! Not when she had nothing to do with it! The mere thought of her torturing herself with thoughts of culpability when there was no one to blame…

It hit him suddenly; and he wished with all his strengths that wherever his dear little sister was, she hadn't even glimpsed the storm inside his heart and head. Not when she might find herself responsible for his state!

Ugh, this endless loop of guilt is so tiring! The shepherd was tired, absolutely exhausted of all the wasted life, tarnished with endless sorrow and grief. ENOUGH! It had been enough! This much sadness would bring no happiness to any of them! Not to his family, not to guiltless Tooth, not to him, and certainly not to Em!

Tonight, he would put an end to it. What has happened has happened, and there was nothing he could do to change that! Jack could only hope to mend his mistakes by making good in the future, and that, that would truly make Em happy. It was time to let go, not only for his family, or Tooth, or Em, but for himself!

But a certain mermaid needed him now.

"Ok Tooth…" he said, pulling away so he could stare her in the eye, milky pale hands holding her scaly arms for support. "Breathe now! Everything is fine. Look at me!" And slowly she did.

The boy took her response as a good sign, and quickly hurried up, in an attempt of lightening the mood.

"See, that's my Tooth!" and she smiled just the slightest at his easy chitchat. "So, how did a little and absolutely not terrestrial being like you dragged the unconscious ass of an almost grown up man up the beach after several miles of swimming?"

"Oh it was nothing! Just doing things backwards, that's all! Instead of dragging nearly grown up men down in to the depths of the sea, this little non-terrestrial creature decided to change it a bit, just to break the routine!" And for the days that followed, the shepherd would uselessly deny that he had fell for it, just for a millisecond, and that the horrified look that the mermaid thought to have seen in his eyes was just a play of the shadows in his features.

But out of the blue, in a much more solemn voice, the mermaid continued.

"I tried to bring you to shore, but I couldn't… I couldn't reach high enough! So I- I prayed, prayed to the Moon and to the Ocean to help! Then this wave… this giant wave came and left us both in the sand. And I was so grateful… so, so grateful…" and her eyes travelled back to the bright disc for a second, with a thankful gleam in them.

Silence followed for a moment. And then, in a grave, incredulous whisper:

"You could have died…"

And her orbs – oh so peaceful and wise then – fell back on his unbelieving ones. The answer came simple and true.

"You could have died too."

…

..

.

He felt like kissing her then. And it was so impulsive, so primal, so unlike anything he had ever allowed himself to feel in a long time, that the surprise alone would stop him in his tracks. But it wasn't that what impeded him then, even though it felt odd to be overcome by such sudden urges after so long.

It wasn't the kiss itself that intimidated him – he wasn't really the shy type, but if as a teen he had shared some pecks behind the huts with one girl or another, he had been lead out of pure curiosity. (The boy soon found out that there were more interesting things to do than to enroll in such silly and girly activities!).

But suddenly, the prospect of kissing Tooth, like that, out of the blue, seemed much more daunting. And serious. And wrong…

No… he couldn't do that to her. Not without telling her everything first. Because after she had found out what he'd done, how much gloom there really was in him, Jack was sure that he would never see his dear mermaid again. But he would tell her everything, nevertheless. Otherwise, the poison would kill them both… and the boy wouldn't have that.

"Tooth? There's something I… that I need to tell you…"

Her eyes soon found his. And there was so much warmth, so much kindness in them that the boy looked away, feeling undeserving. Well, she wouldn't gaze at him like that any longer… not after this.

"Is everything alright, Jack? Well, apart for you having almost drowned! Oh, you are freezing! Is that normal? Should you be so cold? I don't remember you ever feeling this cold! Are you going to get sick? Oh, by the Moon, are you going to die?!"

"Wha- Whoa! Tooth, no! I'm, I'm fine!"

Her endless worry almost made him forget the vital information he was trying to take out of his chest. Here he was, trying to get serious, and Tooth as to go and get all motherly over him, being just, well: Tooth!

So with a huff he held her still, staring at her magenta orbs, in the urge that she would see the gravity of the matter reflected in his own blue ones.

"Toothiana, there's something I need to tell you."

With that, she froze. Tilting her head slightly, the mermaid blinked and waited. And taking her quietness as a final cue to begin, the gelid boy took in a trembling inbreathe of air and prepared for a sad, sad story. It began with an apology.

