- Chapter 3: The Decision -

Elissa was thinking about all that had happened that day. She purposely told the nearest servant to get her a hot tea, as she was beginning to feel sick. Of course she was not sick – she just wanted an excuse to stay in her room while all the others were having dinner – including Alistair. She had to think long and hard about what he had told her.

It was completely crazy what he was planning to do, and they both knew it… But all she had to do was simple: to decide if she was going or not.

Her heart and gut told her to go. It had been years since she had been on an adventure, since she had felt her heart pounding with excitement. Her life has been calm, but dull – there were no thrills in Highever, except for that occasional walk in the woods to hunt. Hunting, that's my idea of fun. She wanted the thrill, to feel alive again. But then again, she had a perfectly good reason not to go: her daughter. Could she leave her, just like that? To go after a feeling that she didn't even remember how it was like?

She had decided not to go. I will tell Alistair tomorrow that I have responsibilities. As does he. I have one life that depends on me, and he has much more. I shall talk him out of it.

Elissa was nearly asleep when a thought suddenly hit her: he would not back down. She was certain.

What if something goes wrong and he gets killed? What if I'm not there to protect him? Andraste knows how many times I've saved his sorry ass. Elissa chuckled as she remembered the time Alistair tripped over himself and was at the mercy of the nearest darkspawn, completely helpless. Had she not been there at that time, no arrow would have gone through the creature's left eye and Alistair would probably be dead.

She decided to sleep over it. The night would bring inspiration, she hoped, and the Maker would compel her to do the right thing. All she needed to do now was fall asleep.

The dining room had more movement that night than in the whole year. The king was there, so everything needed to be absolutely perfect. The table was covered in the finest Orlesian silks, plates carefully arranged in front of every wooden chair, now covered in green velvet, top to bottom.

The smell was divine. Everything one could ever want in a meal was there: delicious soup, the finest ales and wines, turkey, boar, pig, cow, salmon, cod, salad, rice with the best spices one could get. There was music too, as the bards sang happy songs about how the Hero of Ferelden and her companions, namely the king, defeated the Archdemon and brought peace and prosperity to a new age.

Fergus was sitting at the head of the table, dressed in a blue attire that matched his eyes. To his right was Mildred, his wife; her black hair in multiple braids tucked perfectly around her head made her seem even more regal. Her poise alone showed people she had been noble-born. Her hazel eyes looked tenderly at Fergus as he talked to his daughter Edith, who was at his left. At Edith's left was Eleanor, Elissa's daughter.

Alistair occupied the place at Mildred's right – Elissa's place – because a servant told Fergus she was feeling a bit sick, so she wouldn't join them for dinner. Was she already ill or did she just create an excuse not to be near me?

Elissa didn't linger for long in his mind, as he and Fergus started talking about things that had happened in the past months, and Teagan, who was at Alistair's right, joined in as well. The night went on and so did the conversation, until they ran out of topics to talk about. Alistair seized the opportunity to strike a conversation with the young girl in front of him.

"My Lady, may I dare ask where your father is on such a wonderful evening?"

"Oh. I don't really know my father. Mother says he has a job to do somewhere else, but he never came to visit me." Her smile faded a little as she said that.

Her story was sad. That little girl was being raised by the strongest woman he had ever known, all by herself. Did he know the girl's father?

"How old are you, child?" Alistair asked affectionately. He remembered Elissa mentioning her age before, but he couldn't remember.

"I'm six."

Alistair did the math. It was now 9:38 Dragon. If Eleanor was six years old, she must have been born in 9:32 Dragon. Alistair last saw Elissa in the end of 9:31 Dragon. It was possible he knew the father… if it had been someone in their party.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a yawn.

"Edith, darling, watch your manners!" Mildred said, annoyed at her daughter. How disrespectful, especially when the king is our guest!

"I'm sorry Mother, but I'm so tired…"

"So am I, Aunt Mildred," Eleanor added.

Fergus laughed. "Well girls, I guess it is time for you to say goodnight to our guests and go to bed!"

"I'll take them upside, dear," Mildred told Fergus with a smile. She then got up, and the girls said their goodbyes as they walked to Mildred Cousland. The three of them left the dining hall graciously.

"Wonderful children, aren't they?" Fergus asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

"They are indeed," Teagan said after sipping a bit of wine. "So young and still so lady-like! They will be gracious women when they grow up. You better watch out because your castle will be overrun with contenders!"

Fergus laughed aloud. "I'm trying to prepare myself for that!" He turned to Alistair. "What about you, dear friend, when are you going to get married and have a son? That way I won't have to worry about Edith and all the other boys!"

"He's a stubborn man, he is!" Teagan waved his glass around. Surely the wine had had the best of him. "Both myself and my brother Eamon have been whispering in his ear, 'You have to find a wife! You need heirs! No matter who she is, just breed, for the love of Andraste!'"

