Nine weeks since it happened. Four weeks since I've found out. You'd think that I'm used to waking up every morning and having to run to the bathroom to vomit. I'm lucky that I wake up earlier than everybody else on a school day. The idea that I'm carrying a baby around still hasn't sunk in. If Mariana or Brandon- who I realize has started to wake up earlier as well. I've walked out the bathroom several time only to see him staring at me, like he knows. But anyways, if Mariana has notice my frequent trips to the bathroom, she hasn't told Stef and Lena. Or hopefully everybody will continue to be completely oblivious.
"Callie!" Stef shouts up the stairs, and I just pull the covers over my head. I am not getting out of bed today. "Hurry up or you can walk to school today!"
It's enough to get me out of bed, and with a quiet groan I throw my covers back, and slowly stand, hoping that the floor doesn't spin yesterday, which was so bad I spent an hour with my head between my legs. I slowly walk down stairs after changing into my clothes, and Stef just stares at me.
"Are you okay?" Stef asks, and I just nod, not wanting to say anything. "Coffee?"
I'm about to take the cup of coffee from her, but I stop myself. "Uh, no. I'm good. Thanks for the offer, though."
Then everybody stares at me, and I don't say anything, just sit next to Jude. "You always have coffee." Jude says, almost in shock that I won't have any.
"Uh, not today." I say awkwardly, turning my attention to the pancakes that Lena has set in front of me. Brandon and Stef are still watching me, and I try to ignore them the best I can. I make the mistake of looking up, only for my eyes to meet Brandon's. I almost look away, but there's something that stops me. The emotion in his eyes is something I've never seen. I can't tell if it's anger or sadness. Brandon doesn't look away, and he eventually gives me a smile.
"Come on, all of you. Car. Now. Or we're going to be late." Lena says, and I'm about to get up when Stef stops me.
"No. You're staying here with me for a few minutes. I'll drop you off at school before I go to the station." Stef says sitting across from me, and I can feel my throat tighten, the way it does when I know I'm in trouble. Brandon's eyes are still on me as he walks out the door after Jude.
Knowing that I can't jump to any conclusions, that this can be about anything and not my pregnancy, I force myself to calm down. "W-what's this about?" I ask quietly, cursing myself for my nervous stutter.
"I think you know," Stef says sternly, in her cop mode as she stares at me with cold, harsh eyes. "I know that finding out that you can't get adopted was hard on you, but you can't just... get so reckless. Lena and I know you're smarter then that."
"I don't know what you're talking about." I manage to choke out, my eyes not able to meet hers. She's right. I should have never been so reckless. I still should have thought it through. But being with Brandon like that, being close to him for the first time in months- it was almost worth it.
"Callie, yes you do. No coffee... The Morning sickness somebody be'd crazy if they didn't notice," Stef tells me, sighing, her voice getting quieter. "You know that if the state and system ever find ou-"
"I'm screwed. Yeah, Stef I know," I grumble, shaking my head. Then all of it actually hits me, the fact that I can't get adopted, that there's no way I'll be able to take care of this child. What I did with Brandon. It doesn't just affect me, it affects him too. Then I'm crying for being so stupid. "I'm... s-so stupid, Stef."
Suddenly Stef is next to me, shaking her head, trying to comfort me. "You're not stupid. It's just a mistake. Everybody makes them." She says soothingly, but I just shake my head, not bothering to wipe my eyes. I almost tell her that it wasn't a mistake. I wasn't planning to get pregnant, but it's not a mistake, is it?
"Come on, why don't you go take a shower and we can talk more about it after if you want too." Stef offers, and I only nod.
After my shower, there's a long awkward silence as I look at Stef. Stef's trying to work up the courage to ask more questions, and I can only think of the answers I would give her. She can't have that many questions, can she? There's a few more minutes of silence and I start playing with the end of my shirt, still waiting for her to ask me anything. "How far along?" Stef finally asks, her hands falling to her sides.
"Nine weeks." I answer barely above a whisper.
"Father?"
I don't answer her right away. I can't tell her that it's Wyatt's to cover up Brandon. I just can't do it. "I... That's not important is it?" I ask, not able to come up with something else. It's not like I have any friends that I would somehow end up being with.
For the first time, I hear disappointment in her voice as she gives me a quick response. "It should matter," She tells me sternly, and I make a mental note that I'll never tell her that it's Brandon, no matter how much she pushes me for an answer. There's a short pause, "You don't have to tell me," she says. "I just want you to be careful, next time."
"There won't be a next time," I reply, my voice sounding weak and croaky.
"Oh."
I can just imagine how curious she is. A part of me wants to tell her. I haven't talked to anyone about that night.
"It was the night of Jude's adoption," I admit, my voice a tiny whisper. "I was upset. I know that's not an excuse to just do anything but... I wanted to feel something."
