Brian ran his fingers through Justin's hair and closed his eyes tightly for a moment. When he opened them back up, his face had a hurt look, like he was in physical pain. He wasn't looking forward to revealing what he planned to reveal. But Justin needed the inspiration. He sighed. Then he said, "I'm going to tell you something that I've NEVER told anyone."

Justin's head (which was at that point still buried in Brian's chest) popped up. His eyes were wide.

"I haven't always been the perfectly chiseled, confidence-exuding, fashionable sex god you see before you today."

Justin chuckled and shook his head in disbelief. He asked in a somewhat mocking tone, "Is this where you tell me you used to be an awkward dork with buck teeth and acne who collected butterflies?"

Brian scoffed. "As if!" He just stared at Justin for a moment, eyes wide and intense. Finally, he asked, "Buck teeth and acne … okay … I might have had bad genes, but butterfly collecting? Really?"

Justin looked away and shrugged. His tone was soft and sad now. "I don't know. You seem to like collecting fragile things …"

Brian's voice was firm. Confident. "You are NOT fragile. You are temporarily wounded. Not the same."

Justin murmured, "I guess. So … what were you like?"

"Kind of athletic. I played baseball and soccer."

Justin laughed. Then in a completely mocking tone, he exclaimed, "How terrible for you! Other kids must have mocked you mercilessly."

Brian actually flushed then. "Alright, smart ass." He started tickling Justin.

Justin giggled and howled, "Brian, stop, stop. Don't!" After a few minutes, Justin was bright red. In desperation, he climbed onto Brian's lap, straddling him, grabbed Brian's hands, and pushed them (and Brian's arms) back against the couch. He held Brian firmly while he tried to catch his breath.

Brian was likewise having difficulty breathing but for a totally different reason. Justin was a lot stronger than he looked. Not that Brian was making effort to gain his freedom. But Justin must have been expecting Brian to do just that because he was holding Brian tightly. Justin was all pink and his breathing ragged … he'd effectively pinned Brian and now held Brian fast. Seeing that, Brian was … incredibly turned on.

Justin had been smiling, but when he saw the intensity in Brian's eyes, he swallowed hard and the full-on pink morphed into a flush, the kind usually creeping up on Justin when he approached orgasm.

Brian didn't blink. And he had no special tone in his voice. In fact, he asked very matter-of-factly, as though he were asking if the weatherman had predicted rain, "Now that you have me, what do you plan to do with me?"

Justin's dick started to harden. The way they were sitting, Justin wouldn't have to move much to 'have his way with' Brian. So tempting. Trick was to not lose the tension of the moment, which limited Justin's options. He could suck Brian off easily enough while also massaging his prostate. Justin licked his lips. He liked sucking Brian's dick.

But that wasn't exactly forceful, which Brian seemed to like. No he'd have to fuck him. Justin kept hold of Brian's wrists while moving backward and in between Brian's legs. He was kneeling. Then he quickly released Brian's hands and grabbed his legs, yanking Brian toward him so that his ass was in the air and head flat on the couch. Justin moved forward slightly so that his dick was pressed up against Brian's ass and held onto Brian's hips, hard. Brian wasn't exactly going anywhere, but Brian had liked that Justin was acting fierce, and he didn't want to disappoint Brian.

He dropped his voice and half-growled, "I'm going to pound your tight ass." He felt REALLY stupid saying that, but he widened his eyes and kept his face tight, to sell it. Justin watched Brian's dick swell (it had already started getting hard, but Brian was now fully erect). That, the knowledge that he'd turned Brian on to that degree, sent a wave of heat through Justin's body, quickly followed by a cool shiver.

Justin had no lube handy and had always been a little grossed out watching men lick their hand before grabbing their dick or actually *shudder* spitting on it (in porn movies). So Justin had only two options. Fuck Brian without lube … bad idea – Brian didn't bottom much. Or jerk himself off until his dick started leaking. That was the option he chose. But he wanted to include Brian, so still holding Brian's hips, he pushed forward against Brian so that Brian could reach Justin's dick. Then he commanded, "Start jerking us off together."

Brian didn't even hesitate. He grabbed Justin's dick, squeezing HARD, which nearly elicited a moan. Justin had to bite his lip to suppress it. Then Brian let go and wrapped his hands around both of their dicks and started sliding his hands up and down.

Justin swallowed hard. Watching Brian work his dick was fucking hot. After half a minute, Justin instructed, his voice firm, "Squeeze the tip, hard."

Brian smirked and his eyes flashed. He didn't just squeeze. He ran the fingers of one hand all over it, squeezed it, and then sort of rolled his hand all over it, squeezing the whole time. Justin gasped. Then he commanded, "Now the shaft."

Brian returned to jerking them off together, but he squeezed Justin's dick with the fingers of one hand while also sliding his hands up and down. Justin muttered, softly, "Fuck, Brian." Then "it" happened. Justin's dick started leaking copious quantities of precum.

Justin didn't hesitate. He pulled back, slicked the precum all over his shaft, and, without preparing Brian at all, started pushing his dick inside. The one consideration Justin gave was to move slowly – at first.

Brian's breathing grew ragged, and he tensed up. But once Justin was halfway in and Brian looked relaxed, Justin slammed his dick the rest of the way in. Brian grunted. Justin half-whispered, half-growled, "That's it, take it all. I know you like it."

Brian did, both the ass pounding and the unusual cocksureness of the man who delivered it. Justin didn't last long. Brian was tight, and the situation insanely hot. However, he did manage to last long enough to get Brian to moan his name. Justin half-whispered, half-growled, "Say my name."

