Aidan and James--The High School Years Continue, Part 2

Brian huffed a laugh. "Sunshine, you have a twisted streak. Homophobic soccer players and a vindictive unwitting beard…so not hot."

Justin shrugged. "I'm realistic. Besides, stories need conflict."

Brian nodded slowly. "So now what? Do Aidan and James fight them off?"

Justin chuckled. "James isn't much of a fighter." Then he swallowed hard and said, "I suppose if I were being really realistic, Aidan would call James a faggot and beat the shit out of him."

Brian turned Justin's face toward him, guiding his chin with his index finger. He stated softly, "Aidan would never do that. Never."

Justin looked down and shook his head. "No, he wouldn't, would he? Fiction's always better than reality."

Brian pushed Justin down onto his back (on the floor) and straddled him. "Is that so? Are we a lesser version of Aidan and James?" Brian froze. His eyes lost focus for a moment. Then he stood up and turned around.

Justin didn't understand what was happening. He asked nervously, "Brian?"

Brian replied huskily, hesitantly, "Is that what this is?"

Justin was still confused. He wasn't sure when they'd lost their connection or why. What had he said wrong? "I…I don't understand."

"Is that why…why so much of this…our relationship…is infused with fiction…with stories? The role playing as Aidan and James, the acting out of scenes from Innocence, writing together…Is all that to improve upon reality? To improve upon us?"

Justin's eyes widened. He shook his head frantically. "What? Brian, no." Justin rose to his feet and approached Brian. But when he placed his hand on Brian's shoulder, Brian flinched away and took a couple of steps forward.

Brian shook his head and breathed, "Everything…from the very beginning…"

Justin's chest constricted.

Brian continued, "What part of me did you like? The part like Aidan?"

Brian wheeled around. "Do you even see me?"

Justin couldn't breathe. He barely managed to choke out, "Brian…"

Brian snapped, "What's real about us? Anything?"

Justin finally found his voice, though it was laced with panic. "Yes. Everything. Everything's real about us."

Brian said nothing. He just blinked. His eyes were cold. Empty.

Justin shivered. "I used to imagine Aidan. All the time when I was with Ethan." Justin's eyes fluttered closed and then open. His voice dropped to a whisper. "At night, when I was lying in bed, I would imagine Aidan next to me, his arms sliding around my waist, the warmth of his body against mine. It was as though I could feel that warmth surrounding me, comforting me, keeping me safe. And when Ethan and I had sex, the second and third years, it was always Aidan touching me, pushing himself inside me. I needed you, wanted you, even then, long before we met. And when I wrote about Aidan and James, I was writing about you, about us."

Brian growled, "I'm not him!" and dropped his head.

Justin stepped closer and grabbed Brian's face, lifting it, forcing Brian to look at him. He stated slowly, evenly, though his body trembled, "Yes, you are. I don't know how, but I know with greater certainty than I know my own name that you are him, or rather, he is you. He's the shadow, not you. He's the manifestation of my perceptions of you."

Brian sighed and shook his head. He whispered, "Justin, that makes no sense."

Justin continued, in a slow, even tone, though he still trembled, "I know, but that doesn't make it any less true."

Helplessly, Brian asked, "How? How is it possible?"

Justin shook his head. "I don't know. But if it weren't true, how could you act out one of my fantasies of Aidan?"

Brian's head snapped up, his eyes open wide. "What?"

Justin continued, his voice an urgent whisper now, "The night we first met, face to face, I said, 'Fuck you're beautiful," and you took my hand and placed it on your chest. Over your heart. Those two details were from my favorite fantasy. That's when I knew."

Brian just stared at Justin.

Justin released Brian and stepped back. He was suddenly animated, his voice filled with excitement. "Would you, Brian Kinney, self-proclaimed manslut, ever have done that with anyone else? Before you did it, would you have thought you'd ever do something like that with anyone at all?"

Brian replied huskily, "No." He let his head fall. He admitted helplessly, "I don't know what possessed me…"

Justin lifted Brian's head with his index finger and smiled brightly. "Neither of us can explain this connection, our connection, but neither of us can deny it, either. I believe that we knew each other before we met. And if you're honest with yourself, I think you'd have to admit that you believe it, too. When we role play, act out scenes from Innocence, and write together, we're not improving upon reality…we're not adding fantastic elements to our relationship. They were already there, from the very beginning. It's how and why we met. Just like in the story you told Gus. We were looking for each other; through my stories, I was reaching out to you. Through my stories, you found me."