K~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You plan on forgiving him because you feel it's a sin to not? If so, why are you feeling so vindictive now?" I sat next to her, and Haruhi took the easy chair.
"Simple, really." Her sincerity was mind-boggling. "I'm angry and livid that a man would try to do such a thing to me. However, I'm trying to control my anger. It makes me sick to think about what Sato wanted to do; but I can choose to react to it differently. I can choose to turn my anger over to God and forgive the man. It's not easy. It's not! I don't want to do it, but I will. If for no one's sake, but my own. I can't deal with the fury that's building inside me. It's threatening to take over my heart, mind, my very soul. If I don't release it, bitterness will eat me alive."
I countered, "I think you're allowed to be angry. In fact, you should be angry. What he did was despicable, and I want him to feel my own fury."
"I can't handle the intensity of my anger."
"Then find an outlet. Sing, play the piano, start boxing. I don't know. Try running. I think you should allow yourself to be angry. Just find a way to let it out."
She turned in her seat and tucked a leg underneath herself to get a better view of me. "I know what you are saying, Kyoya; and I agree with you to a certain extent; but this type of anger borders on madness, and I will not cross that line by hanging onto an emotion for too long that I can start siphoning off immediately."
"Then start your healing process now, but allow for something else to pour your fury into until you can completely forgive the man." The word 'forgive' in terms of Sato burns my tongue. It's disgusting to even think about forgiving him, but I still have to salute her for standing and defending her choice so effectively.
"If you recommend an outlet to me, then I will not deny myself a chance to drain some energy."
Strange wording. "I know a couple of men who could help with that."
"Who?"
"Are you going to suggest Hani and Mori as martial arts masters? It figures." Haruhi looked at Judy. "If you go to them, they will want to know what happened, but both will respect your silence. I trained with both of them after a certain incident at the beach, and I can guarantee that they will treat you with great care."
"Yes, that was my thought. If you like, I can just tell them you want to learn as a means to defend yourself. They'll understand that."
"That sounds good. I'm not especially athletic, so they'll have their work cut out for them."
J~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The discussion ended with Kyoya and Haruhi suggesting I take martial arts under Hani or Mori. I couldn't help but think it a bit funny. When I took tae kwon do, my teacher looked at me, shook his head, and chuckled, 'It's very hard.' Well, we'll see.
"That sounds good. I'm not especially athletic, so they'll have their work cut out for them."
I found out that night, that I'm a very passionate person when roused. I didn't like it. It's not fun to feel so much, to feel that your emotions are about to run amuck with your soul.