"Maker's breath, Teagan, get a hold of yourself!" Alistair felt uncomfortable at his words. It was true, both Teagan and Eamon were all over him to find a wife, but what could he do when none of the suitors were half the woman she was? But then again, she wasn't a suitor because he could never have children with her – the taint in both of them made that an impossible task. Still there she was, with a child of her own. He needed to get over her – so why was he still here? "You have until tomorrow to get lucid."

"Is that a threat, nepheeew?" Teagan was so inebriated he even crossed his eyes.

"Are you leaving tomorrow?" Fergus asked. At least he was still sober. "But you just got here!"

"And I got what I came for, old friend." He now knew Elissa would never go with him.

Elissa had made up her mind. She got out of bed, combed and braided her hair. She then went to her armoire and picked her blood red dress, which was a perfect match for her hair. As soon as she was ready, she stormed out of her room, determined to find Alistair to tell him what she had decided to do.

Her decision seemed hard to make, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized she already knew the answer as soon as Alistair asked her to go with him. He's completely mad, she kept thinking to herself.

She opened the door to the dining room, but the breakfast was only being put on the table. No one was there except the servants. She closed the door and turned back. She proceeded to the main hall. No one was there. Where are they? Elissa then decided to go outside, as Alistair, Teagan and Fergus might have gone hunting – the guards would surely know if they had passed by.

Elissa could already see the gate, along with the three men she was looking for. Alistair was dressed in fine reddish clothes, as was Teagan, but his were darker. They certainly weren't dressed for hunting; besides, Alistair's guards were all reunited there and ready to march. They were going away.

She hurried to get to them, as they were already saying their goodbyes. "Alistair!" She shouted.

Alistair turned his face to meet the voice that called his name. Elissa. He tried his best to get out of Highever early in the morning, so he wouldn't have to face her – a coward's way out, he knew, just like he had done before. But it hurt too much. He didn't want to live the next moment when she got to say goodbye probably for the last time, as she wouldn't be going with him – diminishing his chances of coming back alive.

She now stood next to him. "Are you leaving?"

"Yes. I need to get going to Amaranthine." His face was blank; he was determined not to let her see any emotion.

"May I speak to you before you go?" Elissa's voice was a whisper.

"Sure. I'll be right back, Teagan."

"Of course, Alistair." Teagan's eyes were swollen and it was hard for him to keep them open. "I'll just wait here. Standing." Clearly that man couldn't handle his wine.

Elissa led Alistair to the chapel. It was closer than the study and there wasn't anyone there at the time. Once they both got in, she closed the door behind her.

"Were you really leaving without saying a word to me?!" She was not mad, but slightly annoyed. Just yesterday he had been dying to convince her to go with him, and now he was just disappearing?

"I didn't want to disturb you any longer," he apologized. "I shouldn't have even talked to you about… about what we talked about yesterday. You have a family here and I understand. You don't owe me anything." He was sincere. He knew it was crazy asking her to leave everything to go with him.

"I never gave you an answer."

"You did. Yesterday. Maybe not consciously, but still…"

"So what did I answer you?" Elissa wasn't sure if she should feel hurt – after all, he was leaving without saying a word to her – or slightly amused at his perception of the whole thing.

"You made it quite clear." Alistair didn't smile. He did not show a single emotion. "You're going to stay here, in Highever. Where you belong. With your daughter." He still was appalled at the fact that Elissa was indeed a mother. Secretly, he looked at Eleanor and wondered which of her traits their child could have - if he and Elissa had stayed together and could have children that is.

Elissa smiled. "Unbelievable, Alistair," she nodded. Alistair wasn't following. "You are the only person who actually knows me, and you still can't predict my next move."

His right brow ascended. He really wasn't following – what was she talking about? He crossed his arms, waiting for her answer.

She saw that he wouldn't get it until she spelled it out, so she did, "I'm going with you, Alistair."

His face lit up like a full moon on a summer's night. He was still not sure if she meant it though. "Really? You will?"

"Yes." She smirked at him and put her hands on her waist, tilting it slightly to her right. "You need an adult."

Alistair laughed. An adult? "An adult… You're funny!" But as he analyzed the situation, he couldn't really tell if she was joking or serious. "Anyway… thanks for having my back."

"But you have to promise me two things," she quickly added, talking in a more serious voice.

"Anything."

"Well, the first is that you won't get killed."

Alistair nodded. "I'll do my best."

"The second is… you'll have to delay your departure because I need to gather some things and talk to Fergus."

"Obviously." Elissa turned to leave, but Alistair caught up with her. "Elissa… Are you sure you want to do this?" He wanted her to come with him, but he also knew there were a hundred reasons why she shouldn't.

"I've thought about it long enough, Alistair." She looked at the ground. She had to be really careful with her words now. "If I stay here, you will go alone – or with your 'hired help', as you have mentioned. Apparently you don't trust them with your life, to come to me. If something happens to you while I'm not there, I will never forgive myself. On the other hand, if I go with you, I leave Eleanor alone. But I have failed my responsibilities as a Fereldan Grey Warden once, abandoning my post as Warden Commander. I shall atone myself by protecting the King on his mad quest."

