Inspired by Shadow Crystal Mage's Love Stories (and a few others of his works…)
UQ Holder, Mahou Sensei Negima!, Beetlejuice, The Avengers, Alejo y Valentina, Fate Stay Night, Disgaea, Batman, Frozen, Adventure Time with Finn & Jake, Casper, Fantastic Four, Dragon Ball Z, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Regular Show, Peanuts, To Love Ru and A Christmas Carol all belong to their respective owners (okay, so the last one is public domain by now…) and I make no money from them.
Please have a happy Valentine.
Your Weak Point.
"- no, I'm sorry," Evangeline told her, without looking back. "I can't love you back that way. I just can't, and I never will."
And she walked away.
Dropping on her knees and hugging her own upper section, Karin, the invulnerable, indestructible, cold and ruthless Karin, felt the pain of a million deaths.
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Sayo floated towards the empty table, looked all around for her absent blind date, and sighed sadly.
Then she noticed the small note on the table. She picked it up and slowly read aloud, "Though I know I should be wary, still I venture someplace scary. Ghostly haunting I turn loose. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!"
Her eyes became tiny white dots.
And then...
"Ummm... whaaaatttt?!" she shrieked as the air around her began to shift violently.
"So, um... how did your date go?" Asakura asked her.
Sayo's face twitched several times, and she began sobbing softly.
"That bad, huh..." Asakura frowned sourly.
It's Better That Way.
Since the incident in New York, Tony had gotten dozens if not hundreds of e-mails and other messages from that Ross woman, desperately asking for Banner. She probably had either figured out or learned from hard experience she'd never succeed at learning Banner's whereabouts through Fury, even before the man's downfall, so she had resorted to him instead.
But even though Pepper had argued for letting her know, Tony never could tell her, not even while he had Banner in his mansion, listening to his woes with Extremis and Killian. Because Banner himself wouldn't have wanted Betty, his Betty, his beloved Betty, to ever find him again.
Because he loved her too much for it.
The Next Best Thing...
"¿Che, pero si yo te caigo tan mal y soy tan boludo, porque te liaste de novia a mi hermana, que es igual a mi?" le preguntó Gregory.
"C-Callate, boludo, me chupan la pija vos y tu hermana, boludo," le respondió Matías, en lo que a decir verdad fue una confesión de intenciones bastante sincera, aunque no de forma intencional...
Thirty Xanatos Pile-Up.
It would be easy, for an outsider who just got their first close glimpse at them, to say Rin was in only for the sex and the excitement. And she most likely wouldn't have done anything to dispel that idea after blackmailing and subtly bullying the offender into remaining mum about the subject.
But, had that hypothetical person bothered and been allowed to take a closer look over the span of only a day, they would have realized how much Rin, Negi, Saber, and even Illya all loved each other. Through all the little petty squabbling, through all the acts of domestic depravity, through all the bizarre showings of loyalty in the ever present face of danger. They would have seen it, shining in its own special way. The link between all four of them, as heartwarming as beautiful, as admirable as twisted. That person would have cried, unless their heart had been made of stone.
Then, as that person wept to themselves over the sort of connection they never could achieve for themselves, Sella would have stealthily approached them from behind, taken them out of the equation, and then disposed off their body without the blessed four even realizing that person's misfortune and disappearance.
After all, her young mistress' honor couldn't ever be tarnished in the public eye. So she did that out of love, too, even if they rarely invited her and Lesyritt to join them in...
White.
Laharl remained there, looking after the tiny white flower after asking Etna to leave and take charge of the throne. He never went back, devoting all of his time to care for the flower. But the days of demons are long and those of flowers are so very short, and so, rather quickly, the tiny white flower began withering down.
Despairing, Laharl tried his best to keep it alive. He called for help to Etna, who in turn asked for help from all across the Underworld, but nothing they tried worked at all, and in the span of a few days, the flower lost all its petals and crumpled into dust.
Laharl knelt there, in the dirt, slumped over in a sinister hopeless silence. Days and nights came and went, and yet not even once did he move from where the tiny white flower had been.
Until Etna returned to him, holding something in her arms.
"Prince? I think you should see this."
Gently, she placed the tiny white Prinny on the ground. And it began running in circles around Laharl, with all the attempted stealth of an elephant in clown clothes, the blue ribbon on its head bouncing along with its clumsy steps.