"You were right earlier, you know? About what you said. I did become a dry old man, or a fearful, tedious, boring boy. And I lost all the wonder, hopes and dreams in the process. But it wasn't a slow, subtle thing, like growing up (or like I preferred calling it, growing dull!) is supposed to be. It was all taken from me rather violently, cruelly even! And all it took was one big wave…"

As he spoke, Tooth's expression slowly changed from one of quiet interest, to that of a person who's totally hooked to one's words, getting sadder and sadder the more he said. The melancholy in his tone foreshadowed nothing pleasant or light.

Then he laughed, suddenly, humorless and crazy, as if he had just figured out some cruel joke or sadistic irony of life itself.

"Well, if we want to be more precise, all it took was a red scarf and lots of salty water! Just like us, remember?"

But the mermaid dared not to breathe a single word, utterly concerned for the boy's sanity. (Oh, if only she knew the torments, the demons that tortured the shepherd's mind, in those sleepless nights that followed the accident! Then, then she would be fearful for his reasoning!)

"But it was a game… I never meant to…" and he stared at her, a desperate gleam in his watery irises. "I was just messing around!" Then, is eyes befell on his own reflection in the water. A disgusted expression contorted his face, and with an angry smack, the shadow was just a waving surface again. "Like always!"

Alarmed by his self-hatred, Tooth tried to rush forward, to comfort him, anything, anything at all, to prevent the self-destructive process. But he continued, spitting words, vomiting a toxic past that hurt him still.

"The blasted scarf was never far from her. She always loved the goddam thing, that silly girl… Daddy gave it to her!" he spat the name with the same disgust he always used when addressing his father. Tooth still didn't know what happened between the two so that so much bitterness was always underlying the boy's tone. Maybe she would find out now… Maybe Em's disappearance made their relationship vanish as well.

"But when he was away, in the sea… oh, then Em would hold it even more dearly in her tiny hands, and she would scream and cry if someone tried to take it from her!", the boy laughed humorlessly again, blue irises completely glazed over.

Toothiana knew that he only saw memories now, but when his eyes roamed vaguely and completely saw her through, like she was not even there… it was like a cold vacuum in her chest. She focused on him again when a new deep chuckle left his throat.

"I had always been a naughty boy! And in that day, I was particularly enjoying myself making her squirm and jump, seeing her try to snatch the red cloth from out of my grasp. I didn't make it an easy task. We ended up by the surf, as we regularly did.", and when he spoke next, his wide orbs suddenly fixated on her, and his whisper came out like a quiet apology. "I'd always been a naughty boy. Naughty! But never evil."

A deep, desperate intake of breath, and he shook his head while proceeding. Tears accumulated in his regretful eyes.

"I really didn't mean to! But suddenly the wind pick up, or I simply dropped it, I swear I can't be sure! I just remember seeing the red cloth suddenly being washed away, and next thing I knew, Em was chasing it, towards the waves!"

Suddenly he lifted one finger, and stared at the mermaid with a severe frown.

"There is one thing a lad's always taught when growing up by the sea. And that is never, never, to pursue something that's being taken by the currents! But it was Dad's bloody scarf! And she… she was Em: my senseless little sister…"

"I swear to you, the water was goddam right freezing! You could actually feel the aching in your bones. But, for heaven's sake, I was so scared that I couldn't feel a thing! There was only Em's shouts, as she struggled to swim towards me, fighting the drag of our heavy clothes and the force of the tide!", the words continued flowing in his hoarse, pained voice, making Tooth's heart break a little more with each new word. But then, his tone cracked abruptly, and a trembling sob wrecked his chest. Long held tears started flowing.

"She was so strong! So, so strong…" And if Toothiana was not a mermaid, she would be crying too. The boy continued. "But after a while, any fight was useless… And, I tried to be strong for both of us! I failed… One second she was desperately holding the other end of the scarf, the woolen cloth the attempt of a lifeline between us, a wave later… and there was no pull any longer..."

A pained gasp was heard, but it didn't came from the broken shepherd.

"It's crazy, isn't it? One minute she's there, the next she's gone… The one thing you loved in this life, with your entire heart, simply vanishes!"

He turned to the mermaid then, a focused frown settled on his face, as he struggled to explain the unexplainable. Slowly, he described.

"You see, it is a so violent tearing of your own reality, that your mind can't simply conceive it for the longest time! I fainted some time later, don't know if from the cold or from the shock. (Maybe a mix of both!) But when I woke up in my bed, at home, who knows how many days later, I couldn't remember a thing! So when my Mother broke in sobs as soon as she saw me… I couldn't… I couldn't understand…", and Tooth could not imagine the confusion in the boy's mind in that moment, or worse: the pain in that followed when he was told the truth.