Alistair stepped forward and hugged her. It was an impulse, and he only figured out what he was doing when he felt her body against his. He blushed intensely. I can't pull back now. Maker's breath, is this awkward! He wasn't sure why he did that, and took a mental note not to ever do it again. Their relationship was not even half of what it once had been, so this kind of contact wasn't exactly normal, or even acceptable. But his mind went blank as he felt her arms wrapped around him. They weren't so strange to each other after all.

The guards stationed to guard the doors of the main hall weren't able to tell apart the words that came from the inside. All they heard was yelling between the two Cousland siblings. Maker knew what was happening in there, and they were actually grateful their helmets covered their ears, as it was considered a sin to eavesdrop. They looked at each other and shrugged. As long as Lady Elissa and Teyrn Fergus weren't at each other's throats, it would be best to leave them alone to solve whatever problem they had.

"Have you gone completely mad, Elissa?!" Fergus couldn't remember the last time he had been so angry at his sister. "All those years, you told me not to tell Alistair where you were, you asked me to lie to the king, to keep you in Highever so you could calmly raise your daughter, and now he comes, flutters his eyelashes and you're gone?!"

Elissa was pacing around the room, angry at herself and at her brother, knowing the difficult position Alistair had put her into. "You know, dear brother, if you hadn't had so much ale that night, he would not have come here and asked me to go with him!"

Fergus laughed unwillingly. "So you're saying this is my fault? Are you not old enough to think for yourself, to know what your responsibilities are? You're 27 years old, by the love of Andraste! What if something happens to you, what is to become of Eleanor?"

"You know who her father is. You will tell him about her, and you'll also tell him that she is not to follow in his footsteps."

"Do you think he won't take her? He'll teach her everything he knows! She may even end up in Antiva, by the looks of things!"

Elissa exploded, "You will make sure nothing happens to her!" She tried to calm down. "This is not a request, Fergus. I failed my duty once. One can only be so selfish. I've raised a young lady, and I shall return to see her as a noble woman and, Maker help me, guide her. I only ask that you protect her as your own while I'm away."

Fergus sighed. "Elissa… Eleanor is like my own. I'm concerned not only for you, I am also concerned about her. She doesn't have a father. What will she do if she becomes motherless?"

"She won't, Fergus," Elissa said. She knew that it wasn't a sure thing, but she was hoping the Maker would see this as an atonement for not being in Amaranthine, where she should be both Warden Commander and Arlessa. She was hoping the Maker would forgive her for putting her child in front of her nation. But the words that came out of her lips were yet another sin, as even she didn't believe in them, "I promise you."

Elissa unlocked the chest in her room. Memories flooded her mind as she took everything from it, one item at a time; her old armor set made of Dragonskin, skillfully crafted by master smith Wade in Denerim, her faithful longsword and dagger, Starfang and The Rose's Thorn, each gleaming with frost because of Sandal's enchantment. Whatever happened to that boy and his father? The frost wasn't literal, obviously, but if that sword or dagger were to slice someone, the slicing itself would be the last thing they would have to worry about. In the bottom of the chest she also found Bawoof's finest collar, the Pure Bitch Braid.

As if it had lured him, Bawoof appeared at Elissa's door. He had his heard turned to the side, looking at her and waggling his tail, as if expecting her to put the collar on him so they could go have yet another adventure together. She called him closer to her, and he entered Elissa's room happily.

She put the Pure Bitch Braid on his neck. "Not this time, Bawoof," she told him dearly. The dog whined, as if he was asking her why would she go and leave him behind. "You have a more important quest here. I need you to guard Eleanor, do you understand?" Bawoof had always been her most trustworthy companion, but this time she needed him not to protect her, but her daughter.

Bawoof barked loudly and then he put one of his huge paws on Elissa's leg. "I know I can trust you, dear friend." She lowered herself to hug Bawoof and he licked her face in return. She could notice the sadness in his eyes, but the Mabari war hound knew he had a job to do and he would do it. "Don't let anything happen to her."

Elissa got up, closed her bedroom door and undressed. She then put on her brown leather pants and boots and a blue tunic with silver details here and there, locking it in place with a black leather belt. In a satchel she packed her armor, which she still used every morning when she went out to practice her fighting skills. It fit her just like when she had bought it, and it was the most beautiful and strong armor she had ever had. She also packed her finest dress – just in case – another pair of leather pants, a few tunics, her bow and some arrows and sheathed her longsword and dagger on her back, hiding them beneath her red velvet hooded cloak.

She was ready to go. She opened her bedroom door as she looked back at Bawoof, who was sitting, waiting for her command. She petted him on his huge head and said, "It's time. Go, dear friend. I know you shall not fail."

With her words, the dog barked and ran out of her bedroom in search of his master's little one.