Brian, at this point, was flushed a very pale pink and grunting and panting. So he didn't even hesitate. He said softly, "Justin …" Then he added, all of his own accord, "Fuck me harder."

Justin looked like he'd been struck, and he had, by that special sensation only Brian could induce, burning heat quickly followed by a full-body shiver. Justin paled and whispered, "Fuck, Brian …" He shook his head as if to clear it and again half-whispered, half-growled, all the while fucking Brian harder and harder, even arching his back to push his dick in deeper, "Tell me how much you like it when I fuck you."

Brian half-moaned, "Your dick is so big. Feels like you're ripping me in two, and I fucking love it."

That was it. Justin came immediately. Once Justin's orgasm ceased shuddering through him, he pulled out, dropped Brian's legs, and deepthroated Brian's cock. He took Brian so deep into his throat he almost choked. He swallowed hard. And that was it for Brian.

After gulping down Brian's cum and sucking softly on Brian's cock until Brian's shuddering stopped, Justin jumped off the couch. He returned with a damp cloth and cleaned his cum off of Brian and the afghan. He wrinkled his nose cutely. "We're definitely gonna have to wash Gus's afghans. Or buy him new ones. I feel all pervy, having sex on a child's blankets."

Brian huffed a laugh. "A wash will be fine. He'll never know." Then he pulled Justin back into his arms. He decided their impromptu fuck was a good example of what he had been about to suggest and that he could use that. He asked, "How did you feel when I asked what you were going to do with me?"

Justin breathed out fast and shook his head. "Nervous. Embarrassed. But excited and SO turned on."

Brian nodded. "BUT I couldn't tell … except about your being turned on. The nervousness and embarrassment, I didn't see that at all."

Justin lifted his head and looked at Brian, holding Brian's eyes with his own. He asked, "You didn't?"

Brian shook his head. "Nope."

Justin's eyes widened. Brian really meant it.

"That's what I learned when I was a teenager. I wasn't that awkward looking, but I had trouble talking to people, and I was always doubting myself. I was kind of lucky that Mikey latched onto me because I didn't really have other friends."

Justin was genuinely confused. "Why?"

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. He REALLY didn't want to talk about his home life. But it was necessary. He just had to dive in. Pull the Band-Aid off. So he blurted out suddenly, "My mom, my sister, and my pop all told me I was a piece of shit loser who would never accomplish everything. And my pop beat the shit out of me more days than not …"

Justin gasped. "Oh my God, Brian. I'm so sorry." He stared at Brian with wide, empathetic eyes until Brian's entire body tensed. Brian tensed up so much Justin could actually see it happening. Justin understood. Perfectly. Talking about stuff like this, painful, shame-inducing memories, was humiliating. Made you feel exposed and sullied … you worried that the other person would see the shame in you, the 'wrongness,' and think everything the people who'd hurt you had said. So he placed his head back on Brian's chest and held him tighter. For the moment, that's all he could do. Brian relaxed.

Brian started speaking again, saying, "I had to build up a defense …" But then he stopped abruptly. He could hear the tears in his voice. He bit the inside of his cheek hard, until he felt he could speak normally, with no emotion in his voice. Then he continued, "I had to create a mask, a persona that I could put on that would protect me … make me feel confident when I …" Brian closed his eyes. He had almost said, 'when I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.' He breathed in and out slowly. Then he continued, "When I talked to people. I wanted to be desired and liked … successful. And I knew I could never be any of that if I had my pop's voice or my mom's voice in the back of my head telling me I was trash."

Justin was starting to understand why Brian was so protective of him, so patient and loving. He was probably doing what he wished someone had done for him so long ago. Justin felt so desolate then. The thought of Brian being hurt and alone, feeling unloved and confused … what had he done to make the people who were supposed to love him hate him so much? This Justin understood perfectly. It broke his heart. He held Brian tighter and slipped his hand into Brian's, threading their fingers together.

Brian shut his eyes and dug the nails of his free hand into his palm. Justin's being so sweet was making it harder for him to keep a tight rein on his emotions. When he felt confident that he could keep his voice even, he opened his eyes, unclenched his hand, and said, "That's when I created the 'Brian-Fucking-Kinney' persona that most people think is just me. Sounds stupid, but all you need is a quote-unquote costume and to get a few people to believe in that persona, to think you're quote-unquote cool. Confident. Then it's like a feedback loop. You present a version of yourself to the world and they reflect it back at you, which boosts your confidence. You start small, one or two people … and in a very short amount of time, being that version of yourself starts to feel less like an act that you think everyone can see through and feels sort of normal. Natural. You saw it when we were fucking."

Justin looked up then. He needed to see Brian's eyes. To know he was being genuine.

"At first you were nervous and embarrassed. But when you saw that I believed you were a sexy top, that I was into it, you were able to expand the role, do more than just fuck me … get me to call out your name and tell you how much I liked your plowing my ass."

Justin laughed nervously. He asked in a tiny voice, "Did you?"

Brian shook his head and stated loudly, firmly, and with amusement, "YES! That's the point. A minute of embarrassment … that you pushed through got me fucking HOT and made it possible for you to seem confident and in control for the next ten minutes. If you can build a persona, like I did, not that of a sex god … but of an intense, wildly talented writer/poet … you could use it to help you go out into the world and interact with people. In fact, your idea about doing spoken word is PERFECT because a few minutes of pushing through, enough to do a performance, would get you applause and praise, which would help you get a feedback loop going."

Justin smiled. "Huh." He felt a surge of hope then. Like he was seeing a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.