"And when she calmed down enough to speak again, I… I didn't believe her! I remember shouting at her, calling her liar, for how dare she to joke about something like that! It was cruel, it was…" he paused to breathe, to quiet down. Soon, his voice was somewhat even again. He continued. "But then… then she showed me the scarf."

"I ran out the house, stumbling and falling, my mother's cries still echoing in my ears; I searched the entire village, shouting her name, desperately calling and getting no answer, just some sorrowful glances. I climbed to the hills, the panic growing inside me! And it grew and grew, for I ended up kneeled before the waves, with tear-streaked cheeks, puffy red eyes and a broken core…

"I remembered it all then: the cold, the pull of the currents, the horror in my little sister's face… And it would be that look, the pure terror in her eyes, the clear knowledge that this was the end, which would forever haunt my nightmares…"

And intense silence followed, with Jack's lifeless gaze on the water below him, and Tooth's sorrowful expression as a mere shadow of the heartbreaking sadness she felt inside. And the silence lasted for so long, that the mermaid jumped slightly, startled, when the boy's deep voice was heard again.

"When Dad got home… well, everything just got worse, if that was even possible! Em was his little lady, his own ray of sunshine… well, our ray of sunshine. So coming home and finding her gone, forever… Well, no one in this family was ever the same again. And he never looked at me the same way as well."

And Toothiana's eyes widened in understanding. So that's why they had the tension between each other! Jack's father thought him responsible for his sister's death. And Tooth didn't know the man, but someone burdening his own son with the guilt of such a crime! Well, it was just awful! Having your own family against you, no wonder the boy was always so unwilling to go back!

And having the mermaid just drawn this conclusions, it was understandable the utter shock in which she heard the boy's next few words.

"But believe me, he couldn't be more wrong if he thinks he blames me more than I do myself!"

Toothiana frowned for a second, disbelieving and confused, because how could one say that? How could one hate himself?

But the self-destructing shepherd didn't even give her the time to reply to or deny his senseless statements, soon seething and laughing grimly in that cynical way she had come to detest.

"So you see Tooth? That's why I can't go see whales, or be the fun, careless, easy-going boy I used to be! Because it was that boy who got his little sister killed!"

And she just couldn't say anything, everything leaving his mouth just didn't make any sense! How could he think himself the one to blame? How could…

But it just kept getting worse and worse, Jack vomiting every thought, all the accusations he held inside him, all the self-induced poison; and Tooth, sweet, light Tooth, just stared, disturbingly shaken, at the horrid darkness of it all.

"So who am I to live happily when the reason Em doesn't live at all is me and my recklessness?" And in the middle of his cried outburst, he turned to the Moon, in rage and despair, and spits, this time out loud. "Who am I to live at all? So why in hell did you save me?"

Suddenly, SMACK!

If standing on land, Jack would have stumbled back a couple of feet, not only by the force of the blow, but simply because of the cheer unexpectedness of the attack.

Milky palm flying to his reddening cheek, the boy fixated the mermaid before him, in disbelieving astonishment.

Toothiana was fuming, like he had never seen her before, all fluttering fins and a fiery glint in her squinted orbs.

"Wha-"

"Don't you ever dare saying that again, Jackson Overland!" the mermaid screeched, in the most offended tone he had ever heard.

"Who are you to live? No! Who are you to deny the life that was given to you?" she roared, something that the boy didn't believe to be possible. And as she spoke, more authoritarian and strong than ever, the shepherd could only shrink, just like a child behind scolded. "Who do you think you are, skulking by the corners, weeping at how miserable you are and unfair fate was to you? Like a baby? Yes! Bad things do happen! Guess what? You have to deal with them: learn your lesson, accept, and move on! Do you think it will do any good to Em, to you, to you family, to anyone really, for you to keep martyrizing yourself, dragging around in self-pity?" she gasped for just a fraction of second, enough to catch her breath, and charged again, unstoppable. The boy could only stare, wide eyed.

"If Emma was seeing you right now, she would be ashamed! Do you think your self-punishment will bring her any happiness, wherever she is? Do you think you are showing her respect, throwing your own life away like that? This is not the brother she knew and loved! And I prefer to think that this is also not the joyful boy I came to love too!"

Then, he kissed her.

...

..

.

Okay, this chapter was... quite an emotional ride, I hope! That's what it felt to me while writing!

And yes... that ending... I'm not quite sure about that ending, but if you want to blame someone, blame Jack! I didn't want for them to kiss now, but he just did it anyway!

Please, if you liked this chapter and hadn't yet gave up on me, leave a review! Until next time! (Not in another 3 months I hope ;)