The song I've been referencing can be found on youtube here: m. youtube watch?v= 1MU5QxWNcD4
Have a listen while you read. :)
K~~~~~~~~~~
The first half of the evening went well enough. I was thoroughly pleased with the favor I'd garnered with certain surly CEOs. Dinner was nearly over and dessert was being served. I glanced at the stage again, as I had done several times in the last hour and a half. Judy was about to finish her third set, and I knew what song was next. She won't show her surprise. She's too professional for that.
J~~~~~~~~~~
The first and second sets went without incident. Dessert was being served as the violinists and violist assumed relaxed postures. What? The pianist and cellist struck up a decidedly introspective melody that I was all too familiar with. Instantaneous fury and grief coursed through my blood. How dare he? How dare…
Si je n'étais captive,
J'aimerais ce pays,
Et cette mer plaintive,
Et ces champs de maïs,
Et ces astres sans nombre,
Si le long du mur sombre
N'étincelait dans l'ombre
Le sabre des spahis.
As I sang, I felt my soul flood with all the sorrow of the last two years. I was preparing this song when Jackson was closing the trap around me. I could see his ice blue eyes in my vision, feel his arms enfold me, hear the words he spoke over and over again. "You aren't what they think you are. No one knows you as well as I do; I know the truth. You are worthless." I felt my eyes prickle with unshed tears, and began to shut out the memories one by one. First his eyes. Now his arms, his fists, the bruises, the hospital. Words. I could shut out everything, but his words would forever haunt me. Useless, meaningless, worthless. I took a deep breath in the interlude and centered my thoughts on technique. Stand up straight, loose knees. Breathe from the diaphragm and expand the ribcage. Drop the jaw and loosen the tongue. Focus your air and open your resonator cavities! As always, cold self-instruction was my only escape.
As soon as the pianist stopped, I turned and left the stage. There was no reason to accept applause for a song I hadn't wished to sing, a song that hurt me to the core of my being. I asked him to leave the song alone, but he betrayed my request and forced my hand. I fled to the greenroom to gather my things.
K~~~~~~~~~~
The opening notes for La Captive began to play, and I turned my full attention to the stage to hear the song of my childhood, my mother's song. As expected, Judy didn't betray her shock, if she was shocked in the first place. Why should she be? After all, we did discuss the option of its performance. We just never came to a conclusion.
The lyrics floated from her throat, fluid and sinuous, like the waves of the sea described in the lyrics. The emotion I sensed in Judy's delivery was gripping and heart wrenching. I'd never heard such deep sorrow given such a beautiful voice. She sounded and looked as if she truly were a captive in a strange country, sold to the highest bidder. She is either a very good actress, or I have made one of my few mistakes. By the end of the second verse, the entire audience had stopped their various conversations to gaze and listen. I can't blame them. She is playing her role as a beautiful slave perfectly… Did I truly make a mistake in this? One look in her eyes told me all I needed to know. She was concealing tears and erasing all true emotion from her face. Oh, the actor's emotion and storytelling was still present: but the woman's emotion and truth was gone.
I turned my gaze from her to the members of my family. Father's jaw was clenching and unclenching in fury. He, of course, has come to the conclusion that I chose every song included tonight and picked this one as some sort of challenge. Best that he believes that for now. Akito was toying with his silverware and his face registered no memory of the melody. Yuichi was another story. His eyes were downcast but unreadable. Perfectly blank.
When the music ceased, a stunned audience inhaled as one. Judy bolted through the performer's door just as their stunned silence erupted into thunderous applause. I knew she wasn't coming back out.
Translation:
If I were not a captive,
I would like this country,
And this plaintive sea,
And these fields of corn,
And these countless stars,
If along the dark wall
Did not glimmer
The saber of the Spahis.