"Nin-nin, nin-nin, dood!"
Sorry. We meant her clumsy steps.
Finally, the long forgotten smile returned to Laharl.
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Sayo stared at her newest blind date. Or rather, at her blind date's pristine white suit, top hat, gloves and monocle. Because there wasn't anything else to see of him.
"Ahhhh... why are your face and body invisible, Craddock-san?" she asked.
"To be perfectly honest, I don't know," he shrugged. "They've been that way ever since I returned from the underworld. Maybe it's the way afterlife has seen fit to punish me."
"To punish you?" she echoed.
"Oh, yes. I have always been a man of such high ambitions, others have always been jealous of me and my enterprises. That's exactly why I died; some meddling do-gooders caught me in the middle of a scheme to gain immortality by slaying prostitutes in the Victorian England. Why did they have to do it? No one missed them anyway! They wouldn't have lived past their forties, one way or another?!"
Sayo gasped. "You... You were...?!"
"Jack the Ripper? Why, indeed, I was. Well, one of them anyway. Mr. Vandal Savage, one of my colleagues in the Injustice Society, and some street urchin little girl, also committed a few of those murders, but mine were the best, the most perfectly crafted, because unlike theirs, mine had an ulterior-"
Sayo floated up from her chair and escaped shrieking.
The Gentleman Ghost slumped back on his chair, sighing. "You would think being revealed as a historical celebrity would impress them favorably..."
"Excuse me..." a very pretty girl said from the next table, "But I couldn't help overhearing, and I think you're a fascinating man. May I sit and talk with you, please?"
"Oh, certainly! And your name would happen to be, Miss...?"
"Sayako. Minase Sayako...!" she giggled.
And that was the beginning of a (NOT!) beautiful romance.
A Romantic at Heart.
Harley smiled sweetly at him from across the table. "I'm so glad you could make it here tonight."
"Believe me," Joker said, "my heart isn't cold enough for it yet."
"Oooo, you say the funniest things!" she giggled. "More champagne?" she asked, holding a bottle up.
"Sure, why not?" the Clown Prince said. "It might help me warm up."
"Rrrowwwrrr, for things heating up..." she purred, pouring him another glass, then clanging their glasses together before getting the drink to her beau's ruby lips. "I only hope you won't mind having a chaperone for the night?"
"It's not so much the company itself that I'm minding now, Harl..." he confessed, pointing down to the huge block of ice covering his feet with the heavy ice manacles around his wrists, "But, even with his weirdo cryo-freezing special technique, don't you think I'll be having frostbite very soon?"
Standing next to the table with a freeze gun in a hand, Mr. Freeze scoffed. "Silence. Do you think they had to call this kind of favors on me when I had a beautiful blonde after me? Seriously, what in the world is wrong with you?"
Snow and Nice.
With the cursed crown on his head, the transformed Simon looked, filled with awe, at the vast white extensions that would be his home from then on. Constantly whipped by howling icy winds from the North, the mountains were an inhospitable, deadly trap for any normal mortals who would venture out there. And they were so—
"- beautiful," the newly powered Ice King whispered, on the brink of tears. And then, he began running across the snow covered hills, arms extended, exploring his asylum away from the results of men's folly for the first time. And he sang, "Let it go, let it go. Turn away and slam the door. I don't care what they're going to say. Let the storm rage on... The cold never bothered me anyway!"
"— but I suppose you couldn't relate to that, could you?" the Ice King sadly said now, staring at Elsa with pathetically large eyes.
Elsa's own eyes shone. "Tell me more..."
"I'm sorry," he sorrowfully told her, after much sharing, suffering and joy. "I know it's selfish from me, but... long ago, I swore I'd only give my heart away to a Princess. And you are a Queen. Unlike princesses, you have your own ruling duties, ones I can't take you away from..."
"Hey, Queen or not, I rule a kingdom too, and when has that stopped you from bothering me?!" Princess Bubblegum protested.
Elsa turned around to face Anna, and taking her own crown off, placed it on top of Anna's head. "Congratulations. You are the Queen of Arendelle now. Long live the Queen!" And she spun back around to face... "Simon!"