"He took advantage of you?"
My eyes look right into hers. "No. I basically threw myself at him. He said that we should stop. I didn't listen." I lower my head, only feeling more ashamed of myself with every word I say.
"Does he know..."
"About the baby?" I shake my head. "No, and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Were you ever going to tell him?" she asks.
"I don't know. It'll ruin his life." I wince a little, only thinking about how angry Stef would be if she knew it was Brandon's. "It's for the best. It would've only caused him trouble."
"A baby is a gift, Callie," Stef says queitly. "No matter how young you are. If it was a mistake or not."
"I never wanted this. I've never been one to want marriage and children." I tell her, and she grows quiet again, leaving us in silence again.
We don't speak again until I am back in bed, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. Stef, to my surprise, climbs in behind me and starts brushing my hair with a comb.
"I should get up and go to school." I say.
"No. You have to rest for a few days," Stef replies, shaking her head.
"I can't. It will just make me think about things that I don't want to think about. Besides, I need to go to school. Wyatt'll pick on and wonder what's going on."
"We'll just tell him that you are feeling sick. You need to rest, Callie," Stef tells me in a firm voice. Giving in, I nod in agreement.
"No one needs to know about this."
"Okay. But..."
"What? You can ask me. I know you're curious," I say. I guess she deserves some answers.
"Do you and this boy talk?" she asks.
"Uh, yeah. We weren't close... But we talk," I explain, as my eyes lower to my stomach.
"If you had told me about that night I could've gave you something," she tells me. "You wouldn't have had to go through this."
"I was scared. I didn't think about what the consequences could be."
"I'm disappointed that you didn't come to me, but everybody makes mistakes, Callie. You shouldn't feel guilty. I know that we haven't been on the best terms but you still could've talked to me."
I squeeze my eyes shut and turn to wrap my arms around her. "I couldn't do it. I kept thinking that you would've said something, and I feel like I screws everything up and you wouldn't want to adopt me an-
"I do love you, Callie," she says as she holds me to her chest. A sob escapes from my lips, not letting me return the words. I want to wipe away my tears, to put up a wall, but I can't do it. I sit there, letting Stef comfort me.
I'm about to respond when I hear the front door open, and look at Stef questionably, hoping she has some answers. Nobody else should be home, I know we both believe on that. There's a pair of heavy footsteps on the stairs and the door flies open, and Wyatt stands there, anger and sadness clear in his face.
"Wyatt," Stef says, her tone warning him to be careful. "Right now is not a good time."
"It's never a good time for Callie. You've been avoiding me for weeks, Callie! I see you at school and you just ignore me, and now you aren't a school anymore."
"Wyatt, I-" He cuts me off before I can start to actually explain anything, he's shaking his head.
"Are you sick or something?" Wyatt demands, and I can't help but think I wish. "Like really sick?"
"No. Just the flu. Jude had it a few days before." I tell him, wrapping my blankets around me tighter, and the way his shoulders slump forward I know he doesn't believe me. His eyes land on Stef.
"What's wrong with her?" Wyatt demands, and I almost expect Stef to tell him the truth even though I know she never would do that unless I wanted her too.
"Flu." Stef tells him simply, and Wyatt just stands there, clearly upset with our answers.
"Wyatt," I start, still not sure exactly what I'm going to tell him. "I... The night Jude got adopted... Me and..." I start to feel sick.
"What, Callie? Wyatt asks gently. Tears fill up my eyes and I groan before jumping out of bed.
"I can't stop crying." I mutter, angrily.
"Calm down." Stef whispers, and I snap.
"I can't, Stef! I can't!" I yell, then feel guilty. She's been so nice to me today, and now I'm yelling at her. "Sorry... Dammit, I just hate feeling like this."
"Like what?" Wyatt speaks up. He's starting to sound annoyed.
"Sick. Tired. Emotional." I start pacing.
Wyatt chuckles. "My mom was like that when she was carrying my sister. Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" Wyatt jokes.
I feel my face pale and my mom's eyes widen. I glance at Wyatt's face and I know he's noticed my reaction. He stands up. "You... no. But... Are you?" he asks, his eyes red and wide.
I shake my head. "I- Wyatt, I'm sorry." I whisper before slumping to the floor and burying my head in my hands as I sob. "It's all my fault!"
"Callie, no. We've talked about this. What happened isn't your fault. Things like this happen." Stef says.
"What's going on? I'm so confused. Someone tell me what's going on!" Wyatt yells.
"Callie... she..." Stef trails off and wraps her arms around me, protectively, not sure of what Wyatt's response will be. "She's pregnant."
I hear a gasp, but it's too small to be Wyatt's as he stands there in shock, and I see Jude standing in the doorway.
"Jude..."