"Elsa!" he answered, and they threw themselves into each other's arms.
As the King and his Princess danced under a soft hail of snow filling the ballroom, Anna took the crown off and gave it a critical look. "What could I possibly do with a kingdom?"
Standing next to her, Kristoff shrugged his shoulders. "Build better roads for ice delivery, for starters?"
"Would I have to raise the taxes for that?" Anna wondered.
At the sidelines, Olaf sniffled, twig hands on his own heart. "I think... I'm in love with you! Gunther!"
The penguin shifted his head slightly aside, confused. "Qwerk?" he quacked.
Princess Bubblegum rubbed her aching temples. "I need a freaking hot sweet drink."
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"Hello! My name's Casper! You must be Sayo, I'm sure we're going to be good—"
Sayo, who up until that point had been just gaping and gulping in muted, paralyzed terror, finally could shriek "AAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!" and flee at top speed.
Casper frowned and folded his arms. "Maybe I should just try patching things up with Wendy."
Fantastic.
Ben Grimm was awed when he first learned he could make fire now. Like an overgrown child with a new toy, he tossed himself up as a human torch, flying high like only someone who got to be an army pilot to satisfy a lifelong dream of flying could.
Reed Richards learned he could make himself invisible and generate invisible force fields, which fascinated him to no end. On a purely scientific level, of course.
Johnny Storm realized he had gained the ability to stretch and contract his body and limbs at will. After several moments of gleefully playing with his new powers, he looked into his underpants, tried a new thing, and grinned at the results. "Ooohh, I'm going to love this..." he chuckled.
Then they found Susan.
Reed swore he'd do his best to revert Sue's mutation, to get her out of the rock skinned condition that had her derisively calling herself the Thing. Through all of the quartet's adventures and misadventures, many temporary solutions were found, but none would stick for any long. And so the time passed and passed, until...
During her latest therapy session, Reed proposed her again.
And once again, she shook her head. "For the last time, Reed, no. Not like this. Not when you're still feeling... you know..."
"I insist," he said, "my proposals have nothing to do with any feelings of guilt over your condition, Sue. I would have proposed you long ago, no matter what. Still, I'm glad you have said that. I don't know what would have I done if you had accepted this time..."
"Huh?" she asked.
He smiled, and entered the chamber where she was.
A moment later, as she looked down at her newly human hands, and he shambled out wrapped into thick orange stone, he explained, "I found a solution that should remain stable over a permanent basis... but it demanded exchanging your altered added genetic factor with an equivalent one. Now this, I admit it, might have been done out of a feeling of guilt..."
She married him regardless.
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"So, how did it go?" Asakura asked, eager.
Sayo pouted. "W-Well... he was very scary, and at first he wouldn't stop talking about this 'Vegeta' ex-friend of his, and he seemed like a true psychopath... but then we realized we had a few things in common, and the date was really starting to work, and we were even having fun..."
"And... what happened, then?" asked Asakura.
Sayo sniffled. "Evangeline-san saw him demolishing half of the city, complimented him on his technique, they hit it off, left me with the restaurant bill. Luckily your card was good enough, but I'd start saving until your allowance..."
Asakura cursed under her breath.
Completist.
Fujiyoshi Harumi quiet and silently walked away from the scene.
Despite herself, she cracked what sort of was a smile. It was rather funny, in a way, how Haruna, who completely inverted the Oblivious to Love trope they both hated so much, would fall for it in that one particular regard, and how Harumi herself would enforce it as well from her side of the equation, through that equally annoying trope known as Can't Spit It Out.
Harumi stopped outside the building, looking up at the night sky, and remembering the long training sessions teaching that annoying peppy child how to draw. She remembered the pride when Haruna became better than her, and her frustration at that talent not being included with enough discipline, as often is the case with geniuses. She remembered the stinging jealousy when Haruna began hanging out with those tiny library rats, and remembered the ache slowly dulling away over the terms, washed away by resignation. By the time Negi-sensei entered Haruna's life, Harumi couldn't even really care anymore. but then came Yuuki-san. And Lala-san. And all the others who came along with accepting (nay, looking for) Negi and Rito as your boyfriends, or boytoys, or whatever.
And then the ache returned tenfold, for she was the only one left out.
Harumi took her glasses off and wiped them dry and clean.
Then, Haruna asked from behind her. "Not even in my graduation night? Even now, you won't confess?" she asked, all disappointment.
Harumi froze in place. "You knew?!"
"I know everything," came the wicked cackle, along the strange bouncing sound of the ahoge, despite the fact ahoges never should produce any sound.
Harumi tightened her fists at her sides. "And why did you wait, then?! You never waited for anyone to confess! Why did you keep ME, and only ME, like this so long?!"
Haruna grabbed her Sempai by the waist and forced her to turn around, so they were face to face. How much had she grown, from those days where she had to look up at Harumi. It made Harumi feel so old.
"Because," Haruna purred, "the final and best piece of the puzzle just has to be the most special."
Oh well. So that was it. It sure made her feel silly now, too. She still could take the initiative in something, though, Harumi decided, as she took a firm hold of Haruna's cheeks and planted her mouth on hers.
My Strength.
He has me down. Against the ropes. Dead to rights.
My head buzzes as I vaguely hear him, standing over me, bragging in his thick Russiant accent. The mighty Rhino, blah blah blah. Worst part being, he's right. In that huge, clunky thing, not only he's bigger than me, he's also stronger, more resistant. Way better.
I'm sorry, Gwen. I really tried my best.
Maybe we'll be together now, at least.
And then, the crowd's voices rise over his. And I remember, through the buzzing and the pain. No, we can't be rejoined, not like this, not yet.
Because this isn't what you'd have wanted.
So I force myself back up, and I know I've broken something in me as I punch my best through the armor. I ignore it, and it's easy, as I keep forcing my arm its way up the front, trying to reach for him. For the cabin. The soft squishy inside.
"No! What are you doing?! You idiot, you moron, you-!"
"Yadda yadda yadda, rhinos aren't supposed to be talking. You're the big silent type, aren't you?" The words make the pain more bearable, and I'm up to my shoulder into the armor, and then my fingers finally reach it. His neck.
I'm sorry, Gwen.
"Open the cockpit and drop out," I order, trying to sound like I'm not bluffing, while hoping to God I'm only bluffing. Or else I make you an extinct species.
"You wouldn't-"
"Oh, really."
"You aren't... the type..." he gasps, literally feeling the pressure. "You don't do this... to kill..."
"Nah, I don't. I do it out of love. But guess what. I lost my love, and with it I lost my way. Your call, Tough Guy. Five seconds."
Promptly, he opens it, and drops ahead, coughing and choking, onto the sidewalk, as I let his throat go.
The people cheers my name, over and over. And I look down at this big man, this strong man, fueled even stronger by his rage and hatred, now reduced to this pathetic weak man, this wheezing and gasping little man. Frail. Alone.
I look at the New Yorkers, all alone me. And to my relief, I realize I was bluffing. I haven't lost my way. I haven't lost my love.
As long as I have them, Gwen, I'll keep loving you through them.
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"Oh, I just don't know, I'm so nervous...!" Sayo shivered. "This, this is my first time in a, well, a threesome...!"
Bruce Wayne opened the door of the old bedroom, turned the lights on, and caught direct sight of his parents' ethereal forms in their old bed sandwiching a small pale ghostly girl.
He stared.
They stared back.
Finally, the white haired girl gasped aloud and fainted.
Wayne quickly closed the door, barricaded it with as many wooden planks as Alfred could bring him, went down to the cave, suited up, and departed in a Batmobile.
The Joker blinked as he saw his nemesis breaking into his Arkham cell, sitting down on his bed, and then hiding his face between his hands.
"Uhhhh..." the clown began.
"NOT. A. SINGLE. WORD."
Wisely, the Joker closed his mouth.
Not a Regular Incident.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai cheered as they played videogames. Rigby just cringed and clenched his teeth.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai cheered as they watched Attack of the Mutant Murderers from Outer Space VI. Rigby just cringed and clenched his teeth. Then he kicked Mordecai out of the theatre.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai cheered as they played brushed their teeth. Rigby just cringed and clenched his newly shiny teeth.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai cheered as they swept the leaves. Rigby just cringed and clenched his teeth.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai cheered as they received their paychecks. Rigby just cringed and clenched his teeth.
Benson looked at Rigby from behind the desk. "Did he and CJ finally-"
"Yeah, they did," Rigby deadpanned. "Are we always THIS annoying to you?"
Benson smiled. "I officially welcome you to my world."
"Bleeehhhhh..."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Seriously, cut it out already, Mordecai!"
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"And... then, what was the problem this time?" Asakura asked, folding her arms.
"The whole night, sitting at that pumpkin patch, waiting and waiting and waiting, and he never came!" Sayo wailed. "Oh, I feel so stupid! So humbled!"
"... I see, " Asakura said, taking several moments to pat her friend's shoulder and kiss her forehead, before turning back to her computer and send an angry e-mail to one of her online friends.
Linus, your friend fucking sucks!
A Good Soldier's Duty.
"- she is in love with me?" Zastin asked, blinking a few times.
Momo blinked back. "You mean you hadn't noticed it? Really?"
"Well," the warrior said, "I certainly had noticed her showings of affection towards me, but I wasn't aware it was fully fledged love. I assumed it was only one of those fleeting crushes young girls often develop on older males they haven't gotten to know that well yet... no offense, My Lady."
"What did you mean with that?" Momo huffed, before filing terribly swift vengeance back into her To Do list for the moment. "Anyway, that's why I didn't add Saki-san to the Harem Plan for Rito-kun. But if you don't mind-"
"Oh, I don't," he quickly said. "A good soldier's duty is to devote himself exclusively to his lords and their cause. There is no place in my existence for romance, and such I hold no such interests."
Momo beamed a smile. "That's great! Then I can pull her back into the Harem Plan!"
"However, My Lady," the man said, "shouldn't you, perhaps, if you'll forgive my audacity in suggesting so, consider Saki-sama's own feelings on the subject?"
"Ah? But you'll reject her anyway, won't you?"
"Certainly. But that is not the point."
Momo stared blankly at him. "I don't understand you..."
After all, feelings existed to be changed when it was for the best, didn't they? If Saki was to be rejected by Zastin, what was the harm on pairing her with Rito? Even if she didn't want to right now, she'd eventually want it, because Momo would make sure of it, herself. That made it all right, didn't it?
Zastin, of course, never could argue with her on that or anything else, never could discuss the points she wouldn't bother exposing to him in any case. So he only fell to a knee before her and admitted, humbly, "It's my fault. I have spoken out of place."
That, too, was a good soldier's duty.
A shame it wasn't a good soldier what Momo needed right then and there.
Where does she Get all those Wonderful Plants?
Harley blinked. "You're a WRITER?!"
Ivy shrugged. "Under a pseudonym, but yeah. What, you don't think I have the intellect for it?"
"Uhhh... no, I mean yes, I mean, yes you do, it's just... it's hard to think of you as a writer...!"
"Why?"
"... of romantic fiction!"
"... erotica, Harley."
"But still!"
Ivy sighed, shook her head, and returned to her writing. "You're hopeless."
"Hey, hey! Can ya write me some erotic fanfiction about me an' Mistah J?"
"Ha ha ha ha, that's a good one... but no, of course I won't."
"Drat. Soooo... does it pay well?"
"How did you think I make all that money to spend on chemicals for fertilizers for giant plants?"
"By stealing it?"
"Don't be ridiculous; I can't steal it until I've grown those giant plants, " Ivy replied, matter of factly.
"But isn't writing creepy perverted fiction... far too evil, even for us?"
Ivy closed her eyes, stood up, and then calmly tossed Harley out of the greenhouse.
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"The lady will spend this Christmas with me!" the gigantic ghost stated. "After all, she likes living in the present!"
"No, she's going to have a nice Christmas date with me!" said the delicate female ghost. "I promised I'd help her to unravel her past!"
The hooded dark figure tapped on their shoulders with bony hands and then pointed around to make clear the object of their affections and target of their competition had vanished altogether from sight.
"Oh, Mr. Marley!" she giggled, blushing adorably as the heavily chained man poured her another non-alcoholic drink. "You're a true English gentleman...!"
Elsewhere, Negi rubbed his nose. "I wonder why was that, all of a sudden? I haven't had a cold ever since—"
The members of the Mahora Christmas Choir he had just stripped began tossing random objects at his head.
See you again next year, young lovers! I hope!